This video has generated a LOT of requests for private consultations. Sadly, a lot of men still suffer from oneitis and get trapped in that orbiter role..

My deepest respect for what you did. Did you do it for him or you? As you said "my conscience could not tolarate". It seem to me that he is a welcome beneficiary of something you did for yourself. I think that if inside we are not whole the entire world feels wrong and we feel out place. But when we are succinct inward and outward, whatever happens we tend to be okay either way. To do what you did, at least to me, would mean that you love yourself. And when we love everything we do is Right. P. S. The poem belongs to Bruce Lee

Hristo

I like how you write your post. However, you are throwing words sometimes. Why should he deserve to know? I have been that man and I can say that I deserved that lesson. If a man keeps falling for that whose responsibility is it? Hers? Why does she have to have that power? It entirely up to him. But how well does he know himself. Again I go back to knowing thyself. I think nothing can say it better than a poem: "I wish neither to possess nor to be possessed. I no longer covet 'paradise'. More important, I no longer fear 'hell'. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, but I did not observe it, until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, consuming myself."

Hristo

Which brings us back to my earlier statement... that a woman who KNOWINGLY leads a man on is wrong. If he doesnt have a chance with her, he deserves to know that so he isn't investing his energy for a potential relationship with no chance of that investment ever bearing fruit.

Margaret

I agree that there are selfish people in both genders. The issue I have here is that both parties do get something out of sex. While it would be great to commit to a relationship as early as possible, it should take time to become comfortable enough with a partner to commit. Sex is part of the decision-making process along with many other factors.

From my point of view, a woman leading 'orbiters' on, knowing that they have a romantic interest and she doesn't, is the moral equivalent of a man leading a woman on with the potential for a relationship or commitment just so he can get sexual validation. Both genders act selfishly, taking what they want while using the other person's motivation for 'more' to their advantage. There are most definitely selfish assholes on both sides of the gender line. And I'm sure the same applies to non-hetero couples, too.

Margaret

I've lost 3 male 'friends' in the last year because I was open and honest about my lack of romantic interest. I valued each of them as a person, as a friend, and I was up front about it. 3 out of the 4 men I've told that to have disappeared out of my life. And that sucks. It hurts. But I respect those men for deciding what was right for them. They were friends with me because they were hoping for something more. My friendship wasn't what they wanted and it wasn't enough to keep them in my life. Boy does it suck... but at least I was honest, they were honest, and we each decided what was right for us. Life goes on.

Margaret

Ooft, this is some pretty average advice when viewed outside the perspectiveof curing oneitis. Any advice that is "do this one thing" generally isnt entirely accurate. There are plenty of examples of when this "if shes not sleeping with you, shes not into you" advice falls over. Be it religon, conservitivism, or personal choice. A better example would be if you looked to how she treats other men. Are you the only guy she goes to lunch with? Are you the only guy she drunkly calls? Some girls make out with every guy and girl they can get their hands on, others use it as a genuine expression of interest. The question isnt if shes sleeping with you, its who she puts her highest bid on.

Good for you and for the guys who asked for your help. Just launched my first video, you were the final inspiration to get started 😉

Another awesome post Alex! I wish I had this information when I was a teenager!