ALTGS 31

Once Celestria heard the three sharp knocks she was eagerly waiting for, she moved fast.

Gathering more towels, she carried them out her room and into the one opposite hers. On the chair by the fireplace, she unfolded towels then placed them on it. There was food by the larger table. She brought that to the smaller side-table instead. Once that was done, she quickly came back to her room and took a deep breath.

“Come, Your Majesty.” And with initiative that she had had to hastily prepare, she grabbed that cold clammy hand that had once grabbed hers.

She practically dragged Lord from her room to the opposite one, locking the door firmly behind her. Nobody could know that the king was here. What explanation was she supposed to give? Ugh... the rumors that would start.

“Sit here.” She instructed, half-pushing him into the comfortable chair she had prepared. “Take off your boots and socks. There are some dry clothes for you here.” She explained, bringing over two off-white kirtles for him.

Lord himself did not move. He didn’t move to undo his buckles, or to fix the towel falling off his shoulders.

Christ, he’s barely here.

With a frustrated sigh, Celestria dropped the kirtles on the floor.

He couldn’t find a reason to do anything. Not a single one to move, speak or continue. What had he done these past thousand years? What had he actually done to prove he was Alive? He had destroyed many human kingdoms. He had killed many demons that stood against him. He...

He did nothing.

None of that mattered at all. Not a single one. He had ended many lives while he himself being dead. That was what he had done. He had just spread his death to others. Like a hole that kept growing, swallowing everyone and everything. Leaving nothing left—

Something touched his leg.

Immediately, his eyes shifted downwards to his left foot.

Celestria was down there, somehow sitting neatly with her legs folded beneath her as she carefully peeled the wet leather off his shins.

Oh.

He felt a jolt, like his body was waking up. Like he was rousing from a suffocating dream, finally floating up from a viscous confusion that had held him down.

She pulled off a boot, then murmured something about it being sodding wet. Putting it aside, she now focused on the crimson sock he had on. She undid the garter under his knee, then started to pull it down.

Right then, her hand touched his skin.

And he felt warmth.

He didn’t do it on purpose. He didn’t even realize that he’d done anything. In an instant, he had grabbed her hand. That small, soft thing that had brought such an attention-arresting interest. It was not as warm. No, it was a little cold, probably because of how she had to tend to him. But it was still warm.

“Your Majesty. What in the world is going on with you! I’m trying—“
”I don’t want you to be cold. So don’t touch me.”

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

“No, you’re the one that’s cold, Your Ma—“

“I’ll take them off myself. Sit by the fire.” He ordered, immediately shifting his attention to the sock she’d been working on. Quickly, he took it off, then took off the other boot and sock as well.

She had told him to put on the dry clothes. So he grabbed the red sash round his waist and pulled it off, preparing to take off his top tunic.

“Oh, no no, Your Majesty! Change in there, please!” He heard her yelp, throwing a finger to the door to his right.

“Okay.” He said, then shot up. In an instant, he vanished inside, the ability to Do having finally returned.

What was wrong with that man?

Celestria watched in complete confusion as the tall demon that had been near-catatonic suddenly jumped into purposeful action. He walked into the changing room, then shut the door behind them.

Well, Celestria thought. At least he was back to normal.

With that, she sat back, supporting herself with her hands planted into the floor behind her. Now all he had to do was eat the food she had gotten ready for him and then hopefully she was done reviving the frozen King.

But what had gotten him so shaken? She was mostly convinced that nothing could move that ethereal being. Nothing in this reality, anyway. Not the books she assigned for his reading, or her projects to help commoners, or the consideration she tried to show him and his friends. But there were apparently things that could move him to the teetering edge of despair.

The way he was frozen up, barely responding to me. Repeating over and over again that he was cold... what was that...

Didn’t he mention before that he was always cold? Back when he had held her hand?

“I’m cold inside, Celestria.”

Those pitiful words rang in her head. Cold inside. What did he mean by that? Just as her gears had began turning, Lord returned, his wet clothes gathered in a soppy bunch. He had on those two kirtles, almost fitting him snugly around the torso then falling loosely down the waist. Oh right... she had asked for kirtles. Of course Alice had gotten the garment worn by women.

Well, she just wouldn’t let the king know about that.

Celestria stood up, taking the clothes he had in his hands and draping them over a wooden stand one foot long and three feet high by the fire. Hopefully they’d dry soon, and she’d send him back to the palace discreetly. Celestria came back to the chair he been sitting on, pulling off the damp towels so he could sit in comfortable dryness

“There’s food on the table. Please eat and get warm, Your Majesty.”

He complied, sitting down and turning to the food. It was chicken soup with bits of carrots and cabbage in it. Celestria watched as he picked up the spoon, dipped it into the clear broth then took a sip.

He did this again and again, until he came by a large piece of vegetable. To this, he put it back into the broth and took another clear spoonful.

“You should eat your vegetables, Your Majesty. Otherwise you won’t be consuming a balanced diet.”

“I am mostly carnivorous. Most vegetables make me sick.” He replied, still drinking the soup.

Oh.

Well then. She learned something new about the King.

Feeling satisfied that he was eating, Celestria quietly folded her dress under her and sat on her haunches, warming her hands by the fire. She needed to change her dress. Or perhaps it would dry on its own? Well, it made her feel cold and disgusting. She wanted to change it. Her hands had mostly retuned to normal, but they felt just a tiny bit nipped.

She stared at her outstretched hands, but her mind was pulled back to what had happened. Why had the King been so out of it? Would it be alright to ask? But what if... she did not like the answer? What if it was a cause of concern as to why he was so shaken?

The more questions she asked, the more frustration piled onto her. Demons were still too new to her. Still too strange and otherworldly. Especially this one.

A frown that she didn’t notice crept on her face as she stared at a spot on the burning log in front of her. Regardless, Whatever had happened... she had to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. She couldn’t have a whole demon god floating like a dejected puppy to her window every time he was rattled. But how was she to—

“I finished eating.”

A voice entirely too close to her ear said. Celestria suppressed a yelp, but didn’t manage to suppress how violently her shoulders jumped with surprise. Sitting right beside her, his knees pulled up into his chest like a child was the King of Fortane and the frightening demon that had thrown the entire kingdom into a frenzy. Releasing that sudden breath she had taken when he had scared her, Celestria places a hand on her chest.

“You’ve really got to stop doing that, Your Majesty.”

”Doing what?”

“Appearing out of nowhere and scaring me silly.”

“But I didn’t appear out of nowhere.” In these instances, Celestria had to grudgingly admit that the King had a certain cuteness to him. The way he stared into the fire, huddled over his knees. You wouldn’t think that he was...

A demon.

Yes. He was a demon. So bring it back in, Celestria. Setting her jaw, she turned to him.

“Would you like to tell me what happened to make you so despondent, Your Majesty?”

“I would.”

Oh. Well, at least she wouldn’t have to pry the information out of him.

“Very well. I will listen.”

“It was because I was cold.”

....

She would have to edit her previous statement.

“You told me you were always cold, though. The other day, when we met in the hallway.” She began, opening the floor for him to explain.

“Yes.”

“And what did you mean by that?”

“That my physical body did not feel temperatures colder than it.”

“So the rain and wind from earlier...?”
”I couldn’t feel it.”
”But you kept saying that you were cold over and over again.”

He nodded, then his eyes turned down, staring at his feet.

“Not my body.”

“Then what?”

”Me.”

What in the world did he mean by that??? If not his physical body then what...

Oh.

If not his physical body, then it was either his mind or...

Or his soul.

An uncomfortable clarity washed over Celestria when he said that. He was feeling something unpleasant within himself. Something that, judging from his reaction, was not anything he knew how to handle.

“Do you want to describe how it felt inside? Apart from cold?” She prodded a little more.

“Empty. Bottomless and empty. Like a sky with no stars in it. Like an endless field covered in snow. It felt like there was nothing.” Even though what he said was concerning, he did not state it with any visible sadness or distress. He sounded more like he was objectively stating an observation, not like he had experienced what he spoke of just a moment ago. The only difference she could see was that he did not have on the trademark empty smile he always spotted.

Oh gosh. Now demons were capable of experiencing existential crises? Celestria nervously bit her lip.

“Do you know why you’d feel like that? Did something set it off?”

This one, he didn’t answer immediately. He had that look in his eyes, like he wasn’t quite there.


”I was with Meta. We were talking about him being nice to humans. He asked me how it was he was supposed to love something so weak. And I agreed with him. How could I love something weak? But then I realized.... I realized that everything is weak. Even Meta. Even Nedrie. Everything is weak, and so I do not care for it. That’s how it’s been... for a thousand years, I’ve never cared about anything. I’ve spent a millennia... Empty. If I cannot love things, then it felt like I was not really alive. Like I was... standing in a field all alone.”

Celestria felt a lump in her throat. She knew it just a bit. A feeling like as if your experience of the world was unreal. Like you were the only one who was floating in the sky as everyone else was grounded firmly. Fifteen years ago... for many years, she battled that empty feeling. Of not belonging. Of not being truly alive.

Half-dead and half-alive.

Although she did not mean to do it so loudly, Celestria gave a dry laugh. To think that she would be able to somewhat relate to a demon.

“Why are you laughing, Celestria?”

“Because it’s funny.”

”My emptiness is funny?” His voice dropped to an low, cold pitch.

This would have scared her easily. It should have. But it didn’t.

“No, it isn’t. What’s funny is that you are perhaps the strongest being to ever exist, and I am a weaker-than-average human. And yet, somehow we have something like this in common.”

When she said this, Lord’s eyes grew wide, his lips parting just a bit.

“You feel like this too? Cold inside?”

“Hmm... well, I wouldn’t describe it like that. It just felt like I wasn’t really alive. Like I couldn’t form important connections with the people around me. I can talk to nearly anyone. Heck, I can talk to even you. But it never felt like I could... connect. Not until...”

Not until a day ago.

“Yes. Me too.” He nodded, surprisingly enthusiastic. His eyes were shining. The stars in them were glittering and sparkling.

She found herself smiling. Why was that?

“Mm. But how can we form connections so that we don’t feel like that ever again?”

“I don’t know.” His brow furrowed at her answer. Had his face always so expressive? Celestria found herself absently thinking.

“The way I found out that I had a connection was when I cried, and someone held me very tight and comforted me. It was when I knew that I was loved, wether I was strong or weak. I knew I was loved and that I loved when I found that even though I felt like I was alone, someone put aside all those distractions I put up, and hugged me. And then I cried in a really very ugly fashion. I was really a disaster. Hiccuping and sniffling.” This was not something she had at all intended to explain. But here she was, blurting it out. Deep down, she hoped that in the mess of words she’d blurted out, Lord would find something that he could use.

“Celestria?”

”Yes?”

“What is a ‘hug’?”

Oh Christ.

The question caught her off hard, startling her upright.

“It’s... well, it’s when someone wraps their arms around you, or vice versa. You know...?”
he shook his head, those long dark locks of hair falling over his shoulder.

“Have you never been hugged before??” Yeah sure, he was a demon or whatever, but surely even demons would know to hug, right?

“No. If a demon touches you, then you assume that they are hostile or are disrespecting you.”

“Really??” Celestria was in disbelief! No wonder he and Meta had such a hard time feeling even a shred of empathy for her species. To touch, to hug and to feel were ways of connecting with each other.

“Humans are very warm, don’t you think so Celestria?”

“I’ve never touched a calm, living human.”

“Ones that were frightened beyond measure and ones that were dead.”

Lord was much more different than she had initially thought, Celestria realized. Sitting with him by the warmth of a crackling fire, bathed in it’s bright glow, it felt like he was different. A completely different being from before. Yes, he was frightening. Yes, he was dangerous. Yes, he was powerful. But he was also seemingly just as confused and disoriented by his existence as she was. She looked at her hand, fanning her fingers out. Her palm was lighter than the rest of her. A hand that was unpleasantly soft. She had wanted more callouses and scars to show how vigorously she lived at one point. Like as if she wanted to overcompensate for something.

Touch was a point of connection as well.

With her right hand, she reached over to his pale, near-glowing one, and rested it on his cool skin. Lord turned to her, a mixture of confusion and alarm on his face. But she could see it just a bit in his eyes.

A glittering hope in the form of a cluster of stars.

Celestria looked away from him, huffing in embarrassment.

“Just this once, I’ll let you hold my hand.”