how to never run out of questions/things to say

another short crash course- how to fuel a conversation. lets start off by saying that i think you should have the self awareness and self respect to tell if someone isn't interested in speaking or is straight up just boring. yes, there are people who dwindle on their phone during a date, or who shut you down with answers less interesting than watching grass grow. "mhm, yep, not really" don't water a dead plant.

if you're listening like i've shown in the past, in a way that seeks to gain and display an empathetic understanding, you will have given yourself near endless things to say and ask. my favourite example of this is a statement...

• “I cut my hand while working on a car on Sunday.”

the usual response might simply me 'oh ouch' or 'that sucks' and maybe even 'how did you do that?'

i challenge you to start seeing basic statements like this in a different light. even one as simple as this is a branch to nearly limitless conversation potential.

here's three ways you can never run out of stuff to say or ask.

• 1. if you wanted to genuinely understand someone by using a low key form of active listening, you would notice the holes in statements like the one above.

  if you read it carefully (or listened well) you might notice they said A car, and not THEIR OWN car (they're a mechanic?), or that SUNDAY isn't typically a working day (maybe not?)

  if you're staying present, you'll start to imagine the words coming through, maybe even start visualising them, maybe you'll see gaps, maybe you'll find something shocking or unlikely, etc. this is amazing for dating, meeting new people, and certainly sales, if that's what you do.

• 2. an important obstacle that we often miss is the idea of the 'stupid question'. no question is stupid, because a question itself is the brave and humble adventure to know more. how can wanting to know more, be stupid?

  sometimes i randomly ask how tall someone is, or what their favourite bread or chocolate is. what do they think about my neighbour totoro, or the olympics? this is usually handy if the conversation becomes dry or boring. i simply shifted my own definition of a stupid or irrelevant question.

  the car statement? you could ask when they cut it, why they cut it, if i could see the cut, if it hurt, anything respectful and empathetic was on the table, really. don't limit yourself to trying to ask the best questions possible. that really made conversation fun for me.

• 3. do lots and learn lots. if you knew or experienced nothing, you'd be fairly boring when it was your turn to talk, no doubt. if you find something interesting, don't cheat yourself by staying ignorant of it- borrow a book or watch a documentary, ask people what they know about it, go out at make your own stories.

  that way, you'll be able to compare your own knowledge and experiences to others, and maybe even use it as a conversation jerry can.