Climate change is kinda like mold in your basement. You know it’s there. You know it’s a problem. Some day it’s gonna cost thousands of dollars and possibly make your house impossible to live in. On the other hand, you’ll probably be dead by then, so fuck it.
2023-07-30 15:53:49 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy Splatterday, Patreon Pals! Today I’ve got a double feature for ya with BOTH films included! I figured I’d get this posted early so you can actually tear the 🖤a outta Solatterday Night, should you so choose! 🥰
Thank you do much to everyobe who joins us in the Discird last night for Joe Bob’s Gunsm...
2023-07-29 18:56:35 +0000 UTC View Post
I just wanted to give all you Patron Saints a quick merch update.
In the beginning of August Patron Saints will be getting a signed poster from last year's Jamboree, and the new Blu-ray (the 5th one) will start going out then as well. The new Blu-ray will only be going out to members that have already received the first...
2023-07-29 00:44:36 +0000 UTC View Post
As I travel around the country, way too many people say “Thank you for coming here,” as though their hometowns are somehow trivial. No—THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME TO YOUR TOWN. Take pride in it. Support your local museums and parks. Make your politicians keep the place clean and safe. It’s the corrupt big cities of the ...
2023-07-28 16:23:39 +0000 UTC View Post
Every hotel room must be equipped with a microwave and a mini-fridge. I’m willing to take this to the Supreme Court if necessary.
2023-07-27 14:19:28 +0000 UTC View Post(Bridge: 4:36, Outro: 9:22)
Happy Humpday, Homies! Here’s your weekly fix of Drive-In Theater. 🤠
If you’re a Patron Saint and haven’t heard the news, Joe Bob is very excited to be doing a Gunsmoke watchalong with us in the Discord THIS FRIDAY at 9pm ET. Hope you can make it bc honestly I’ve never seen h...
2023-07-27 02:24:01 +0000 UTC View Post
The rarest talent in the world is the skill of a vice president. The number two in any organization. The traditional word for it is “majordomo.” In police work, it’s a deputy. In Britain the monarch calls it the Master of the Household. But I like our term better, using the Latin word for “in place of.” A vice presi...
2023-07-25 02:59:47 +0000 UTC View Post
When I’m asked to “prove you’re not a robot,” aren’t I being questioned . . . by a robot?
2023-07-23 23:54:08 +0000 UTC View PostHappy Splatterday Night, Patreon Pals!! Hope you enjoyed our Season 5 Finale last night! If you’re worried about Joe Bob, fear not! He’s doing just fine after his zombie encounter…
Here are tonight’s time codes for ya...
2023-07-23 02:40:34 +0000 UTC View Post
Why does the pilot always say “feel free to move about the cabin” when it’s pretty much impossible to “move about the cabin”? It’s like telling a guy in San Quentin he’s free to move about his cell. It’s a form of taunting.
2023-07-23 00:41:08 +0000 UTC View PostA few words from the man himself about tonight’s The Last Drive-In Season Finale.
2023-07-21 18:53:48 +0000 UTC View Post
Why does every train station look different but every airport looks the same?
2023-07-20 14:13:34 +0000 UTC View PostHappy Humpday, homies! Tonight we have my very favorite “women in prison“ movie (which is saying a lot!!) & Kickboxer 3. I know it’s not a masterpiece, but I think all the Kickboxer movies are really fun!! 🥰
Enjoy, and we will see you Friday night for our season finale of The Last Drive-In (assuming the ser...
2023-07-20 02:48:32 +0000 UTC View Post
Over the weekend, I did two shows in Denver, and Taylor Swift did two shows in Denver, and the shows were on the same nights and all four shows started at 6:30. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. Touring is viciously competitive.
2023-07-18 13:14:58 +0000 UTC View Post
Why aren’t there gay brothels in Nevada?
2023-07-18 01:38:30 +0000 UTC View Post
Is barrel racing something they do just to make sure people arriving late don’t miss anything at the rodeo?
2023-07-16 20:42:41 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy Splatterday Night, Patreon Pals! Tonight we have 2 AMAZING movies, Joe Bob looking 🔥 in his “Professor Joe Bob” gear, and of corpse, an iconic interview with the legend, Wes Craven.
Enjoy…and thanks so much to everyone who tuned in for “Jaws Ripoff Night” last night. It was one of my favorite dou...
2023-07-16 01:44:16 +0000 UTC View Post
The reason Hitchcock treated actors and writers badly is that he couldn’t act or write.
2023-07-15 12:58:55 +0000 UTC View PostNone of us can believe we are still doing this after what was supposed to be a one night special event. Thank you so much for supporting Joe Bob’s return…The Drive-In Will Never Die!
2023-07-14 21:19:41 +0000 UTC View Post
If 70 is the new 60, and 60 is the new 50, and 50 is the new 40, then is 20 the new 10? There’s some evidence that this may be the case.
2023-07-14 14:08:51 +0000 UTC View Post
People who say “I don’t see color” are always white. Why are they telling me this?
2023-07-13 22:45:11 +0000 UTC View Post(Outro- 5:16)
Happy Humpday, homies! Tonight we get a glimpse into how Joe Bob stays Spry AF: The Abdominizer! 😋
Enjoy, and don’t forget that this week on The Last Drive-In we have Season 5’s penultimate ep! I’m trying to get JB to lay down some clues for ya, but i can give my own lil clu...
2023-07-13 02:45:45 +0000 UTC View Post
Silicon Valley researchers released a new system of algorithms called Artificial Ignorance that produced the next 30 years of “Wheel of Fortune” episodes as well as 17 Ryan Seacrest blooper reels.
2023-07-12 16:42:33 +0000 UTC View Post
Lawyers for the Hollywood studios tried to trick WGA negotiators today by saying “Would you put that in writing?”
2023-07-11 17:12:06 +0000 UTC View Post
The last five subscribers to Apple TV Plus have fallen asleep.
2023-07-10 23:03:20 +0000 UTC View Post
Disneyworld announced a new “Fuck Florida” Virtual Reality coaster that sprays key lime pie into the faces of senior citizens right before they’re beheaded by errant Kennedy Space Center rocket launches.
2023-07-10 02:30:40 +0000 UTC View Post
Happy Splatterday Night, Patreon Pals! Tonight is “80s Night” on Monstervisio…but there’s not much different aside from the nifty lil intro and Rusty’s outfit. 😋
Once again he’s talking about Howling 7 in one of the mail segments, which means:
1. I’m obligated to post this pic of when I finally go...
2023-07-09 03:08:38 +0000 UTC View Post
Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida failed to find anything new to get angry about today and his closest aides rushed him to the hospital to be examined by specialists.
2023-07-08 15:01:27 +0000 UTC View Post
The Secret Service found cocaine at the White House, triggering an emergency evacuation of all the skinny people with bloody noses acting a little too jumpy.
(Don’t forget there’s a brand new ep of The Last Drive-In TONIGHT on Shudder & AMC+! 🤠)
2023-07-07 13:26:00 +0000 UTC View Post
A federal judge in Louisiana ordered the FBI to stop correcting false information on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube because people probably aren’t lying.
2023-07-06 16:36:17 +0000 UTC View Post
