beanytuesday

What the hell did I just read?

Superhuman Safety Squad #3

Superhuman Safety Squad #2

Superhuman Safety Squad #1

New Superhero Team I Invented

Guide To Pets

Okay, let’s run it down page by page:

Cover

Normal cover page. Nothing more to say about this one

Cats

Alternate version of the last joke: a side-by-side comparing an archetypical ‘crazy cat lady’(hugging and kissing several felines to a ‘mentally stable alone ...

Utilitarian Judge Slaps Shrimp Boat Captain With Five Hundred Million Consecutive One-Minute Sentences

What’s so funny about the famous Utility Monster thought experiment is that the same line of reasoning it expects to be viewed as a self-evidently absurd extrapolation of utilitarian logic is ALSO deployed as a totally serious defense of animal consumption. Oh, so it’s completely ridiculous that we should all suffer ...

2025 Political Rising Stars To Keep An Eye On

Political discourse is saved.

The original “Political rising stars” comic was the second comic I ever posted online, 7 years ago. In creating this sequel, I took great pains to ensure it was visually identical with the original— surprisingly not as easy a task as it sounds, since the primitive drawing program that...

An Essay About Essays

I lied. You get another essay. 

This was inspired by Barrett Swanson’s latest essay “High & Dry”, which I very much enjoyed (all his stuff is great), though if you want to see this phenomenon taking place at its most cartoonish, check out “The View From Mrs. Thompson’s” or “Ticket To The Fair” o...

About Airports

There isn’t really any joke here. I wrote an essay, about something I like and have some thoughts on. So, there you go. Some more substantial stuff on its way in the near future. 

One thing that I sort of just of just glazed over, relegating it to a parenthetical for conciseness’ sake, is the relation between t...

GUE 6: Lycanthropification

The original version of this comic had a much longer script that I ultimately decided to cut down for everyone’s benefit, in which the explanatory flashback would have the form of an Adam Curtis documentary, with all the illustrations replaced with public domain photographs. It was a fun idea, to be sure, and I figured that...

“Concerning”; World’s Most Humanlike AI Program Kills Itself Attempting to Generate a 10 Quadrillion Pixel Image of A Hamburger For Seemingly No Reason

Can we get controversial for a second? I don’t think I’ve ever read or watched a single piece of fiction about artificial intelligence that was anywhere near as profound as it thought it was. Pluto? Ghost in the Shell? Blade Runner? That Will Smith I, Robot movie? It’s all the same shit. These works all seem to broach t...

A Brief Guide To Twitch Streams

Have you ever been to the circus, watched one of the clowns perform, and thought to yourself, “Man, I really wish I could pelt this guy with red-hot coins”? Well, have I got the thing for you.

This comic was inspired, at least partially, by my recent foray into the ‘Go Off Kings’ universe, the ‘’’...

GUE 5: Don't Tread On Me

A one pager? Unfortunately for you, yes. But fortunately for me, this tidy piece of something emulates the greatest literary genre the world has ever known— the high concept short story. There is a lot I could talk abut here; not because I think the comic is some kind of profound tour-de-force, but rather because I think th...

A Review of Minneapolis' Only Bagel Place

Astute fans may remember that this isn’t the first time I’ve taken flyover states to task over their food quality. And although I think ultimately it’s not THAT big of deal, there are times that I feel a little bad about...

The Impression That I Get, As A Non-Wrestling Fan

Hey everyone. Been a minute. Let me start off by apologizing for my absence. I have been dealing with some pretty bad mental health stuff since moving to minneapolis— every problem I had bottled up, pushed temporarily aside while I could distract myself with the move, has finally come home to roost, and I’ve spent the las...

5 Malevolent Foods

NOOO!!!!! YOU CAN’T CALL THIS A COMIC!!!!! YOU DIDN’T EVEN DRAW ANYTHING!!!!!

Oh yeah? Well the word comic comes from the Greek komos, which means ‘to revel’. And yall are reveling yourselves to be dumb as fuck!

Ahhh I’m just playing I know you guys don’t believe that. I think the real-...

Guide To Satans: Patron-Exclusive Video Commentary

Hey guys! As promised, here is a video where I break down all the design decisions behind my character designs in this comic, as well as the textual support and inspiration behind them. There are a few short theological tangents I go on as well, which I think the listener will find interesting-- but don't worry, I am mostly a...

Guide To Satans

Hello everyone. As with the last couple comics, I have a lot of thoughts on this one, and plan on doing another patron-exclusive video deep-dive sometime in the next few days. Don't worry-- it's mostly going to be me talking about design stuff, not drowning you in more information after an already dense comic. That being said...

Unused Excerpt From 'The Townie' (reupload for higher resolution)

Unused excerpt from a short story I'm working on. I had the first couple pages for this already written when I decided that I wanted rework it and shift the narrative/thematic focus a little bit. As such, this section doesn't really have a place anymore, but I still think it works as a standalone piece.

Originally, a ma...

GUE Chapter 4.1: Checking In On The Mainlanders

Two beverage theory has single-handedly kept world-conquering civilizations afloat.

Notes From A Boston Man's Trip Midwest

Whilst in Minneapolis, I met with my buddy Leo for lunch at a place called Pizza Luce. Leo graciously offered to split a vegan pie with me, but I rebuffed him— this is a special occasion, and rules were made to be broken. Pizza has a notoriously difficult time getting veganized, and since Minnesota’s cuisinal reputation w...

From Within A Semiburnt Diary

This is an idea I came up with during my bout of tendinosis, which I thought was a solid idea, but which, given the tone and subject matter, I couldn't really bring myself to work too hard on, given how depressed I already was. The story was dusted off a couple months later after an opportunity came up to collaborate with an ...

Two Friends Discuss Angels: Video Deep Dive

Sorry.

Two Friends Discuss Angels

No text commentary on this one-- check the Patreon feed for another video commentary where I go more in detail on some of the religious history here.

Bullshit Jobs

This is one of those rare occasions where the opinion of the comic protagonist is pretty much a complete opposite of what I believe in real life. Unorthodox class types are super cool and should absolutely be used more, even if they’re just reskins of traditional classes most of the time. 

I guess this guy...

GUE Chapter 4 Patreon Exclusive Director's Commentary

93 minutes long? I'm so sorry. Please feel free to put this on in the background while you draw or play video games.

I had a lot to say, so I opted for the video format. This won't be the new norm, but it felt appropriate to go beat-by-beat and talk about the construction and themes of this story, dispense little bits o...

GUE Chapter 4: Living Dead

At long last!!!

Feel free to read in the browser, but for the ideal experience, download the attached PDF.

This post is the public upload; a patron-only special upload will be coming in the next couple of days with additional notes/behind the scenes extras. Stay tuned.

My Gundam Comic

Come And See (This Awesome Robot)

One might consider this comic a sort of refutation of that popular 'wow, cool robot' meme, which I think gives the show a little too much credit. I’m told that the creator, Tomino, originally wanted a more grounded show, but was mandated by the higher ups to include a steady stream of...

Women's Sex Toys vs Men's Sex Toys

Sometimes, you go fishing in the creative wellspring and fish up something ugly. But what are you gonna do, go hungry? Sigh. More sex jokes, I guess.

Like with all of these sorts of comics, these observations are largely anecdotal. That being said, the vibrator-gun comparison does actually appear to have some t...