WWF Summerslam 1992 Match Ratings, Notes From Sean Ross Sapp's Retro Review

Opening

• I love that we start with an IcoPro review, and a look at a clearly taped fans in the UK.
• Holy shit, so much of this is already so stereotypical. 
• Royalty jokes. Yeesh.

Legion of Doom (w/ Paul Ellering) defeated Money Inc.
5/10

• I forgot about Rocco. Yikes. That thing was stupid as shit.
• Animal actually burned his calf and his tights stuck to his leg during this entrance. Their shoulder pads look bad ass. 
• A little different to see Dibiase in white gear, too.
• "Irwin's no midget! He goes over 260 pounds!"- Heenan after IRS gets body pressed. How times have changed.
• IRS applies a sleeper, and Hawk misses a flying clothesline and gets beaten up by Dibiase outside. 
• IRS dropkicks Animal to prevent a Doomsday Device, which no way was Dibiase taking. A powerslam from Animal wins it.
• This wasn't good, but the great crowd kept it from going subpar.

Interviews

Ric Flair backstage teasing who is going to be in his corner. Peak trolling

Virgil's volume goes up and down. He makes a 2 Legit 2 Quit reference. That song had been out a year at that point.

What did we ever do to deserve the greatness of Sensational Sherri? She says Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have come to an agreement to not hit each other in the face.

Nasty Boys are backstage cutting a promo about not getting a title shot, but Jimmy Hart says they'll get him one.

The freaking Bushwackers.

Nailz defeated Virgil via technical submission
2.5/10

• Holy shit, Nailz is worse than the jobber from Hardcore Heaven 1995. He sells like a guy who has been told with pro wrestling is, but doesn't know.
• He's so bad. Even Virgil is like "what the fuck, man?" and Virgil was a bad worker.
• I don't think I've seen Nailz work since I was a kid and I couldn't tell how shitty he was. 
• This is all punching from Virgil, and I don't blame him. Nailz wins with a shitty sleeper.
• Nailz gets the club out and hits Virgil, then chokes him with it.

Rick Martel vs. Shawn Michaels
The match: 4/10 The antics: 8/10

• "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT MIRROR!"
• 36 years old seemed so old in 1992 for a wrestler, so seeing Martel to a kip up was surprising.
• Martel tries to woo Sherri. Both of these guys are dirty damn cheaters with their asses out. 
• Martel and HBK break the rules and SLAP EACH OTHER!! Sherri subsequently faints and takes a bump off the apron.
• Nothing happened in the actual match.
• MARTEL IS GIVING HER CPR! Is she dead!?
• HBK and Martel duke it out and get counted out. Sherri is faking it!!! 
• There's a Twin Peaks reference about Sherri's ass cheeks.
• Martel and Michaels keep knocking each other over to get a (fake) unconscious Sherri! Finally Martel dumps water on her. This is so hilariously dumb and corny. I loved it.

WWF Tag Team Championships
Natural Disasters (c) defeated The Beverly Brothers (w/ The Genius)
5/10

• The Genius was so good in this role.
• Beverly Brothers don't get any offense until Earthquake squishes Typhoon.
• This is all splashes and kicks and boots. The Beverly Brothers are doing what they can, but there's not much moving Typhoon.
• The Beverlys do the ol dropkick/body press spot and hit 
• Earthquake has an all-time great elbow, and an awesome belly-to-belly suplex.
• Powerslam and Earthquake splash win it. His run at the end of the match made it passable
• This match was all not one for the Typhoon highlight reel. Beverly Bros and Earthquake were great, though.  

Crush defeated Repo Man
4.5/10

• Demolition Crush vs. Demolition Smash! No mention of it of course.
• Fans are doing the Cranium Crunch ringside.
• Demolition, Kona Crush, Heel Crush, jailbird Crush, biker Crush, Brian Adams, Kronik. Lots of gimmicks. 
• Crush is surprisingly agile. He is also really strong. But he can't wrestle really well. He misses a flying knee drop.
• I think it's pretty obvious they had high hopes for the 28 year old Crush, and he's over, but he just wasn't in the shape they needed, and nowhere near where he needed to be in the ring.
• He passes up a powerslam pin and wins with the Cranium Crunch. 

WWF Championship
Ultimate Warrior defeated "Macho Man" Randy Savage (c) via countout, no title change (26:15)
4.75/10

• Mr. Perfect isn't in either man's corner, as heavily speculated.
• Savage offers a handshake, but Warrior is super weird about it and they alnmost come to blows. 
• This is definitely each man's "alternate attire."
• This is pretty stiff early. It's clotheslines besides a Warrior atomic drop. 
• Savage tries to pull Warrior into the turnbuckle, but Warrior just.....falls on him.
• Warrior no-sells one flying axehandle, but gets clobbbered with another for a two count.
• Warrior, smaller than previous years (and huge by today's standards) catches Savage flying off the top with a backbreaker. Personally, I can handle watching this Warrior to the  heavily roided one.
• Warrior took the swinging neckbreaker like a real asshole.
• Heenan bringing up how important the title is because of the money involved is great.
• Flair comes out with Mr. Perfect, as a double clothesline takes out Warrior and Savage.
• This is what we'll call a FUCK FINISH. It's far too slow paced to have all these shenanigans -- ref bumps, late pins, and Mr. Perfect's interference.
• Perfect and Flair take out Warrior, but Savage doesn't see it. I can't believe Savage hit a piledriver on Warrior.
• Of course Warrior kicked out of a piledriver, a brass knuckles shot and a flying elbow drop. Flair then cracks him with a chair. How can Savage conveniently miss all of this? 
• Savage figures it out and tries to jump on Flair, but eats a terrible chairshot and he's counted out.
• This was WCW 2000. Really convoluted. Flair and Perfect jump Savage. Warrior makes the save.
• TWENTY SIX MINUTES. WHY. WHY. WHY

The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer) defeated Kamala (w/ Kim Chee and Harvey Whippleman)
TRASH

• Undertaker rides out in a hearse for a good three minute entrance.
• Kamala yanks Taker off the top rope, but gets chokeslammed and the signature Undertaker clothesline.
• Undertaker goes for the Tombstone, but Kim Chee attacks. DQ. Lame.
• Kamala does one of the lamest goddamn kicks I've ever seen. Kamala slams Taker, then does a terrible splash too. He follows up with a bad second rope splash that sees his knees hit first. Same with the top rope.
• "WE HAVE SEEN THE END OF THE UNDERTAKER." Maybe scale it back a tad, Bobby.
• Taker sits up. This was trash after the entrance.

WWE Intercontinental Championship
The British Bulldog defeated Bret "The Hitman" Hart (c)
6/10

• Piper plays the bagpipes before this match.
• Bret Hart was a super dickbag in this interview, but he's not the hometown guy, so it fits.
• Diana is interviewed, she's a wonderful woman.
• There's some chain wrestling, but finally Bret Hart uses the kitchen sink knee and starts attacking.
• These fucking horns all over the place are miserable.
• There was a nice bulldog on the Bulldog. There was a happy accident on the outside. Davey Boy was supposed to catch Bret, but didn't. Instead, Bret ended up doing a slingshot Orton backbreaker in a great spot.
• Bulldog goes through all his signature spots, including the suplex and running powerslam, only for a two. Much is made of Bret Hart kicking out. I always saw the running powerslam as a second tier finishing move., but a solid one.
• Bret gets a German suplex for two, but Davey answers with a superplex. This is picking up now.
• A double clothesline, but they land on each other. Bret tries to get the Sharpshooter from his back. Bulldog gets the ropes and wins by countering a sunset flip.
• It's wild to look at this and see how fondly it was received. Seth Rollins puts on this match in his sleep these days, but the crowd interaction is impossible to replicate.
• Diana, Bret and Bulldog hug at the end. Even Heenan being touched by this was cool, as was the pyro to close things.