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I'm Autistic, Now What?

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A School for Autistic Girls ONLY?! | Would you go here?

We're back in the fuzzy jumper!! 💗 Crying this time, apparently!

What do you think of this place? Would you have liked a school with JUST autistic people?

Thank you for choosing this one in the poll! I feel like you always pick the one I didn't know I wanted you to pick. Next reaction video will be the weird stock footage (I can't wait 😂), but we have another autistic advice episode coming shortly too!

Happy New Year everyone! I have soo many ideas for 2024 - I may explode! But if you have any more, feel free to share 😆

Chloe Hayden's book Different not Less: https://amzn.to/3vqohrw

Here's a link to the mini documentary on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy3jYIqRIJg

A School for Autistic Girls ONLY?! | Would you go here?

Comments

Diagnosis is a cluster, especially in the States, because god forbid you have anything else wrong with you. While we don't know if the same thing happens internationally with the ICD, in the States, the DSM is king, and a lot of it is poorly written for cases of comorbidity. Pretty much any diagnosis we get is either incorrect from the get-go or is technically unallowed: our current diagnosies of OSDD, ASD, Social Anxiety and cPTSD is technically unallowed because OSDD and other dissociative disorders are not allowed to be diagnosed on autistic individuals, and cPTSD, which we clearly have, doesn't exist in the DSM yet (cPTSD has an ICD code, but the DSM only contains PTSD and doesn't consider the other 3 non-stereotypical types, one being Complex PTSD.) Also, we've nailed down that we most likely have PDA pattern, but this has repeatedly been diagnosed as BPD, including by an "autism clinic" that was highly abusive and actually made us worse. BPD and PDA share a lot of the same behaviors because the fear of rejection in PDA can result in behaviors to avoid it, which is what BPD is typically defined as, but PDA doesn't have a DSM entry either, so anyone who isn't an autism specialist just thinks of Public Displays of Affection. Worse yet is the sheer lack of training: there's no need for autism-specific training, so there's limited specialists trained to assist in autistic cases, even less-so when it comes to autism in relation to comorbid mental health issues. If we can't find anyone when we literally live in a city with an Autism specialist hospital, how are autistics going to find help out in God's Green Earth? The whole system is basically just try not to drown until someone rescues you, at this point. -⚖️/🪼

Greenpier System

Here in Germany, we have so-called "Förderschulen," which are schools for disabled children. Up until the school year 2013/14, most disabled children had to go to one of those schools and weren't even allowed to attend "mainstream" schools. Thankfully, that has changed, and everyone who wants to attend a "mainstream" school can now do so. I can definitely see the benefit of a school such as Limpsfield Grange with smaller classes and staff who are actually knowledgeable about disabilities, including neurodiversity. At the same time, attending one of those schools should never be mandatory. The way things were when I attended school (I graduated in 2007), I'm in a way glad that I didn't get diagnosed while in school as I most likely would have had to go to a segregated school (autistics and ADHDers had to attend schools for kids with intellectual/learning disabilities) and getting the type of high school diploma that allows one to go uni would have been more difficult. This would mean that I wouldn't have been able to get my uni degree and become a pastor. But watching this video, I would have loved to attend a school like Limpsfield Grange.

Hayley

Being hard of hearing, I struggled with the comments being weird as well. I'm really grateful for captions and they can be a mess and frustrating at the same time.

Hayley

I'm 35 and going in for my pre-assessment intake on Monday. We'll see... I can imagine grieving a sense of "lost time" for not figuring out a significant part of who I am much earlier. I actually know that feeling from a different aspect of my life, because I'm also trans, but didn't really figure it out and start transitioning until I was 30. So, I took a while on a lot of these things apparently lol... And I guess actually I still don't know what my assessment will reveal. But I've really gotten into your content during this time of exploring the possibility of myself being autistic, so I do appreciate what you've contributed to me in my journey here. I might not have come this far yet without you, tbh. Thank you :)

Jordan Curry

So, at age fifteen I spent a week in grippy sock vacation because of self-harm and an attempted unaliving. I’d just abruptly started failing classes at the end of the prior year and couldn’t keep my grades up despite being “gifted” and desperately wanting to maintain my place as first chair in the band and in district choir. And they saw me twice, said I was depressed and never asked why or if there might be comorbidities, tossed some Paxil at my face, and sent me home. I had to go to a transitional school for a few weeks to catch up, and it turned out that in self-paced classes I finished all of my work very quickly and had perfect grades again. This, of course, meant that I “could have been passing all along” and was “just being lazy” when I was in person. Nobody, including me, questioned whether the alteration in environment MAYBE PERHAPS was what created the positive effect in my mental health and grades. So I went back to school and immediately crashed and burned again and barely made it through high school. The military was the only place that would have me, and you can imagine how an undiagnosed PDA AuDHD handled that. I’m forty years old and was diagnosed as ADHD at twenty-four after a therapist listened to my recitation of how I had burned my life down multiple times by that point. I am finally seeking an autism diagnosis this year. What I would not have given to have an environment like this as a child. I mainly just feel deeply betrayed by the professionals who saw a 15yo try to kill herself and were too bored to even consider what underlying problems there might be, and lectured me on listening to my parents and being responsible. Not being diagnosed likely spared me the hells of ABA, so I cannot find it in me to wish I had been before my teens, but I’m so sad for the child I was.

Jenlifer Fronester

I felt like you, both a sadness for my younger self and a joy for their environment and opportunities to learn in that safe environment.

Roxane S

Although a school just for autistic girls sounds great to me in theory, I don't know if that's the way to go. I say that fully realising that I might be biased, because I never had horrible experiences at school; I went to a tiny primary school (6-10 kids per class), where you kind of *had* to all get along, and was 'adopted' by 4 wonderful people in high school. At uni, I actually studied autism, ADHD and other 'disorders' in children and someone 'adopted' me there, too, and even then, I still went home to my parents' house at the end of every day, so there was always routine and a safe place to be myself in my life. I only found out I was autistic a little over a year ago (at 39) after I realised I had a bit *too* much in common with an autistic friend from work (delivering mail, btw - a perfectly autistic job) and I started looking into autism in women. When I went to uni 20-odd years ago, so much of the information was about what you can *observe* in autistic people (no eye contact, rocking, meltdowns) and not about what actually goes on in our brains (let alone mentioning how huge a role masking plays). Anyway. What I would like very much to see is for there to be more openness in schools - starting at primary school - about how everyone's brain is different and about how everyone's (home) situation is different. Teach kids a very basic level of psychology. Why do people bully? Why does not everyone behave and react the same way? What do things like autism and ADHD mean and what can that look like in people? If you teach kids from a young age that *everyone* deserves respect and everyone deserves a chance and everyone needs accomodations in some way, shape or form, then I think the world could change for the better. And the more we're around other types of people, the better the understanding (and hopefully respect) will be.

Annemiek

I probably would have wanted to go to a school that in addition to having autistic classmates, there would be autistic savant mentors from the world of engineering and perhaps music to inspire me. Seeing that some autistic people thrive as adults with their passions/special interests would have inspired me. On the other hand, I wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 50s although I pretty much had it figured out in my late 40s. I am new to your Patreon although I have enjoyed watching some of your videos on YouTube. Part of my search for your videos was because, I do know there are autistic women who feel alone. If only these autistic women could watch your videos, the experience would make them feel less alone! Now, just like the old "movie of the week". Most channels featuring autistic women are about how they deal with autism. This is perhaps the best of these channels I have found. In fact, perhaps I may one day post a YouTube video reviewing the various autism channels from an old-school Aspie perspective. I get to use the term 'Aspie' as I have the same privilege to pick my descriptors that fit my diagnosis under DSM-4 that other neurodivergent people do with their self-diagnosis. I am a really big fan of a certain alternative rock celebrity singer/songwriter who happens to be on the autism spectrum. To my delight, she TOO has a Patreon channel! I love how she comes out unmasked on her Patreon and I could only imagine how difficult it is to be such a huge celebrity and have the pressure of performing in front of huge crowds as well as the pressure not to appear too "weird". In fact, my favorite autistic celebrity had Billboard magazine's #1 most popular alternative rock song of 2019, a remake of Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill"! I am speaking of another Meg, Meg Myers! I am going to her Patreon and suggest she check out your videos. I kind of think it would be enlightening to join Meg Myer's Patreon account too to see how a celebrity with 7 Billboard top Alternative Rock hits lives life on the Spectrum! Thanks for all of the great thoughtful content!

Roger

as a formally undiagnosed autistic 17yo in america this sounds like the dream but at the same completely unrealistic for me sadly and realistically idek if ill be able to get diagnosed even before 20 let alone 18 and i technically am still not 17 till 2 weeks from now so im def crying w u lol٫ luckily i do feel that same sense of community and overwhelming relief and finally understood when im talking to ppl in ur discord server tho٫ so ill def be forever grateful for that :))

Aqua DeMoney

another example of how sensory issues can differ; i could never in a million years wear that sweater i hate the feeling of like idk the scratchy glitter n shit idk what its called but i remember crying abt it every time as a kid😭

Aqua DeMoney

I was diagnosed at age 50 and also have an allistic child. I absolutely understand wanting to have a child that relates to you more as my daughter and I have a very difficult relationship. Additionally, while I love that my daughter had amazing experiences growing up I was def a little jealous. I think that’s actually pretty normal for any parent but certainly understandable when you are so different to your child. Being 53 now, I am glad I was not diagnosed as a child, I can’t imagine what hellish “Therapy’s” I would have had to endure. Absolutely adore you and was soooo psyched when you used the term “normies” I use that too!! 🫶🤗🥰

Ellen Griffin

Me watching this video: Hmm I wonder if I'll see a girl who reminds me of myself at that age. Then at 1:01 MEE MEE THAT'S MEEE. I was so much like her at that age!

Sqiddy

My Aspie Jungian psychotherapist has an aspie-dog! She swears by it. The dog meets and greets patients and we give her treats. She even gets a tax break!! She is an old dog now and I can't imagine how heartbroken my friend/therapist will be when she dies...I know we are not 'meant' to use the A-word but my therapist believes it should never have been lumped under the ASD umbrella

Tessa Coker

High school is the closest to being in prison that you will hopefully experience. Dont worry, you didn't miss anything.

raccoonpilot

For the dog thing, I got myself a dog so I would be forced to leave the house, but I got an Akita Inu and they don't bark. She's the perfect dog for me, very chill, fluffy, not clingy and would protect me if needed. I sometimes joke that she's an autistic dog 😂. The bad part about having a dog are the other people with dogs...

raccoonpilot

Hey, thanks for bearing the elements while filming! :) The extra noise of the climate controls are not something to normally think about. I have dogs that I don't tolerate barking, but I tell them plainly things like, "it's just the mailman/neighbours" and they match my energy. I also sometimes prefer to let people who are coming to my door know to text me instead of knocking. However, since I moved here a couple months ago, I have a closeby neighbour with four big dogs that the neigbours DON'T have control of, and those dogs drive the shid out of me barking nonstop when they're in the yard. One of them in particular (which happens to be the ugly one) will see me IN MY HOUSE THROUGH MY WINDOW and bark AT ME. He stares at me and my dogs while barking. Sometimes the neighbours will open their door and tell them to come in, but I have never seen them respond, at least not while my dog or I have been outside. The neighbour will sometimes try 2-3 times but will always just close the door and go back inside on the dogs will continue. I have my dog trained to ignore them when they're all outside. I'm still working with my parent's dog who I have to go out with on a leash and supervise because those dogs will bark at us constantly, pace the chain link fence and stand up against it. My parent's dog is reactive enough to start a fight through the fence because of this, but with me talking calmly and keeping her out of reach of the fenceline herself, she is learning to ignore them (I have her for three weeks and it's exhausting because of them--at my old place it was very chill having her around). I have had some success training them to respond to my voice myself, but I don't want to appear rude (which is effing ridiculous). Meanwhile a coworker brought her dog to work and was amazed that he really liked me right away and was totally relaxed because he's usually anxious around men.

RCarHar

Yess, I'd love to know more!!

I'm Autistic, Now What

Gut reaction to the title without having played the video yet ... nah. Single-sex schools can die in a fire. I'd have preferred to be in a mixed environment, I think it would have helped with a lot of things on the way into adulthood and maybe helped me understand myself better. In terms of autistic-only, eh, not sure. But then as my secondary schooling was in the 90s and I wasn't diagnosed with anything at the time (and it wouldn't have been handled super well if I was) I don't have much real basis for comparison. Again my gut feeling is no, because segregationism. Caste system. Ghettos, even if only of the mind. Etc. Dividing people up tends not to have the positive outcomes the instigators dream of, for the group they're hoping to benefit (at the expense of others, but then it ends up hurting the preferred group as well anyway, other than a very few fortunate elites, especially those who are allowed to bend the rules). I'm sure we've all had a fantasy about living on Autistic Island or whatever, but the reality probably wouldn't be as good as all that and we'd find ways to fight amongst ourselves anyway, or there'd be some big issue that can't be solved because of insufficient mental diversity. It's no different from any other exclusionary fantasy formed on any other basis ... best left as just that, rather than realised. Everyone learns better about different kinds of people, especially those other than themselves, when in the mix together, and there tends to be better acceptance and understanding that way. It just has to be that you don't have any social mindset of one group being superior or inferior to the others, or that it's alright to be awful to them / everyone needs to venerate them because of that. If the differences exhibited are understood, explained, taken as natural variation with their own values and issues same as anyone else, and not seen as a problem or something to spark jealousy, we can get along in the pot just fine. Adaptions for mobility, sensory issues, so on and so forth can be worked into a mixed environment, just as they have to be and increasingly are in public adult spaces and workplaces. There'll be NDs amongst the teachers after all, if not an over-representation in that workforce vs the average. Besides I can't help thinking that there was probably an over-representation of neurodivergent students at my selective school anyway (certainly were a few amongst the staff who ping my neuroscope even with my very scrappy memory). Didn't make it any less hellish in the later years.

Tahrey

I would have loved to know what else they do differently. From a pedagogical standpoint. I've just spotted the "Changes today: ..." board in the back and thought that was a brilliant idea.

Isabelle

That school seems amazing. Like you, I suspect I would have been much louder and more expressive if I'd gone to a school like that, instead of being quiet and withdrawn.

Arwen Brown

That was the part I liked 😂

Dane Snyder

Self-dx at 41 and formal dx not long later at 42. Honestly, I can relate - and wonder often what alternative path would I have taken if only I'd had an explanation and, early on, some support and/or understanding! Take care, mobot. -Mike

Autistic AF (Mike)

Dogs are my emotional support from a very young age. I have dachshunds so there is always too much barking. This school is great as a girls only school creates a safe place. I am hoping that things are monitored so that any bullying is stopped quickly and it is used as a teaching example on empathy.

Don Hicks

I feel a bit cynical about any type of school too!

I'm Autistic, Now What

Maybe I just cynical, but I suspect there is still othering and bullying at this school. People just can’t seem to help it. People will always find the oddest oddball in a group of oddballs and make that person well aware of their oddities (bully them).

Julie Fore

I gotta say my first reaction was; “Yeah it’s more like this! *does octopus arms*”

Autistic AF (Mike)

Yes!!!

Autistic AF (Mike)

I’m watching this now and it is so lovely! (At least the first few minutes). I wish I went to a school like this. Regarding dogs - Nina brought them into my life. Didn’t have them before lol. Generally they’re pretty quiet and expected barking isn’t a problem but occasionally - maybe one thinks they hear an axe murderer or something at the door and they have to save us by being as loud as possible. It can be startling, ngl. -Mike

Autistic AF (Mike)

For the dog thing, my dog likes to bark a lot, but his bark isn't too painful (unless we're in an enclosed space, like a car), I often just start giving him cuddles and it gets him to calm down lol. He mostly barks outside

amberrv

Love the video but the closed captions kept slipping into... Welsh? I know you likely have nothing to do with them and it is just Patreon but it made it hard with my auditory processing issues.

Ruthniss

I would have loved that! I begged to leave the State system (grammar school) and go to a much much smaller boarding school. I still didn't fit in but there were a couple of other oddballs in my year. I dropped out halfway through A Levels

Tessa Coker

(I have a special interest in marine biology -- more specifically marine invertebrate biology. Particularly cephalopods. Particularly octopods.

Sarah R.

That is me in another body. I am the octopus girl person, too!

Sarah R.

I'm only one minute into the video, but I needed to comment on "I'm the octopus girl person!" *waves arms like octopus arms*

Sarah R.

This would've been great having an autistic school to go to, where there's less sensory nonsense to deal with and in general less of other students/students more like me.

Annika Soderlund

I even looked into diagnosis when I was in my late 20s. But at the time, everything I was reading made me think I'd be throwing money I didn't have at a system that was highly unlikely to diagnosis me. It was only in the dissolution of an important relationship in my life that I returned back to looking into a diagnosis... now that I have the financial resources and the thinking has changed at lot. That worked out for me ultimately... I'd rather have the info now than never. I do understand feelings around avoidance and uncertainty given past interactions with clueless folks

mobot

About dogs barking... some breeds are better than others. Our whippet can go hours, even days between barks, unless he sees a cat, or sometimes short-nosed/wolfy-looking dogs. At home, most of the time he's super-quiet. Also doesn't drool. Also looks like a rocket being launched when he runs. As dogs go, whippets are pretty cool.

Joey Dendron

'You just need someone who knows what to look for' yes. I have seen many therapists since the age of 16 and it was only last year, at 43, that my brand new young therapist told me after 10/15 min: do you know you are autistic? Changed my life and my daughter's (25) life too. Also seeing this video made me want to be very rich so I can build a school like that where I live because we have nothing for autistic people, can't even find a group or anything. I don't regret my life (I somehow managed and have a nice life now), but I would have loved it if at least my daughter had been diagnosed early, she had and still has so much trauma/depression/burnout etc... I tried to get her help since she was 7, but therapists were: no, she is ok, just a bit shy and very intelligent...

Stephane

That is exactly how I felt too! I actually told my Mom: Why did you put me in prison?

Stephane

I love that a school like this exists, but it does make me a bit sad to think about how different my life could have been if I’d been diagnosed earlier and could have been in a school like that for high school

Holly

I love the idea of being in a school of people on the spectrum. But I do worry a little about after they graduate. Not only having to deal with, now adult versions of, the opposite sex for the first time. But also non understanding teachers & employers potentially. I'm a little worried that real life is going to hit them like a ton of bricks in the not too distant future. But they will hopefully not crash out of school, self harm, etc, etc & have a good start in life & hopefully get accommodations in uni too. You never know, that friend group might stick with them for the rest of their lives. Supporting one another, that would be really lovely. And hopefully with this teen confidence, they can carry that through & stand up for themselves whatever the future throw their way ❤️

fo4URm

I'm hoping to get diagnosed around the same age, maybe a little later. I can't help thinking they were so clueless back then, there was no chance they would have spotted it. So that largely makes me shutdown that idea pretty quickly.

fo4URm

That "You're doing good academically so you must be fine" line is the story of my childhood. Even as a guy. And that doesn't really change after school, it just becomes "Well you're holding down a job, so you must be fine" It's a sad state of affairs :( I don't think a school with just autistic people would have been a place for me, I feel like I'd still have been that nonsocial outcast that people give side-eyes to for not joining in on their social shenanigans. But I'm glad some places like this exist for people that would benefit from them. Ideally regular education would be more accommodating so that people that struggle without qualifying for a clear diagnosis of anything can be supported as well. But that's a bit of a pipe dream.

HermitCodeMonkey

Oh Meg... I was diagnosed at 42 and it's so hard not to feel despair around the alternative trajectory I might have set myself on had I learned this about myself by my teens. I feel you so deeply. I try not to spiral into what-ifs... but sometimes on really hard days with work in particular, it can feel tough. I feel so far into this career path that it's hard to know what a pivot could feasibly look like for me. At least my diagnosis has given me a lot of confidence for how I navigate all relationships in my life... that is a great gift I have immense gratitude for This school looks so incredible. I could see myself in those girls so directly. I wonder what I would be up to if I had started out there - instead of squashing so much of my internal world in order to fit in

mobot

God that’s so amazing. We need so much more of this.

shapeofsoup

My daughter came out to their mother and I that they didn’t feel comfortable about their ‘assigned’ gender, and changed their name. A few months ago, I told them that I might be autistic, and they started jumping up & down excitedly. They had been doing their own research, and had realised that they were autistic, telling me that I ‘totally’ was too. We spent a good few hours rattling off traits that we both shared. It was so lovely to see them transform from the quiet & shy person that people saw them as, to a completely unmasked person with such a joy for life, that it kinda broke my heart to see how tough they’d found (and still finding) school. How ‘weird’ and ‘different’ they saw themselves as. It was such a similar story to my own. I am a very, very, very late self-diagnosed autistic person and I wish I’d been aware of that fact so much earlier in my life, because I might have recognised it in them too. I recently found out that they’d been to see the school counsellor for a suspected eating disorder, and self harming.. it has completely broken me. I’m both angry & sad at myself that I’d not spotted this happening. They have thrown themselves into studying and revising for their GCSE’s this summer, and I’ve told them that regardless of their results, I’m taking them to see Swan Lake at the Royal Albert Hall. I’m hoping this will help take their mind off the constant revision.They adore music in every form, has (and plays) 5 guitars & has just received a bass guitar for Christmas. I hate to see them suffering so inwardly, and not being able to help them. I just want them to know that I’ll support them in any & every way possible. It’s very late now, and I’ve totally lost track of what my point was (or even if there was one at all😅😅) so I will bid you all adieu and goodnight. And happy new year to each and every one of you 🧡🧡🧡

Buddy

School felt like prison for me, where every bit of my day was regimented and teachers never had the patience to help me learn. I would have loved to have had a private tutor/school dedicated to my needs! Mid-day naps/quiet time for everyone!

Andrew Enneking

After my 4th grade year (so I was 9 or so) my mom pulled me from public school and while the outward reasoning (when people asked why) was "politics being garbage," it was also because of how much bullying was occurring towards me. I of course was not diagnosed and was not even on the radar of being autistic, but my mom knew something was off and I needed to be taken out. I went to private school and eventually just homeschooled, and yes, while it was religious in nature, it was a lot more helpful to me and was very much catered to my special interests. I was able to pick how I learned through my interests and I am so grateful to have had that. So many people in my life felt bad for me because I didn't have the "social experience" of high school, but I know I likely wouldn't have lived through it.

Ellie Newton

I know!! It feels like a sigh of relief to watch this! I hope it really is as lovely as it seems 💛

I'm Autistic, Now What

Happy New Year, Maria!! I'm sorry you had an awful experience at school too. I hope things are better for you now 💛

I'm Autistic, Now What

That would be super interesting! I agree about single-gender schools in general. I guess the way things are right now, traditional schools can be pretty harmful and hindering for autistic people. It's probably lifesaving for many people to be taken out of that situation. Would be great to see a comparison, though!

I'm Autistic, Now What

Ahh!! It was a sign from the universe that you're on the right path 😁

I'm Autistic, Now What

This is so random but occasionally the subtitles switched to Welsh at about the 4:22 mark and i got so excited cuz learning welsh is one of my hyperfixations rn cuz i want to study there in the summer. i’m like vibrating with excitement now lolll

Charlie B

I'd be interested to see a long-term study on this school and its outcomes - do their students report better well-being in the short term, and after they graduate from it? Do they think that school prepared them well for their future goals? I'd also be interested in seeing a coed version of this kind of school (all autistic, but both boys and girls) as well as a boys' school that is all-autistic and results can be compared. I will say that I'm usually not a fan of single-gender schooling though - students do tend to need to learn how to interact with the opposite gender, and I wonder if the same applies to neurotype as well - eventually, as one of the major goals of the autistic community is to advocate for ourselves as capable in the workforce and out in the world in general, one aspect of that is to learn how to interact with NTs and to coexist with them. Schools just have to do better at cracking down on bullying in general. Having an all-autistic school certainly does sound appealing, but I'd have to be assured that its graduates aren't hindered in some way later on.

Hanfei Wang

Wow. Those girls seemed so happy, and unafraid, and . . . thrilled to be there, at school. At SCHOOL. Released. That's what they seemed like. Like they'd finally been let out of the prison that, up until now, had been their school lives. They're free. If only I'd had an option like this when I was that age.

Hyla Tracy

Happy new year to you and family. I would have fit in something like that. School was hell and parents didn’t know and weren’t helpful. Thank you for raising awareness.

Maria Nelson

Ineffective for everyone is such a great way to describe school 😅

I'm Autistic, Now What

happy new year! not sure about a school (I've been raised in eastern europe during communism breakdown and I simply cannot imagine school other than being ineffective for everyone), but I'm ready to start my online edu business this year. and if it happens to succeed I'm definitely bringing some people on the spectrum on, as I more value their persistence and logical thinking than being afraid about possible culprits.

Konrad Rzentarzewski


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