2021 Retrospective and 2022 Plans

Hello everyone, and Happy New Year!

This post is *long*, so I've included headings -- feel free to scroll to whichever part you want to read. First of all, though, I want to say a huge thank you for all your support in 2021. This Patreon really helped buoy me through some tricky financial situations over this last year, and the ongoing encouragement and kind words were often what gave me that push I needed to work on a video in the evenings after spending the day studying. It's no exaggeration to say your support is a big part of why I'm able to still do this, and I'm eternally grateful.

Reflecting on 2021

2021 was a big year. For one thing, I completed my Master's degree, a personal dream I've had for so long. It was a year full of challenges where I pushed myself to my limits academically and went through some very difficult periods emotionally, as I'm sure many of you did too. Though there were some very happy moments, it was a year where life could often feel quite grey.

2021 wasn't a bad year, though.  Making the most of the circumstances I found myself in became a theme, and I can really see that represented in what I achieved on YouTube. While some things offline didn't go quite to plan, this actually left me with more time for YouTube than I might've had otherwise, and having something to consistently focus on in my spare time when restrictions made life otherwise dull was a life-saver.

This year, I reached 10,000 subscribers, something which is still hard to process. Making video essays has always been a personal passion project, and this year was the first time I think it began to really, properly sink in that I also have an audience following what I do. I've been able to begin to think of my channel as something I do not only for myself, but also for the enjoyment of others, however presumptuous that might've felt in the past. I feel more driven than ever to make things that will add an interesting, engaging thirty minutes to other people's day or week, just as much as I'm doing this for myself.

It's also a year where I've really, sincerely appreciated the creators *I* watch who make videos that feel like a respite, but that frankly isn't my style. My content is often dense and heavy in subject matter, comes with a long wait baked in, and is as imperfect as I am myself. But it's a place for me to think, learn, share my thoughts, feelings and experiences with you all and hopefully give you a space to come as you are and do the same. Again, it would feel presumptuous to say as much if it weren't for the comments and messages I get that have made clear that that's exactly what you all do. It's not my style to call you guys my family, to act like I know you intimately or whatever other YouTubers might do. It's not my style to call myself a "YouTuber" -- I'm just a person, talking to other people through the medium of video. I'm very fortunate to have a small but thriving space within which to share a part of myself with you all as I grow and change, and to have you share parts of yourself back. It feels very healthy, balanced and genuine. It's undoubtedly scary having more eyes on the things I make all the time, but I also feel more aware than ever of the kind and compassionate community that has sprung up around my content, and this has added a whole new dimension to how I go about creating things.

Fittingly, I kicked off the year with my first patron-voted video, VA-11 HALL-A: Acceptance, Not Submission. Beginning the video polls and relinquishing even a little bit of control over what I make was a big step for me -- I was earnestly afraid I wouldn't be able to make a "good" video if it wasn't one I'd chosen, and I didn't even have an exact topic in mind for the VA-11 HALL-A video when I put it in the poll; I only knew I wanted to talk about it. It was the entry I was perhaps most afraid of seeing win for these reasons, and then it did. And I ended up making a video I'm just as proud of as any of my others. I'll save talking about these videos in-depth for their respective podcasts (and because otherwise this post would become even more obscenely long than it's already looking to be), but it was a really important lesson for me and a push to have a bit more belief in myself and my ability.

Next, I tackled A Guide to Higurashi's Bonus Arcs, a video I've been wanting to make more or less since I started my channel. I went into it with simple excitement at the prospect of talking about a bunch of Higurashi arcs I hadn't gotten to discuss in detail before, not realising quite how much work it would be. Back when I made my guide to the entirety of When They Cry, I had absolutely no idea it would end up being seen by so many people, and while I'm still broadly proud of it, it's a video plagued with factual inaccuracies and a general lack of background reading which could've made its content that much stronger. It was a video where I was still very much a beginner at writing these kinds of essays, and at video editing, and the bonus arcs video was a chance to demonstrate to myself how much further I'd come since then, with a sense of responsibility to the audience I hadn't had back then. A theme was beginning to emerge at this point: I wanted to make the video because I thought it would be fun, but I was also aware this time that I had the opportunity to introduce people to these arcs and generally make something useful to other Higurashi fans. I think and hope I achieved that.

My third video of the year was Shiki: An Exploration of Horror in Anime, a definite personal favourite of my entire video catalogue. It was another one voted for by you guys, to my pleasant surprise. While Shiki is one of my favourite series and one I've been excited to talk about since starting my channel, it wouldn't have been my first pick out of the poll at the time in part because it meant tackling a research-intensive video while I was also in the middle of a busy period at uni -- but I once again ended up being so glad it was chosen. This one definitely ended up growing in scope compared to what I initially pictured, and while it ended up coming in second for all my videos in the amount of time and work it took to make, I thoroughly enjoyed the process -- particularly learning more about philosophy, and reading the Shiki novels, two things I likely would never have done were it not for my channel. Here, I became even more rigorous in the kind of preparation I do for these essays, and it resulted in, in my opinion, some of my best work yet.

Relatively shortly thereafter, I released Understanding Watanagashi-hen: A Guide to Mion Spotting to celebrate Mion's birthday. My most successful video of the year was also my most impulsive -- the idea came to me randomly at some point not long before I made it and began as a little bit of analysis purely for Twitter. The reason I hadn't initially planned to release this one as a video was because I thought it might be a bit too lacking in substance compared to my usual content. Especially since the mammoth of a project that was How Higurashi Scares Us, I've had a bad habit of putting pressure on myself to make every video something that stands a chance of becoming my "magnum opus", and I simply didn't think this one would make the cut. The response the video received made clear to me how poor I am at measuring not only what kinds of videos people might enjoy from me, but also, once again, my own abilities. The video ended up becoming what I consider nothing less than an essential companion to my first Mion video and it was a lovely little break from some of my heavier and more research-intensive content. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for more opportunities to make "smaller" videos like this.

Next was another video voted for by you all, Sound Euphonium: A Love Letter to Adolescence. Eupho was a series I was excited to talk about all year and so I was super happy when it finally won a poll. This one was more reminiscent of the kinds of videos I was making in 2020, where I simply analysed the series without any strings attached. I very simply thoroughly enjoyed my time rewatching Eupho and crafting this video on a series so dear to me. My channel is, as much as anything else, a place to pay tribute to my favourite series and hopefully inspire others to pick some of them up, and so it was really satisfying to finally be able to give Eupho its rightful place on that list.

Finally, in November, I uploaded Mirai: A Celebration of Moments. This was my most "for me" video of the year. I knew from the get-go that it wouldn't garner much attention, and didn't particularly want it to. It was, in many ways, my most personal video yet -- the kind that was certainly scary to make, but felt possible because of the kind of audience I have. It's one of the videos that means the most to me for all of those reasons.

Plans for 2022

So, what can we look forward to in 2022? I'm currently looking for a job, so it's honestly hard to say what my output will be like this year, though, as always, I'll keep you all updated with how life changes will affect the channel. I'll certainly keep making things as regularly as I can! I'm really excited to start the year with a bang with the Gou/Sotsu video. It's continuing to grow in scope -- I said it would be a sort of series of mini-essays, but I have ended up writing pretty comprehensive notes on each individual episode -- so it's definitely looking like a late January release now (earliest, if I'm being honest, but I'm really determined to get it out this month as promised). As I write this, the planning document has almost hit an absolutely ridiculous 50 pages in length and counting -- I have no idea what to expect for the actual runtime. I'll update you all on this again in about a fortnight. One thing I'll be endeavouring to do this year is provide accurate release dates for videos! 😓 I think I've got a lot (understatement) of interesting things to say for this one!

After that, I'm due to post another poll for you all to choose a video, so I'm currently thinking about possible options for that. I have at least one more possible Higurashi video in mind for this year right now, but the big goal is to start making Umineko videos. Does that give you déjà vu? I have to apologise that I wasn't able to start making Umineko videos last year despite it being my major goal -- I simply just did not find the time to reread it. This is a goal I will absolutely, 100% accomplish this year -- I'm probably going to put everything else on hold to reread it once the Gou/Sotsu video is done, and then the poll might end up being a list of three possible Umineko videos (I do have three in mind right now). I'm not sure yet, but this is something I really want and need to make good on now, so expect at least some of those videos this year for sure one way or another.

Tackling two big visual novel(ish) series this year is likely too ambitious, but I do also really want to make some Ace Attorney videos sooner or later -- you can definitely shift some of the blame for me not getting the Umineko reread done to the surprise release of The Great Ace Attorney. AA videos are a definite possibility for this year nonetheless.

I have a few other miscellaneous ideas -- I expect to release my video on Satsuki Yukino at some point this year (behold my ability to eternally find ways to keep talking about Mion on my channel). I need some more time to replenish my list of anime to cover as I'm running low on titles right now, but there's no lack of series I'm excited to get around to (and I am, as ever, very open to suggestions). One thing I'd really like to do this year is incorporate some of what I've learnt during my Master's degree into videos -- I've used a lot of general concepts from areas such as clinical, social and developmental psychology which I covered during my Bachelor's degree, but not much else. I studied investigative and forensic psychology for my Master's, so some of the series I'm looking to get around to watching/reading this year are PSYCHO-PASS, Monster, Paranoia Agent and ERASED -- hopefully at least one will end up appearing on the channel! If you know of any other anime which include discussion of crime or more generally from the psychological genre that you think would fit into this list, do let me know. I might even throw all of these into a poll at some point and let you all choose which one I should talk about first. Sometimes I finish a series and just don't feel I have anything to add to the conversation around it regardless of how much I liked it which makes me apprehensive to promise videos ahead of time, but then, only good things have come of pushing myself out of my comfort zone this year. Last but not least and continuing that theme, I'm optimistic that we might be able to hit my first Patreon stretch goal this year, where I'll make a video on a series completely chosen by you guys! It's ambitious, but you never know!

I'm also hoping to post some fanfiction this year. I'm still working on it, but I've been spending a lot of time over the last few weeks editing and cleaning up all my old work, so if you enjoy my essays and haven't yet, consider checking out some of my other writing! Perhaps it can help tide you over until the next video!

The fact of the matter is that I wouldn't be able to make all the videos I'd like to this year even if YouTube were my full-time job. I've given my channel 110% over the last two years, and those two years have flown by. The ever more present challenge I find myself facing is how to balance all the things I want and need to spend my time on: uni/work, my social life, YouTube and my other hobbies. I feel like I was able to pace myself this year and avoid potential burnout, but it was a year that made some of those other things hard or impossible, and I have still sometimes put YouTube before other things I also want to do, such as other kinds of writing. I don't regret it one bit, but I do want to start bringing those other hobbies back into the fold a bit more.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here but that YouTube is not and never will be my only focus. I'm unlike a lot of other people who make videos in that I don't ever want it to be my job. Despite that, I've almost come to treat it as one over these last two years, and while that's provided some needed structure and momentum, I sometimes need to remind myself that I don't have to put out videos at the pace that I have been. I don't want to make it sound like I'm going anywhere -- quite the opposite -- but I want to be clear that this Patreon isn't necessarily building towards me being able to upload more often.

I'm always looking for more ways to make supporting me on here worth your while -- I'm toying with the idea of doing some general Q&A podcasts in 2022, and I'd honestly like to try a chatty stream at some point if my living situation ever allowed for it. I'm going to continue my current commentary podcast series until I'm up to date with my current catalogue, but will probably start making those commentary and Q&A podcasts right after uploads too starting with the next one. I want to keep finding ways to connect with you all, and to allow you to connect with one another, while keeping the commitments realistic for me (a big part of the reason I don't have a Discord server for patrons is simply that I don't have time to moderate one). I'm constantly looking for new ways to use the financial support I get on here to directly benefit the channel and the quality of the content I'm getting back to you all -- I was recently able to purchase some research materials for the upcoming video purely thanks to the money I get on here, and I'm looking at upgrading my mic. Still, most of this money does simply go to my living expenses, and I'm not aiming to go full-time on content creation with this income. It's an entirely voluntary donation that nobody should ever feel pressured to continue giving. Hopefully I'll have a better idea of how YouTube fits in around a full-time job soon, and I can be transparent about what's realistic for me output-wise. Enough of that, though! Finally, let's talk about...

2021 Favourites

In lieu of a faves post this month, here's an attempt at an ordered list of my favourite media I experienced for the first time in 2021. Some of these titles will definitely be cropping up on the channel this year:

20. Summer Wars

19. Tokyo Ueno Station by Yū Miri

18. A Place Further than the Universe

17. Squid Game

16. Neon Genesis Evangelion

15. My Year of Meats by Ruth Ozeki

14. Ghosts of the Tsunami by Richard Lloyd Parry

13. Shiki by Fuyumi Ono (the novels -- translation ongoing)

12. Wolf Children

11. Liz and the Blue Bird

10. Tokyo Godfathers

9. Planetes

8. Rilakkuma and Kaoru

7. Genshiken (anime)

6. Genshiken (manga)

5. Genshiken Second Generation (anime)

4. Genshiken 2 (anime)

3. Haikyuu!! Second Season

2. March Comes in Like a Lion Season 2

1. The Great Ace Attorney -Adventures-

And last but certainly not least, here's a playlist of my favourite videos I found in 2021 (ordered by release date, because so help me if I had to rank these too). My favourite video of the year was The Game That Won’t Let You See All Of It by Jacob Geller.

Aaand I think I'm just about ready to sign off! If you read this far, thank you for accompanying me while I organised my thoughts. I'm in the strange but fortunate position of having so much support for what I'm doing, and it's made YouTube a bigger part of my life than I ever anticipated. I'm juggling a lot as I stand at this crossroads in my life, but I'm not only determined to find ways to keep doing all the things I love, but also excited by that prospect. I feel very optimistic about the year ahead, and I hope you do too.

May we all have a very, very happy and healthy 2022!