life sucks sometimes, and i'm sorry

hey guys~ so i know the last thing anyone wants to do is read the obligatory long-winded "life sucks, woe is me" post from their favorite fetishist account, so i'll try and keep it short (tl;dr, i've underlined importaint bits):

i just want to generally and genuinely apologize that my work has slowed down as of late. i feel with each month, i end up uploading less and less content, and for that i am truly sorry. as i've said, i juggle this with a shitty day job, and recently it's just been getting rougher and even more laborious and thankless than before. on top of that, the dreaded personal problems of life never let up either. it's always one thing after another. without getting into it, i had a rough weekend this previous week which has shook me a bit, and only today do i feel up to getting back to the usual. the truth is, i am just so exhausted all the goddamn time i just rarely have the will or time to get edits done. i get very lazy, and i really am sorry about it. i want to start writing wg stories, as i've teased, but again in the rare moments i have time to sit down to do it, my mind is just mush and it sucks. i never want to just shit out low effort stuff, even if my quality can be inconsistent, i always do things to the best of my ability. for real: i have like 7 edits that are nearly done, i don't know why i can't just finish them.

i've been feeling a bit burnt out, frankly. i've done an unannounced "break" in the past, and i really don't want to do it again (even if it is planned), mostly because i don't want to keep you guys hanging- or unsubbing. i think at the least i will be closing commissions soon for a little while, just to get through my current catalog and relieve some pressures. so get in while you still can. just be warned: it might take a while to get them done.

i am sorry most of all to the diamonds that are my commissioners. i always extend and extend my deadlines, always underestimating how much resolve and free time i will have, and honestly i feel so ashamed. i hate to delay this stuff, especially since when you've paid good money for it. i just want everyone to know that i really, really try to get things done in a timely matter, and i can make all the excuses i want, but at the heart of it i just suck at it. believe me, i am a very socially anxious, and i really don't like complicating things or disappointing people. when it comes to commissions, i feel i hit a mental creative wall at lot sooner when there's expectations; i don't want to let anyone down. so i apologize for being avoidant and ending up getting stuff done pretty late. i promise you, i will NEVER just take your money and ghost you!!!

i do wish i could just do this full-time, but right now that is impossible financially. i certainly don't want to raise any prices. and commissions have been very slow as of late. money is always tight, so any little bit helps, being a $7 sub or a single commission. this gig really keeps me afloat though, and i again thank each and every one of you for your support. i really feel awful that i don't give you guys enough content as advertised or as before. i've gone long stretches without uploading anything, and i don't really know what to do the keep you guys happy and subbed most of the time. or i upload something here and instantly to da during those dry-spells, which lessens your exclusivity. i've lost a good deal of subs, certainly haven't gained that many, each month seems to bleed a bit more, and i can only assume it is due to my lack of new, worthwhile content. i am considering slowly making my redacted collection patreon exclusive, which will probably piss devaintart people off, but it's a way to draw more people here.

also i live in constant fear that i will be suddenly shut down again. if that ever happens i seriously don't know what i'd do. i'd probably just give up to be honest. and i am not thankful for my stuff getting leaked, but i get there's nothing i can really do about at the end of the day. it's so tiring to stay on top of it. so i again just beg: don't do it.

and i wanted to ask: would you guys prefer one big content drop like when the link changes each month, or do you like the current "upload them as they're done" approach? the former you'd certainly get a lot more all once, the latter more be more regularly at least. would you stay subbed if i took a month or so off, or at least return when the time comes? i don't know... all seems like bad ideas.

i absolutely appreciate your prolonged support and your patience with me. i am very glad to have a troop of supporters like you, and commissioners who are very nice and understanding of my bullshit. so in short, please consider staying subbed, getting a commission, just supporting me in any way if you can. life sucks folks, hate to break it to you, but you guys tend to lessen the blow a bit. but there will be new stuff soon, commissions will get done, hopefully things can change. i do assure you, i will get a good deal of stuff out by the end of the month. the exclusive sequence, the extra edit, 3-4 arg additions, commissions, and more WILL get done in the coming weeks. so please, stick around.

thank you guys again, hope you can understand my plight, and sorry for the venting- back to the regular old stuff soon enough!