Derek Ch. 3

Poor Derek just can't seem to catch a break...

Chapter Three

"Oooh, don't start without me!" Liv called as she made some final adjustments to the tripod. "I'm almost ready!"

"Can we please just get this over with?" Derek begged Elaine from the ground, where he was now on all fours with his ass sticking up in the air, aimed right at her.

"A word to the wise…" the midwife quietly said as she pulled on a fresh pair of gloves. "Things will go much easier if you two get on the same page…"

"I'm sure, but right now, I don't think Liv and I are even reading the same book!" Derek huffed.

"You're tense," Elaine noted as she gave his hole its first poke of the day, her finger meeting with surprising resistance all things considered. "Try to relax."

"Easier said than done!" He huffed again.

"Well I advise you to try because it'll help make things less painful," the midwife said as she poked harder, her right index finger breeching Derek's sphincter, causing him to grunt in discomfort and wriggle his ass, which aided her efforts but caused him more pain.

"OK, all set!" Liv announced as she hurried over and took her place beside her prone, pregnant and now panting husband. "What'd I miss?"

"At the moment, Derek is very tense," Elaine informed, her tone softening some now that she knew she was on camera. "His hole's as puckered as a baby's mouth who just tried lemon for the first time!" She laughed. "But the good news is that things already feel a little different inside," she announced as she wriggled her finger again.

Derek grunted as he nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they do!" What's that you… keep touching?" He asked. "The baby's head?"

Elaine laughed again. "Don't you wish! Sorry to break it to you buddy, but you've got a ways to go before I'll be able to feel it. What I'm touching now is your prostate."

"OoooOooh!" The laboring man shakily groaned as she stroked it for whatever reason. Had his wife been doing the stroking, he might've enjoyed it, but his midwife doing it, no thanks…

"It's quite enlarged," Elaine explained. "But that's to be expected."

"Oh my gosh… Babe!" Liv laughed as she looked back between Derek's legs. "You're hard as a rock!"

"Not sure if either of you are aware…  A lot of straight people aren't, but the prostate is the male g-spot," Elaine shared. "With all the pressure on it and therefore, stimulation, Derek will probably have an erection the entire time."

"Awesome…" he rolled his eyes, even though no one was paying attention to the upper half of his bloated body. "Just when I don't want or need one, I have one that won't go down!"

"Oh believe me, it'll come in handy…"

Before Derek could ask Elaine what she meant by that, Liv asked, "How long do you think it'll be till he starts to push?"

He sighed in relief because before answering, Elaine withdrew her finger from him. As she did, she brushed his enlarged prostate again, causing him to shudder and his dick to twitch against the underside of his belly. Derek thought his first exam was done, but unfortunately, it was just getting started… He gasped in surprise and discomfort as Elaine suddenly penetrated him again without warning, this time adding her middle finger into the mix.

"A tense, anxious and nervous first-time dad, having a very big baby…" she said as she continued to feel around. "I think it's safe to say we have hours to go before pushing's on the table, but the good news is, I do think we'll eventually have a baby today."

"Eventually?! What're you talking about?!" Derek moaned.

"Lots of my first-timers, especially the dads, labor long and hard," Elaine replied. "I don't mean to scare you, but you should know that some have taken more than twenty-four hours to give birth!"

Her current, first-timer's eyes bulged. "But not all of them, right?!"

"No, of course not all of them," she confirmed, slightly renewing Derek's hope. "If your water breaks sometime in the next two hours, I'd say that's a good indicator things will probably move relatively quickly for you."

"Well what can we do to make sure that happens?"

"Plenty. You can stimulate your nipples, walk around, bounce on your exercise ball, circle your hips, have sex…" Elaine listed off. "The key really is movement."

"Or, you could just break my water for me, couldn't you?" Derek asked.

"I sure could, but I won't be doing so unless I really think it's necessary."

"Why not?" He groaned again.

"Because, Derek, the whole point of you giving birth with me, here at home, is to let things happen naturally!" Elaine replied, sounding like she very much wanted to add "duh, you idiot!"

She wanted to, but to her credit, she didn't. His midwife needed Derek to relax, but she also needed him to understand what he was up against so he wouldn't go on to lose it later, when things really got going.

"But…" Derek began to protest.

"This is what we wanted, babe," Liv said as she gave his right butt cheek a series of gentle pats.

We… Derek thought as he rolled his eyes again. I'd love to hear what YOU had to say if you were in MY position!

"So you're at four centimeters and twenty percent effaced," Elaine said as she poked a little harder and deeper inside him. "That's not bad, but like I said, you still have a ways to go."

"Fantastic…" Derek sighed.

It was going to be a long day. To be fair, he'd already known it was going to be, but still…

After Elaine finished her exam, she and Liv helped Derek back up to his feet. He asked his supposedly loving wife for his shirt, but she ignored the request as she steered him around the pool over to the exercise ball in the corner of the living room. Using the wall and Liv for support, Derek gingerly lowered himself onto it, grimacing when he felt the cold rubber against his bare ass and balls.

"Bounce for half an hour, then I'll check you again," Elaine said as she took more things from her Mary Poppins bag.

"Half an hour?!" Derek groaned.

"If you'd rather sit around and wait all day, be my guest."

Derek groaned and rolled his eyes again as he slowly started to bounce. Now that the baby had started to descend, it didn't take long for his hips to get really uncomfortable, but thanks to the pressure on his prostate, his dick remained at attention wedged between his belly and the exercise ball.

After ten minutes of prescribed bouncing, Derek was already sweating, huffing and puffing. Naturally, Liv had turned her phone so its camera was aimed at him and she encouraged him from behind it, telling him what a good job he was doing.

As he bounced up and down, hips aching more and more, chest gently lolling atop his belly, Derek felt like a damn show pony being forced to perform. At least with his legs spread wide, his low hanging pregnancy blocked Liv (and everyone else she'd surely eventually show the video of his labor and delivery to) view of his erection. That being said, whoever watched the footage would have plenty else to look at.

When thirty minutes had finally passed, Derek was beet red and gasping for breath. Once again, it took his wife and midwife to get him back to his feet and it took longer than the first despite him being higher off the ground. As soon as he stood, Derek could tell his big baby boy had dropped a little more between his aching hips, which hopefully meant all that bouncing had done the trick. He actually wanted Elaine to check him again, but differently this time…

"But not… on the… floor this… time," he huffed out as he shook his head.

Elaine frowned. "Then how would you suggest we do it?"

"You're the… expert! You tell me!"

"Derek…" Liv cautioned, not liking the tone he was taking. Unfortunately, she had more of it coming…

"What?!" He snapped at her.

"I'm so sorry!" She apologized to Elaine. "He's not usually like this."

The older woman laughed as she waved the apology off. "Oh don't worry, I'm used to it! He's just uncomfortable and grouchy."

"Damn right I am!" Derek snapped again as he braced his back, thrusting his belly a few more inches out in front of him. "Which is why I… don't wanna get back down on the…"

"Does daddy think he'd be able to manage bending over for me?" Elaine asked, her tone chastising.

"Sure," Derek nodded. "If I can lean on something?"

"Do you think you have to?"

He glared at her. "Yes, I do!"

"I can work with that," Elaine nodded as she looked around the living room. "Hmm…" she frowned again. "Nothing sturdy enough in here. How sturdy is your dining room table?"

Liv gave an embarrassed giggle. "Not very… It's from IKEA. But it's on our list of things we need to replace!" She was quick to assure.

Why his wife felt the need to impress or explain themselves to Elaine, was beyond Derek. He found it annoying and offensive. Yes, Elaine helped people bring their children into the world, which was an important job, but in doing so, she looked up and poked around in their asses and vaginas! She was not someone he was worried about impressing with how good his furniture was, though it was probably time for him and Liv to upgrade to a grown-up dining set…

"Kitchen table?" The midwife asked.

"It's solid wood, but very old…" Liv replied. "It was my great-grandmother's. But we do have an island!" She realized. "And it's marble-topped, so it has to be sturdy, right?"

"That'll work," Elaine confirmed. "Lead the way!" She smiled as she fell in line behind Liv. "Come on, Derek!" She called cheerily over her shoulder.

"Come on, Derek!" He mocked under his breath as he took very slow and small steps. Despite moving in the same direction, the distance between the front of his belly and his wife and midwife quickly increased.

By the time he made it to the kitchen, which was just through the dining room off the living room, Derek was panting again but thankfully, not to an embarrassing degree. He still had more than enough to be embarrassed about such as the fact he was naked and now also almost painfully erect. Each step he took, his dick thumped up against his belly. Had circumstances been very different, Derek would've been over the moon to be sporting such a strong and unwaning erection, but at the moment, it only served to make him feel even more ridiculous.

While they'd been waiting, Liv and Elaine pulled the two stools from the taller side of the island out of the way. As Derek lumbered in that direction, he wondered if he'd missed his wife telling Elaine the stools were also from IKEA, but something told him she'd kept that to herself. The truth was, much of what they'd gotten from the big box store had already been replaced. The bigger truth was it didn't freakin' matter.

"If I were you, I'd thank my wife," Elaine told Derek as she guided him into position, her left arm wrapped around his waist, just above his ass.

"Oh?" He hated to ask but felt he needed to.

She nodded. "The higher side of the counter will make this easier for you. You won't have to bend over as much but you will really have to spread your legs and let your belly hang."

"Pretty sure I can manage that," Derek replied, forcing himself to smile.

He set his elbows and forearms on the island, then slowly and awkwardly worked his feet back and apart, gradually letting his belly hang beneath him, pulling his back into a painfully deep arch. As Derek settled into place, Liv reminded him she was still "waiting on my 'thank you!'" earning herself a glare from him.

In order to perform her second exam, Elaine was the one who needed to get on her knees this time. Not that he had to or would ever even dare, but as she knelt behind him, Derek imagined himself farting in her face. The thought made him smirk as he turned his head to the right and tried to ready himself to be penetrated again.

"Ooof!" He still huffed as Elaine slipped her two, re-gloved fingers back inside him. They went in easier this time, which the midwife noted as she began prodding around again.

"I told you the bouncing would help!" She chided as she swiped her fingers around.

"Yeah, well the question is, how much?"

"A little…" Elaine replied. "You're at four and a half centimeters now and thirty percent effaced. Not much progress, but not bad for thirty minutes of bouncing, huh?"

"If you… say so?" He groaned. "So what next? Remember, I'm trying to get my water to break sooner rather than later."

"Who's counting?" Elaine chuckled.

"Me!" The laboring thirty-four year old huffed. "So..?"

"It's up to you, but I wouldn't waste my time circling your hips yet," Elaine said as she stood. "You can do that after your water breaks to help open you up more. If you really wanna get the show on the road, I'd recommend nipple stimulation and/or walking."

Derek didn't want to do either. He could only imagine how many little laps around the island it would take to get things moving in the right direction. That being said, he could only imagine how embarrassing it would be to stimulate his nipples in front of his wife and midwife, so with a loud grunt of effort, he straightened back up, took in as deep a breath as he could and started tottering around the island, keeping his right hand on it for support. Immediately, Elaine burst out in laughter.

"What's so funny?" He scowled at her.

"You're cute for thinking that's gonna do it!" She replied with a smile. "If you want results, you really need to get moving… Get that heart rate up and get that belly swinging and swaying!"

"Oh, sure!" Derek smiled back. "Lemme just run upstairs and change so I can head to the gym!" He rolled his eyes.

Elaine didn't bat an eye. "Do you have a treadmill?"

He huffed. "A quarter of our furniture is still from IKEA! What do you think?"

"We have a backyard!" Liv "helpfully" chimed in.

"What? No, Liv!" Derek shook his head. "I am not going outside!"

"Why not?"

"Oh, I dunno… Maybe because I'm naked and in labor?!"

"You certainly don't have to," Elaine shook her head. "If you don't want to, you could do the stairs, or you could do nothing and…"

"Stairs?!" Derek balked. He ignored the "do nothing" part because that wasn't an option, but neither were stairs!

"Really, they'd be the best. You want results, the stairs would…"

"No stairs," he firmly declined before turning to Liv, tilting his head back and sighing. "Can you run upstairs and get my…"

"Robe!" She finished for him with a nod before dashing out of the kitchen. "Be right back!"

"You're lucky…" Elaine said as she watched Liv go. "You have a great wife. I hope you appreciate her and all she's doing for you."

"Oh yeah…" Derek rolled his eyes as he braced his back. "She's a peach!"

Ten minutes later, Derek was out in the backyard slowly waddling its fenced perimeter. His wife and midwife had stayed inside to chat over coffee. The laboring thirty-four year old protested being sent outside all alone in the early morning,  which caused both of the women to laugh. Once Liv had helped him into his robe but nothing else, Elaine told Derek he'd be fine and to just shout if he needed anything.

His robe, a keepsake from the resort he and Liv had stayed at on their honeymoon, was soft and luxurious and at one time, had been nicely oversized, but not anymore… Now, if Derek wanted some coverage in the front, he had to hold the sides as close together as they would come. He did so by putting his hands in the pockets, in effect cradling his belly as he slowly lumbered around the yard.

The fence was only about four and a half feet tall, leaving him somewhat exposed. Fortunately, it was still quite early, the sun just starting to make its way above the horizon, so none of his neighbors were up yet. Just before sending him out (without offering to help him down the few steps off the deck into the yard,) Elaine told Derek that she'd tell him when he could come in to get checked again. As he waddled out, all the daddy-to-be could do was hope that would be before anyone spotted him but of course, he wasn't so lucky…

Derek was staring down and out beyond his chest at what else but his belly, when he heard a sliding door open and then barking. Looking up, he saw his neighbors', Charlie and Emily's golden retriever, Baxter, bounding over towards his side of their shared fence. Quick as he could, Derek yanked his robe "closed," still leaving a wide swatch of his belly exposed. As he did, he prayed Charlie had just let Baxter out to do his business "in private" but once again, he wasn't so lucky…

His uber fit and now enviably toned, three year older neighbor, stepped out onto his deck with a steaming mug of coffee in hand and took in a deep breath. Charlie looked calm and relaxed, like he'd just gotten an incredible night's sleep and had nothing planned for the day other than to enjoy it. As soon as he saw him, Derek wanted to punch him in his annoyingly relaxed, not red or sweaty, handsome face.

He was about to turn and head back inside, but before he was able to make the slow and wide about face, Charlie looked to his right and saw him. To be fair, how could he not?

"Oh, wow!" He exclaimed over Baxter's continued barks. "Hey there, neighbor!"

"Hey there, Charlie…" Derek sighed, forcing himself to fake smile again and continue his waddle in the direction of his well-rested neighbor and his perky dog.

"Is today the big day?" Charlie asked with a smile as he headed for the steps leading into his own backyard, which he descended easily, without having to use the handrail.

Don't worry… That'll be me again soon enough, Derek told himself as he picked up his pace (just marginally) so he could get close enough to the fence to use it for all the coverage it could possibly provide.

"Yep, today's the big day," he replied aloud. "Out here trying to move things along."

"How's that workin' out?" Charlie asked as he sauntered over to the fence, pushed up onto his toes and looked over to Derek's side of it. "Oh shit, man! You dropped!"

"That, I did," he rather needlessly confirmed with a nod. "Couple hours ago."

"Any contractions?"

He nodded again. "Still pretty far apart and not too bad yet."

"Oh, I remember those…" Charlie chuckled as he shook his head, sounding like he'd been pregnant and knew what his neighbor was dealing with, but he hadn't, his wife had. "Emily told me those were nothing compared to the ones that come later, and she had an epidural!" He huffed/shuddered. "You're doing the au natural thing, right?"

"I am, but not by choice!" Derek was quick to stress, hoping to earn himself some sort of favor or credit in Charlie's eyes even when he'd only really just further emasculated himself.

He did and didn't get what he wanted…

"Either way, I don't think I could do it," Charlie shuddered and shook his head again as he continued to gawk over the fence.

"Thanks..?"

"Woof, dude! Now that you dropped, I think you look even bigger!" He huffed, shaking his head some more. "Shit… Why didn't you try the stretch mark cream Em gave you?"

"I did. I used it all and then got another jar of it," Derek frowned as he looked down to where Charlie was, at the exposed, stretch mark-riddled portion of his pregnancy.

"Damn…" Charlie frowned back. "And they still got that bad? It worked great for Em!"

"I guess she lucked out?" Derek sighed.

"So did I! If Ethan wasn't here to prove otherwise, I wouldn't be able to tell she'd ever been pregnant! Guess it's good the girls don't care as much what we end up looking like, huh?" Charlie chuckled. "'Cause sorry, but woof!" He huffed again.

"Right…" Derek chuckled back, totally faking it.

Now, he really wanted to punch Charlie. He looked better than Derek ever had or would, so what the hell was he talking about? Screw him…

"Anyway…" Derek continued somewhat shakily, feeling tears starting to form thanks to his overactive hormones. "I… I need to head inside to go get checked again by my…" he trailed off for a second, which Charlie took to his advantage, like he didn't already hold enough over his younger, fecund neighbor.

"Just hang tight for a sec…" he requested. "I'm gonna go have Emily come out and say hi!" He said as he turned and headed back for his stairs, which he bounded up two at a time, without spilling even a drop of the coffee he'd barely touched.

As soon as his much more able-bodied neighbor turned his back, Derek frowned hard. The only reason he stayed was because he knew he wouldn't be able to make it back to his own home before Emily came out from hers. As he awaited her arrival, he started waddling the length of their shared fence again, wanting to keep his heart rate up since that was supposed to help… Derek didn't want to be one of those guys Elaine talked about, who labored for an entire day, so he had to try, even if it meant subjecting himself to even further embarrassment in the process.

At the moment, he didn't know what he wanted back more: his pride or his body?

Derek didn't have much time to think about it before Baxter got his attention with more barking as his other owner came hurrying out onto the deck and then down the stairs. By the time she reached Derek where he'd turned back around halfway down the fence line, Emily was out of breath, but not because she was out of shape… She was anything but.

Emily was three years younger than he and Liv, making her some six years her husband's junior. As much as she wasn't his favorite person that day, Derek very much loved his wife and still considered her to be incredibly attractive, but (sorry Charlie and Liv,) Emily blew her out of the water, even after having given birth to Ethan, Derek's son potential first best friend, just four months ago.

"Ohmygod!" Emily squealed as she hopped up and propped herself on the fence, her feet dangling off the ground on her side, her engorged breasts dangling over Derek's. "Charlie wasn't kidding, you do look bigger!"

"Hi Emily…"

"Ohmygod!" She said again. "Are you so excited?! You have to be!"

"I am," Derek smiled and nodded as he tried not to stare at how his neighbor's breasts were tugging at her husband's old college sweatshirt she was wearing, or how her pert nipples were blatantly pressing out against the worn cotton.

"Is Liv?!" Emily asked with a big grin. "Oh, she must be over the moon!"

"She is," he confirmed.

"How are you doing?"

"I've been better," Derek chuckled. "But so far, it hasn't been as…"

"Enjoy it, 'cause that's gonna change!" Emily rolled her eyes. "God love him…" she shook her head. "But I felt each and every single part of Ethan while he was coming out, and I swore he was gonna tear me!" She shuddered. "And that was with an epidural!" She shuddered some more. "Seriously, God bless you for doing it all natural!" She shook her head.

"Thanks, but all the pain and everything was worth it, right?" Derek asked. He knew it was a stupid question, but pregnant and laboring or not, he always found himself asking that sort when he was speaking with Emily, who looked incredible as ever without a stitch of makeup, fresh out of bed.

"Oh, of course!" She laughed as she let her bare feet drop back down to the grass, her big, sexy boobs bouncing up and down for a few seconds following her successful landing.

"Right…" Derek chuckled. "And I'm, uh… glad to hear you didn't tear."

"That makes three of us!" Emily laughed again. "I guess I should wish you luck considering your baby boy is supposed to be 4 lbs heavier than Ethan?!"

"Um… Wasn't Ethan over 8 lbs?"

She nodded. "Eight and a half."

"So then my, I mean our boy's only supposed to be three and half pounds heavier," Derek felt compelled to correct.

"Still…" Emily shuddered again. "Good luck!"

"Thanks…"

"And sorry the cream didn't work for you," she frowned. "That's a shame, 'cause it worked wonders for me!" She said as she crossed her arms across her breasts and started bouncing up and down, indicating she was cold.

To be fair, she was no longer lugging around "small" portable furnace. That and from how much of her legs he'd seen, it looked to Derek like if Emily was wearing shorts, they were very short ones, the thought of which made his (still) hard and (thankfully) unseeable dick twitch again.

"Yeah… Charlie mentioned that too."

"But keep using it!" Emily nodded encouragingly. "I know it's expensive, but maybe it'll start to help once your skin's not under so much pressure and strain?" She shrugged/shivered. "How are you out here, just standing?!" She giggled. "I'm freezing!"

"I'm in labor…"

"Right!" She giggled and bounced some more. "That is a pretty hot and sweaty ordeal…"

"Amen…"

"Well, good luck!"

"Thanks."

"And give my love to Liv!" Emily said as she blew Derek a kiss she obviously didn't intend for him to hold onto. "Let us know if you need anything!" She waved as she turned and hurried back towards the house. "Come on, Bax!"

A few seconds later, after Emily had slid her sliding door shut after herself and her dog, Derek was once again left outside alone. Relatively speaking, anyway…

Since he'd yet to hear anything from Elaine, after turning back around and letting out a deep, disappointed and displeased sigh, Derek continued his waddle.