Changeling part 1 to 4
Added 2023-05-28 13:48:23 +0000 UTC“Perps turned east, seven streets down. They’re
Comments
A couple suggestions, mostly typos. If you find editing suggestions like these not useful, please say so: "technically called mana monkeys" - "technically" sounds strange here, I think "colloquially called..." would be more accurate here? "atop of lizard creature" -> "atop a lizard creature" "the armor sent by back drone" -> "the armor sent back by drone" "a powerful B-class raider, some of Threshold’s best" -> "...one of Threshold's best" (Weird to call "a" B-class "some", even if, collectively, that would be accurate) "Damn creature could cover their" -> "Damn creature could cover its" "Aunt Claire was picking the bill" -> "Aunt Claire was picking up the bill" "jellyfishes" -> "jellyfish" (jellyfishes is valid, but only if you're talking about different jellyfish species), the "Jellyfishes, jellyfishes, jellyfishes" line may be correct, if she's looking up multiple species of jellyfish to find the right one, but think all the other should be replaced with just "jellyfish". "The third cavern posed as much of a challenge" -> As much a challenge as what? The first fight? The second (where difficulty wasn't even mentioned)? "This one had three limbs, a chest and two arms" - both arms and legs are considered limbs. I assume that should be 3 legs, given that it's later described as having 3 legs. "thrusted" -> "thrust" (thrust is the present and past tense) "rall around" -> "rally around" "after when" -> "after which" "the pain in her hears" -> "the pain in her ears"
Flying Goat
2023-10-15 22:28:16 +0000 UTCThese early chapters make more and more sense the further along we go
RonGAR
2023-07-22 13:55:31 +0000 UTCNo important changes I'm only refining the prose at this stage.
Mecanimus
2023-05-29 02:29:06 +0000 UTCare these the same, or any changes to read it for?
Mani
2023-05-28 17:52:44 +0000 UTC
