I'll Be Taking A Week Off

Hello, my lovelies! Content warning for some mental health/burnout talk below.

So, the short version is that I'm going to be taking the next two weeks off from writing. There's nothing immediately threatening, and I don't want to worry anyone. I just need a break.

The long version:

So, this is gonna get a little heavy. The last couple years have not been kind to my ability to be productive, and it's started to leave marks. There are a few major causes for this—I've been taking medications lately that have basically killed my libido for the short-term, my ADHD isn't being well-treated, I've moved to an apartment with no dedicated workspace, 2020—but the clearest cause has been anxiety.

My writing is currently my family's primary source of income aside from a roommate's unemployment insurance. Falling further and further behind on my commissions queue (to say nothing of my long-neglected Patreon perks like the polled content, the Alrek/Larya stories, and so on) has led to my work, which I am accustomed to greatly enjoying, becoming a source of terrible stress and uncertainty.

It's gotten to the point where I have trouble even enjoying smutty writing and art, because it just reminds me of how I don't get to have fun creating material like that anymore. Which makes it harder to get in the mood to write at all. It's a total kerfuffle.

A lot of people used to to praise me about how much I create, how productive I am, and so on. I don't get a ton of that praise anymore, obviously. When I do get it, it feels like it's directed towards someone else, someone who possessed skills I seem to have lost.

At this point, I have hit a place of severe burnout that's threatening to turn into a full breakdown. I have to be honest and call a spade a spade. A loved one has basically all-but given me an ultimatum to take a full break from work to recover, and I'm finally ready to consider it. Reluctantly. In case you can't tell, I have a deeply workaholic personality. :P

So! I will be taking two weeks off of work. The first week will be spent doing some light writing, scheduling, fulfilling some "easier" Patreon perks like the D&Dazes sessions, and generally trying to take it easy. The second week will be spent

* Nicole's Note: I got derailed from writing here when I drank water wrong and started choking to death for like five minutes. * 

*Ahem*

As I was saying, the second week will be spent much the same, but with more emphasis on trying to establish a gentle routine while slowly ramping things up to more consistently productive levels. I won't be posting anything during these two weeks. If I'm still feeling overwhelmed by then, I may consider stronger measures, like turning off the Patreon for a month or two and/or refunding a number of commissions. That's the nuclear option, though, especially with Tax Day coming up.

Hopefully, these two weeks will be what I need to get a handle on things, mentally and emotionally, and start moving forward again.

Also, I appreciate the intent behind well-wishes, but I ask that everyone withhold them this time around. A part of my brain doesn't really feel I deserve them, and they can intensify feelings of guilt. Feel free to Like this post if you want to express your support! <3

To Those Feeling Similarly

I do want to say, to anyone else who has been feeling similarly lately: Take the break now.

Take it before burnout forces you to take it.

Take it when the work is still fun but starting to tire you out.

Take it now so you aren't forced to take it later.

Taking breaks is a part of doing work to begin with. It's why most sensible countries have built-in five-day or four-day workweeks and legally mandated breaktimes, why we give students recess. Taking breaks is a part of being productive. You are being productive when you take a break.

And at the same time, I want to give a small corollary to that statement: You work so you can rest. You do not rest so you can work. If you don't rest, if you aren't happy, if you're suffering, if you're not able to take time to spend with those you love, being "productive" is meaningless.

Resting helps you work harder because we work harder when we're healthy. Working harder is not the reason why you rest. We rest, and work hard, for the same reasons: It is healthy to take care of ourselves and it is healthy to have goals and drive.

Productivity is not the goal. Health is the goal. Happiness is the goal. Please take care of yourself at all costs. You are worth far, far more than the things you create or the work you complete.