Itachi/Sakura Partners in Crime prompt

"Try to be less flashy," Danzo ordered. The old hawk sneered as he looked over Itachi. "You must be as unremarkable as possible. Try not to leave a trail of heartbroken acquaintances." His lips thinned to nearly nothing. "It's memorable."

"My apologies," Itachi said. He had no idea what Danzo wanted him to do differently. He certainly wasn't flirting with people while undercover. All of his mental capacity went into subverting the governance of their neighboring country. He worked against the peace every day to ensure that in comparison their country was unified and strong. "Do you have any suggestions?"

The old man eyed him. His face turned sour. "...it would help if you were seen to be unavailable," he said finally. "Find a partner or wife. It would also provide an excuse to leave various situations- you can cite pre existing plans." He seemed to warm to the idea as he spoke. Danzo hummed to himself. He narrowed his eyes. "I will send Sai with you," he decided. "He could be your wife."

Itachi suddenly discovered that he did in fact have an opinion.

"There is no need," Itachi said a little too quickly. He ducked his head. "Thank you for your guidance."

"The fate of our nation depends on you," Danzo said, because he had no consideration for other people's ability to sleep at night.

Itachi bowed again.

As he left headquarters, he ran through a mental list of people he knew in an appropriate age category who possessed some subtlety and might also be desperate enough to do it. They also could have no commitments of real importance such as a child or meaningful work.

Who did he know who was emotionally vulnerable and led a life of little meaning?

Itachi knew about 8 people who were not related to him, so there really was only one acquaintance who might be desperate enough to marry him on short notice.

"Haruno," he said. Sasuke's boyfriend's childhood friend startled and dropped her to go coffee. He had caught her on the way home from her shift work at a bleak medical teaching facility. He swooped forward to catch it for her before it could drop on the sidewalk. The other pedestrians moved around them like an uncaring school of fish. "Do you have a moment to talk?" He extended his hand to offer her drink back. The scent of black coffee wafted back to him.

A flush appeared on her cheeks. Her hands were artificially warm from her coffee when she touched his hands. "Ah- yes," she blushed. Haruno blinked rapidly. "Here?"

"It's fine," Itachi said. No one was paying attention. "Do you know anything about my work?"

She didn't, of course.

"Uh…" she bit her lip. "International business?" she ventured. "Sales, right?"

"I suppose that you could say marketing," Itachi said, thinking of his most recent posting. He had convinced a government employee to pass information through him. "I have a posting overseas scheduled soon."

Haruno looked extremely interested.

'No, Sakura,' he decided internally. 'If I'm going to ask her a favor I should be on first name terms with her.'

"Where are you going?" Sakura asked politely. He could tell by the glint in her eyes that she was more than casually interested. That made sense with what he'd noticed of her. She was a talented girl with no social advantages who had done her level best to marry up. She had failed in that, and settled for an average career because she could not finance the education for a better one. She had probably never left the country.

"I can't tell you," Itachi said. Her face fell. "Unless you agree to come with me. I must disclose that there is risk involved."

She perked up and her lips dropped open.

…Was that a draw?

"I am going into a sensitive situation," Itachi prevaricated delicately. He was going to pretend to be a wealthy local's errant son and infiltrate a gentleman's club that a politician was in. So that he could blackmail the man. "It is a rather conservative environment."

"Okay," Sakura said, clearly not understanding where he was going.

"I need someone to be my spouse for the duration of the trip," he said bluntly.

She jumped.

He waited.

Sakura simply looked at him. "... And why did you think to come to me?" Her hair blew around her face, unrestrained despite the wind.

"You are hungry for external validation," Itachi said. Sakura looked offended by this analysis. "If you marry me, you'll enjoy elevated social status."

"It's not real," Sakura flatly rejected. She crossed her arms. He tried not to notice the way her biceps flexed, displayed in her yellow sundress. "Being your cover wouldn't do anything for me."

Itachi hesitated only a moment before offering, "I will make it real." He felt an odd swooping sensation in his stomach. He set it aside. It wasn't such a sacrifice. Most people did get married eventually. It would make him less remarkable. Perhaps it would comfort his mother as well.

She was glaring at him. Why?

He blinked at her.

"What's the joke?"

It was impressive, he thought, that such a small woman's voice could drop into a growl.

"It would be very plausible," Itachi said. "I would have had many chances to meet and interact with you in the period of your one-sided attraction to my brother. Therefore, no one would know that the relationship was falsified."

Sakura eyed him as he spoke. Gradually, her hostility began to taper off. He had worried that she might be offended by the mention of her unsuccessful seduction, but she was encouragingly resilient. That was good. It would definitely come up as a topic when his parents learned about their relationship.

Yes, Itachi thought. He could make this work.

"You're desperate," she said. Itachi suddenly discovered that he did not enjoy that word being applied to himself. Sakura snickered. "You'll fund my career," she said, a challenge.

He blinked. "I wasn't aware that you had one," he told her. The muscles around her eye twitched. "Aren't you a care assistant of some sort? No," he corrected himself. "You do makeup. I recall you discussing it with Uzumaki."

The look she gave him was incredibly judgmental. "You don't need to understand in order to sign checks."

That was true, so he inclined his head.

"Great!" Sakura flashed him a bright smile. She latched onto his arm as if they were old friends. Bemused, he let her. "I need a house," she informed him. She began walking and Itachi moved with her. He didn't know where they were going, but she was compelling.

"What?"

"My own funeral home," she clarified. He might have faltered if she wasn't dragging him along. "I don't want to get a loan."

Hmm. That was a lie. "You can't get a loan," Itachi said slowly.

Context clues began to fall into place. She was… a mortician?

His fiancee gave him a dirty look. Then she rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She tossed her hair. "So, you're in the mafia or something?" Her grip on his arm tightened. "There's no way you're not involved in crime and need a fake wife at short notice."

"I am not," Itachi denied, peeved. What he did was not legal, but it was government work. Yes, he'd possibly be interrogated and executed if he was caught, but did that make him a criminal per se? He had a pension. He was not a criminal.

The girl shrugged. "I'm not judging," she said airily. "I'd work with worse for my funding."

That was for the best. Danzo was probably worse than most of the mafia.

He hesitated. "....While we are overseas, you will play the role of a housewife," he said cautiously. "It would be extremely memorable if I had an undertaker for a spouse."

"Sounds like someone is offering to buy me coffins when we get back," she said gleefully.

Disconcerting.

Itachi reminded himself that he would be in much more danger of being discovered and arrested if he was memorable. He would simply have to ask her to speak a lot less.