How to communicate your needs without coming across as needy PATREON EXCLUSIVE

Reciprocation needn’t be so exact. For example, one party might trade oral sex for a massage, or some other not necessarily even sexual act.

RhodiumMaiden

Needed this nearly 20 years ago. I am so grateful to hear it now. This great info would have speed up my divorce by a decade.

It's still transactional, the difference is in how long the initiator can wait before the act is reciprocated. Being able to wait a while lets the other person reciprocate on their own time, so they'll feel less stressed and more happy. Someone who never reciprocates is called a "drain" or "needy", and eventually the relationship will crumble due to their lack of input.

Ryan Stallard

Answering both Margaret & Derrlick: you are both right on and I hear you. I knew it and have tried my best, and will continue - for myself not for her (although my changed

From the sounds of it, just keep doing you, and in your frame of mind, you GOTTA level her down from "The epitome of intimacy, the fruit of all my hard work" to "she's an afternoon snack, ill enjoy my hard labor later by myself". I duno if that makes sense. Whatever you do, don't do all this change for her, do it for you, and invite her into your new life with a smile and loose body language, signaling this new life is gona fun

Hi Charles, your situation sounds difficult, but not impossible. You have made progress towards changing your own behaviors in a way that brings out her feminine energy. Now you want to experience more playfulness, intimacy and genuine attraction. You want closeness. It sounds like you want to know how to spark attraction in your wife. How to seduce her. Just like with the changes you've made so far, that can happen with your leadership, time and patience. Male seduction works best when a man makes his interest and desire very clear, but does not NEED her to reciprocate. It sparks her interest and desire. Then, when he withdraws his attention and goes about his day, focused on himself and his purpose, she gets curious, begins to crave the attention, and starts looking for ways to get more. Believe me... nothing makes a woman crave a man's attention more than when he says or does something to make her feel like the most desirable creature in the world, then walks away nonchalantly. It triggers curiosity and a need to chase.

Margaret

Your part about my first "meeting her needs" doesn't help because I've "bent over backwards" to meet her needs for decades only to face increasing ire and bitchiness, she not even wanting to be touched: i.e., she's not attracted to me, so offering hugs, for example, when she's feeling down doesn't lift her up. Yes, she almost certainly had serious issues growing up, but I can't do anything about that - except to be a man whom she is attracted to. So, the big question is: IS THAT POSSIBLE? If so, how?

What I still want is intimacy - closeness- cuddling - looking into my eyes at length - i.e., her wanting he. So, I was asking if it's even possible for her to attracted to me (yes, "aroused") or should I just give up.

I've been a weak pussy for decades, not showing confidence, heck, not BEING confident, deferring to her, accepting a lack of intimacy, trying to reason with her on my decisions, offering my opinions to show that I'm hearing her when she brings something up. I'm now aware that all that turned her off as she's lost respect for my kowtowing to her instead of leading her. I now know that she can't think logically, doesn't want any opinion that doesn't agree with hers already, and isn't interested in my reasons for the decisions I've made. So, I'm changing successfully and she is responding somewhat: she's more feminine, shows respect, and has curtailed most of the bitchiness, was asking if it's too late or is there anything I can do to attract her to want to be with me intimately. Or is that out of possibility,

My situation is a very long term LTR in which I want to attract my woman so that she'll want to be close to me - yes, even though actual sex is long past. I

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I sent in the original message on how to get my needs met without looking needy to her (which will turn her off.

Great stuff. Like JBP says, there is no fight so small its not worth having

Alexander Grace

Early on in our relationship my husband set the precedent that he wouldn’t let things slide (whether that be something I did wrong, his needs not being met, etc.) He said ignoring things and letting them fester makes issues worse in the long run and comes with more grey hair and a higher chance of heart attack lol. He said he wouldn’t let things slide at work, with his friends, or with his family and that he wanted our relationship to be healthy for the long haul so that meant he’d address things with me as soon as he noticed them trending toward an issue. And he said he expected me to do the same. That means no expecting the other to read our minds. It means openly stating the issues at hand. After 19 years of marriage we’ve had some hard conversations over the years because... life... but we’re also stronger than ever. At this point, I’ve learned the subtle cues for what he needs but if I happen to miss them because I’m wrapped up in my own head, he’s not shy about expressing them explicitly. And, I’ve never viewed him as “needy.”

Great video. I like your point at the end: "Make sure everyone else is happy, then you can be happy" Most people seem to be on the same page with that. I've spoken to people who can't comprehend the whole giving (in this case oral sex) without expecting anything back. Don't perform an act as a transaction, perform it because you want to. That carries to other avenues of life too.

Ruairidh