PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Dating As A Middle Aged+ Man

Norbert, I'm 50, super fit, 6 figure income, divorced 3 years ago. So we have some similarities. At first, I got rebuffed with very young women. But the problem was my own negative beliefs and lack of confidence with girls that young and hot in early 20's. After taking some training learning, alot of mistakes, I got skills. And I'll never forget the first high quality girl 20 years old who I met at a state park and we really connected. I was impressed she skipped college to avoid the low morality and became a carpenter. Yes. A hot blond was building things out of wood--very feminine, lovely girl. I told her that I'm determined to find a girl her age to marry. and she replied excitedly, "That's great!" But I teased her saying that she is way too young because I'm certainly older than her own father. She said "no way". I told her I'm 49 ( at the time). She said her dad is 62, then she stopped, looked at me closely and said, "I fine with it, you don't look it." She also explained she recently broke up with a boyfriend her age who cheated. And said her friend (who was also with us at the park) dated a guy over 30 for a while. She said she likes the maturity of older men. And we got much more flirty and connected but she lived several states away so I didn't go for it. Also, she had different religions beliefs. But, of course, that exploded my confidence and since then I've had plenty of hot girls say that they don't have a problem with my age. Some do, of course. But most of them say they'd love to have a short term relationship with an older man--it's a common fantasy of young girls--but some aren't sure about marriage and children with older man. But some definitely do want that also with older men. Also, when you know how hit girls alpha male hot buttons--they lose all sense of age. But I speak 7 languages and considering foreign girls. Right now I'm learning Ukrainian and have talked with some Ukrainin girls (under 25) who find me hot. But those girls expect you to be VERY alpha, take charge which I'm not used to but I LOVE learned to be more of a masculine leader of a man. The more I do, the more those girls cling to me. So my advice is -- develop skills and inner confidence and powerful beliefs -- women get crazy for men like that at ANY age.

Im 42. Dating in my own age bracket (women that are 39-45) is very easy, if im not picky on looks and will have sex with 5’s and maybe 6’s. But finding women in that age range that are above a 7, is rare, VERY rare. But when i do find one they are almost always taken or crazy or have other red flags the size of russia like an obvious triple digit body count or multiple kids by different fathers, or extreme feminists, or want a relationship and get married before the end of the first date.

Let me sum up dating at middle age; Dating at middle age is a lot like shopping at a thrift store. You are looking for that special something that has minimal damage and doesn't smell funny. As a guy you will be inclined to try and fix it but in reality you have to learn to appreciate all of its faults.

Alex, I look forward to the next 20 years, as you gain new experiences yourself, and flesh out the rest of this story about how dating works for men and women. From their 20s, to their 40s, and beyond.

Yes! This. Love your work Alex, but it must be difficult to offer advice on a topic that you have no first-hand experience in ie, being and older single guy. Btw, I'm up for the challenge of being interviewed if you like the idea of having an older guy on....

Communicate With Confidence

Alexander.. you are doing great and know more than you think. Look at this topic as helping out the young guys etc. Because when you are there you don't know what you don't know. The only down side at that stage is that you think you got the world by the balls and know it all ..LoL Sooo ... the whole topic revolves around stages of life ie "let me just touch" to "lets see what this car can do" to appreciating someone focused on you, etc. Be careful with this last one.. because there may be unknown and less transparent thoughts in her head ie settling, babies,  plow horse, etc. They like shinny things, reflective pools of water before mirrors and good looking boys... toss in some security and status they will eat it up. Kids come out of their body... they will be on their side even if they are walked to the gallows.. mama bears. The female attorney (noted above) has it down pretty well. Validation, plow horse for the kids and castle; lack of focus on their guy - as social media and girls friends float in their heads. You may be put on the mantel and dusted off once in while. Your Papa didn't teach you this shit. Just look at the parents... who runs the house and how do they treat each other... pay attention; that is your crystal ball to the future. Also how does mommy look .. keeps herself up, what drives her and where does her husband(s) and current boyfriends fit in ..LoL.  Keep your "Frame" "always" and you can always cut loose.. more so before kids. Nothing like saying have your attorney call my attorney anytime for 50/50 to remind how it should work; once in a while you have to snap them back to reality. Thus is much easier in the vetting dating. If they don't value and respect you now odds are they won't in the future. Keep toxicity and nastiness at bay and push it back. They only know what they see in the media and girl friends etc. Its not good for guys-they wonder if it is worth the squeez... why do you think they came up with the song (American Woman). Some food for thought: https://sswmen.wordpress.com/2017/01/07/12-ways-misandrist/ Cheers, K

K M

Ironically, I have found multiple friends of mine that are my age and younger that married someone older (10 year +) due to the frivolous nature of some younger women and them not knowing what they want. I feel like you can find more traditional values in older women than the younger women, which helps avoid the whole new age feminism/women superiority complex. I am friends with a lot of variety of ages and when it gets to younger men (in my area), they like the appeal of the physical attraction of younger women, but are tired of meeting women who are so confused and don't know what they want in life. Ironically I would say those younger men don't seem to know what they want and want someone who does know what they want, hence some appeal towards older women. At the same time, I have noticed some of those same men, as they get older and start to know what they want, then they would not have minded a woman who is not as sure of herself as to what she wants. The biggest problem I see when it gets to larger age gaps is difference in mental values and interests and things referenced in speech tend to cause the biggest divides. When I say divide, I am not necessarily saying arguments/debates although those do happen in these areas, but in how close a person feels towards the other person. Men seem to adapt more often than women do for these differences from what I have seen. I have often seen men I know who have dated much younger women (5 to 10 years +) end up getting cheated on when the women start to understand themselves better and really start to know what they want if they see a major gap between what they want and who they are with at that time. These are just the observations I made and not based on any research at this point. Just felt like sharing my thoughts.

Alex: As an older guy I have a few insights. I've gone to the gym and worked out for 45 years. I've traveled around the country as a competitive athlete until I was competing in Masters races at 52, so I've always been super fit. It is rare to find women over the age of 25 who are actually fit. The women who are 50 and fit, the ones that we older guys want to date and see as attractive "bangable" partners, those women still have the power in the dating market. And those women are still out of reach to me. I knock down six figures a year, I have no debt and decent savings, but those women in my age group are dating movie star looking guys who are millionaires. I have a friend who used to work for me on the trading floor. She is now 52, a former aerobics instructor and still in great shape, divorced and lives across the country from me. After her divorce she made a Match account and got over 3500 contacts the first month. Of those 3500+ "likes" she was only willing to meet 4 guys. A surgeon, a Ferrari dealer, a corporate CEO and a guy who owned a chain of hardware stores. All wealthy, all "George Clooney" level fit and attractive. She said three of them were just assholes and one was bipolar with serious anger management issues. They all wanted a relationship with her. She was pulling the plug within a week on all of them. I couldn't pull the women I was attracted to in my twenties, and I can't pull those women now that we're both older. So my perception is that it is NOT easier now. The things that stymie and plague us when we are young are the same issues that we have now. If you can't raise her social status sufficiently . . .she's going shopping somewhere else. Here . . . here's a post by 37 year old lawyer in a online forum and what she's writing here applies regardless of age: I’ve been a divorce attorney for 15 years. What I see in my divorce practice is that men stop getting sex in marriage (because the kids become her priority), and they get ignored and controlled by their wives. Women get neglected by their husbands when he gets more validation from his work than from an emotional connection with her. That's just how guys are. Good looking men are such a small minority but that small minority have tons of choices when it comes to women who will have sex with them no strings attached. Many men are interested in me, but none of those men have measured up in character, intelligence, or looks. The ones who are good looking are already getting all the sex they want everywhere. But many of those good looking guys typically aren’t smart or interesting enough. On the other side, guys with the great personalities are typically not good looking. There is no way to get it all in one guy. Guys used to have to get married to get sex regularly, but the hot guys get it offered to them constantly and the average guys have porn so they don’t need to get married anymore. Neither of those groups need to put in an effort to be GOOD at sex. Basically, average men have little to nothing to offer women. No one is the bad guy here, it's just that we are almost not even the same species. I love men. I love the way they look when they take care of themselves, their masculinity, but the truth is that they can’t give us what women truly need, that deep emotional intimacy. There are very few attractive men we actually want that emotional intimacy from, and those men aren’t incentivized to provide that intimacy because they are being rewarded with all the sex they want without having to provide ANY intimacy. Are there a handful of men out there who would amazing to be with. Yes, but most of us are never going to find those men.

Norbert

I've always preferred to date women in my age range. I have more in common with "age-appropriate" women, and usually, we are in the same stage of life and thinking similarly about the future. The downside to dating women my age is the baggage. When I was dating, I was always on the lookout for red flags, indicating that they were angry and resentful toward men in general.

Ken Schafer

Yay! I'm in the demographic that likes this subject matter, lol. Big topic which could cover several videos, imo! Some thoughts: The first thing a man my age has to ask is "what am I looking for?" I think you premised this video on a particular answer to that question, but if we take a step back, I think we'd see that there are several answers to this, and this determines the sort of woman a man should seek in a partner (among other factors). If you want a family, your advice strikes true, though I think you gloss over the dangers of women in their 30's looking to "settle" and the dangers of not being able to emotionally connect with such women (you grasp at what I consider outlier scenarios, but the majority of women that age will be damaged by the typically tremendous number of sexual partners she's experienced). But if you want a family, you need to play that game, and take your chances, so it's actually STRONGER vetting that is necessary, contrary to your advice to just give, say, single mothers a chance. So as to find an outlier of the sort you describe, as statistically the chances are not that great, and the majority of women that age are jaded, bitter, and compromised in their ability to pair-bond. If, however, a man wishes a companion, I think he's much better off pursuing younger girls, in the age bracket that you eschew. Because these women are much more likely to be satisfied with being a companion, and are not family oriented, as you note here. The downside is that you have to let them go at some point, when they reach the age where they do want a family, and it ain't gonna be with you. That's where I think a man looking strictly for companionship needs to adjust his standards...namely giving up on the idea of a lifelong companion (as I mentioned to you in our private discussion, when we live to age 1000, the idea of a lifelong companion will be silly, and we'll actually pay serious attention to the question of how long a relationship's lifespan should truly be). I reject your advice to lower my standards in terms of SMV (by which, of course, we mean youthful looks, since we are men). Age does not change the ideal pairing of the man being the woman's SMV +1. Men peak at mid-30's, but the dirty little secret is that they can stay at peak for decades. Sure, most men my age are disgusting, but we don't have to be. It's possible for us to be strong on any or all of the relevant metrics. Depending on which game you're playing... courting the 30+ crowd looking for a family or the 18-25 set for companionship, one has to maximize different aspects of our own SMV (which is more complex to women, comprised of looks, status, resources, and game). Women 30+ prize status and resources above all else (to the point that I would counsel men to be very wary of being used and valued only for their role and not their being), while younger women favor looks and game (Rollo has a nice chart for this). So one has to leverage the right metrics to succeed with the target demographic. Both are eminently possible, so advice that presumes weakness in any of these areas falls flat. Ultimately, I suppose what I'm saying is that, in the past, you've made the point that high value women tend to get snapped up early, leaving the singles market top heavy with low value women. This doesn't seem to resonate with your advice here, where you seem to grasp for the possible and not the probable. The best strategy for having a relationship with a high value women will ALWAYS be to get them early and mold them, regardless of your age demographic. The ability to implement this strategy is a different story, of course, but calls for specific sorts of tactical advice. Perhaps future videos! In any case, it's a very nuanced topic, imo. If you lack the experience to offer strong advice in this arena, perhaps you should introduce interviews of older men so that you can analyze their experiences and arguments. I've often thought that single interviews with older men AND women would be a valuable addition to your channel, in fact. Many of your interviews are long on the hopes, dreams, and delusions of the young, and short on the experiences and wisdom of the longer-lived, IMO (though I know you have logistical problems in that regard, just sayin' in a perfect world).

William Mullen