PATREON EXCLUSIVE: How To Handle Toxic Family Members

recognise is the key word here.. .......................... if they dont want to recognise you and your achievements , then this is because they feel inadequate and insecure .......................... its like looking in the mirror for family, and to see you shine while they dont try in to mind bending for them, theyre paranoid and in fear of you looking better than them

I had and still have this problem with my mother and my sister. Tried to cut them off for a year once, sometimes for a few months at a time, yet every time I try to reconnect, t hey eventually get comfortable again and start constanty dismissing everything I say, overuse ironycal jokes with me, my skills and abilities or my looks being the butt of the joke. I once tried to point it out and get my mother a therapy, but no reaction for a year. Recently I started throwing it back at them and pointing out that they are just insulting me and dimunitivizing everytinhg I am and I say and they stopped communicating again. I seriously dont know wht to with this, I love my mom for being able to take care of me and my siblings in terms of our practical needs, yet I cant stand this behavior and the constant display of disrespect. I honestly dont understand, Im the first one in my generation in our family to get a proper university title, I published books as I studied literature, then I got to create big popular videogames and got to senior salary a very comfortable life, I dont understand why there isnt any respect to that even from the perspective that my mother is actually a business oriented person, so I would expect to recognise at least that.

This is very interesting for me. I feel there may be the consequences of this dominating my life although it is all in the past. Reason it is in the past is that my parents have long passed away - my dad died when I was 15 from alcoholism and my Mum left the household when I was 10, and she died when I was in my early 20s. That whole period between my mum and dad splitting up and my dad dying I think has had an effect on my life way beyond what I ever gave it credit for. I'm now 39, and whilst I've had various relatively short term relationships over the years, I've never been in one serious enough where we moved in together, for example. I probably have trust issues and the likes, probably something I should seek out help with. Yet a lot of what you say here Alex I do remember from my parents, especially my Dad, around 25 years ago. I've dabbled with some of the work of Gabor Mate in the past, who argues we should view addiction in a new light, that many adults are effectively damaged because of events in childhood and adolescence, and I think that may relate somewhat to what you have touched upon here especially where this continues into someone's adulthood, or where theparent refuses to let them go and fluorish for themselves (which ironically I suspect would've happened to me if mine were around longer...). Good video, thanks for sharing.

I was raised by 3 generations of females primarily (each one of them with a toxic personality in a different way)without a father or father-like figure. Whatever a person goes through in their life always get leaked through their dealings with others (especially family members) until the issues in their life are dealt with. This is true with men as well for sure, but the issues stem from emotions that have not been dealt with. Being autistic, I had the unfortunate experience of believing a lot of the "false truths" given to me from the women in my life. There's so many things I wish to say, but don't want to relive those experiences. Exploiting a child's weaknesses seems to come from a place of not having control in your own life and fearing losing control over your children's is the lesson I learned from my situation. I don't know if all intentions were always to directly manipulate or harm, but those are the results. From a young age I wanted to understand people and the world around me, because it made no sense. Now that I am older and see many of the sad truths of reality I almost wish I didn't understand. It took me years to understand what was happening and how. I was able to get through my own issues and help my family break free from their toxicity of theirs (for the most part), because I realized they didn't even understand themselves well. Understanding yourself gives you more control over your life. Understanding others helps you to know how to handle/deal with situations for those types of people. Both equally important in being able to gain control over your life and live a happier lifestyle. I was lucky enough that my family did want a better life for themselves and in time learned to listen to me. If a person is not willing to listen to what you are trying to say and understand it, then they have chosen to not communicate. You can not make progress with those who are not willing to communicate and therefore should cut them out of your life. I wish I had role models like Alex and other positive role models growing up. I can at least say I have gained a huge amount of control over my own life and that has had an impact on the ones around me. I hope his youtube channel and patreon grows in numbers, not to make Alex rich (although he probably deserves it for the amount of study and effort that goes into his videos), but because that lets me know more people are on the right track to improving their own life and the lives of the people around them.

Toxic family life. On the one hand, I wish I hadn’t experienced it but on the other hand, i do think I came out stronger on the other side- but I also left when I was 17. My younger step brother, however, had it the worst. My mother hated him and she got more and more overt about it as he got older. She never physically abused him but the mental abuse was bad. She hated him because he wasn’t hers. She hated him because his biological mother was legit bi-polar and caused a lot of issues for my mother. She hated him because he would divert my step-dads attention away from her. She was a passive aggressive manipulator who wore the guise of a conservative Christian Woman subservient to her man. It’s a massive understatement to say it messed my brother up. He joined the military, married a girl his age i their early 20s and had a kid. I thought he would be ok. Then things deteriorated. I don’t know exactly what happened but he ended up divorced with no custody or visitation with his daughter. Now he - a guy who almost scored perfect on the SATs and traveled the world on a nuclear sub in the military, has a drug problem, is dating a low quality woman at least 15 years his senior, and is barely making ends meet as an uber driver. There were other issues on top of the crappy upbringing, but no doubt the toxicity from my mother poisoned him and affected his relationships with everyone. At this point the only way out I see for him is some serious mental health help.

There is not much worse than being punished and gaslit by family (mother and sister) while they are unable to to grasp the problems that males and young males especially can experience. And feminazi-ism has only exacerbated their inbuilt desire to be the unelected, unqualified social police and judges of males. Toxic and damaging, steer the self in the other direction.

10-12 mins is a great length for videos, and the content in this one was stellar. Thanks for the book recommendations.

Ruairidh

Damn straight!

Alexander Grace

I was raised by a feminist single mother and two femi-nazi older sisters. It took me getting divorced raped by a feminist PHD who just wanted a sperm donor to realize how brain washed I really was. I was forty three at the time. I am now 61 years old and I am moving to Eastern Europe and finally living for myself. Better late than never.

Mickey Turner