PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Should Young Men Ever Consider Dating Young Single Mothers?

No childless man should consider dating single mothers unless the children have grown and moved out. Even if you can't have children of your own and desire them, understand that those kids will never be yours. Ever. And that hurts. And a breakup can be almost as devastating as divorce because, suddenly, your crazy life is soundless and empty. And you don't get visitation. The only men who should have a relationship with single mothers are single fathers who are involved with their own children. Because then you are on equal terms. You both have a part of your life that you can never truly share with the other. You both have separate rules for your own children and their discipline. If you can't have kids and still really want to be a father, find someone who can't or doesn't want to have biological children, and then adopt.

"No no no, you can make radical changes to your lifestyle right now, that will be hard at first but will soon become so rewarding that you'll want to do them, that can dramatically improve your chances in the dating market." - Alexander Grace. YES!! The self-congratulatory fist pump at the end was 100% earned brotha. Great advice. :)

Blair

Alexander, excellent post as usual ! I have a topic I'd like to hear you discuss and your opinion about. The question is,,, How deep is the desire for women to have children ?? Now I'm not talking about women who have hit the wall and seeking a high earning man for support, I'm talking about women in general. Who like to hear your comments on this topic.

hey man, you can edit your post by clicking the "hamburger menu", the three dots, under your post below...

In my opinion there is a certain utility in Dogmas. Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris discussed the importance of Dogmas(Treat all Guns as Loaded even if you know that this particular gun is not Loaded). Dogmas exist because they are generally useful for most people most of the times. And i know there are exceptions. But as a young guy in his early 20's you must have some big defects/disadvantages to settle with a women that has a child for another man(that child as innocent as he/she may be would always remind you of her past). As Jordan Peterson once said its easy to like "YOUR" child. I also disagree with Alexander when he says you would be foolish to leave her if she is your soulmate. As CRP says "Whenever i thought this is the best i could do there is always a better one just around the corner".

Hardik Gupta

My sister in-law had a kid at 18 and married the guy. They had 3 kids in total but he got into a car accident and became addicted to opiates. Ended up becoming abusive. They divorced and he died due to an overdose. This was in their 20s. In addition to all the things you’ve mentioned, the single mothers I’ve seen have zero patience and zero tolerance. Usually as a young couple you feel each other out, you mess up, you make mistakes, you grow and learn together. But she (and other single mothers who had a crappy partner) will see something a guy does and think “my ex did this as well, it is a precursor to that bad behavior and I will not tolerate it.” To protect themselves and their children they become overzealous and unforgiving and are more likely to issue ultimatums. While somewhat understandable, it’s also not exactly conducive to a healthy relationship and not really fair to the new guy. My sister in-law did meet someone else and remarried - but the relationship has been very rocky because of this.

Hit return by mistake! Also wanted to say I agree with you on the exception being if you ourself gave children already. As well as that, I think sometimes young men (I include every under about early 40s in that description) get caught up in a desire to be seen as progressive and open minded, and it can become more about the optics of this as opposed to the consequences.l, and so they can feel like it’s not correct to say they wouldn’t date a single mother . My experience on tinder is that when I see profiles of single mothers they can seem quite bitter about the prospect of certain men not finding them desireable, and some guys will desperately not want to be ‘that guy’. I think your tone is spot on here - it’s not about thinking less of a woman because she’s a single mother and we can actually have a great deal of respect and admiration, it’s just about acknowledging that getting involved can create issues further along the line that can potentially be damaging for everyone involved.

Really enjoyed this video and it articulates a few thoughts I’ve had about this myself. I’m 39 and single, but yet I would avoid dating a single mother for many of the reasons you’ve mentioned, mainly that I just don’t think it would be healthy for me, and that this would leak into the atmosphere of the relationship. If anything I’d argue that your points aren’t just relevant to young guys in their 20s but guys my age too - plenty women out there in their early 30s for whom a man in their late 30s or even very early 40s isn’t too old, who are still not mothers. You will get that early relationship feeling with them.

thanks for the paper!

Thanks for the share and just right in time ;) Good point here is that like every situation is individual and that you shoudn't take things as a dogma or as absolute e.g. "all sinlge mothers are a no go" or "RUN!" ;) so to speak, so it like bothers me that esp. in this red pill community people seem to portray a more mysognostic view of things usually brought up by these content creators for a reason of course but if you are a young man looking for a frame how to act and having not an academic background or already lots of experience with the opposite gender they will take these rational arguments as a dogma and this more harmful and dividing if it should be about to have more understanding...there is even a "black pill"-community now where they basically just gave up but indeedy single mothers might not be the best option esp. when young, no kids, no ressources but it might work out which brings us back to the point that every case is individual...

Excellent breakdown. I share the frustration you mention at the end, about guys not comprehending that they can increase their SMV. I'm a big proponent of getting jacked as muscularity is the biggest driver of male physical attractiveness, as you have pointed out (https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rspb.2017.1819). Resources can also be strengthened over time, which can obviously increase SMV, though I personally don't like the flavor of playing provider "game" and prefer strengthening physical/mental/spiritual fundamentals.

William Mullen