PATREON EXCLUSIVE: What Exactly Constitutes A 'Date' Nowadays?

The end of the video where you explain that you are the one pursuing and the woman is wanting deeper levels of commitment was articulated well. I agree that this is probably the best frame you could be in, but the transition into giving more commitment is where I struggle since you're changing the dynamic of the relationship. However, you have to be able to pickup on the vibe as to how it is naturally progressing. I believe it takes experience to develop proper social and emotional intelligence to get it right.

Opportunity Investing

I love that quote “you make the moves, she sets the pace” that makes a lot of sense. A lot of guys fail to watch for the signals of that change in pace and find themselves trying to escalate only to be out of synch with her pacing and have it backfire. I do agree with your question; if there are signs of interest from her but it seems waning, I would already be looking elsewhere (disclaimer; speaking within a context where sex has not happened yet)

Craig

I would say even in that context you should still avoid the “date” word and escalate things in a more casual sense but without making the mistake of not being sexual “because it’s not a date”. Otherwise friendZone incoming. My opinion is that it’s better to build attraction and have her “chasing” you as Alexander said in this video and seeking commitment “what are we?” Questions to you, and then going on a “date” is welcomed almost as like the official threshold that she is winning you over.

Craig

That’s a great point. It’s strange how there are two different unspoken dynamics in this way - asking a girl out on a date when you just met her will revoke that sense of pressure and formality that gets her over thinking and anxious, she starts questioning her emotion and attraction towards the guy and out of anxiety many women have said to me (surveys about this) that just that anticipation of some form of expectations puts them off to decline - even when they liked the guy. Society is to blame for this; the entire dynamic is messed up and I in my opinion it’s because of causal hook up culture; people have hopped and skipped over the originally medium that would eventually lead to sex and are doing things in reverse; sex first and relationship options after. I think this is counterproductive. I digress though; the other dynamic opposing this “irl” asking her on a date and following recoil, dating apps almost have come a different default dating format however it still leans more towards casual sex rather than “I have long term intentions”. My experience with the apps is basically “would I want to bang this person? Y/N?” And the decision to go ahead is made on that answer whether or not they are seeking causal sex from the get go.

Craig

The way I've heard the pursuing topic explained is, "You make the moves, she sets the pace." As a man, you are expected to be more black and white and less subtle in your interactions - you show interest, and you keep in mind your goal (initially, to have sex). You don't waver in that - it displays in your body language. She sees this, and decides how quickly the relationship progresses. If it progresses too slowly for you, you can always try to display less interest, to show that you aren't interested in waiting around, that you might be looking at your other options. Do you agree with this?

Thanks Alex. A clean explanation on how we should carefully use the "date" word. However, I wonder if it is suitable to ask a female who already hung out with you from time to time (eg. colleague you know for years) by saying "let's have a date?", to push forward a potential romantic relationship. Or what is a better way to elevate the bonding or have a real break through from friend to potential romantic partner?

Great explanation! If this is a girl from your social circle, then asking her our definitely means you like her. However, if you met her in a bar / online and you don't have common friends, then asking her our on a date isn't the same as saying "I like you", it's more like "I don't know you but let's hang out and see if we're a match".

Eduard Dubrovsky

thank you

One of the things I like about dating apps is that it is clearly a date. Then if it is going well I'm going to kiss her. On my last one the girl kissed me and that totally confused me. I think there is a danger some beta males shy away from creating an interaction that has the characteristics of a date whether or not it is called that. If you don't make your sexual interest known early it gets a lot harder.

Andy

I enjoyed your explanation of why 'pursue the girl' and 'you want the girl pursuing you' is not contradictory advice. Well stated. You laid it out clearly. Thinking about it, I realize I've been practicing this, but I hadn't thought of it in this plain way before.

Blair

No no definitely not. If the vibe is good, fun and sexual DEFINITELY kiss her :) This is more about labels and keeping her out of her intellect

Alexander Grace

I’ve been told before that even if you don’t use the word “date”, you should still push for at least a kiss as soon as possible. Are you saying that even that should be avoided during the initial stages?