PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Developing Your Leadership In A Relationship As An Introvert

I relate to this too. I find if someone looks to me to make a decision they are expecting me to make a decision quickly and for the decision to be correct. I often need time to make a decision and time to research and consider different options and sometimes I just don't think I smart enough to make a certain decision. Unfortunately its possible I might have a low IQ therefore decision making is not a strong point. But just because I am a man I am expected to make the decisions? Sometimes a woman is smarter and more experienced to make a decision I don't know why being a man is so important in this matter.

T

I''ve never been more unhappy in my life then when I had a job that required me to lead, and a live-in girlfriend that always looked to me to decide everything we ever did. I must be some sort of weird biological mistake by the sounds of it

I’ve taken the MBTI 4 times, once my senior year in high school, when I went for my BS, then masters, and the last time in a leadership workshop for work when I moved into a managerial role. I was always on the Introvert side of the scale, but moved closer and closer to the extrovert side as I got older. In large part because I knew I was an introvert, what that meant for me, and focused on developing the areas I felt would hold me back professionally (e.g I joined Toastmasters to develop public speaking skills, applied for positions at work that would push me out of my comfort zone, etc.). I STILL need peace and quiet to destress. I still get exhausted when having to talk to people on conference calls all day. I still have a limited friend group and don’t socialize very often but I have the confidence to do what needs to be done, am in a leadership position at work where I have to speak to people all the time, and would never describe myself as “shy.” If, as an introvert female, I can pull on some masculine traits in a work context, I am sure it is possible for introvert males to do in their personal relationships. Also, I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. I personally think this difference is awesome because he helps pull me out my shell and I help bring peace and quiet to his ever swirling mind - and the difference also means we each have our own time separate from one another and don’t create unhealthy dependency because he needs time out and about and I need time alone - so we often separate ways to get that time and decompress.

You are correct about the dopamine and external stimuli, however your conclusions are a bit off. As Alexander said in the video, introversion and extroversion are on large spectrum. No one is 100% introverted or 100% introverted. Each person has certain inclinations in certain situations. It has nothing to do with confidence or shyness, or anxiety. These things are just often accompanying traits. It has nothing to do with being sociopath or psychopath as these are related to the empathy and emotions. Introversion and extroversion are about that energy and how you react to stimuli. Introverted person will spend their energy on keeping the external stimuli in check as to not get overwhelmed by it and to keep focus on things of interest in that particular moment. Stronger the stimuli, more things happening at the same time, more people around there are the more energy it costs to stay in that environment. You get recharged by spending some time alone and tending to your own needs. Extroverted people on the other hand get drained by spending time alone or without some buzz happening around. They gain the energy primarily form social interactions and require stronger or more stimuli to even "register" that something is happening round them. Shy people get frequently misidentified as introverts, but that is false. I am for example strongly introverted person, however I am very chatty and I like the company of people. The difference is that I know I will be exhausted afterwards and I prefer to have one or two people around, not more (which doesn't drain me). If I attend larger social gathering it tends to drain me really quickly. I also know very shy extrovert. That is the person that goes out every night to every party that she can, however she always stays in the corner, because she is too shy to talk to people.

Roman Vais

Some comments about introversion: I always thought I'm an introvert. Today introverts are usually identified by people who are - socially akward - unconfident in social interactions - like to be alone - require a lot of energy to be around people I would doubt all of these points to identify "introversion". All these points can fit to both people high on extraversion or low on extraversion. I think extraversion the brains sensitivity to external stimuli and/or dopamine. Extraverted people seek social interactions because they get a kick from validation and having friendly interactions with people. People with low extraversion are not as sensitive to that. The less the extraversion the less you are affected by dopamine or external stimuli. This is where a lot of people who are high on extraversion struggle: they need and want connections and interactions with people, but they are anxios and struggle to have proper social interactions - which therefor costs them A LOT of energy because they are tense all the time. People with low extraversion (let's think about a typical sociopath/psychopath) do not care about these external stimuli. They only care about the output of what they achive for themselves. A good example here is Ben Shapiro: Very confident. Can be very charismatic. BUT if you watch his interactions - he doesn't really care about approval or stimulation. He's very focused on himself. He has very specific goals when he talks to people. Something I noticed too is, that very introverted people are less prone to addictions. Which would strenghen the theory of their brains not being very affected by dopamine. I heard a comment from Jordan Peterson once: "If extraverted people have an office desk job, they will be the ones walking around and talking to people." I totally identified with that and noticed how much extraversion I actually got in my, even though I love spending time on my own and have a individualistic personality. In the last years my shyness or insecurity decayed and my confidence rose and I love talking to people and seek for attention. These are just personal thoughts, not backed or researched. Let me know what you think.