PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Young Woman Shrinks Herself So Men Will Find Her Attractive

Don't dim your light for any man. You will find your forever guy, just make sure he doesn't use you. I don't know who's good enough for you, maybe a prince. Don't give up and date a lot, so the odds will be in your favor. I would try the dating site eHarmony. It's a site that matches men and women with people who have similar interests. Instead of just swiping like other superficial online dating sites. My sister gave me that advice and she was extremely smart. She passed away years and I think soon I will take her advice. Remember you're a unicorn and only another unicorn will be your match, don't settle girl. Good Luck!!

I don't think it's that guys are intimidated by these types of women it's that these type of women often have dominant traits which turn man off. He doesn't want to compete with her...that is counter productive. She has to play her part or role and this sort of double life is difficult to pursue because it requires turning her dominant self off to be submissive but the friction that causes can be exhausting thus eventually leading onto negative happenings and the end of the relationship....the points Alex is making about different types of intelligence is absolutely true...it seems that she is set in ignoring this she wants a man intelligent in the same exact way she is or his intelligence is inferior...my advice she should get over herself.

As a professional, every professional woman I've ever dated demanded more money, Retired now. Young guys, take heed.

Roger Hayden

Didn't expect this "you go girl" response from Alexander and also didn't expect his talk of "toxic masculinity" when describing competition and ruthlessness. Re-considering the Patreon payments. Bottomline is that ambition in any field that is not relationships is an exclusively masculine quality. This quality in a woman makes them, in the eyes of a man, equivalent to man they do not like or a man they are indifferent to or in very rare cases, somebody they would like to learn from, from a distance.

This was beautiful and some great insight!! I hope me and my man end up like you! What has your career been like having kids? What is it you do if you don't mind me asking? xxx

Alisha

I agree with your point that doing well or poorly in school isn’t always the best indicator of intelligence. But it’s not completely negligible either. While there are definitely examples of smart people who did not do well in school, most people who did poorly are less intelligent and/or didn’t have much ambition. I see it in the workforce every day. Early on in my career I used to make a game of guessing, based on work performance, who did well in school and who did not - then finding out if I was right. 90% of the time I was correct. It proved to be really helpful when I eventually became a hiring manager myself. I also agree with your point people shouldn’t blindly follow the college/university track. That said, some aren’t forced down that path - they really enjoy it. I am an example of one who always loved school- but I also understand the importance of actual experience so I got my BS, worked for a few years, went back and got my Masters, worked for a few years, and went back for a doctorate. (And bonus... my employer paid for most of the tuition for the last two so never had to worry about that crippling school debt - and was able to apply what I learned to my current roles and those I was promoted into.) Mostly what this girl has to realize is that she currently lives in a very small microcosm of the world right now and she is going to be hit hard by reality once she leaves school and (most likely) the nest her parents built for her. She will enter a world where no one knows or cares about academic history, what you got on your SATs, what your GPA was, what you majored in, or even if you have a degree. The world at large only cares what you are doing at the moment, if you can get your job done without being a drain on others, and how you behave toward other people. Being able to play the political game in the workforce becomes more and more important as you get older and move up in your career - and while that is tied somewhat to intelligence - it’s not the book kind that’s needed. And of course, as you say, there is the family aspect which will drive so much change. The company I work for is 70% women - most of whom are married with children, so it absolutely can be done - but it’s definitely hard and needs many different kinds of attributes to succeed.

I'm going to have to disagree with the general sentiment that Alex gave good advice this time around. So too ,I think his description of male aggression and competitiveness as "toxic masculinity" was devoid of nuance and pretty disingenuous frankly. The fact remains that as you are 20yrs old, you don't have to jump into college and career right away at all. Why do people get the impression that you MUST follow the conventional path and accept at such a young age, when they know nothing of life and have no traditions to guide them, that their 'ambition' ought to be directed towards a career in one field of another and they need to study for it right away? Set aside the fact that studying any damn thing at uni/college is just the memorisation of dogma for the most part, and realise that 'doing' and 'being' are the diametric poles of human life that man and woman embody. Too esoteric? Men do, women be and when they come together they are complete. marriage is a third of your life and as a woman marriage and children are two thirds, leaving only the last third for yourself. Turns out, life isn't all about YOU. Men are used to sacrifice from a young age in most cases (speaking from my own experience as a man) so this sense of having a place appears to come more naturally. I'm ranting a bit here as Alexander's comments were a bit ideologically charged and narrow minded. YES, I said it! His advice also appears to be contra-indicated by not only his own, but other's research too. By and large, the vast majority of women that are well educated or otherwise don't do that well these days in the marriage market, and we have to look at the divorce rates among both lay people and academics/functionally retarded people who are good at math or whatever. Fuck sake, just because you do well on a test that doesn't mean you're really that smart compared to the rest of the population. Half the time I did tests at school I hadn't studied the subject, couldn't care less about what I was doing and fundamentally disagreed with the fact that I was being forced to go through it in the first place. I have way too much to say on this and likely no one will read it, certainly not the young, impressionable girl who was just pandered to by an ideologically driven "educator" in Alexander. Nuance you say? Really? And here comes the feminist in you. Well there goes nuance. Why don't we talk a little about individualism vs traditionalism and see if we can't find some of the flaws in each as well as the strengths and maybe come up with something like a nuanced approach to family life that will have a reasonable chance of success for the majority of people? Rationality, in spite of the rationalists blind faith in it(ironically) is not sufficient to live the human experience well and certainly not as an individual. Just look at where we are right now and take some time to consider where all your beliefs have lead the world. You care NOT in control. Could never have been under any circumstances for that matter. So let go of your ego, of the illusion of control, in spite of your "rational" mind's warning and take a leap of faith. You'll suffer anyway. That's life. You ambition won't comfort you in your suffering and your ideology, should you be possessed of one will only offer you enemies to blame for it. Accepting suffering upon yourself willingly, sacrificing yourself to the transcendent, to god, giving up your ambition isn't a bad option. You'll suffer, but you'll suffer more if you give up the former. Your suffering will mean something if you choose the latter. And you'll suffer anyway. But I'm sure that's not "scientifically sound" enough to warrant consideration here. This is after all the cult of science. The domain of reason and rationality, which is infallible and advanced far beyond our apish ancestors. Where's the evolutionary biology? Fuck evolutionary biology, it's a crock of shit, mostly conjecture. You can only apply the scientific method to what 'is', not what 'was' and it's merely a mental discipline designed to determine what 'is' so that you can figure out what to 'do' with it, not how to 'be' with it. Lacking nuance! Angry rant! Metaphysics!

I love this topic and Alex's response! It is an interesting question from this young lady. She mentions that she would like someone as intelligent as she is. As a young person she should maybe also be aware of the fact that a college/ university degree does not necessarily equate to raw intelligence. As she gets older and gains some life experience she'll (hopefully) realize that there are highly qualified people that outside of their area of vocational training were not that smart at all. Of course she won't want to settle for someone that cannot string two words together but it is a mistake to limit oneself to equate vocational training with intelligence or even by definition "education"

This is an interesting topic, and she has a point. If she's not beautiful/young, she'll have a really hard time finding someone attractive and better than her in terms of intelligence/wealth, that is also interested in her. Exactly what you read at 12:15. She'll only find those men. Sometimes you have to face reality, the chances you have may be too low. Yes, there's always that perfect partner, but maybe you'll never find him/her. My advice (and this is what I did), is working on all the ways you can improve your attractiveness and ways/places to meet the kind of person you'd like to be with. (By the way, we know that attractiveness in a woman is not related to wealth and it's very sightly related to intelligence).

Everything is about balance at the end of the day, it's just getting that balance right for you that's the tricky bit.

I think you gave her excellent advice. I must admit, I find myself unmoved by the plight of women who price themselves out of the dating marking because they require a "perfect" man according to hypergamous standards. Just like I find myself unmoved by men who are only interested in young physically attractive women. When women are put off by men who don't appreciate who they are as people, I'm very sympathetic, because I'm put off by women who have such narrow standards for what they consider "high quality."

Ken Schafer

Wow I rly interpreted the title as someone chopping off their legs to be shorter for men 🤣🤦‍♂️

Oliver

I am feeling the same way. Thank you very much for this video, it certainly helped me a lot.

I am an intelligent, professionally ambitious woman. I married a man who is less intelligent as measured through standardized testing and academic interests but who - very similar to what Alex mentioned - is very masculine and extremely intelligent when it comes to “street smarts,” mechanical things, building, etc. I was a business major, he was a construction management major. We’ve been married 20 years. My advice for this girl.... 1. Don’t be an intelligence snob or a braggart. Meaning don’t go out and about telling people all the time you are top of your class and what degrees you have. If it comes up naturally in conversation that’s one thing, but I’ve seen a lot of young women randomly throw it out there to toot their own horn (their intellectual version of “I am woman hear me roar”) - and it’s annoying. It’s often less about intelligence that turns guys off - it’s women who always talk about it. Show, don’t tell. 2. Seriously think about what it is you want to FEEL in a relationship. Try not to let superficial images in your head supersede what really matters. For example, if you are picturing quiet dinner with a group of close friends where you are debating philosophy and talking about your key topics of interest... Stop for a moment and think about WHY you want a man in your life and what it will make you feel to have him there. For me, for example, I wanted to feel protected, safe, loved, and happy. I was self-sufficient on the intellectual front so found a man who did those things and challenged me to grow in other areas. 3. Think hard about what value you will bring to a relationship. Definitely don’t diminish your intelligence and ambition- but be more than that. You ARE more than that. 4. Focus less on all the “shoulda-woulda-couldas” you see on the internet. Find people who are successful at what you want to achieve and pay attention to what worked for them. And look in real life- not online. If you don’t have positive examples in your family, what about married professors, or friends’ parents? I was lucky in that while my parents weren’t the best examples of a marriage- I had three stellar example to look up to: the similarities in all of them - both the husband and wife worked and had successful careers; they left their work AT WORK and focused on their family when together; even when the woman made more money the man was the head of household at home; they were not overly dependent on each other; they had some separate interests and some shared interests. PS - all 3 couples still happily married (after 30+ years), all retired early, are well traveled and live very comfortably and happily.

I also had a problem with ambition when I was her age, not with being more intelligent than people around me, but being more accomplished, I guess. My advice to her is, when she finds a guy and she starts being exclusive with him, do NOT think that you can still do whatever the hell you want and expect him to just follow you around. You are now in a committed relationship and you both must take each others needs into account now. In my case, at 20 I already had a paying career in the field I was studying and was one of the top people in my class.  It didnt hinder me in finding a high value man, but it did hinder me in being feminine and treating him with respect. Not long after graduating I got an offer for an even better job. I was living with my long term boyfriend at the time, and this man was someone I was hoping to marry and have kids with. The job was across the country and started in 3 weeks. I was so driven that I took the job before even telling him I'd been offered, basically saying 'I'm going even if you can't'. I don't feel I shouldve asked for his permission, but if i'm in a committed relationship, shouldn't I have at least asked how he felt about it? It never even occurred to me to ask what he thought we should do, together. Or, as a couple, what it would mean for both of us to try to build a family in this new place, with my new schedule.  My career always came first and being a caring partner came 2nd. So don't say/behave toward your man that you're so committed to him that you want to get married and have kids, then ignore him in the largest decisions of your career, or of any other sphere of your life for that matter. Additional advice: as you ambitiously climb the ladder of success at this young age, you must think ahead to what you as a couple will do when you have kids. Because being a working mom might not be as easy or as fulfilling as you expect. What is the average paid maternity leave in your profession/state/country? Does one of you make enough that you can live on one or the other's income? Do you have alternating schedules, or does one of you have flex hours? These are questions to ask BEFORE you even get married.  Ask your man what HE thinks about your career when it comes to who is going to raise the kids. If he still says 'you go girl', then he better be prepared to be a stay at home dad when you give birth. Otherwise your kids are just being raised by a nanny/daycare and you end up working to pay said daycare.

Jennifer Coopman

Intelligence is super attractive in women.

Rickard Fors

As Alexander said: Find the right crowd and you'll be fine 👍🏻 The Startup-Scene or business brunches and networking events are a good place to start 👌🏻

rumlyne

Good advice, well stated. Her problem seemed great until this insight was formed. Now I'm jealous yet inspired by the journey she is now capable. She has laser focus to find (or be found by) one very precious individual. Makes me want to be more than I am.

Jay Ronnert

Well said Alexander, very wholesome video, I hope she finds someone who makes her happy xxx

Alisha