PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Transitioning From A Casual To A Serious Relationship

I'm in that exactly situation and i fear she will reject me for changing my mind due to scarcity :(

She's no longer interested because you displayed weakness by entering her frame, you no longer give her the tingles. The best way to transition from a casual relationship to an LTR with a woman is to set the terms yourself, otherwise you'll end up with this weird dance of her pressuring you, you saying no, eventually changing your mind due to a scarcity mentality and culminating into her rejecting you for changing who you were to suit her. Many such cases

This seems like a pretty healthy progression for this guy. I'm glad he reached out to you and wish him the best. I wouldn't be surprised if this women just needs some time or is looking to test how serious he is since she was the one interested in commitment first and he flipped the script on her. There isn't a problem in the world healthy communication can't solve, and I think your advice for him to initiate a genuine conversation about it and then just listen to her perspective is spot on. The only other thing I would add is that if the present moment is the largest issue in the relationship, it's an incredibly good sign. Ninety percent of the battle is building yourself to the point where you're able to actually receive love in a healthy way and then finding someone else who you are compatible with that has done the same thing. I'm seeing evidence this has occurred on both sides all over this message, so my best advice would be continuing to build a healthy relationship with this person and seeing if it trends in the direction you want the rest of your life to.

I never bled during sex when I lost my virginity, I don't think I had a 'hymen' although they do come in different shapes so maybe I just had one that didn't cause problems. Tbh there is no way of knowing, I find it sketchy tbh, I would probably throw shit tests at her or try and figure things out some other way. I don't know how much it matters to Patron that submitted the question or if he is more bothered about the progression of the relationship xxx

Alisha

Neither the state of the hymen nor the appearance of blood during intercourse has anything to do with being a virgin. The hymen myth was debunked years ago. But, on the off-chance I hallucinated it, I took Alexander's advice and Googled it.  Maybe Google gives different answers for what it thinks are different cultures (like Australia vs the US?), or maybe my search words were significantly different than his, because everything that came up for me contradicted his statement that blood = hymen = virginity. The sources were varied, from academic and reliable ones, like medical universities and hospitals, some were online lifestyle magazines, and still other sources were 'doctors' on self-described health websites. But in all cases the sources confirmed what I had learned over the years from non-internet sources (meaning my actual doctors) which is that the condition of the hymen or bleeding during sex are not indicative of whether or not a woman is a virgin. But then how else would a man 'check' to confirm his sexual partner is a virgin? I know virginity is important to some people, so I thought it was a fair question. Yet very few of those sources gave any other suggestions for how a man could confirm this. The few sources that did address how to check said to just ask her.  But that would mean the man would have to accept the woman's answer at face value. Since that's not likely, I did another Google search for how to tell if a girl is a virgin.  The only source in my search results that ostensibly confirmed the hymen myth was one from India. It was an ad for the condom company Durex disguised as a sexual health article for men. But even this ad admitted the hymen can be damaged by other things and is not a reliable barometer of virginity. Anybody have any other ideas, now that we've been reminded that it isn't the hymen?

Jennifer Coopman

It’s possible she was a virgin. Her giving it up seemingly so easily in this situation is what I thought was a little odd at first. That said, I seriously wonder if COVID and the whole lockdown situation gave her a new sense of urgency about moving forward with her life and goals. I got married 3 weeks after 9/11 - and it was a huge impetus behind me taking action on things that I had been putting off or a long time. The whole “life is too short and things outside your control can take things away - so take action now” kind of mindset. Not really related to the crux of the email - but just a thought I had.

Also my guess is that since the guy changed his mind the girl is probably trying to figure out why he did this and the two most likely options are that she thinks that maybe she has managed to "change" him into an honest man OR he has realised he will always have the itch but she will "do" for now... if she suspects that then she might be making him wait as a shit test which if in that situation I would 100% be doing, especially if I was a virgin wanting to have kids soon who likes a guy.

Alisha

I agree, I think they both sound great but if I am being honest I think he needs a partner who will allow him to explore (maybe hierarchical polyamory) or at least a monogamous partner who is very understanding and empathetic towards his "urges" as many women will not understand this and become scared and even disgusted. I hope things work out with him and that girl but I agree that something seems dishonest about a girl waiting that long to lose her virginity and although she probably does really like him she might have some unconscious drive to use him for reproductive purposes (but then again everyone has unconscious drives it doesn't make people bad). I just think if he has these feelings already then bringing children into a relationship where he has to push down his desires to avoid hurting his gf will cause problems but if she is understanding and thankful then it could work.

Alisha

Damn, imagine having AG as a third wheel in your relationship! You would never need couple's therapy ever!

Ashwin Srinivas