PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Why Are Some Women Attracted To More Feminine/Creative Type Men?

Creativity takes ever so many forms and is most definitely not _prima facie_ a gendered trait. But _expressed_ creativity means doing things differently, and that requires self-confidence and a willingness to risk failure (courage). These latter traits are gender related. It’s mostly men who are noted to be risk-takers. I also note that nearly all of us have two sides to our character: masculine _and_ feminine. For most of us one predominates over the other and that along the expected lines. There’s nothing quite so boring as the ultra-feminine, or ultra-masculine. As someone with 50/50 balance between masculine and feminine (according to professional psychological testing) that has its own downsides: enormous difficulty with decision-making being but one. The upside is being able to empathise with opposing points of view.

Hi. I am a musician who has performed in a wide variety of situations. I was a member of a commercial band for 7 years and have quite a lot of other experience in things like musical theater, big bands, orchestras, niche-type groups and as a street performer as well. While I have had drunk women through themselves all over me and have had various other kinds of spur-of-the-moment-type approaches (including a couple of quite explicit offers of sex from non-drunk women); I have experienced very little of what I would call "quality" interactions with women that resulted from my status as a "sensitive," "creative" male. I think this is a somewhat peripheral issue when it comes to attraction generally. Overwhelmingly, I have found that the most positive, quality-type interactions with women occur (for me anyway), as a result of displaying the classic masculine qualities of self-assurance, boldness and emotional independence (not giving a crap about the agendas of other people). While it is not uncommon for women to show genuine appreciation for what I contribute musically to a situation, I haven't seen any twinkles in their eyes because of my musical abilities and apparent 'sensitivity" per se. I have noticed also, that women are generally averse to guys who may be way above me in terms of "sensitivity," "creativity" and artistic ability, if they are also socially insecure and awkward. I do see romantic interest from females, though, when in addition to performing competently, I'm also in the masculine "zone" and interact with them from a position of relaxation, confidence and self-assurance. These latter factors seem to me, to be much more fundamental in sparking attraction in females than "sensitivity" and "creativity" per se and I can't see how it is possible to spark attraction without them - no matter how "sensitive" and "creative" a guy might be.

If we accept the premise that women want a man who has direction and a purpose, art and music can be one expression of that. I think of it more like way back as hunter/gatherers, sitting around the campfire, what is there to do? Okay, I know what first comes to mind, but someone who could tell stories, sing, beat out catchy rhythms, bring something more to life than mere survival. We as a species have always valued that and put status to it. That status aspect could be why some women are attracted to creative types. I suppose here is why I am going to get flak, but just as so many like to point out that the world was built by men, so too have the majority of creative works be it music, art, poetry, literature. I do recognize that today's world sees a lot more female works (always wondered why there weren't more female rock musicians...and now there are) but not sure if creativity is a female trait. Just a desired trait by some.

Daniel L Chin

I'm that musician that performed weekly at jam-nights and still did occasionally before the lockdown. It's a new crowd now, but I can feel how my status gets higher again amongst men and women everytime I've been on stage. Women love the talented ones. Even though my band played instr. jazz-funk, the youngest girls saw us kinda as a boyband (one who became my girlfriend told me), though there's no future in that music. An artist can't guarantee a safe income no matter his success so I've always wondered if those who want more than a fling are right in the head - at least when they get in their twenties and should worry about that. Perhaps the status and insisting world of the creative's enigma just makes some otherwise calculating women lose themselves. To quote Journey: "They say that the road Ain't no place to start a family Right down the line It's been you and me And lovin' a music man Ain't always what it's supposed to be Oh girl you stand by me I'm forever yours, faithfully". but then he's admired by tons of women and messes it up :)

Very interesting points here, well done Alex.

Blair

Excellent, Its important to acknowledge how well you articulated something that is really hard to articulate!

Personally I don't think you're understanding what he's saying. Myself I am very creative/artistic in some ways but if a guy needs it for being disrespectful or whatever i'm also the 1st one to do something about it so he understands not to be disrespectful to my woman for example or me or a valur i hold close. There you have it. The woman gets a guy she can really talk to & listen & understand her. At the same time she will also know that in a crisis he will not buckle! That's my perception :)

I like many of Alexander’s videos, but this one is messy. First, Alex relates femininity with creativity and artistic skills, but later he seems to contradict that perspective saying: “an amazing father, masculine, but artistic and creative”. That is a confusing statement, because if we are already relating creativity with femininity you can’t shape that around. Besides, Alexander mentioned that creative men are usually at the top of the hierarchy, but that is not point; because those guys have influence and wealth that withhold power, and power is related to masculinity. What I mean is: we should be talking about the average creative men, not celebrities. I know it’s difficult to express such abstract ideas, but again, if you watch this video paying close attention, there are lots of inconsistencies. Sometimes it seems that even Alexander is mixed up in his own thoughts. This is a good topic, and I think deserve a more structured set of ideas.

Think artistic is better for this than creative. I am somewhat sceptical of the idea that women are (sometimes) attracted to men with feminine qualities because they might have daughters.

Andy

I’m highly creative and sensitive and I can easily talk about my feelings. The difference is I’m not a pushover. Being vulnerable and a doormat are not the same thing

I'd like to point out that men are given a great deal more latitude in expressing emotions in an artistic frame than they are elsewhere in life. They are allowed to bitch, moan, groan and whimper. We call it the Blues and it's all socially acceptable and consistent with a masculine frame.

Todd McDaniels

Some traits follow a male line and other traits follow the female line. Baldness, for instance, is passed on through the maternal grandfather. So, I don't think there's necessarily a paradox as much as contingencies and complexities. We don't know enough about how specific genes and genes interact yet. You reminded me, however, that I didn't actually agree with the Alexander's working presumption that creativity is a feminine quality, though, as much as a human quality.

Todd McDaniels

Creative types have purpose and passion, which can call to my feminine side and give me a positive emotional high. However, those in the arts never seemed stable to me. They always seemed unstable, temperamental, or flighty in lifestyle and mentality. As such, aside from attraction that might arise due to a creative guy just being extremely good looking- my practical side has always put the kibosh on artsy/creative types. That said, I find more traditionally masculine men who love music and find other, small, ways to be creative to be very attractive. The reasons you shared though... it makes sense for some women. My sister’s partner is an actor, I’ll have to think on if your examples apply. I always thought the reason she was attracted to him was because she is the type of woman who needs to feel needed. She gets a high off of supporting him and his passion and she shares that passion vicariously through him. At least, that’s how it always seemed to me based on what she says and how she behaves.

I like men with a creative and feminine side because you tend to find that in most cases it is because they are so comfortable with their masculinity that they don't feel the need to impress anyone. It shows authenticity and I think everyone should be balanced. A guy that gets all flustered and defensive when you recommend him doing something creative or discussing emotions comes across as insecure and maybe needs therapy or to learn how to be more comfortable with himself.

Alisha

Not flowery at all, Alex. Very succinct and quite poignant towards the last couple of minutes in the video. I fall into the category the video has mentioned and have always been with women who have a track record of liking the artist / more emotionally available guy. The only caveat with this, in my experience, is that it’s not enough to just be that. It’s a novelty and that can lose its appeal if you have nothing else going for you. I understand now that being creative is only one aspect of a personality and not the whole package. If you can be “grounded” or business-minded to offset the “flowery-ness” of being creative, have a sense of adventure, keep physically strong/fit and be as practical/useful as you can then you become a more balanced “package” as you say. It’s not easy when you live in dream land a lot of the time but it’s doable with time and effort.

Ruairidh

I'm sure somebody has a cogent explanation for this, but I can only make a loose guess.

At the 5 minute mark, I think I might be spotting a paradox. If the man had genes that were desirable in a daughter, then his genes are also desirable. Therefore, they are valuable genes to have in a son. How would, in theory and not necessarily practically, explain why masculinity and femininity are different when there is a symbiotic relationship within the entire species to procreate.

Long haired guy here and I’m greatly artistic. If you do it the right way (remember hypergamy, guys) it works wonders. Just remember that you have to make an invitation and for the love of God learn to read body language and her actions.

It's not just the skill. Girls can completely freak out over rock stars who barely know how to play their instruments, or don't play any at all, just wander around in a video pretending they know what they're doing. The level of talent definitely helps, but there's a couple other things happening here. We're attracted to artists because art makes us feel emotions.  And when a man makes us feel something, he is attractive to us.  So naturally a man who creates something is going to be more attractive than other men. Also, if you look closely at a guitar player's wrist and forearms you can see the muscles and veins as they play. That is very attractive. There are other activities that make a man's forearms look this way, but there's something special about seeing those particular muscles on a musician. Add to all of the above the actual music that is being made, music that is totally orgasmic to the listener, and together it creates this obsessive type of attraction.  Give an ugly guy an electric guitar and women will find him attractive. Give a hot guy an electric guitar and women will scream and cry and throw their panties at him like it's the frickin' Beatles.

Jennifer Coopman

This was fantastic. Btw, I recall a woman many years ago say she was attracted to guitar players because of the skill they show in their hands.

Todd McDaniels