PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Should Men Actually Wait Until Their 30's Before Settling Down Or Is There More To It?

Alexander, with all your insight on how human beings evolved in tribes of mutually supporting roles as opposed to nuclear families and single parent households, how about a video on what if any misconceptions we have on marriage in general from an anthropological perspective? Did ancient human beings "marry" for life? It may be hard to know for certain but definitely fertile ground for a thought experiment. Thanks.

What's the saying, "statistics matter until we get to specifics"? I don't mean that in any antagonistic sense at all. Only that aside from an acceptably high level of emotional maturity and intelligence coming to people at varying ages, our ability to successfully achieve a long term relationship is a separate timetable. I think if we look at it from the perspective of a lifelong marriage as the ideal, sole outcome, most of us will likely not be able to achieve it. Perhaps that is another topic idea for Alexander. What is considered a successful relationship and is it mutually exclusive with life-long marriage?

Great stuff Alexander! I would have benefitted enormously by this advice when I was a young man. I interpreted my lack of success with females in my youth as evidence that I was flawed as a male and didn't have what it takes to attract quality females. I had debilitating self-esteem issues for sure, but I also didn't understand that females have more acute security needs than men and are oriented to look for males who have emotional strength, resources and social status. If I had some your wisdom back then I would not have sacrificed my time and self-esteem so readily.

No romance is possible at all ages but there are different challenges. Men can definitely damage their ability to pair bond. Check out my video The True Cost Of Sleeping Around

Alexander Grace

Do you think true romance exists for young couples only? And do you think men can also damage their ability to pair bond?

@Jen, both articles were interesting. It would seem that it all comes down to emotional maturity. In your first link the statement "The kinds of people who wait till their thirties to get married may be the kinds of people who aren’t predisposed toward doing well in their marriages." is what I was alluding to in a comment above. In the second article, a man in his 40's plus is in a fantasy staying with a woman in her mid twenties believing herself to be a princess living a carefree lifestyle forever.

I’m glad you shared this because I admit, I always thought the advice to marry later seemed.... not exactly the best advice. My initial rationale was that older established guys are likely going to try and go for younger women. Understandably so for reasons regularly addressed on your channel. But so much of the focus is on dating and initial phases of the relationship. Fast forward to later in a long term relationship and there are just a number of things that I can see leading to divorce or dead bedroom. I’m certainly no expert in any of this so I wanted to see if there is any scientific evidence to support this and there may be some..... “But we do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that people who marry in their thirties are now at greater risk of divorce than are people who wed in their late twenties.” And, specific to age gaps... “A one-year discrepancy in a couple’s ages, the study found, makes them 3 per cent more likely to divorce [when compared to their same-aged counterparts]; a five-year difference, however, makes them 18 per cent more likely to split up. And a 10-year difference makes them 39 per cent more likely.” These are article links - I didn’t go into the full studies to check credibility, peer review status, etc. - so take with a grain of salt to start ..: https://ifstudies.org/blog/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long/ https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/382520/ Of course, this only matters for people who want to marry. For those who just want to date, it matters less.

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies have made it possible for scientists to watch the rate at which the PFC matures, and have discovered the male brain doesn't fully develop until age 25. Meanwhile, women experience a maturity rate of 21 years-old.

so I agree with Alexander that there is a myriad of possibilities, scenarios, but my advice from personal experience is don't agree to marriage because you are afraid of "loosing" someone forever....fear of lose is not a great reason. Background my then girlfriend still lived at home with er parents with no independent wisdom of being on her own and I believe part of her proposal was to get out of her house/living with her parents. So you have to look carefully at your motives (Me not wanting to lose her) and her motives ( She really wanted to start a life outside of living with her parents). That being said unless you are as "inspired" as she is and equally on the same page I would wait address my fear of loosing her and have more relationships....yes you may loose the girl when your in your 20's but it is much worse than loosing her when you are in your 40's with 2 young children! If you are absolutely sure she is the one then go for it but if your are not entirely "sold" on the idea then you have to face your fear, grow a pair, and move on....l had plenty pf runway left when I was in my 20's....that runway gets quite short when you're older and starting over just to learn what you should of learned first and early on....I guess as the saying goes "IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME"....but truthfully, based on my story, it wasn't the best idea. My advice... getting married should be equal in desire....meaning both of you are close to 100% that this is what you both want. If there is any doubt just take a pause, a deep breath, and get good advice from a variety of older and wiser men in that process. No guarantees under any scenario but making a decision emotionally leaving out the intellectual aspect can be a possible problem.....FYI: last note see what Google says

I was married at 25 to my high school sweetheart then 21. After 20 years and 2 kids (married 10 years before first child) she decided she wanted a divorce! I agreed to her marriage proposal (yes she proposed to me) because at 25 I simply did not want to loose her. That was the mistake. I thought that it was a do or die circumstance. Moral of the story.....I should have taken the bullet then and not have to postpone it for 20 years! In my low 40's I was stranded with child support and basically raising my 2 kids most of the time. Was really hard to get a fresh start and being in basically in only one serious relationship that being with my wife it was extremely difficult to start over.....learning about "other" relationships when you are in your 40s with responsibilities of 2 kids was not an easy thing by any means.

I think Alexander is just saying that if you are a bit of a promiscuous man then it is okay to spend your 20s experimenting and no one should be shamed for wanting to explore as we are all pressured to settle down young and that is okay for some people (me being one of those people) but for other people it can be a good way of getting life and relationship experience xxx

Alisha

i'm 22 now and i'm quite confused about all the advices vom the red pill community now 😅 i decided to get back in a relationship in my 30s for self improvent reasons. you said that we should still date in our 20s, but i feel like it just comes down to a casual thing then and i don't really like to get sexual with someone who won't be my long term partner. maybe i'm not quite sure about what you mean by dating in your 20s. i mean i still meet women and we just hang out, but without the intention of being in a relationship. if you meant that i'm totally with you. if you mean being pormiscuous i politely disagree.

Bravo Kyle :)

Alexander Grace

I also want to add this as well... Always surround yourself around good women all the time regardless of how old you are or where you are at in life. I’m currently volunteering at an animal shelter and it’s really helping me in meeting and talking to high quality women on the regular. If you have space and time to make that happen, I would highly advise you to do that. If you want to ask a few of them out, the situation makes it really easy to do. Due to me about to go in the military here soon, I didn’t try to date any of them but I did make some friends. There were a couple opportunities that came up and I passed on both of them. Being around good people and helping animals seriously helped me in my situation. I highly recommend you do so as well. That way, you can be around great women and then when you are ready to date, you already got you situation set up to where you can just ask out some from the “pool” you set up. Pressure falls off and you know you are getting a potentially good partner because selfish, low-quality people avoid places like those. And, the ratio of women to men is like 5:1. Food for thought. Even if, worst case scenario, you don’t find anyone there, you still reap a huge emotional benefit out of it and it helps you become a better man anyway.

Kyle Worden

Thank you