PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Are Abortions A Red Flag?

You taught me that masculinity is polarizing. I admire your courage. You say things that others do not say, but know to be true, or should know to be true.

Hello Alexander! I am glad that you touched on this very sensitive topic. I think that it's important to talk about abortion because it is such a hot-button topic in today's politically polarized world. I, like you, am a strong believer in the pro-life position. However, although from a religious perspective (I am a Christian), I heartily disagree with abortion in general, I nonetheless think there are extenuating circumstances where it would be acceptable. For example, in these three situations I would be accepting of an abortion. These situations are rape, incest, danger to the mother's life, period. Other than that, and and I hate to use such strong language, I personally would consider it murder. You see, a child is not a " clump of cells" as so many progressives seem to think. Often times progressives mull over this question and wreck their brains trying to figure out when this "clump of cells" becomes human, and based on the science that I have seen, it starts as soon as sperm and egg join together. Anytime you draw the line elsewhere, you are going to run the risk of justifying heinous things. I used to think that any abortion was unacceptable, that was in my teenage years and much of my young adult life. However, as I've learned more about science and read the Bible, I've come to realize that there are certain medical conditions that require a woman to have an abortion, especially given the reasons I've listed above. This has helped me to not prematurely reject otherwise wonderful and great women that I can have a great connection with, who would be wonderful mothers and wonderful wives. But, what that is as far as I would go. And like you said, if I find that a woman has a very casual attitude about abortion, I wouldn't even give her a second thought. I don't respect anyone who treats human life as if it has no value whatsoever. Thank you for this video, and keep the great content coming!

Anosh Orahim

Great video Alex. I had always wondered what your attitude to the issue of abortion was, as I don't recall you ever mentioning it in any of your videos I've watched. You sometimes hear it said, that abortion is "always a difficult decision" for women. But unfortunately the fact is that there are women for whom it is not something difficult at all - some women have a totally casual and blasè attitude to it, and they don't acknowledge the unborn as having any humanity or right to life. Especially now with the easy availabllity of the abortion pill, it's easier than ever to use abortion instead of contraception. I know a young woman who has given herself 6 such abortions in the last 5 years. She prefers to take her chances on the inconvenience of occasionally conceiving an unwanted child, and then aborting it, than to conscientiously use contraception. I know another young woman, who has had multiple abortions, as well as also having a couple of kids, doesn't want to have any more kids but says she'd rather continue to have abortions 'as required", than to have her tubes tied. These are women who I know, but I could honestly not even stomach having a "good" friendship with, let alone a relationship with, knowing not just what they've done, but their attitude to that whole issue. Such women, with such low moral standards, and no regard for unborn human life, are out there.

Being pro choice is exactly what you said: nuanced. I can be pro choice and hope I am never in a position where I'd seriously entertain the idea. I also don't feel like I'm in a position to judge someone who has had an abortion, because I truly believe most people don't do it flippantly. There are always exceptions to the rules however.

Alrighty, this is a 23 year old guys perspective. Since highschool I have shared the same values as you. I think a abortion is okay depending on the circumstance. I can bring up a story actually. My mother had a abortion when she was 17, so this one is very relatable for me. She has the stance that she wasn’t ready during that time and thinks about that time in her life a lot for her deciding to have a abortion and missing the not born child. So yes I 100% agree with you, if they do have a abortion it doesn’t mean they hate kids, life, or having a family. Sometimes it means things weren’t right for them to raise a child. But on the flip side it really matters how they feel after the fact, do they miss the non born child? Do they show no emotion towards it? Do they use it as a form of protection? I genuinely hate those kinds of people. But yeah in a nut shell. It is okay depending on the circumstance, and it matters how they feel about having one and if they did how do they feel? Do they show emotion? Do they show a motherly instinct? I know for me personally and probably many others here on this wonderful video I would like the mother of my children to love them unconditionally and have a strong motherly instinct.

If you find one cell on Mars we would call it life. If we find millions of cells growing in a woman’s womb it’s a “clump of cells”. I think once you’ve had kids it changes your mind. Before I had kids I was pro choice now that I have kids I’m pro life. If a young woman has had one abortion and has suffered emotionally after it means she put together well. If a woman has the nick name “the Terminator” because of a massive body count in abortion than she’s a sociopath that will end up having little to no empathetic or sympathetic feelings about you when you’re suffering with cancer. She’s more likely to think, welp, out with the old in with the new. So I think the situation is different depending on the volume of abortions, the age of the woman and how it was ultimately handled.

Not mentioned in the video was the idea that a woman who has had multiple abortions is obviously neglecting her contraception. One time might be an accident, but multiple times is simple irresponsibility. And actually, not that "simple" either. People who don't take life-or-death decisions seriously are never good candidates for any relationship. They're the kind of people that ever-stricter laws are created for.

Abortions shouldn’t be commonplace. If both partners are taking proper precautions and having safe sex, there shouldn’t be any need for this. So someone having an abortion raises the questions: does this person understand safe sex? Are they reckless? Will they cheat and have unprotected sex? Having said that, if the person had an abortion for certain particular reasons (e.g. no job/money to support the child, she was raped etc), and suffered from some grief, I would be happier being involved with them compared to someone who treated the “morning after” with drugs

Andy MacLeod

Actress and left-wing activist Alyssa Milano revealed she had two abortions in one year in 1993. And with no 'regrets' in the least. Yes, some do use it as birth control.

He said he loves us 🥺

I totally agree with Alex. What worries me in the progressive American society though, is speakers at women's marches, and at the Golden Globe speaking highly and extremely cynical about abortions with a great and proud smile "I've had abortions and it's the best thing that ever happened to me and my career", and then they're given huge applauses. I had to share one of the vids on my facebook profile, though I warned everybody of the hard content. I don't think I know any pro-lifers though - here in Denmark they're rare, but the abortion-limit in most of Scandinavia is 12 weeks under ordinary circumstances and that's waaay to late in my op (Sweden it's 18 weeks) but we haven't had a debate about it in my lifetime.

Thank you for sharing your opinions. You never know where your are wrong in your thoughts until you show them to others. And the fact that you know that what you say isn't something that is set in stone and that you are open for other ideas opens the path for positive discussion.

Alexander's reference to multiple abortions was interesting.  It's a common phrase I hear/read in red pill videos/comments. It's thrown out there as just another one of the ubiquitous negative traits of young modern women. So it sounds commonplace. But the medical community claims that young women do not represent the majority of repeat abortions. It's older women who usually have multiple abortions, and often after they've already had children.  Putting that into context with Alexander's usual content and his target audience: for a man who's dating young childless women in their early to mid 20s, it would seem unlikely he's going to meet one that has had more than one abortion and/or uses it as birth control.  But if that's true, why are multiple abortions so often brought up as part of the stereotype? Is that a new-ish complaint in the manosphere (I've only had a year's experience)? Maybe those medical claims are old enough they couldn't take into account the recent increase in availability of the morning after pill. I'd be interested to know if anyone here knows of a woman who had more than one and what her demographics were.

Jennifer Coopman

I would never want to erase the pain that any man feels when the woman he got pregnant with has an abortion as I understand the trauma involved but at the same time I would never support pro-life and for the mans decision to have more weight than the womans decision. I don't think there is a possibility of the mans decision having equal weight as one decision has to be made and if the man about woman want different things then it should be the woman's choice. Although I do feel for the men who grieve, there should be more resources for men affected by abortions as it is still traumatic xxx

Alisha

I’d be a liar if I said the idea didn’t roll around in my brain for the 2 pregnancy scares I had with my husband. But, I was raised a Christian and even having it cross my mind ate me up inside. I am so thankful I never actually got pregnant. I never wanted children so the relief I felt when my husband got a vasectomy was immense. As for the red flag thing. I can see it being one - but as with what any red flag, means further investigation is not only warranted, but necessary before further investment is made. Edit: also thought I’d share that when my husband got his vasectomy- the Doctor not only told him to wait a couple of weeks to think it through - but also had me come in to the office to discuss and basically give my approval. The hypocrisy of the “my body my choice” stuff is wrong and a whole other ball of wax - but my point for mentioning it on this video is that in reality my husband and I both appreciated the doctor doing this. Even for us who never wanted kids, there is a lot of emotion you feel when making a decision that can alter the course of your life. I too question blasé reactions to such life altering things.

That sounds really awful Jennifer, must have been really hard for you to go through that. Did you ever get any emotional help for going through an abortion? I do feel that a lot of these places do everything they can to guilt you, it is really awful *hugs* xxx

Alisha

Sadly, people will find themselves in situations, that they absolutely don't want to be in.... And abortion is the result of such a situation..... If they see no way out, are panicked, stressed, fearful.... The result is not going to be good. If they are encouraged/exploited to have an abortion, are assured that it is not a big deal, they will often act in haste. Anyone can find, will find, themselves in a situation where they only way out they can see, is sad and sorry. If a young woman becomes pregnant, and only sees abortion as the only solution, what do you think the result will be? An abortion, obviously. With time, a different, and I would suggest a better solution will be found, but if the abortion takes place, how she reacts or feels later, is EXTREMELY important. If there is regret, mourning, sadness.... she has a heart and a soul. How to respond to her? Your words are valid. If she is pleased, repeats, dismisses the lost life as if it were a bad tooth being extracted..... The reddest of all possible flags. Well balanced video, well done.

All I can tell you is what I saw. I admit it was a long time ago, but i knew what a fetus looked like, and there was not one in the petri dish. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm just saying that one didn't come out of me. Telling me what I did or didn't see sounds like gaslighting.

Jennifer Coopman

Your description of the results of the abortion are flawed. At six weeks, the child is about the size of your thumbnail... the head is large, the body and limbs, all four of them, smaller, but clearly visible as what they were. It sounds like you were not pregnant.

Thought my experience might be relevant. It was 25 years ago, so some recollections are fuzzy, my apologies. Facts only. I'm intentionally leaving out how I feel/felt about it. If, after reading this, you want to ask questions in a respectful way, I will answer. It was in the state of Minnesota in the mid-90s, but I lived in a state that bordered Minnesota. Planned Parenthood referred me out of state because it was closer than the nearest abortion provider in my state.  The clinic itself was a women's health center doing things like STD testing, administering birth control, screenings for ovarian and cervical cancer, etc, in addition to offering abortions.  I had to pay cash, but I can't remember the exact amount, if it was 400 something or 500 maybe. I had an appointment one day where they did some tests and confirmed I was pregnant. Went back another day for the actual procedure. I dont recall if this was because maybe there was a legal waiting period or if it was just a scheduling thing in the clinic, that I couldn't have it done same day. My memory is leaning towards a scheduling issue. One appointment I entered the clinic and nobody was around outside. The other time there were protesters. I overheard one as they were getting out of their vehicle with a sign. He said 'let's save some lives today'. I don't recall what was on his sign. Other protesters tried to talk to me, I don't remember what they said.  I said something back but I don't remember what. There was bulletproof glass between the waiting room and rest of the clinic,  including the check in counter. Other women were in the waiting room. We didn't speak to each other.  Nobody was allowed to come past check in with me, it was just the doctor, and a nurse who was basically just there in case I needed emotional support. They did an ultrasound but I don't recall if that was day 1 or 2. They showed it to me, but I can't remember if that's because maybe they were required by law or if they just asked and I said yes. I remember the ultrasound looking empty, but I think they said they could make out the placenta. They said they couldn't find a heartbeat, which I think  was one of the ways they confirm pregnancy.  But because I had numerous other kinds of  tests, all positive, I guess the missing heartbeat didn't matter.  I had a D, E and a C, meaning dilation, evacuation, and curettage. The procedure was painful but brief. I feel like I recall they first numbed my cervix and uterus with a needle, like novocaine shots at the dentist. I can remember the pain. But the evacuation felt like someone was trying to pull my uterus completely out of my body instead of just running the vac up and down its walls. So maybe I didn't get numbed first, and I'm just remembering the pain of dilation before the evac. The curettage hurt too, but again, briefly. After the procedure, I noticed a little spot of blood on the paper sheet between my legs, maybe size of a quarter. They asked me if I wanted to see the abortion.  I don't know if that's because maybe they were required by law, or if they just asked me.  I  agreed.  They brought it out in a little rectangle petri dish. There were a few tiny blood clots amounting to maybe several to 10 milliliters worth of blood. The big show was the tiny placenta. At 7 weeks it was already big enough to see with the naked eye.  A thin piece of pink flesh shaped like a deflated balloon, about the same size as the blood spot on the table, the diameter of a quarter. It looked like someone blew a bubble of bubble gum and popped it. They said that by law they were required to deliver my flesh to a funeral home or something (can't remember the exact words they used) so that it could be cremated and buried. Buried where, I dont know or don't remember. The doctor made me wait a couple hours after the procedure, but I don't recall what they were observing. There was another woman in the 'after' room. We didn't speak to each other. The same day and night I bled.  More than a regular period, but not enough to be dangerous or to indicate a complication, so no action was needed.  Then I was fine. Had to go back again 2 weeks later to confirm I was no longer pregnant. I wasn't. Those are the facts as best as I can remember.

Jennifer Coopman

Yes, that person you interacted with sadly has a screw loose in her thinking/moralizing about abortion.

Blair

Pro-life here, and I really concur with the overall message. Good perspective Alex. 'Abortion recovery and healing' is a ministry a lot of Christian groups offer (and maybe others too). It's not just for moms who abort but for the dads too, who can suffer and have regrets too. Dads sometimes are involved in the decision to abort and sometimes are not, but rarely, I think, does the law require them to have a say in the decision. Rachel's Vineyard is an organization offering retreats in the U.S., Canada, and elsewhere for healing after abortion. They have a section of their website for men who have been involved with abortion, including some personal testimonies: https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/men/index.aspx

Blair

Pro-choicer here but this was reasonable. I do hate it when other pro-choicers go too far... heard one say if she found out her foetus was male, she'd have an abortion because she only wants daughters. I told her it was disgusting and she accused me of not being a true pro-choicer as I should respect her body her choice. I do feel there needs to be nuance. I see it like cheating. It shouldn't be illegal to cheat but it is still immoral. There are reasons that make some cases of cheating more justified than others. However, a cheating person who shows no guilt is also a red flag just like with having an abortion. Also my guess is that any pro-lifers out there might argue that killing a baby is killing a baby and that whether someone has guilt or not doesn't bring the baby back from the dead. Essentially the intent vs impact argument xxx

Alisha

So im not sure what to say gere but i did Saw my fair share of women who denie life in a regular basis. Its something that atracts for sex sorry to say this. Most men that date women like that will leave in the first sign a baby is coming so im not sure where to put the line here. Se can say women have the right to choose and they do ofc. But ir theres a woman avoiding clearly with Next day pills abortions etc i think que should see exactly who She is and if se want that for us. The male pill should already be a thing as well. The right to choose should be both and not just One carrying the burden of life changing hormones.