PATREON EXCLUSIVE: What Does Leadership In A Relationship Actually Look Like?

"Real men, for the most part, don't care about stupid stuff. Women, on the other hand, love filling their lives with stupid distractions without any thought to the cost." This opinion is one of the reasons why I would never be a stay at home mom being financially dependent on a man who thinks every little extra purchase is a stupid thing.

Liandra

My 2 kids are scared of the word time out, my mother hit me as a kid when I was bad and my dad gave me time out he would just sit me down next to him until I was ready to leave, now my kids I do the same, the good thing is, since they don’t like time out they immediately stop doing anything bad once it’s mention so it never gets to that point anymore, 1 is 2 and the other is 3

Hi I'm not Alex, but in my honest and conservative opinion you shouldn't pay that much money for your girlfriend if you're not married or at least have some clarity on how strong your relationship is. I come from a place and culture wherein marriage is a lot easier and not risky. In other words; I won't lose half of my wealth when i get divorced. If I'm not mistaking, that's how it works in America and other countries as well. This is of course just an example. You should be sure to trust your girlfriend that your relationship will last. For many people, including me, this means getting married. In my circumstances it's very reasonable to think that if she doesn't wanna get married with me that means she doesn't want that long term relationship with me. So, she's not worth giving that much money. Again, this depends on your values, culture, circumstances, etc... So, as long as you can be sure that your relationship with your girlfriend is a strong one that will last, I'd say pay it for her. I would totally do it for my wife. As men we like to take care of the woman we love. It makes us feel fulfilled. You just have to do it for the right woman.

Hey Alex. I am working a full time job,My girlfriend is in college. Is it right to support her financially.

From a feminist perspective, the points Alexander made in the video seem old fashioned and idealistic. But as a someone whose marriage has gone from the complete opposite of what he described to something with a little more balance between masculine and feminine, I agree with pretty much everything he said.  The emotional meltdown thing made a lot of sense to me.  While it's not fun to have one, I noticed that the way my man reacted to my meltdowns directly affected the amount of trust I had in him to be the leader of the relationship. Looking back, the more masculine he became, I noticed my emotional meltdowns became less frequent, less intense, and he became more tolerant of them.  If I get words/actions that are the equivalent of 'I'm here now and it's gonna be ok' I immediately feel better, regardless of what the meltdown is even about. I feel like he has my back, like I have a partner, I can trust him.  So I don't need to get all worked up in order to advocate for myself in the relationship. Same with parenting.  If my emotional breakdown is related to our child and I get from him the equivalent of 'don't worry, I will protect them/stand up for them' then it helps me avoid a full-on freakout. I still have emotional emergencies, of course, but these days they are pretty short-lived events, so win-win!

Jennifer Coopman

That's a great story to hear Richard. If you don't mind me asking, how much time passed between the rejection and the relationship?

Steven

An excellent video xxx

Alisha

From my experience, being indirect was usually a byproduct of the following: 1. I want something, but part of me doesn’t want to want it. Being indirect means if I get it, i won’t feel as guilty because i didn’t really “push” for it. 2. I’m insecure about what I want or how being direct will be received. If I am indirect and there is a negative reaction I can spin it in another direction to lessen negative judgment. I’ve been guilty of both and improved in both areas over time, in part, because of my husband’s leadership but also through the basic maturation process, building my career, etc. The second reason was easier to overcome though. Additionally, I always valued men who are direct because it’s something I wish I had in myself - less doubt, better decision making, less fear of rejection/negative reactions, etc.

Around the 15:14 timestamp, AG talks about how indirectness is the go to for women to communicate. And I definitely see this in the dating and courtship process where they drop hints from a distance and expect the guy to be more direct. And also, when they initally reject a guy and want him back, again instead of direct communication it is still indirect. But how much leeway in this regard should they be given? AG follows this up by saying that society taught women to be indirect but at the same time, prefering direct and straightforward communication is common sense and somehting I would prefer and think others prefer too. This whole notion of women communicating indrectly is kind of confusing to me.

Ashwin Srinivas

This really isn't possible today. Real men, for the most part, don't care about stupid stuff. Women, on the other hand, love filling their lives with stupid distractions without any thought to the cost. Our economy in the west actually depends on it... The moment those things collide and the man tries to lead he will be pilloried in today's gender landscape. Women are spending a lot of energy trying to be masculine. They still suck at it, LoL. Walk outside and look around 360 degrees and you will see exactly what I am talking about. You don't have to look very hard. It's everywhere once you start looking for it.

Kent C Johnson

Thought I’d share how my marriage aligns with what Alex shared (we are a dual income, no children, couple married 20 years). - Finances: we have separate checking accounts and one shared bank account to transfer funds. He takes care of investments, and overall financial planning. I take care of food/healthcare/utility payments. Currently I make the main mortgage payment and he pays extra principal on top (although this has flip flopped over the years)- because he wants to get the house paid off - as part of his early retirement plan. - Planning dates - early on he almost always did. At least to structure ideas for them and make arrangements if they were more complex. And he drives like 90% of the time (he’s also a huge car/motorcycle guy). And, when I drove he always pumped the gas. - Staying stable - we’ve had a number of pets over the years, if something happened with one of them and we had to take them to the ER vet, I always looked to him to lead. Of course he broke down and grieved whenever we had to put one down - but in those moments of panic when we had to figure out what to do, where to go, who to call, etc. he took the lead and I looked to him for that stability. - Danger spotting - at this point in our marriage we both communicate well and bring things up pretty quickly and directly, but this is because of how he led in the beginning and set a framework for making sure issues/concerns didn’t fester in silence. Sadly, the lack of leadership in relationships is also reflected in lack of leadership in the workplace. My husband is in construction - so like 99% men. As a leader in what he does, he is constantly floored by how few men are able to lead effectively. It’s a skill set that benefits all areas of life.

Hi Alexander. You speak a lot of reality here. My wife initially gave me the flick a few months after we got together because I was far too sensitive and passive in the relationship. One I got my act together in terms taking hold of my innate masculinity and developing it in a positive way, I approached her again and the dynamic was totally different. We bonded strongly and now have a very functional and fulfilling relationship.

When you said "wait till your father hears about this", I really felt that. In my teens, me and my mum used to argue about nuanced stuff and most times, I became desensitised to it, but when farther was involved, I knew things were gonna go south real quick. I also think an interesting topic of discussion could be "Should parents physically punish their children when misbehaving". As a kid, I always used to think physical punishment was the bane of my existence, but what it did is it showed me that actions have consequences, which is something today's society forgot, but it would be really interesting to hear your thoughts

One of your best videos! Thanks!

Andrés De La Sur