PATREON EXCLUSIVE: Are Some Women More Hypergamous Than Others?

I sense that you are right. But can you elaborate more on gauging how much importance a woman places on a particular trait of men? For example, in order to not waste my time and resources, I want to filter out women who place a big importance on a man's height as early as possible.

At the 5:20-6:10 mark, that is exactly how I felt.  I was ambitious and accomplished and was damned sure I was never going to be anybody's 'little woman'. I was the fucking boss of my life, including my relationships with men.  I felt if I wasnt that way with men, then that would threaten my being the boss in the other areas of my life.  I was taught early by women in my family and by feminists to not to let a man control any part of me. Because they'll never have a woman's best interests at heart, plus I knew, after being exposed to a couple wife beaters as a child, that a man controlling a woman was a symptom of an abusive relationship.  So I needed to make sure that never happened to me.  Don't give him an inch lest he take a mile. Around the 3:30 mark, that's what I did, I took all the negative things about my childhood and family and consciously made a list of their opposites that my man must have in order to prevent the negative ones from happening to me as an adult. No drinking, smoking, doing drugs No physical violence Always have a job or be going to school full time Must come from a respectable (in my view) family. I told this list to a female relative once and she said my standards were too low! This from a woman who met her baby daddy while he was on work release from prison for drug offenses, wearing an ankle GPS monitor, and was so addicted to pot he would get verbally and physically aggressive if he wasn't slightly stoned all day.  This was a man she thought it was a good idea to have kids with.  So I wonder what qualifications were on her hypergamy list that he met, which were higher than mine? He was very tall, at least 6'4".  She enjoyed partying with him, and her friends were always more important to her than her family, so I'm putting my money on his social game/circle. He must've had a social circle she wanted to be in.  And maybe she was one of those women who needed to have a man that's less quality than she was for self esteem reasons.

Jennifer Coopman

Overall, like it. Disagree a little here and there. Definitely agree that "Nurture" has a huge part on Hypergamy. I agree that even though they fantasize about the "Top tier" guys, many of them want the bad ones, and the bad ones are usually broken. The "Change For Me" game. Rescuer, yep good example. How many people, but not all people, end up dating people that somehow resemble their parents. Same goes for meeting the mom, to know what your girlfriend is going to look like. I agree that hypergamy is natural (base), and is better then acting on unknown conditioning. However, how is that individual supposed to discover an underlying issue, if it doesn't get exposed through an experience? I would rather talk about how evolved women are acting on base instinct in more detail. (and you do, some, nice) How many couples survive an increase of wealth, status, fame, etc? How many of those that did survive, gave those up for their relationships? Unfortunately, many people don't realize how much work goes into being "Successful". What is more valuable to you? To me, time. Oh boy, 6:47, one that came to my mind. Insecurity. That would make 3. I'm going to shut up about that one. Discernment. Hmmm. I know someone that uses that word appropriately like you. As far as the tests go, they don't like tests. I don't like tests. I am sure you don't like tests. When a person is genuine, it really bothers them when people think they are not being authentic. We have to realize that the majority of people are used to being lied to. And the gullibility that comes with being honest. Learn to be, never mind. Thanks for your insights. I do enjoy how you express your thoughts.

. I CJ

This is so true! My mom is super religious and the priest wins the MAN stakes hands down

How to satisfy women hypergamy, easy tips: 1. Be attractive, do not be unattractive. 2. Do better than rest of the male population.

Ignas

The idea that a genuine expression of hypergamy can be seen as a marker of psychological health is fascinating. It seems to me that each woman has preferences based on her values, unbringing, community etc and within that frame is where hypergamy operates to essentially maximise/capitalise. So if a woman values strength, confidence and wealth then hypergamy pulls her towards seeking the greatest concentration of those traits in a partner.

Steven

All women are hypergamous. But hypergamy can certainly be satisfied. I’m not clear about your point concerning reductionism.

Todd McDaniels

No, I don’t agree. Quest for status is an evolved human trait in human cognition well studied in Social Psychology. Hypergamy is only partly about resources, though. It’s also about the physical aspect of getting good genes. It’s absolutely about biology and evolution. Keep in mind however that evolution takes a long time and does not care about “nowadays”.

Todd McDaniels

Great video Alexander, I have always wondered how capitalism and hypergamy work because I am assuming hypergamy in caveman times just meant a woman wanting a man who was a good provider food wise and who could provide the best shelter for her and offspring. Nowadays with capitalism I don't see how that £402948928 diamond ring is going to provjde protection to offspring 😂 I feel that is a woman is that materialistic it isn't a biology or evolutionary thing but more of a societal thing as the ring is a status symbol more than something practical for looking after herself and children xxx

Alisha

I relate to the introvert thing, don't get me wrong, I have an adventurous side and like travelling but I like a quiet and simple life, I don't like having too many people in my life either as it is draining. I question how anyone couldn't be drained tbh xxx

Alisha

My sisters might be variations of “rescuers.” One is with a recovering addict who doesn’t work full-time and dabbles in acting. The other is with a guy who was adopted, raised by a single mother, whose career goals center around social work (he currently works at a non-profit focused on supporting children with mental disabilities). Both sisters seem to indirectly experience and get fulfillment from their partners’ career choices/lifestyles by being the primary breadwinner. As for me, I am not like either of them. I might fall into the “too insecure” example you gave, although focusing on insecurity is too simplistic. For example, never in a million years would I want to date a famous millionaire. Insecurity might be an initial factor- but people can get over (or learn to deal with) insecurities through exposure and practice if it’s something they really want. For me, a much bigger part is that I have zero interest in being surrounded by people I perceive to be good looking but superficial, driven but soulless, successful but never fulfilled, etc. Plus, as an introvert, the idea of having to be “on” all, or a lot, of the time is just….life draining. I am simple, quiet, casual, and private. That said, while we certainly didn’t start out that way, at this point in our lives, my husband and I can be considered wealthy because we both earn 6 figure incomes and have no children - but we aren’t millionaires by any stretch. We make enough to have a nice home, buy the things we want, and have no debt, but where walking around in jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers is the norm. It’s a lifestyle that suits our personalities and more than assuages wherever I fall on the hypergamy spectrum.

Two words, reductionism and ambiguity. I tend to have a hard time recalling these two words in discussing these kinds of issues ( I have an undergrad degree in psychology with an emphasis on cognitive neuroscience. The problem in recall is accessing memories and information. ) Reductionism is the practice of analyzing and describing a complex phenomenon in terms of phenomena that are held to represent a simpler or more fundamental level, especially when this is said to provide a sufficient explanation. I do believe we men are skewing towards this in the discussion of hypergamy. It is very human, because the human mind refuses ambiguity. This leads to cognitive dissonance and, in my opinion, is a key mechanism to so many beliefs people hold dear to. So much has changed over the past thirty years in sexual dynamics and with the divorce laws now in place, we've got a lot of cognitive dissonance, both male and female, and we all want to grasp the ambiguity of it all. I know that's how I wound up wandering the manosphere. I have always noted that Alexander loves to point out how "nuanced" many of the topics are. I personally note how so many women post how much men can't handle a "strong and independent" women. There are plenty of videos on what that really means (talk about nuanced). My hope is that we all don't follow suit with "all women are so hypergamous" that she will never be satisfied. I had to put that out there because I am starting to believe that and I don't want to.

Daniel L Chin

Well balanced perspective. Thanks Alexander

Thank you for the video Alex ! Really enjoyed it !