FULL VIDEO: Boredom in Women Is Very Dangerous

Intellectual = high IQ + curiosity.

RhodiumMaiden

I remember being told that I’m just not fun anymore That stung and i never forgot that it’s definitely left a scar

Peter

This has me feeling some kind if way but the cander is appreciated regardless of the feelings it brings up. Thanks for sharing and engaging ———

Peter

Yes! He was also too agreeable for my taste though I’m only realising that consciously now. He didn’t give me enough push back, so we lacked the necessary tension as a couple.

RhodiumMaiden

ENTJ here, my 2 LTRs have been with INTP & INFP. I’d guess an INTJ would be even better. The E/I opposite pairings work very well.

RhodiumMaiden

Hey thanks :) FTR, I dated that guy for 3 months, but most of the time was long distance (China/New York), so I think I would have figured it out sooner. 3mo is my max trial period. I think I often knew earlier, but was trying to give the relationship a full chance, especially in cases where we weren’t close geographically or didn’t have much time to spend together. I’ve broken up with several guys I dated for a few weeks to 3mo & they all took my ending it really well, except one case. Maybe it helped that I was very honest & detailed about why? The guy who took it badly had a young daughter, & I thought I was okay with it, but came to realise I wasn’t.

RhodiumMaiden

she sounds unintellectual tbh and just values different things than me and RhodiumMaiden probably. "No time for interests" lol, fair I guess but no thank you

Define intellectual, some time ago I was dating a girl and she had friend, who complained how guys are talking about stuff and how she herself had no time for interests because she had friendships to maintain, yada yada yada.

Ignas

Yeah bigger the baggage, the harder if not possible to separate. But I hope this happens not to often, as the person should show signs way before children and no point of return relation involved.

Ignas

Along those lines, it takes some bravery and confidence to bring an enriching, alternative perspective to the conversations within a relationship. Sometimes the people who are overly agreeable ("nice guys") prefer to focus on the opinions you share, which can make those conversations less intellectually stimulating.

My favorite part was at the very end. When Alexander said 'use your masculinity, this is what it means to be a leader in the relationship'. Damn. That gave me goosebumps.

Jennifer Coopman

Hi Ignas, I agree, if they are a committed couple and she's getting bored, then that's a problem with her. Kat and I had similar thoughts above. If she's not willing to find a way to cope with the boredom, fine, but then one of you better say 'time to break up' real fast. Relationships are not 'fulfilling' in the sense that you must completely fill her time. You asked how long, I say around the time you're discussing becoming exclusive with her, or shortly thereafter. Take Rhodium's story below as a great example. It doesn't have to be a painful drawn out experience. As long as it's before marriage and kids. If the boredom happens way late in a marriage or relationship....I don't know. I hate to say get divorced because by now the two of you should've found more than enough common ground to avoid throwing away everything you've built together for years. Just to start over so late in life? Especially if kids are involved. Doesn't make sense to me. But feminists and single mothers will also tell other women that boredom with the father is a valid reason for a woman to break up her family. So I can appreciate why you feel it's such a big risk.

Jennifer Coopman

Wow.. lots to unpack here. And I'm late- I came over as soon as I saw the YT edit; I haven't made a habit of checking Patreon regularly. I'm also speaking from some years of hindsight. Please bear with me. I can confirm what Alexander said about childhood trauma and frozen emotion. I can confirm it for myself, and for my wife. I don't think we ever interpreted it as boredom that I can recall. But that may have to do with our personalities- me being introverted but social, and she being fairly ambiverted, leaning just a bit to extroversion. When we were courting, shortly before we got engaged, I had a roommate with a very happy-go-lucky personality. If any of you are familiar with the color categorization of personalities- he was a screaming yellow, where she and I are pretty solid blues- personalities that strongly value social harmony. He had a bad reputation as a Peter Pan heartbreaker because of his personality. I'd actually met his little brother at another school first; I guess it was no surprise that little brother was already married. Anyway, one of the girls he dated at this time said something curious. I remember her calling him and saying "I'm bored". They never went on serious dates that I recall, so, I didn't really think they were dating as such. But wife and I caught up with her much later and she described him as an ex and insisted they were dating. OK then. I really got the feeling that while maybe she was initially attracted to his fun-loving nature, she wanted a little bit more that he was not willing to commit to. At any rate, I thought it was just strange that she "hung out" with him and then called it a dating relationship. And I wonder if this was a hint of the "hanging out" approach to dating that I've heard about amongst Millennials and Gen Z.. but Matt (yeah, that was his name) is older than I am.. he's decidedly Gen X. Okay, that story aside, my wife and I really took on our issues headstrong and together. I've personally clocked over 35 years that I've been in therapy, and honestly, I think a good amount of it was a waste. But she and I made the solid decision to read self-help books together (yes @Jen, including the Five Love Languages) and just figure out what we could on our own. We spent many of our 23 years of marriage in support groups. And now another story. It was my wife that led me to understand that a previous relationship I had was very toxic and troublesome, and that the woman involved, The Pothead, was probably covert narcissistic. I say this because I can partially relate to the young man Tik Tok'er.. but only partially. Let me quickly say I learned for myself that I can't compartmentalize emotions from physical intimacy and sex. That is how Pothead snared me- she used a variation of what's called lovebombing through sex. (Yes, it's sometimes called sexbombing.) She also furthered the manipulation by saying I was a Boy Scout or a prude. She already had two children, but apparently didn't have custody. She had her tubes cauterized, not tied, and she tried to have me believe she could reverse it. She also thought it was okay to pass me around like a sexual party favor if it fit her whims, which I thought was very strange. That led to some conflicts and entanglements- yes, some *cough* group sex, but it was always "no, I am not going to share myself, but I can share jak however I want." So she had passed me to a friend but then got huffy when that friend's husband wanted some action. I'm not explaining much here, but I digress. It didn't help that my parents pressed me to get married to her. Strangely enough, I just went to another toxic relationship.. a buddy I thought was a friend, but was pretty predatory and wanted.. sex. Yes, all my sexual experiences seemed to follow a pattern of girl, boy, girl, boy.. yes, I am bisexually oriented, but I had problems of falling in with either very broken women, or very broken men, who would meet my desires for affection with sex. Yes, I know not many men talk like this, but, that's me. In conclusion- yes, I learned long ago that party girls are just a disaster. I would not be surprised if Shower Girl has deep daddy or other childhood trauma issues that she just tries to cover up with sexual attention. I'm not saying that IS the reason, but I've met a lot of men and women that have had childhood trauma that includes incest and other molestation, and they wind up trying to cope with it through sex. And that includes me.

jaklumen

Oh wow @Jen- 2 for 2. Hello there, fellow introvert. If you're familiar with the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I'm an INFP, while my wife is an ENFP.. a personality that's sometimes called "an introverted extrovert".

jaklumen

Kat, I agree, and there's a difference between being bored at the beginning of a relationship versus being bored in a long-term relationship or even when you're just casually dating. If in the first few dates you're bored with a guy, fine, dump him. But if you're already exclusively dating and you find your bored with him, I think that's a problem with the woman. Two reasons why i think this. One: she's just not a nice person. As you described, it's important to show interest in another person's interests, if you care about them. It's a nice thing to do for your dating partner. Two: if being bored with him bothers her that much then there is a problem with her because there is something about herself that she can't handle. Like a child who never learned to enjoy solitary play, one who just can't stand being alone with their own thoughts/ personality. Examples from my personal life: I had a boyfriend who played sports and loved to watch sports. I hated that pastime. But when we were together, he would often just want to watch sports on tv. It was boring if to me, but I used that time to get in my to get in my cuddles. I love cuddling and holding hands and dozing off in the crook of a man's arm with my head on his shoulder. And during these long sporting events on tv, I would satiate my need for physical affection and just enjoy being next to his body. In my marriage, if my husband is doing something that I find boring, I will do something that *I* find interesting, by myself. Read a book, or go somewhere I want to go, alone. What's wrong with doing something alone sometimes? Of course I also really love doing fun stuff *together*. But why is it someone else's *responsibility* to do things they don't like in order to entertain me? I can entertain myself just fine, thank you.

Jennifer Coopman

I do think you’re right about extroversion, particularly with people who just aren’t happy with a very routine lifestyle. I can’t relate to her finding everyone boring, but I find most men too conventional/below me in IQ & creativity, while also wanting a stable, hardworking, ambitious man.

RhodiumMaiden

I am never bored, but I dated a really good guy & I broke up with him because he bored me. To be more specific, there was no intellectual stimulus which is absolutely crucial for me. He wasn’t dumb, but he wasn’t intellectual enough for me. Fortunately I realised it really early on. Such a shame because he’s an awesome person & we were well matched otherwise. But you can’t force compatibility. As always, so lovely to witness your friendship in these videos. How you respect & yet challenge each other. It always makes me smile.

RhodiumMaiden

Brav… these tik toks hit differently. The pain in the girls laugh at the beginning was palpable a proper Britney Spears shaving off all my hair moment, im in the middle of a mental meltdown. Hard to watch And that distraught young guy really hit the heartstrings for me. my ex never cheated on me, but that feeling of I have tried so hard, so hard and this is what I get for it?? I mean that in regards to many aspects of life. really hard to watch Matts first instinct is absolutely golden! compassion! validate there experience! and then try understand what happened . Judgement is never a part of this Akex is 34? Over the years I’m pretty sure Alex has mentioned his age several times and each time he mention that it’s different That said I have Existential angst about getting older. I don’t like being my age number, especially because I definitely don’t feel that way, the way think I should feel at my age and I am definitely not anywhere near where my peers are in terms of life Ark . Back to the distraught young man. what I find sad is that the manosphere seems to be split in two sides. one that says you are a man you control the situation and had you done this and that a.k.a. this situation as of you are making.and then the other side is oh my God wammans are evil and my personal affinity is more to the side of women’s accountability. yes as a man you can influence the situation , be a good sheppard, but to remove accountability and responsibility and to strip women of self-determination and their agency, is doing them a disservice. these are heartless narcissistic ethicsless gutter rats. Yes he chose poorly and maybe he has issues himself but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a gutter rat.. she overlooked all his goodness and stuck it to him Men or women that exploit others good nature or a kind heart are those kind of people that would steal from a baby or an old persons pension and there is a special level of hell reserved for those that knowingly exploit the innocence or noavity in the world. They are curruptors of the kind soul I think it’s fair to name the cat a cat as they say in French It doesn’t help anyone to not hold the woman accountable to her part in this she did the transgression To say otherwise is victim blaming in my book. though this is an area where my thoughts aren’t fully formed. Its extremely tricky and nuanced. But finding a general principle is something I think of a lot. if someone leaves their car keys in the car and the door is unlocked and the car gets stolen. how do you react the person had his car stolen. he didn’t steal it himself, but he didn’t take every precaution to protect himself. putting any sort of responsibility on him is like telling a woman who was raped she could have worn a longer skirt to me. Telling this bloke what he didn’t do to minimise his risk is correct and good by it still feels like explaining the the girl that she could have not worn a mini skirt. this is an extremely tricky topic and I haven’t figured it out for me. I acknowledge what Matt said that some manosphere a dude said a woman falls in love with you not because of your effort but because of her own effort. I acknowledge that this is probably true and it makes sense yet at the same time I absolutely hate this fact. As I said I can empathise with a young man who has given it his all and as a thanks for his effort has received a drop kick to the nads Lots of topics and different reactions to different parts. But that just reflects the large variety of topics touched on in this video

Peter

Interesting you mentioned the laugh , im referring to the very first video right at the beginning and I don’t hear a hysterical laugh. I hear a laugh with exceeding amounts of pain. is that laugh you bring which could be followed by tears. it was pretty uncomfortable to hear the kind of chuckle laugh A laugh of someone in the midst of a mental break down. Or ont someone might have when they tell you i have terminal stage 4 cancer *laugh*

Peter

Today Alexs‘ milky tan, feels particularly milky.

Peter

Ok I get the picture, you have to fully own yourself and on top of that be able to resolve the whims of the partner. When and how this "binding experience" can show it's result and how it can be seen? What the point in putting serious effort if she does not even have to change, like junkie which will get bored on next occasion? I also think there is a big difference between "I am bored" and "you are boring". First one is fixable issue, if she shows effort and understands that problem is very likely centered on her, second is basically her putting weight of her emotions/attention on you and shows lack of understanding your enjoyment and respect. I feel if it goes to this, the correct way is to show doors for her and tell to go search for excitement herself. What do you guys think of this kind situation?

Ignas

Going through therapy made me realize that when you have a chaotic childhood, you tend to recreate the same chaos in other relationships. When that doesn't 'naturally' happen, that's when boredom sets in. Things just feel too calm and unfamiliar. Second, I also think general boredom in relationships after a long period of time is something that both partners are responsible for. I think both should put in effort to do things out of the ordinary once in a while. It just shows appreciation for the other.