How To Ethically Navigate Your Attraction To Disabled People

Hey Misfits! 

I wrote this quite some time ago and I feel it's still relevant, so I wanted to post it here. I'll make it public so that I can reference it when trying to help people learn how to navigate their attractions to people with disabilities. 

I don’t think most devotees are creeps. I like devotees! There is nothing wrong with being attracted to people with disabilities. We are hot, after all! 

Sometimes people need a little help though - we aren’t born with social skills. Here are some tips on how to navigate your attraction in an ethical matter when interacting with people with disabilities.

1. Do not ever lie about your gender or being a person with a disability. If you don't have a disability, don't lie and say you do. 

2. Don’t lie if we ask you if you’re a devotee. In fact, it would be best if you tell us before we have a reason to ask.

3. Do not ever repost pictures of us to disability photo sharing sites, especially if those pictures are not public (i.e. they are only accessible by being our “friend” on Facebook) unless we give you permission.

4. Employ the “genitals test” as a general rule of thumb. If it would be rude to say it about our genitals, you might not want to say it about those other parts of our body (legs, stumps, etc). There are times when the “genitals test” won’t work, so just try to use your best judgement.

5. Engage us in conversation that isn’t about our limbs! The “genitals test” works here too. We wouldn’t want to talk about our penises or vaginas all day either.

6. If you’re over 18, don’t ever ask minors to show you their limbs (within reason. If you’re 18 and they are 16 or 17, enjoy.) while it may not be the legal equivalent of asking a minor to show you her boobies, it’s kind of the same thing.

7. Ask us if we’re comfortable answering questions about our limbs before you ask them.

8. Exercise restraint in the number of questions, messages, video chat requests you send to us. The “rule of three” is a good baseline - if you’ve sent us three messages and we haven’t responded, then we’re not reciprocating and further messages are probably not welcome. Or maybe we took the dog outside to pee. Either way, chill out.

9. Respect our privacy and avoid hunting down our personal information. If we didn’t give you our home address, don’t go looking for it just because you can.

10. Do not take pictures of us without our permission. While it may be perfectly legal to do that in a public place, it’s incredibly creepy. This is especially true when we are referred to as “sightings”. We are not unicorns or chupacabra.

11. Don’t call us for a video chat on Skype, Facebook, or anywhere else unless you ask permission first.

12. If we tell you no, respect that we have said no. Take no for an answer. Don't pester us and keep asking. Don't ask us to explain why we have said no. This applies to any type of "soft no" as well, such as, "I'd rather not", "I don't want to", "I'll pass" etc. Sometimes we have a hard time being blunt.

13. If you have BID feelings and pretend in order to cope with your feelings, then please do so with CONSENT wherever possible. If you create an online "alternative identity" as a coping mechanism for BID feelings, seek out others to roleplay with and avoid entering private spaces for people with disabilities (I.E. don't pretend you are an amputee in an amputee Facebook group)

Okay! I am seeking INPUT on these ideas from you folks who are my patrons. Is there anything I should clarify? Anything you disagree with? What say you?