What's Left Unsaid - Chapter 7

I stood quietly in front of the coffee machine in the breakroom. It was early on a Friday, and the office was quiet. Most people didn’t start getting in until around nine, but I always liked being early on Fridays so I could leave early. It was my routine.

So much had been disrupted over this last year, holding on to one thing, even as small as this, that was consistent was invaluable.

Early morning quiet in the office. Starting the coffee. Watching it percolate. Pouring a cup and stirring in a good helping of sugar and cream. I found the older I got the more I was starting to need the extra boost. Plucking up a wooden stirrer, I started swirling around the coffee, leaning against the counter and watching the slow circling liquid like it was trying to hypnotise me.

“Morning, Conner.” Ella’s voice nearly made me jump, but I was able to stop myself from dropping my coffee or crushing the cup in surprise.

I stood quietly in front of the coffee machine in the breakroom. It was early on a Friday, and the office was quiet. Most people didn’t start getting in until around nine, but I always liked being early on Fridays so I could leave early. It was my routine.

So much had been disrupted over this last year, holding on to one thing, even as small as this, that was consistent was invaluable.

Early morning quiet in the office. Starting the coffee. Watching it percolate. Pouring a cup and stirring in a good helping of sugar and cream. I found the older I got the more I was starting to need the extra boost. Plucking up a wooden stirrer, I started swirling around the coffee, leaning against the counter and watching the slow circling liquid like it was trying to hypnotise me.

“Morning, Conner.” Ella’s voice nearly made me jump, but I was able to stop myself from dropping my coffee or crushing the cup in surprise.

I looked up, watching the small woman as she picked up one of the clean mugs from the sink and started to fill it.

“Morning, Ella.” She had her platinum blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and wore a sensible black blouse and skirt that reached her knee. Though her clothes were all business, her scuffed sneakers were pure, unapologetic comfort. It made me smile.

“Did you have a good evening?” She turned to me, coffee held in both hands, looking at me over the rim as she sipped.

“Uh… yeah. Decent enough.” I avoided eye contact. Last night was a disaster. My wife had shown me nothing but desire and want, and I’d fallen apart. Cum but cried. God, that was so pathetic. And she’d held me, rocked me, stayed with me through it all.

I didn’t buy into the toxic sort of idea about masculinity that men shouldn’t cry. But breaking down like that… it just felt so stupid. Like I should be stronger. Wiser. Better.

Instead, I was just… broken.

Ella’s hand touched my arm. “Conner…” The look on her face told me she wasn’t buying my bullshit. But she wasn’t asking me to tell her the truth either. Her eyes told me she was just willing to listen if I wanted to talk. And considering everything we’d discussed yesterday…

“I’m okay, Ella.” I sighed. “It was a… rough night. That’s all.”

She nodded and let her hand drop. “I hope it didn’t have anything to do with what we discussed… my offer?” Her cheeks flushed.

I shook my head. “No. No, nothing to do with that. Just… home life.” I waved my hand dismissively. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Alright. But… I’m happy to listen. You know that, right? I mean, I know maybe that’s not a proper boss, employee relationship, but it can be a friend relationship. After hours sort of thing. Off the clock.” She smiled, and it was sweet and dazzling. Not as radiant as Daisy’s smile, but it came damn close.

“Yeah. I appreciate that.” I smiled back.

“So… um, did you… have time to consider my offer?” Ella looked away, her turn to become embarrassed.

“Oh uh… I mean…” I scratched the back of my neck. “Ella… it’s…” I sighed and leaned back against the counter again. “It’s tempting. Interesting. And… god I’m honestly ready to try almost anything. Well… almost anything. There’s been some stuff me and Daisy haven’t tried, and it’s probably just because of my own male ego or whatever getting in the way. But… this thing… Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

Ella chuckled, and it was hard to look away from how her chest moved subtly in the black blouse. “A good idea? I don’t know. But it’s an idea. And honestly, like you, I’m willing to try almost anything. Within reason. But it would have to be with someone I trust. I know this whole thing sounds kinda… weird. Maybe even sort of pseudo-sciency. But… I feel like it’s worth trying, it might help us both.” She shrugged. “If it doesn’t work, well then we aren’t really out anything except some time and maybe some embarrassment. But I think we can be adults, don’t you?”

I met her eyes. This woman was becoming more and more fascinating by the day. She was so strange but in a very appealing way. Maybe that’s why I was nervous. If I didn’t find her… interesting, then her offer wouldn’t have me so on edge. But she was brilliant, bright, and beautiful. All the things that made me fall in love with Daisy. It felt like I was betraying her. Trying to replace her.

Ella’s hand touched my arm again. “If it helps… and maybe this will sound… mean? I don’t know. But… I’m not… interested in you Conner. I mean, not like… in a long term, relationship, sort of way. You’re attractive. And I’m a healthy woman who likes men, most of the time.” She chuckled, and her smile flashed again, making my mouth run dry. “But… I don’t wanna steal you or anything. So… if that’s what you’re worried about…”

I patted her hand, keeping it pressed to my arm. “It’s not you I’m worried about. I… it’s me I guess.”

“Oh? So it’s the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line?” She raised an eyebrow with a mirthful smile.

“Oh god. Sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. It’s just… there’s a lot more going on than my… ahem, situation. And… I’m just afraid that maybe… your offer, as appealing as it is, agreeing to it might be less hopeful and altruistic and more… vengeful.”

Ella’s eyebrows rose. “Oh.” She was silent for a moment, and then her eyes widened. “Ooooh. Oh god Conner. I’m… I’m so sorry.” Putting down her coffee, she stepped forward and hugged me tight. The smell of her hair, vanilla and … was that peach? Maybe plum? Made me dizzy for a brief second.

“It’s… it’s okay.” I muttered, arms wrapping around her.

“No, it’s not. If you want to talk about it we can. And you can totally forget the offer. I never… if you’d told me before… I wasn’t trying to insert… oh geez I feel like a whore or something. I just thought we could help each other.” She pulled back looking up at me nervously. “Seriously, Conner. I didn’t mean for it to come across like… it must sound like I was propositioning you and… if uh… something’s going on with your wife… then, that’s probably the last thing you’d want to get involved in.”

I put my hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Ella. It’s okay. I never thought of you like that. And your offer, the things we talked about, that’s far different from what’s going on at home. A whole different universe. But… I have to think. If I wanted to… I would just want to do it for the right reasons. Not because I was trying to get back at my wife or something. You don’t deserve to be used like that, intentionally or not.”

She was nodded. “I understand. I totally get it. And I won’t bring it up again. Promise. But… well, I guess the offer is always open.” She nibbled on her lip and picked her coffee back up. “This…is awkward. Are we going to have difficulty working together? Do I need to maybe go remote or something for a little while?”

I laughed, hand slapping against the counter. “Geez, Ella. No. no, you… no. I can… god this is such a weird situation. But no, stay. We can work together just fine. We can be adults. But maybe you should wear skirts that are less tight if you want things to be less awkward.” I nearly bit my tongue the moment the words left my mouth.

Ella’s eyes widened, and her cheeks went crimson.

“I…oh shit, I’m sorry, Ella please… I…”

She waved a hand, dismissing my apology. “I think I can handle that… ahem… sir.” There was a glimmer of teasing in her smile. “If it’s an issue with a panty outline… I can always switch to thongs… maybe strings.” She mused for a moment, playfully tapping her lips as she held her coffee close. “Or just… go without panties.” She turned on her heel and began walking away as I stood there, staring after her, confused and embarrassed. Her small, shapely bottom swayed a bit more than was necessary.

When she vanished around the corner, I slumped against the counter, my breath suddenly coming back in a rush. Was I really becoming one of those horny men Ella had told me about? What had just happened? Had she flirted with me? Maybe it was just teasing. After all… considering what we’d talked about and the offer she’d made… was it so strange she might playfully tease? Or maybe I was just looking too much into things… complicated and strange things.

I took a few more moments to compose myself. Not wanting to walk back into the office, empty or not, blushing like a virgin. Once I was calm and confident once again, I went to my office, setting my sights on working to get my mind off of what a shitshow my life had become.

…

Going to work put me on edge. It had barely been twenty-four hours since I’d ‘called it quits’ with Ash, and now I had to be in close proximity to him for eight hours. Sweating. Wearing tight clothing. Watching his muscles. Knowing his cock was fat and big and what it could do…

God I was becoming a slut!

I growled as I pulled myself up, handhold by handhold up the rock wall.

I’m not a slut. I’m not a slut.

The mantra kept ringing in my head as I reached the top of the wall, took a moment to breathe and gather myself, and then signaled down to Barry, my coworker holding my safety rope, that I was ready to repel down.

He gave the all clear and I allowed myself to jump down, pushing off the wall again and again, descending at a brisk pace. The straps of my climbing gear dug into my thighs and crotch, making my spandex rub against my pussy. God, it was sensitive.

I hadn’t gotten to cum when I’d given Conner oral. His breakdown had quickly stopped any feelings of arousal. But that had just led to feeling on edge all night. All morning. And even now.

And to my horror, the urge to go to Ash and get some relief was powerful and present. I hated myself for it. For creating that habit. Almost as objectionable as drugs or alcohol to cope with pain and depression. But I knew it wasn’t Ash himself that I wanted. It was cock. Fucking. Penetration. Sex. What I’d grown used to over the years in my marriage and was now being deprived of.

Deprived. That was the wrong word. Conner wasn’t holding anything back from me. He wasn’t denying me. I knew if he could, he’d have pounded me every single chance he got. He’d have made me fucking cry if his spine weren’t so fucked up.

I landed on the mats, quickly unhooked my gear, gritting my teeth and seething at how unfair life was. How fucked up things could be even when you were good people and tried to do everything right and responsible.

“You alright, D?” Barry asked, gathering up the rope.

“Fine. Just… wound up. I’m gonna take a break. You good?” I asked him, briskly walking past him, pulling my sweaty hair out of its ponytail.

“Yeah. We’ve got it. It’s fairly quiet today, so go, I’ll give you a text if we need more bodies out here.” The short man, slightly stocky and jovial, grinned at me and gave me a salute as I walked away.

In the locker room, I made a beeline straight to the private showers and stepped in, quickly peeling off my spandex shirt and pants, tossing them to the side so they wouldn't get wet, and threw my sports bra and panties (now soaked) down along with them. The showerhead pelted down ‌water, hot and stinging as I turned it on and stepped under, sucking in a painful breath as the heat burned.

Putting ‌one foot on the shower bench, I thrust two fingers deep into my cunt hard. I gasped, sucking ‌my lower lip and cringing at the pain and pleasure. I started thrusting. My body wanted to cum. It needed it. I was burning for it.

I pushed out thoughts about men. About a penis. I didn’t want this to be ‘sexual’. I wanted it to be clinical. Just serve a bodily need. Get a release and then go back to work. I still had a few hours left in my shift. Ash had been civil and even friendly, but as promised, he didn’t make any flirtatious passes at me. It was as if we hadn’t been fucking like addicts for the last month or more. And I should have been happy about that. I was happy about that.

But I couldn’t keep the image of his cock ramming into me. Filling my pussy. Stretching me.

But it wasn’t just him. The images in my mind flash. They flipped and flopped. Back and forth. First it was Ash’s big dick ruining me. Then it was Conner, arms wrapped around me, ramming me down on his beautiful penis.

Ash bending me over, fucking me and spanking me.

Conner pressing me up against the wall, holding my legs up sliding in and out of me as we kisses and sucked on each other’s lips.

Ash making me ride him on the shower bench, sucking my bouncing tits.

Conner… Conner standing next to us… watching me… stroking himself as Ash filled me. No… I was stroking him. His limp cock in my hand, knowing he felt good even if he couldn’t get hard. Seeing him watching me, loving me, seeing my pleasure, wanting me to be happy.

I’d understand.

I was gasping, my fingers ramming in and out furiously.

I understand.

His hand on my cheek. Sucking on his thumb as I stroked him and Ash gripped my ass, pounding me raw and deep. His teeth clamping down on my nipples making me whimper as i bit my husband’s thick thumb.

Take care of yourself… I’d understand… I understand.

The sound of Conner’s voice. Encouraging. Heartbreakingly understanding.

Understanding… why… Why did that word keep pulsing through me like a heartbeat?

I thrust my fingers deep inside me and felt my pussy spasm, clench, cumming hard from my stimulation and the treacherous and strange erotic thoughts playing in my head. 

My body tightened, went rigid, and soon released and relaxed. I slipped my fingers out and let the water of the shower wash away my juices as I put my hands on the wall and panted, trying to catch my breath.

Those… fantasies… god they were so fucked up. Conner wasn’t a cuckold. Never. I’d never treat him like those fetish stories or porn videos. Yes, I’d watched and read some, I’m not a prude. But I hated that humiliating aspect. I loved Conner. And he was not the sort of man that would ever put up with being belittled.

But… was that what I’d fantasized?

Conner had been there. Watching. Participating. Encouraging. Ash hadn’t been mocking him. I wasn’t belittling him. It was just… sex.

I sat on the bench and scrubbed my hands along my face. What was wrong with me? I was getting my wires crossed. My need for sex outweighing my rationality. It was bad enough I’d become an adulterer. But those strange fantasies and thoughts… they were even more complicated.

But… What did they mean exactly? Or were they just twisted sex fantasies? Needing to cum, my mind pulled out memories and images, smashing them together so that I could reach my climax.

I pushed aside the thoughts. The fantasies. The worries and finished washing off my sweat and arousal. Drying off and putting my clothes back on, I went back out to the gym trying to go on with my day. I just needed to work. Focus on my job. The last thing I needed to dwell on were twisted fantasies, even if Conner was involved. 

Focus Daisy. Focus. 

But by the time I ended my shift, I’d soaked through my panties completely thinking about… things…