Rachel appears with a smile, sitting at a white table with a blank wall behind her. Hands and arms on the table, hands held
“‘ello! This is Rachel Groves here with a new episode of The Transformative Chew. Today's sponsor is Mr. Capino's!”
There's a small pause and awkward silence from Rachel as she sits there, smiling.
“Well, that's it. Apparently this is their first sponsorship ever and don't have any scripts or thingies for me to read off. Instead, they say their product will do all the talking for them!”
She leans to her right, shoulder dipping a little below the table. “So, you all seen a candy shop before, right? They're sweet tooth paradise!” Cue her showing some still images of Willy Wonka movies for examples
“They have anything and everything you want from the classic chocolate to the dangerously mouth scrunching sour balls! Taffy, lollipops, and more galore!”
Cuts back to her sitting up straight. “Buuuuuut, have you ever been to a TOON candy shop? Now those have some truly incredible, dentist-visiting treats. Everything is flashier, stronger, packs an extra kick, and does things you may never even imagine to your system… and not including transformations!” There's interlaces of unique looking candies.
“But you're here for that so let's focus on something very interesting. Here's something that's been making the rounds in toon candy shops across the country. It even recently popped up a local candy shop for humans in my neck of the woods! Ta-da!”
She pulls out from behind her back a cigar… however, it's made of pure chocolate with a gold tin wrapper in its center.
“This here is Mr. Capino's Choco Cigar!”
Cue cut to a spinning clear dish with the cigar on a stand. It moves slowly with royalty free music playing in the background.
“Yes sir! You don't often see these kinds of things in your drugstores or supermarkets, but they are pieces of chocolate shaped like a cigar with a nice middle. Sometimes creamy, sometimes peanut butter crunchy, sometimes something even more delectable depending on the chocolate creator!”
Cuts back to Rachel twirling the choco cigar in her hand. “The maker of this particular chocolate cigar is a bit of newbie to the industry. Sure, we've covered companies and food makers that don't have a lot of information out there about them before. However, this one seems to have less of a footprint than usual, even for a toon operation.
There's a hardcut to a computer screen. “There's no website at all. No email address.” Cut to a mailbox. “There's no address listed.” Cut to the open page of a phone book. It's zooming in on an ad with a toon weasel wearing a fedora in profile view. “The best I got is a number and ad from a phone book, but that's really not much, is it?”
Cut back to Rachel with a shrug. “The only reason I know about this is that the company contacted me directly.” She smiled. “They're apparently fans of my content and want to get the word out on what they're selling.”
Her smile went away as she scratched her chin. “Apparently, they want to expand their operations in more ways than one and get the word out somewhat. Personally, I usually don't go in on these kinds of sponsorships from companies without a lot of info. However, they made an offer I couldn't refuse, so here we are!”
Rachel looked at the cigar she held thoughtfully.
“I've had a few chocolate cigars in my life, so trying one of these toon ones should be a lot of fun. Probably will result in something we've seen before.
Rachel winks. There's a second long cut to a picture of a heavyset toon bear in suspenders with a cartoony cigar. It cuts back to her with a big smile.
“Still, even if we have a feeling about the results’ end goal, it doesn't mean we can't have fun reaching it together, right?”
Holding it up to her nose, she declares its time for the Smell Test!
She gives it a bit sniff, a drum roll sound effect playing as the camera slowly zooms in towards her nose
It goes on like that for twenty seconds, including several sniffs before SCREECH. Abrupt zoom out to original camera angle with her holding the cigar away
“Ehhhhh… no effect here. Tried my best but no pre TF sniff.” She smiles, commenting on the nice Cocoa Rice Krispies scent it has though
“So, I guess we stick to the usual eating this time for our effect.” She looks the cigar over, wondering where to start before deciding on the end where the person would put the cigar in to smoke
She bites into it, a soft crunch. She comments with her mouth full that it tastes like a Crunch Bar and…
That's when she twitches, eyebrows furrowing. The end of it cracks and red glow can be seen from it, getting brighter.
A brown, chocolate smoke haze comes out of the glowing cracks, very visible and forming a cloudy blanket above her head
Cigar still in her mouth, slipping to the side of it, she comments, “Well, that's unex-”
The chocolate fumes suddenly funnel down in two streams, going straight into her nostrils
Nostrils blacken and turn shiny, a loud FFFFFFSSSSSTTT heard as the nose tip slowly swells and darkens
Then POP! Big inflation into a big, bulgy triangular dog snoot.
Rachel blinks a few times and shakes her head, the fume streams dissipating.
She strokes her head. “Sorry! Wazzunt expectin’ alla dat smoke tuh be fumin’ outta dat cigar!”
“Dough, wazzunt expectin’ a chocolate cigar tuh be a real cigar eithah!”
As she scratching her head, the camera zooms on her head. Fingers are wobbling and plop-plop-plop! Each balloon into pudgy digits with oversized pads and dark brown & black fur
“Huh, whudja look at dat!” Pulls her hand down to look at it and pulls up her other hand from under the table. It has also swelled and ballooned into a toon paw
“Wells, I'm matchin’ ands dat's whazz so impoitant!” She snickered. “Dough I'z dinkin’ dat I'm needin’ a bit more here.”
Pop-pop! Two toon white toon gloves appear over them in a blink of the eye. Somehow they make her hands look even larger. They're the size of her head almost
“Poifect!” Rachel declared, before looking into the camera. She takes out the cigar, still smoking, and looks it over. “So, I'z probably should sing like a canary ‘bout dis here cigar, eh?”
Rachel starts describing the chocolate taste, like melted warm Swiss chocolate but better when a fedora appears out of nowhere and falls onto her head.
There's a momentary pause before she twirls the cigar casually in her hand. “Yannow, as good as ‘is taste, nuthin’ beats a fine ToonTown Cigar. Dat tobacco flavah packs a kick'n'half dat lingahs in yourz mouth, makin’ youze feel like a million bucks.”
Puts the choco cigar back into her mouth and takes a big puff from it, shoulders tensing. Her long blue hair is slowly being sucked into her cap
“ ‘course de boss has dah best cigars… errr… I knows sum good toons with sum good cigars dat let me sample sum.” Rachel scratches her head, glove bumping the rim of her hat
Hair fully sucks into it and leaves it bald (though its hard to tell). “Head feels funny. Dink dat choco cigar ‘fects kickin’ in hard. Dough, hard ta says, boss alwayz sayz I'z ain't da brightest bulb…. err, sumding likes dat.”
Rachel stops scratching and takes another puff. “Probably should focus on da review forz youze guyz, ‘cause I'z-” She coughs, hitting her chest a few times.
Black and brown fur over thickening neck. Sleeves grow longer on her short sleeve t-shirt, the color darkening.
Voice is now deeper. “-'cause I’z ah poifessional! Youse boys wantz yourz poifessional vidjah discussion, right?”
Rachel nods and rolls her shoulders, which broader a lot. Her shirt gains a collar as she discusses the filling sensation from smoking a choco cigar. It's like really eating a bar with the same satisfaction, but the melted feeling on her tongue and scent is like being a big roller in a casino
“Any of yah mooks’n'broads would be grateful ta have onah dese guys!” Takes out cigar and sniffs it again, ears wobbling and popping up to the top as doberman ears
“Yeah, dat sum quality choco cigar heres. Finest ding dah gang… err, legitimate bizziness has made! Dis is gonna be such a great racket… oppatoonity fors youze all! Dese babies are gonna be available allz ovah soon fors youze ta get your grubby mitts on.”
Rachel looks serious, slamming hand and arm down on the table. Arm is thickening up, swelling with dense muscle. “And yah beddah buy sum! Me and da boyz…”
Rachel shakes her head, bonking it with the hand on her underchanged arm. “Sorries, yah goons. Dis cigar is pretty powerful stuff fors da mind. Dah boss wasn't kiddin’ ‘bout dese effects. Really does a numbah on a mook likes me.”
Rachel frowned, twitching her lips, which are blackening and turning gummy, especially her bottom lip.
“Eh, anywho, beddah focus! Gotta be poifessional, ya hear me?” She grabbed her shirt on the sides and shook it. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, it turned into a buttoned up gangster suit
“So, bein’ de poifessional dat I'z am, shoulda talk more ‘bout dis fine product, right?” Rachel takes another puff, her breasts receding as her suit opened up, revealing a button up shirt
“Nowz, dere's dat good taste I'z was talkin’ ‘bout but dat ain't just it. Youse seen da effect!” Rachel grins, flashing very sharp dog fangs
“It improve youze diction and dispoistion. Frankly, youse goons sound and act like a buncha pigeons. Ain't one of yah gonna whistle at a hot dame and fellah if deys walk past or snatch da wallet outta some random pocket, are ya? Addin’ a lil'sleaze and charm will make yah propah goons.”
Rachel twitched, fidgeting. “I's mean, ya wanna. Dis cigar-”
Rachel smirked. “Improves yah looks!” Strokes her face as brown fur grows around mouth, and black everywhere else. Eyebrows thicken. “Ain't dis just dah handsumest mug yah ever seen… eh, maybe still needs sum work.”
“It gives ya sum muscle too! Ev’rybuddy needs sum muscle in deir lives!” She lives up other arm and flexes. FWOMP! Arm inflates to match her changed arm.
FWOMP! Thrusts out torso, putting arms behind her head. Torso really expands and stretches out her jacket and shirt with thick pecs and burliness.
She pauses and stops. “Beddah stop. Tailor says he's gonna stop fixin’ mah buttons if I keep breakin’ ‘em. Humph, whadda he know?”
Rachel shakes her head again. “Err, umm… I's suppose with dis new brawn wills open a lotta oppatoonities fors youse as well. Lotta places need sum muscle‘n’poitection.”
Rachel gets a mean smirk. “Boss is always lookin’ for sum good goons datz dinkin’ ‘bout tryin’ sum new, excitin’ dings. Just gotta know how ta throw yours weight ‘round.”
The former woman flinches, gripping her head. She's frowning and rubbing, trying to focus. The camera, for the first time in a while, zooms in. She's quivering.
“I'z… I'z dink I'm advertisin’ dah wrong product dis time. Boss’... dese cigars are dangerous… dey's nuthin’ but trouble…”
She freezes up, the camera stop. Her hands fall to the table. She's quiet
“But… den again, who don't like trouble? I's love trouble from dah first day mah muddah gave birth ta a doggo like me!”
Rachel takes a huge puff on her cigar, leaning back hard, head lifting up.
WOOOMP! Face shoots out into a long, wide dog muzzle
The toon doberman mobster lowers his head with a big open smile on his face, staring into the camera. Smoke is drifting out of his snoot and out the sides of his mouth.
“Sos, whadya say? Youze lookin’ ta expand your horizons inta a beddah, toughah, roughah life? Tired of bein’ pushed ‘round when youse should be da one pushin’ oddahs ‘round? Den finda one of ahs fine Choco Cigars andz soon, youze'lls be smokin’ a new toon.”
“Ands if yah don't…” The doberman leans in. “I'lls bes payin’ a little visit ta provide sum propah motivation.” He cracks his knuckles.
The doberman leans back and snickers to himself. Then, he takes a look around the room.
“Waita minute. Where am I? Dis ain't dah hideout! Why am I filmin’ dis stuff sumwhere else? Ugh, maybe da boss is right ‘bout mah smarts…”
The doberman huffs, standing up, and walks away. At the side angle, you can see his doberman tail.
The scene goes black with an abrupt cut
Moments later, white text appears. “We apologize for the odd ending. Our beloved host had to be found later and talked/bribed into coming back. Eventually, the results wore off.”
Text vanishes and more come back. “Since a proper score wasn't provided at the end, it will be provided here. Choco Cigars receive a police warrant out of ten.”
New text: “Rachel says that while the taste and punch of a choco cigar is incredible, it cannot be recommended. The TF, while unique, provides too much risk to danger and criminal behavior.
Next text: “As such, Choco Cigars cannot be recommended in good conscience. Avoid at all costs unless you want a potentially permanent bad ending.”
Last text: “If you want to try a toon cigar, do check out the links in the description. You'll get a similar toony puff but with less risk to yourself! Thank you all for viewing!”
There's some brief flashes of links and sites to check out before the video ends.
“Oh noooo! Stay back or I'll… oh! I think we're in an ad! Click there if you want to ski-”
