The Technician's Fight, Draft 1, CH20

“And then me and Scar had sex,” Jeremy told Leiha, who nodded to acknowledge the statement. Bafflement was no longer his initial reaction to the acceptance he had sex with someone other than Gral.

“Your Heart,” she said, as if she knew he’d popped in his head, “mentioned you haven’t cooked dinner for the two of you recently.”

He shrugged, pushing the images down. “I’ve been busy.” Considering she was a mentalist, he probably didn’t have to say anything for her to know why he’d kept so busy.

“I can’t offer advice to unvoiced statement, Jeremy. You know that.”

“Isn’t it just enough that I say I don’t want to?”

“Only you spoke of how enjoyable it was to make food from scratch. What changed?”

He locked eyes with her. She damned well knew what had changed.

She maintained the eye contact without reacting.

He admitted defeat with a sigh. No, he admitted he needed to deal with it instead of shoving it down each time it popped up.

“They, the Earthers, broke into our old apartment while I was cooking.” He took a breath and continued. He’d learned she wouldn’t speak until he decided he was done. “I think I opened his throat on purpose. I was pissed at the whole thing and I remember this need to teach them a lesson. To show them I wasn’t someone they should be messing with. I didn’t need to open my hand. To flex it. I could just have punched him. It’s not like it would have changed anything.” He tried not to see the man stagger back, hands on his neck, blood pouring through the fingers.

“And cooking now reminds you that you killed?”

He tried to work out if that was why. “I guess?”

“Do you feel it is something we hold against you?”

He shook his head. “It’s been made clear you consider just about anything I’d do to defend myself or a loved one acceptable.”

“Do you hold it against yourself?”

“I killed someone.” There was no heat in the words. He didn’t feel the need to be arrested for it. Didn’t feel anything.

“You say you were angry. Do you feel you were justified in that anger?”

He snorted. “Does it matter?”

“Does it?”

Wasn’t killing in anger wrong? Worse than killing in cold blood? As a hunter, he was learning to restrain his emotions while in combat, but not shut them down. Bob had told him, when he’d asked about his military training, how part of it had been to compartmentalize his emotions away so he could act without doubts or regrets.

Kelsirians didn’t see emotions as not belonging on the battlefield, on the line, as they called it. The training emphasized maintaining control over them.

The heat of the moment was an expression often used in movies. Kelsirian even had an equivalent. The Roar of the heart. When emotions became so loud they were a roar that pulled the person along.

His training taught him to keep the roar under control.

So he’d been wrong to act in anger.

But damned it. His home had been invaded. The place he should feel safe no longer did. Entering the kitchen made him feel like any moment they’d burst through the door and would take him away again. That he’d have to fight for his freedom, for his love.

That he’d have to kill.

His chuckle was soft. “Okay. It’s not about that I killed. Or not all of it. It doesn’t matter if the kitchen’s different. It’s still where they attacked me. Where they stole me from my home.”

“After what happened, it’s normal you fear it happening again.”

“To this level?”

“Possibly not. It’s why hunters must receive counseling after every hunt. I should have treated it as such and asked you to have a session after it happened, but you weren’t broadcasting it when we hung out as friends, so I didn’t realize there was a problem. That lack falls on me.”

“The fact I didn’t act on it is on me?”

“The kill—it’s done. Assigning blame won’t help you. Hopefully, I can help you learn from this and if you find yourself in a similar situation again, we will both know better than simply take for granted it will resolve naturally.”

He nodded. “How do I deal with this?”

“You are en engineer at heart, Jeremy. You see problems and reason your way to a solution. What is the problem?”

“I can’t set foot in the kitchen.” Because it reminded him of that happened. Terrified him it would happen again. That he’d have to kill. That this time, he wouldn’t be rescued, and he’d end up in Omar’s hands. In that machine. That he’d be programmed to hate his love.

“One step at a time, Jeremy. Let’s study the problem. How likely is it Earthers will be able to board the ship a second time?”

He breathed to still his thinking. What were the parameters that affected those odds? The variables? Where did they fall?

He answered, and she asked another question, forcing him to think.

*

He stepped to the island, placing trembling hands on it. The composite surface was cool. The odds of anyone he didn’t invite coming in were infinitesimally small. The lock on the door was nothing special, but privacy was something Kelsirian took seriously. Intruders would have to burn the control panel off like they did in the hold, or trick him into opening the door, like they had before.

Only Earthers would try to trick him.

They wouldn’t be able to approach without tricking the scanners, and the crew was aware of how they did it now. Had procedures in place to prevent that from happening again. They wouldn’t be able to move through the ship undetected, even if they somehow boarded it. And he wore his collar at all times now, so Gralgiran would know something was wrong. They did more than allow communications. They monitored his heart rate, his breathing, and other functions that reached his neck.

Leiha was surprisingly knowledgeable about what a hunter’s collar did.

He hurried back, the knowledge he was safe not keeping the fear he wasn’t he check. His back touched his Heart’s chest, and arms wrapped around him, calming his trembling.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Shush,” Gralgiran whispered. “This will take time. The Psychologist warned you. The progress will be incremental, as you convince yourself the fear is irrational.”

“I know it is,” he said, annoyed at himself that it wasn’t enough.

“But that isn’t the same as convincing yourself of it.” Gralgiran nuzzled his neck. “To you want me to distract you from the feeling?”

Jeremy closed his eyes. “Please.” He moaned at the nibbling and the hand that stroked him.

*

“Okay, so I’ve been reading on Kersosteran relationships and all I’m getting from that is a headache. Next message, you have to explain how you can be in a relationship with an entire ship. And what about you wanting to go off on your own again? That array you want to go back to with an actual ship, instead of one about to blow up. Are you giving up on collecting those movies broadcasted by ancient Earth?”

*

“You aren’t to approach the cell,” the guard instructed him. “You are not to give the prisoner anything. If you break the rules, you will be subject to ending up in the one next to the male.”

Jeremy wanted to comment on how that was severe, but Gral had told him how the Earthers had escaped. And this one was wilier than they would ever be. The guard unlocked the door to the section and Jeremy entered.

“Finally,” Xenial exclaimed from his cell. “Please tell me you’re here to have some fun. I am a friend of yours, after all. You wouldn’t believe how boring this place has become. No one’ll even look at me.” He posed, presenting his naked body. “What is wrong with all of them?”

Jeremy sat in the seat placed before it. They all had one. Prisoners in this section weren’t prohibited visitors. “What did you do to end up in here this time?”

“Nothing.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Come on, Xenial. I know you better than that.”

He dropped on the bench, legs spread, but at least, as far as Jeremy was concerned, not hard, or playing with himself. “There was an inspection of the hold, and they found the hops I’d bought.”

“The stuff that’s extremely poisonous to Kelsirians?”

He shrugged. “There’s money to be made in anything forbidden.”

At least it wasn’t as a result of annoying Gral this time. “I think you should be happy this is all that’s happened. How long are you in here for?”

“Three weeks! I’m not going to survive it.” He smiled. “You know. You do have access to someone who could lessen my stay. Be a friend and convince him to be lenient?”

Jeremy leaned forward. “What’s in it for me?”

Xenial stared. “Are you negotiating with me?”

“What’s that thing you like to say? If I’m not going to get something out of it, what’s the point in doing it?”

“You realize I expect you to convince him by fucking him, right? You get a lot out of that.”

“I get that without you being involved, so if you want me to speak with the captain in your favor, I’m going to need something else. Something better that only you can get me.”

His friend looked at him suspiciously. “And you aren’t referring to me getting you to orgasm.”

“Unlike you, sex isn’t a tool for me. So that’s going to happen without favors attached to it.”

“Okay, then. What do you want from me?”

“Information.” He’d thought about it for a while. Had planned on bringing it up with his friend the next time they hung out, and figured sex would have been the price. And he was willing to pay it. But Xenial had put himself in this situation. He was the one paying for Jeremy’s help.

So much for his name sake looking after him.

“Information on what?”

“The Taournians shepherding the Earthers into the Federation.” Nothing good would come of that, and even if it would probably finalize after he was dead, he wanted to be prepared.

“That’s not something I can get easily, Jeremy.”

“Tell me you will work on it, and I’ll talk to Gral about having you released early.”

“You might not like what I’ll find.”

“I know I’m not going to like what you find, Xenial. But I need the information, anyway.”

His friend nodded. “I will. May my namesake abandon me if I give up the scent before it is exhausted.”

Jeremy stood. “Then I need to get to work.”

*

He was mildly annoyed his Heart had gone into work off shift. Not that it made reaching him harder. He entered the bridge to looks.

“Is he alone?” He asked and received a nod. “No need to tell him I’m here. I’ll do that myself.” He stepped to the door and tapped the intercom button. “Captain, it’s Technician Jeremy Bradshaw. I need to speak with you.” He felt the looks and managed not to smile. He wondered what stories were going to spread with him announcing himself that way to his Heart.

The door opened, and he entered. It closed, and he started undressing. “Here’s what going to happen,” he said, dropping his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. “I’m going to fuck you until you can’t even think, and then you are going to arrange for the Quartermaster to go back to work tomorrow.”

“Jer. What do you think you’re doing?”

The shirt fell to the floor, and he kicked off his shoes. “I’m returning the favor.”

“I’m working.” The tone was more amusement than annoyance, but his Heart clearly hadn’t anticipated this.

“Oh, no. You used and abused me the last time I was here.” He stepped out of his pants. “I’m going to take advantage of you this time. So clear those files and you might want to make sure nothing’s recording this room if you don’t want anyone else to learn how high I can make you scream.”

Jeremy made it around the desk before Gral got over the surprise. He considered telling him it was now too late to remove the files, but they were probably important, so he let him and then pulled him out of the seat and onto the desk.

Xenial had been right about this. He was going to get a lot out of this.

*

“I’ll take it from here,” Jeremy told the guard after she deactivated the forcefield preventing Xenial from leaving the cell. He wore his hunter uniform and stood as straight as he’d seen the others manage. Kelsirians had this ability to remain standing for hours on end he didn’t know if he could match.

“Here’s the deal,” he told his, now dressed, friend. “You are being released into my custody. That’s the best I was able to negotiate with the captain. And trust me, I negotiated hard. That means that anything you do for the next three weeks will reflect on me. Any crime you commit, I will also pay for.”

“I’ll be good.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “You don’t even know the meaning of the word. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

Xenial tried to make eye contact with the guards, but they never responded. “I didn’t know they could be scared into being immune to my offers.”

“You know what happened to your friend that was a guard?”

“Yeah. But she had nothing to do with them boarding the ship.”

Shrugging and acting like he didn’t care was easy. “That’s not my problem.” Gral had told him the investigation had concluded with no evidence of help from with the ship, so she was in the clear for that. She’d be a civilian for the rest of her life, but she’d avoided the incarceration center.

When Xenial tried to head his own way, Jeremy grabbed his arm. “No, you don’t. I know you, Xenial. You are going to need more incentive not to cause trouble.” He’d mapped the round to his friend’s quarters and had been pleased he didn’t need to detour for what he had in mind.

“I promise, Jeremy. I will behave.”

“Except that doesn’t come with a qualifier of how you’ll behave, does it?”

“It’s like you don’t trust me.”

“I know you, Halan. Only those who don’t, trust you not to cause trouble.”

Xenial’s sigh was comically put upon.

The way to his quarter took them through an alley, and Jeremy glanced at an unoccupied couch and almost considered it before opening the door to the private room he’d reserved and pulled Xenial in with him.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, Xenial,” he said, pushing the male against the closed door and locking it with a hand, while running the other through the chest fur. “For the next three weeks, for every day you aren’t causing trouble, we are going to have sex.” He rubbed his cheek against his friend’s muzzle, he nuzzled his neck. “I’ll go to the hold after my shift, and we will have a full hour of sex.”

“An hour? You’re serious?”

Jeremy put his other hand in his friend’s pants and squeezed. “Extremely. So what will it be, Xen? Sex with me every day for three weeks? Or you risking landing both of us in individual cells?”

“What about after?” his friend moaned.

Jeremy licked his ear’s pavilion. “How about we negotiate that after the three weeks are over?”

“Okay, yes. Fuck yes. Danirag’s going to be so fucking jealous.”

Jeremy grinned.

*

“Stop,” the order came, and Jeremy and his opponent froze in place. Hunter Troserer Mirtiosi Harkinal was in his pack, and Thuruk had him train with each of them.

“What are you doing wrong, Hunter Troserer Mirtiosi Harkinal?”

Jeremy looked at her. Her form, the fact she was panting slightly, hand open, but claws not extended. This was training, after all. He wasn’t an expert, but he couldn’t see she was doing anything wrong in how she’d been fighting him.

“I haven’t sought to disengage from the fight,” she replied after considering.

“Good. Hunter Jeremy Bradshaw, what are you doing wrong?”

Was he? They’d fought when instructed. He’d taken the offensive. When she did, he’d stepped back. And still was, even though she’d begun panting a few seconds earlier. “I didn’t retake the offensive. Take advantage of my higher stamina to overpower her before others might have time to come to her rescue.” A hunter ended a fight as quickly as possible, was the mantra. One of many. But this one had multiple meanings, some applied to him, even with his higher stamina. Fights that lasted gave enemy reinforcement time to join in, to make his victory less certain, and even take it away.

“Good. Hunter Natriloagorama sel Arali, on the mat facing Hunter Jeremy Bradshaw.”

Jeremy straightened while another of his pack mate took position before him.

“Fight,” Thuruk ordered, and the male was on the attack.

*

Jeremy stepped behind his friend in the shower with a release of his breath and hope this wouldn’t end up causing problems. “You’re getting good at guiding our training.” He dug his fingers into Thuruk’s back fur and pressed. He knew nothing of massages, but just having his tense muscles pressed and worked felt good.

His friend moaned. “I’d better. It feels like I’ve had to watch every battle from now back to when the gods made the world. And write reports about each of them.”

He added soap and his fingers slid up.

“I missed that I wasn’t taking advantage of their exhaustion, twice.”

“You’re still learning to evaluate us as combatant. Everyone you’ve trained with before was just that, a training partner.”

“Partners.” Okay, it was now or never, and he wasn’t risking never. Not anymore. “Thu…ruk.” He couldn’t do the short name. He could with his other friends, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that here it would have more meaning in one direction. “I don’t know what you’re looking to get out of this, but there’s something I need to make clear. I’m not in love with you.”

His friend turned. “I know. I’m not asking that you be.”

“How can you be in love with me?”

“Better ask the gods how could I not fall in love with a strong, kind warrior who got up every time he was forced down. Someone willing to look beyond his belief, to question them and accept that he loved someone everyone he knew told him he couldn’t love. Someone strong enough to go before the people claiming to be his and deny them. I’m sorry that act cost you the connection to your father, but it was so brave, Jeremy.”

“Jer, call me Jer.”

Thuruk smiled at him. “Then call me Thur, please.”

He nodded, unsure he could get himself to say so short a name. “Does Nirlakasar know?”

“She’s the one who told me I was in love with you.”

“Is she a mentalist?”

“No, but she knows how I look at her better than I do. She told me I look at you that same way when I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Is this going to get in the way of you being my beta?”

“Why would it?”

“It’s an Earther thing, I guess. We—they have trouble with relationships where the power dynamics are uneven.”

“They don’t feel a Beta would seek to protect his hunter just as much if he loves him?”

“No, they’d take advantage….” He kept forgetting how different Kelsirians saw their responsibilities to those under them. “No, they’re just different.” He leaned in and rubbed his cheek against the muzzle. “Give us some privacy, Thur.”

*

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said as they exited the alley’s viewing room. “But you just can’t convince me that fifteen minutes was enough to show the depth of their love. They met, they looked into each other’s eyes, then they were taking on the gods together. And they weren’t Hearts.”

“It’s in how they looked at each other, Jer,” Gral replied with a chuckle.

“You’ve seen Earther romances. You can’t tell me you didn’t get just how much the couple loved each other in those less than this.”

“Less, no, but why spend forty minutes setting it up when—”

“We’re never going to agree on that, are we?”

Gral nuzzled him. “That doesn’t mean we have to stop trying.”

He noticed the couch, pushed his Heart in it, and climbed over him before what he’d done registered. Then found he didn’t care. He ran his hands through the fur, pushing the vest aside.

“I think I know how I can convince you that slow is better.”

His Heart smiled. “I’m willing to listen to your arguments.”

Jeremy reached down between them. “I prefer actions to words for this.”

Outline section 

No Outline

Addition 

Part of a session with Leiha regaring why he can’t bring himself to cook

A meaasge form Jeremy to Bob about the situation the other guy is in.

Jeremy visits Xenial in a cell. The new measures are making his friend’s life difficult there.

Jeremy making a conscious decision to have sex with his friend.(with the added passage of time, implying this might no longer work)

With Thuruk after a hunter training session

With Prertiros, grabbing him and pulling him into a private cabin of a leisure alley before joining the others for lunch.

Jeremy pulling Gral on a couch in an alley for some sex. After that, Gral might be confident enough suggesting they go to a club.

this, and the previous chapter is going to be merged and adjusted to prevent this from feeling like Jeremy waited for months before finaly deciding to have sex with others. some of that still got stretched to other chapters.

the talking about the lack of cooking Jeremy did was put in because I forgot it would have consequences