I'm obsessed with my gun shirt
Added 2024-10-11 16:09:27 +0000 UTC***Disclaimer*** I do not support gun use. This is not what my work is going to be about.
There are many things that I should be doing. 1) Writing a script for my airplane girl character who I've spent months creating a costume for 2) Applying for masters programs. 3) Taking care of my body so I have a long and fruitful life.
Instead, I am ripping through a script about a gun shirt that I bought at a vintage shop. I tried so hard to create an airplane girl video that would relate to themes from Dune (which you know I've been fixated on) but I think my gun shirt has claimed Dune.
My script is essentially about a girl who represses internal thoughts of angst and violence so much that they keep manifesting in the banal activity of looking at violent t-shirts in thrift stores. The girl being myself. Lately, when I go thrifting with my friends, I only want to look at violent, edgy, or ironic shirts. My friends and family are a little unsettled but I think coming around.
There's only one violent shirt that I have permitted myself to buy. It's a large shirt with the outline of a gun on the right breast and on the left is a gashing bullet hole wound. I did some research and the shirt is the merch from the 2006 film Running Scared. I watched Running Scared with my gun shirt. We discovered that the gun on the shirt is a Smith & Wesson Model 36 with ivory grips. There's another movie called Running Scared that came out in 1986 and my shirt insisted we watch that one as well. I'm not that moved by action/crime movies. For research's sake, I paid close attention. I then went to an army store to see if that did anything for me but the obsession thread went cold.
I don't think it's guns in general that are the heart of this script. I think the key is my repressed feelings that have manifested in my gun shirt. This is my golden path. Now this is where Dune comes in and its theories on abomination. "Abomination" occurs in Dune when a person who has experienced "Spice Agony" (the ritual where you become awakened by all the voices of your ancestors) becomes possessed by one ancestor. There are three main attempts to avoid abomination in the books 1) Repress all voices 2) Become one with the voices and a human chatroom, and 3) Make internal alliances with ancestors' who will safeguard your sanity while you develop selfhood. I'm only on the 4th book but it appears that only the 3rd option saves you from abomination.
My video is going to be about wrestling with my gun psyche and finding a path away from abomination with my gun shirt's help. I might also turn into a gun at the end. I'm working on the costume ideas as we speak.
No need to make speculations about my gun psyche and where she comes from, please give me and my gun shirt the grace we deserve 🙏
P.s I did a sexy photoshoot with a fake gun prop this morning, I'll post that shortly!
-Your none possessed rat (i swear)
Comments
Wow, I had no idea you grew up around guns. It's very understandable why you would have this aversion to them now yet still hold some sentimentality for them or at least awe for them as machines. I was totally thinking about guns versus swords you fully read my mind! There is this sort of honor-based mythology around the sword. Swords can be handmade by masters of the craft and it takes years to wield them safely and properly. Also yes, sword masters in movies only use them when they are completely necessary. The gun is just too easy. I had a thought today that a sword might have to make an appearance in my video. I like how in Dune, guns aren't used because everybody has shields to protect them against fast-moving objects. This brings back a sword and knife renaissance.
Maya Ben David
2024-10-11 23:52:15 +0000 UTCGuns are a complicated topic for me. I grew up around them and used them extensively when I was young, but now my relationship to them is very estranged. I can't deny the pull they hold though, they are fascinating little mechanical things with deadly purpose. I'm looking forward to what you have to say on the matter of violence, I too have a little part of me who's fascinated by it, just the sheer adrenaline rush of exerting force and seeing the aftermath of it. Swords hold a similar place in my heart but they're culturally more like fairy tales. Things we used to kill a long time ago, but not that long ago. And like all weapons they hold a sort of artistic beauty as extensions of human violence made manifest in the form of craft and precision. Such a thing can only be used for its intended purpose when wielded in anger and rage, even though it takes a lot of patience and skill and care to make them and keep them operational. One of my favorite ways of enjoying that dichotomy of order and chaos is through martial arts movies, I've always been fascinated by them. It's always been crude and animalistic to me ro hurt someone with wild abandon, but the kung fu masters and the karate fighters from the movies never comit any violence that isn't calculated, practiced, disciplined, and most importantly, really really fun to watch like a deadly coreographed dance. Gun movies have never really done it for me, but sit me in front of a Bruce Lee number and I'm mesmerised for hours.
Gwenivere the Ponderous
2024-10-11 21:21:27 +0000 UTCI never thought about that but camo IS like animal print for men, that is such a funny and apt observation lol! I do think there is something similar going on, a vibes-based obsession divorced from the initial purpose. I like the camo that looks a little pixelated.
Maya Ben David
2024-10-11 17:17:40 +0000 UTCHaha this reminds me of my fascination with camo. Living/spending my early childhood somewhere where camo is chic. I've always been around it. I have a nephew who is a hunting guide even as was his dad. They never wore camo they just wore like solid forest tone colors because "that's all you need". So I've never seen camo as "practical". My draw to it is mostly based upon the realization I had one day. That it's basically animal print for men. Possibly spicy men who don't realize they're spicy men. And I've begun to love it/passively seek it out. Not for macho reasons but because I think it's funny; that it's literally animal print for men. I'd also wear animal print now but it's less available in my size. Currently I have camo moccasins that I got at Walmart. Walmart is a great place to find camo up here, but the real gold is thrift stores.
Kyle Kalmbach
2024-10-11 16:53:25 +0000 UTC
