The "Most Mutant Man in the World"

The last light of the evening filtered through the window as Mike fiddled with a Rubiks cube with his new pair of arms. They didn’t quite yet have the dexterity of his original pair, but he had a decent amount of control considering it was the second day after his mutation. Male mutants were rare, very rare, and those that did mutate usually had minor mutations that were easy to hide. So Mike was considered quite a rarity. And this tended to prompt… uninvited guests, or at least that’s what he thought when his friend Aaron suddenly burst through the door. “Hey, what up bro!” Aaron said casually. “How’s the most mutated man in the world doing?” “First of all, I hardly think I’m the MOST mutated man, and second, ASK before you come in. I could have been na ked.” “Ah whatever man, we’ve seen each other na ked before. Just locker room stuff between buds. So,” Aaron said, flopping on Mike’s bed. “How they wokin?” “So far, so good. I’m getting the hang of this quicker than I thought, which is good because I’m heading back to college the day after tomorrow,” said Mike, shrugging with his four shoulders. “Well ain’t you the lucky one. A billion in one chance to pop like one of those mutant girls and you get one of the useful ones. You think any guy wouldn’t kill to have four arms?” “Yeah well, the arms aren’t my only mutation, look at this?” Aaron pulled his hair back to show off his ear, which had started to reform into a point. “Elf ears? Bonus! Now you’ll be a hit with all them girls that are into DnD and stuff.” “And uh.,.. One other thing has been changing.” “Like I said, the most mutated man in the world, what else ya got?” “It’s uhm…” “Come on, spit it out.” Mike blushed a heavy red. “It’s my dick man…” “Woah ho ho, I knew mutations tend to be sexual, but this is new. Pull your pants down.” “What! Look I can just tell ya man!” Mike protested. Aaron wasn’t having it. “I told you before, weve seen each other na ked a ton of times, and a bunch of other guys will see when you change in the gym. So if ya don’t do it now, it’s gonna be soon enough.” “You’re a real pe rv, you know that?” Mike complained. “Just doin my job. Now drop em.” Mike rolled his eyes and dropped his pants. His pe nis was larger than normal, but as far as Aaron could tell, hadn’t changed. “So you’re dic k got bigger. I mean I’m sure that scores you a few points but I don’t know why you’d complain about it,” Aaron shrugged. “No, hold on… look at this.” Mike closed his eyes and his penis started to twitch. It slowly started to grow, and wriggle, dancing like a snake. “Man that is…” Aaron said trailing off. “Cool? Weird?” Mike said, trying to complete his sentence. “Gross… it’s gross… I mean some girls may be into it. Tentacle porn exists…” “Owww, that… that was way too candid man. Sugarcoat it OK.” Mike was going to continue complaining when his best friend, Amelie, also walked into his room unannounced. But when she saw Mike with his pants fully to the ground and Aaron examining his penis closely, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Shit! Mike! Put some pants on! What the fuck were you and Aaron up to? You two aren’t-” “Jeez no! Turn around already!” Mike said frantically pulling up his pants. “Doesn’t anyone knock anymore!” “Oh come on!” she said, rolling her eyes and turning away. “Mike, you know I’m gay. It’s not going to matter if I see your dick because it’s not attached to a girl, OK?” “Why is everyone making excuses for seeing my dick today!” Mike complained exaspirated. “You know his dick can wriggle around.” Aaron said. “Like a worm… a dick worm. Hey you think if we give him a flute he’d do a whole snake charmer bit?” “Hah hah, very funny,” Mike grunted annoyed. “I know, it’s gross. Everyone laugh at the mutant freak. God I feel bad about all that mutant porn I watched if all those girls go through this every time they mutate.” “Look on the bright side dude, there are a ton of really freaky girls out there who like unique guys like you. Maybe this will finally snag you a girlfriend?” poked Aaron. “You really think girls would be into this?” Mike said. “Of course, the four arms, the elf ears, the… tentacle… penis… OK maybe don’t show that one off until a couple dates in…” Amelie coughed loudly drawing attention to her. “Uh guys, if you are curious about what women like, shouldn’t you ask the only girl in the room?” Mike and Aaron looked at each other before saying “but you’re gay” in unison. “That’s besides the point. I know how girls think, and I have a thing for mutant girls myself, so I think both of you aren’t seeing the bigger picture here.” “Bigger picture?” Mike said, confused but curious. “Yes, think about it this way. Most of the girls in your classes are going to be in their late teens, early twenties, right? Well by the stats that's when most girls get their first or second mutation. Which means you, Mike, are the only guy on campus who knows what they are going through. Every girl wants a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen to!” “And then once they cry you can have sex with em!” Aaron said brashly. Amelie sighed, “No! No, in fact I think the stronger you come on the smaller your chances. There’s that rumor that having sex with a mutant might make you mutate, and that’s gonna make some girls turned off by the very idea of having sex with you.” “Jeez, would it kill you guys to be a little less harsh,” Mike complained. “But! I do think you have a higher chance with the general mutant population, especially more extreme mutants. They won’t be worried about mutating again. Heck, if they think they might score a new mutation from doin the nasty, they might even welcome it. So I’d say if you are looking for a girlfriend look for more extreme mutants.” “Extreme mutants…. I don’t know,” Mike said. “Don’t tell me you, of all people, are going to discriminate against mutants, Mike,” Amelie said, annoyed. “No, it’s just that I always found mutant girls a little intimidating. Like they were out of my league. Though I guess a girl with an extra pair of breasts would be kind of cool.” “Dude!” Aaron interjected, “Four tits for four arms! It’s like it’s destiny man!” “I really don’t know why I keep talking to you guys,” Amelie said. “I need better friends. Anyway, I do wanna tell you to watch out for one particular group of girls.” “And what’s that?” Mike asked. “Transformation junkies. Girls who explicitly want to mutate. Maybe they got hooked on mutagen. Or maybe they are just curious. If they see you as an easy path to mutation things could get dangerous.” “Why dangerous?” Aaron asked. “Having a bunch of mutation obsessed girls begging for your dick seems like heaven for Mike.” “They are dangerous because they won’t see Mike as a person, but a source of fluids. Haven’t you heard the stories of mutant girls getting kidnapped and ending up in mutagen producing factories owned by the mob? If rumor gets out that Mike’s tentacle dick can mutate you, we might find him strapped to a hose in a warehouse somewhere.” “Wait… does that mean Mike can sell his cum on the black market and we can strike it rich!” Aaron said with dollar signs practically in his eyes. “OK, that’s it. I’m leaving,” Amelie said, having enough of Aarons bullshit. “Enjoy your dick worm Mike.” “Don’t go!” Mike pleaded. “Look, I need your help. I’m going back to school in two days and I don’t want to end up in a warehouse! And Aaron isn’t helping. He doesn’t want to do anything but look at my…” “Dick worm… got it,” Amelie said. “Well in that case, shut up and listen,” she shot an angry look to Aaron. “Both of you! I’ll talk to some girls out there, see who the obsessives are, who you should avoid, I’ll also keep an ear out for any mutant girl looking to hook up with a rare mutant guy.” “Thank you, thank you so much,” Mike said, clasping his hands together with Amelie’s. “This is why you’re my best friend.” “Oh and Amelie… if you’re gonna find Mike a mutant girl, remember the most important rule!” Aaron said. “Four tits!” Amelie just sighed and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. “You know Mike,” Aaron said. “I heard some guys with extreme mutations become girls, that’s why there are so few mutant guys out there. You think if that happens you’d have a chance with Amelie?” “Shut up,” Mike said. “I have bigger things to worry about.”