Special Agent Field Reports: April 2020

Kouroth's story was written by Tsumi, who of course edits all these!

Secret Agent Avia Jiutai met with the entity code named "The Smiling Man". His identity and composition are unknown, but his contact with the SIU has always proved to be a reliable warning about unforeseen disaster. He issued warnings regarding a newly established Australian company "Chromozone", which was attempting to studying the anthropoid genome. The Smiling Man has issued multiple warnings about such companies in the past, although further developments in this technology have made their appearances increasingly frequent. After this warning, Agent Jiutai was asked to infiltrate the company and find a reason to shut them down. While tax evasion and malpractice are often easy ways to close down an operation, and easily planted, Agent Jiutai actually discovered an illegal cloning operation onsite. Having disguised himself as an employee and infiltrated the lower, more covert areas of the company's base of operation, he discovered the half-grown bodies of individuals. Confiscated information suggests that volunteer DNA was being rapidly grown in an attempt to quickly create a copy of a person. The shutdown required a surprisingly large-scale raid of the base, but attempts to keep the events covert have been successful. Evidence is in the process of destruction, though one of the attempted clones was found to be alive and sentient. This clone has been brought to the SIU headquarters for study.

The term "living fossil" is used to describe a seemingly ancient or extinct animal which is found alive in the wild, but the creature Secret Agent Gedat Rakkin fought this month was a more literal example of this term. Strange discoveries were reported by archaeologists in an Indonesian rain forest which required Agent Rakkin's attention. Upon arrival, he was met by the archaeologists outside a recently discovered cave, where a strange species of moss had evolved deep underground: a teal moss which grew in unusual spiral formations. Deep inside this cave, the scientists claimed, a fossil of a mosasaur was discovered, an ancient marine reptile, and it was reported to be moving. According to Rakkin's report, the fossilized bones were being held together by the teal moss and "given life"; the bone creature, keeping its ancient shape, squirmed and writhed when hit by light. This appeared to suggest a photo-reactive property of the moss, which moved the bones like connective tissue when contracting, but it soon became clear that the "creature" moved with intention: using its limbs to crawl forward, either towards the scientists or towards the entrance of the cave. The animated fossil seems temporarily stuck in the cave, since it is too fragile to survive a climb up rocks, and the SIU has quarantined the area for safety and further study. Samples of the moss are currently undergoing analysis.

Special Agent Cat Zirka attempted to solve a mysterious art theft from over 100 years ago. Stolen in the Mexican Civil War of 1919, 'Untitled #19', painted by Martín Tagle, was one of many important paintings thought to have been destroyed in a barracks fire near the end of the war. In 2036, however, it appeared to be featured in a photograph of a private collection of a Canadian art dealer (and part-time werewolf historian). In March, Agent Zirka finally located his private museum and found the painting among many other pieces also listed as unrecovered art thefts. However, the agent also discovered an experimental type of paint printer, seemingly capable of picture-perfect forgeries of art, capturing even the minute details of brush strokes. When analyzed, Agent Zirka decoded the "maker's mark" of the printer, allowing her to detect which paintings it had printed in the collection. Unsurprisingly, the collector's entire gallery was full of forgeries but, more surprisingly, this distinct mark also appeared on many famous and influential paintings found in public art museums. Zirka has traveled to over twenty art museums and estimates that nearly half of all classical paintings on display may be forgeries, and have been forgeries for at least 20 years. A massive investigation is underway as to the depth of this fraud.

Special Agent Chaz Gates recovered the ancient crown and sword which she had lost in the oceans near Japan. When last in her possession, these artifacts - found within a deep underwater tomb only recently excavated - seemed to affect her mind and caused her to attack the crew of her ship. Great care was taken when recovering the two artifacts, which were dredged up from the ocean floor with the help of a modified fishing net. The sword and crown were kept in a secure safe within the ship and the voyage to the mainland was uneventful but, when the safe was opened, the artifacts were gone. Security footage showed that Agent Gates herself took the artifacts, but they were not found in her quarters. They were instead found on a clone of Agent Gates - a copy of her which had been accidentally created over a year ago - which had escaped captivity to the Japanese mainland and was waiting for her. Details of the ensuing conflict are sparse, but a violent fight began, ending with the severing of the agent's left arm and the mortal wounding of her clone via gunfire. Local law enforcement arrived in time to stabilize Gates, but her clone, having seemingly lost consciousness for several moments, got up on her own. Bleeding profusely from bullet wounds to the chest and stomach, she fled with the crown and sword. The whereabouts of the agent's clone are still unknown. Agent Chaz is expected to make a full recovery from her injury.

Special Agent Kouroth has completed an unremarkable 40 hour work week. The diligent agent has been logged clocking in exactly on time at the usual main headquarters office building, working his average eight hour shifts, and clocking out without any problem. Kouroth's work has been completed to the expected standard, and at the expected pace, with no exceptional rise, or drop, in quality. No one has had any complaints about the agent, no one has had anything to say about the agent at all. Administration would like to underline that the agent has definitely been working at his office office station all week, and this is the official fact, corroborated by digital record. It may have been reported over inter-office memo that Agent Kouroth was doing something else, but it is vital to correct this unfortunate misinformation. Kouroth has been working at the headquarters building and returning home to his unexceptional living space where he has been going through the mundanity of his expected routine. We would like to both confirm, and remind, all involved that this agent has had an absolutely run-of-the-mill and unremarkable week. We believe Agent Kouroth will continue his established pattern of customary actions and reasonably expected responses to this upcoming, typical week. We apologize for any unofficial rumors and, again, wish to stress that this last week has been unremarkably normal, and no one should remark otherwise in the presence of Agent Kouroth.

Special Agent Neo might have debunked one of the longest running hoaxes in the history of cryptozoology. A 1961 recording of a "yeti", an alleged large, bipedal anthropoid with white fur and a stature of three meters, has been the subject of scrutiny and analysis for the past 77 years with no concrete answers until now. By chance, while attempting an unrelated investigation in the area of the sighting, Agent Neo discovered a covert underground bunker, possibly a bomb shelter. Within, machines and production tools were discovered that displayed levels of robotics skill not thought capable in the 1960s. However, various methods of dating proved that the shelter had not been opened since 1964. Among various experimental models was a three meter anthropoid figure with the remnants of long, white fur hanging to the metallic skeleton. The fur itself was identified as polar bear fur and had nearly entirely rotted. The sheer number of small pistons within the machinery gave the figure an appearance of true musculature under the fur, especially while on old film. SIU staff are split on if this truly solves the mystery of the Yeti, but it is definitively agreed that it opens up further mysteries: the owner of the bunker, and creator of these machines (more advanced than ever seen from this era), is still completely unknown.