How To Never Fuck Up - Q&A #6

Today's question comes from Patreon contributor Kurt. As custom demands, the answer heads into, dare I say, unexpected territory. 

A: Some of my favorite stuff you've written has been about the psychology of dieting. Having worked with so many successful clients, what is the most common mental fuck-up you encounter? 

Q: There are many common mental fuck-ups. Going on a binge because you ate a pretzel which wasn't part of the plan. Going on a binge because you’re not losing weight. Going on a binge because someone brought tacos. See the pattern? Can keep going, but outcome’s always the same. 

Truth to be told, I don’t encounter these very often on my watch. No single reason, just a combination of good coaching, programming and feedback. 

It’s more fruitful to talk about why these fuck-ups occur. And I’m not going to make it easy by assuming you’re new to this. In fact, let’s say you have a good grasp of nutrition. Diet, good. Sleep, good. Stress, life and everything else in check. 

On paper, nothing lacking. Still can’t get ripped. And you fuck up a lot more than expected from your level of understanding. Why’s that? 

The answer lies in the difference between understanding and internalising. Many of you understand nutrition, but very few internalise it. Herein lies the key to lean bulking, tremendous strength and visible abs every season. 

Let me give you a few specific examples of what I mean. And pay attention, because internalisation carries over to everything you do. It's a skill worth far more than a 750-lb deadlift or a set of ripped abs. 

Everyone “understood” the need to eat every other hour a decade ago. I had internalised the idea so deeply, I sought to understand the underlying mechanisms. Turned out it was all bullshit. And everyone fell in line when I told them. 

Everyone “understands” how to lean bulk. Just keep a tight surplus, slow and easy, no big deal. After two failed attempts, I’d finally internalised the concept, could pinpoint where and why I did wrong, and finally pull it off. Others keep trying. (See Q&A #1-1.5 and #3 especially)

Everyone “understands” overtraining and think they know how to deal with it. After two specific instances - covered in Q&A #5 and #5.5 - I’ve internalised the concept, realised what caused it, and taken steps to prevent it going forward (e.g. timed sets). 

See a pattern? When I fail or encounter an obstacle, I don’t move on and hope for the best. I struggle to make sense of the problem. And cope by researching my problems, analysing past failures, and developing detailed and concrete strategies to avoid them in the future. 

That’s how I internalise, learn and make progress. How many of you do that? Rhetorical question, because I know it ain’t many. 

People like to say they’ve learned from their mistakes, but very few do. Odds are they’ve understood where they went wrong shortly after it happened. But the memory soon fades. In no time, they’re back to their old tricks again. Failing. Over and over again. It’s truly mind-boggling to me how people go about their lives like automatons. Victims of circumstance. Externalisers. 

Internalisation is an abstract concept and a thankless task to untangle. It can best be described as the difference between reading and living. The difference between studying for an exam and studying for life. Between good and exceptional. 

If you want something to stick, absorb it. Embrace your failure, soak it up like a sponge and revel in it. Write about it, think about it, be about it. Reflect, every day. I did. Now I reap the rewards. 

What’s the reward? That’s for me to know and you to find out. There’s levels to this. But starting out, you’ll start questioning a behaviour that otherwise comes naturally to you. Binging, for example. Whatever sets it off isn’t going to set you off any more. 

One day, you’re gonna eat a pretzel, and stop yourself before diving after ice cream. Another day, you’re gonna step on the scale and not flip out. You’re going to move on and don’t let it ruin your day. And when someone finally brings tacos, you can choose to eat one, a few, or none. 

Read up on internalisation. Start practicing. Stop wasting your fucking time with the childish and trite bullshit everyone else talks about. “Wisdom of the crowd” doesn’t apply in the fitness industry. 

P.S. I wrote: "Truth to be told, I don’t encounter these very often on my watch. No single reason, just a combination of good coaching, programming and feedback." 

A competent coach helps the internalisation process a great deal by providing good feedback. By good, I mean honest and appropriate, which is something never seen these days. Hardly surprising. The answer why lies herein. 

P.S.S. The best description of understanding versus internalising I've found, comes from Quora:

"When you understand something, that still doesn't mean that you have made that information your own. You can, as you mentioned in your example, understand something long enough to cram for exams and spit it back out on a paper and get good marks. And then promptly proceed to forget all of what you had come to "understand" the night before.

Internalization is a different character altogether. When one has internalized something, one hasn't just understood it for perhaps a temporary time or hasn't just grasped the concept of something at a surface level.  When one has internalized, one has owned a concept--has taken the understanding to a much deeper level and made it one's own."