Heart

Baby 🐥

Added 2019-10-02 16:35:09 +0000 UTC

I’m feeling like somebody’s baby. But I’m not. I’m a lot of things, to a lot of people, but I’m nobody’s baby. I miss that tenderness, the grounding hold of being owned. I really do. But I also love the time I’ve gained by belonging to only me.

It’s dark and raining and I have all the windows open and I’m in my pyjamas and I don’t have to get pretty for anyone. I don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations. I don’t have to make anyone happy except myself. And I’m getting real good at that. I made all my deadlines yesterday and my appointment this morning was cancelled. So I’m gonna smoke a joint in the rain and then have a hot shower and deep condition my hair. Then I’m going to curl up on the couch and binge watch The Deuce. Maybe get myself off to the sound of the rain. Maybe listen to Lana Del Rey and write. I’m my own baby these days. I have the time and the energy to spoil myself, and nobody else is gonna do it for me.

When my mind drifts I think about being submissive again. I toy with the idea of manifesting it into my life. I picture some hot older dominant lady I can worship and serve. I picture her boots and her hands. I picture my head in her lap. I allow myself a sip of the relief that comes with knowing someone will put you in your place.

But today’s not that day and I’m in my place; at home with a soft blanket and all of the lights off. The rain is steady and slows my heartbeat. One day I’ll be somebody’s treasure, someone’s devoted little girl. A car alarm sounds. I snap out of my daydream. I miss being somebody’s baby.