Ryuko vs. the Cooking Club (aka Eat la Eat)

NOTE: Ryuko is 18 and not 17 in this fic. She’s already 17 in the canon, so just imagine that she had a birthday the last week and turned 18. Much thank.

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“Ry-u-kooooo!”

The inextinguishable ball of energy that was Mako came streaking towards Ryuko at a reckless pace. Just like usual, Ryuko sidestepped and let the wild girl soar past. She landed in a pile of freshly raked leaves this time.

Of course, it took more than a bit of dirt to put Mako out of sorts. She popped out almost immediately and started keeping space with Ryuko with a stag beetle holding a tiny leaf sitting perfectly on her head. “Awww, why do you always dodge me? It’s no fair!”

“What kind of idiot wouldn’t dodge something hurtling at them?” Ryuko said pointedly. She shifted the strap of her guitar case and continued on her way out of the tyrannical hell called school she was stuck attending for the time being.

“I’m not a something! I’m Mako! I’m your bestie offering you a hug!” Mako pouted.

“Then do it like a normal human being.”

“But you won’t let me if I try to do that!”

Ryuko side-eyed Mako. The beetle had buried the leaf in her hair and seemed to be circling like a dog settling down. “Right. So don’t-”

“Where do you think you’re going, Ryuko Matoi?”

At the sound of the voice, Ryuko froze while Mako yelped and hastily started bowing, the beetle on her head ding the same. Ryuko’s brow twitched. She jerked her head around to see the school dictator, Satsuki the total over-bitch, just stepping off of the way overdramatic red-carpet staircase that connects straight to that haughty tower of hers. 

Ryuko didn’t even try to keep the venom out of her voice as she snarled, “I’m going home, what do you think? What’s it to you, huh?”

The black-haired tyrant stood firm with her hands on that damned sword of hers. “You still have a duty you must fulfill as a student of this school before you’re permitted to leave for the day. Failure to do your duty as a student will result in immediate expulsion.”

Ryuko bit her lip. She couldn’t let herself get thrown out of this trashy stuck-up school yet- not until she had gotten what she came for. And this bitch knew it, too. “... Fine. But you better not be playing with me. I’ll come straight for your neck if this turns out to be a waste of my time.”

“As if that would accomplish anything,” Satsuki stated. She continued, “A new club has their first competition in a week and, as required by the rules, an impartial clubless student must assist them in practice to ensure they are properly prepared. Your name was randomly selected.”

“And you came to tell me yourself instead of sending one of your lackeys!?” Ryuko growled. “As if! What’s your real game here, Satsuki?”

Satsuki regarded Ryuko coldly. “I do not play games. I have business to attend to elsewhere and happened to see you, so there was no need for a messenger. The club is on the second floor. You won’t be able to miss it.”

With that, Satsuki walked past Ryuko and the still-bowing Mako. As she passed through the great wooden doors of the school, a limousine screeched to a halt in front of her. A student zipped out of the car, opened the door for Satsuki, then closed it for her and zipped back to the front of the car. The limousine screeched away.

“Damn show-off,” Ryuko huffed. She scratched her head and looked over at Mako. “Well, you heard her. Looks like I’ll be late tonight.”

“We’ll be late tonight, you mean!” Mako declared, finally stopping her bowing to stand with her hands on her hips. “I’m coming with you to cheer you on!”

“Why would I need to be cheered on? It’s only practice for… whatever this new club does.”

Mako laughed. “Silly Ryuko! Everyone can use a good cheer!”

As if to assert his fact, the beetle on Mako’s head seemed to be doing some kind of celebratory dance. Ryuko’s eye twitched. What was with that beetle? She sighed. “Alright, fine. Let’s get going then. The sooner I get this over with, the better.”

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Well, Satsuki had been right about not being able to miss the club, at least. There were giant signs and arrows all over the hallway pointing straight to a door at the end of the hall that was plastered in glitter and lights.

“God, they couldn’t make this any more obvious if they tried,” Ryuko griped.

“I know, right?” Mako agreed. “It’s so nice of them! I should do this the next time I go home before you do!”

“Please don’t.”

Ryuko walked up to the door and gripped the handle. She was undoubtedly in for a fight if that witch Satsuki was involved, but this wasn’t her style. This was probably the work of whatever dumbass was in charge of this new club. Ryuko just had to stay on her guard and this would be another easy win. Yup, she just had to keep a careful eye-

The raven-haired woman turned the door handle and entered. The moment she did, her vision and nostrils were filled with a cloud of fine, spicy orange dust. Ryuko coughed violently, waving the awful dust away from her face. Her eyes were watering and her throat felt like it was coated in the stuff. “Of *COUGH* all the cheap tricks-”

“HA! What did I say, guys? It was that easy!”

“It really was! You’re a genius, senpai!”

“Ha-HA! Praise me more!”

Those voices had sounded… strange. Ryuko rubbed her eyes and blearily glared in the direction the new voices had come from. She could just make out the outlines of three people. As her vision cleared more, she could see their uniforms. Each of them only had one star on their uniform. Maybe it was different for new clubs, but all the dimwit club leaders she’d bashed so far had had two stars. So none of these jerks were the boss, huh?

“You bastards- what the hell was that for!?” Ryuko demanded. She took a step forward, then stopped. Something was wrong. Her stomach was starting to hurt. She stumbled, clutching her middle as the pain grew. She glowered up at the three stooges across the room. Now that she was getting a better look at them, Ryuko noticed that the bastards had gas masks and gloves on. “What… what did you do to me!?”

The middle stooge cackled with glee, wringing his hands together. “Oh, nothing much! We were just ‘practicing’ how to use our new secret ingredient for our cooking contest next week! After all, we are the cooking club!”

“Yeah, yeah!” The left stooge crooned. “We’ll be putting this special hunger spice in all of our dishes, so we need to make sure that it works first!”

“And if we happen to take out the girl who’s been causing our school’s goddess so much trouble, then it’s a win-win, isn’t it?” snickered the right stooge.

“H-Hunger spice?” Ryuko repeated. That would explain the aching in her stomach. A violent gurgle echoed through her body and she bent over, her face starting to heat up. “H-How is this supposed to let you t-take me down?”

“Tsk, tsk!” The middle stooge clicked his tongue annoyingly while wagging his finger. “You misspoke, my dear compatriot! It won’t be us taking her down, but she herself! After all, she won’t be able to keep going after she finally satisfies her own hunger, will she?”

“Wh-What the hell are you talk-” Ryuko began, but then she stopped dead. Her nose had finally cleared up enough that she could smell again, and oh BOY was there a lot to smell. She swallowed hard and let her eyes drift from the objects of her hatred to take in the room before her.

Food. Food. FOOD. The room was packed with food of every variety she could think of. Croquettes, curry, pasta, sushi, steak, chicken, salad, fruits, cake, ice cream- they had EVERYTHING. The veritable buffet looked like a gift straight from heaven and the savage roaring in her stomach was the devil waiting to rip heaven’s bounty to shreds.

The right stooge picked up an apple and examined it. “Everything in here was cooked or prepared by the members of the cooking club in order to practice. Even the fruit was hand-selected, washed, and polished by us. Here, see our handiwork for yourself!”

The guy tossed the apple across the room to Ryuko. She caught it easily, then looked at it. It was gloriously red, hard, and shiny. It was the most perfect apple Ryuko had seen in her whole life. She gulped hard, her stomach clawing at her insides now that something so glorious was so very close.

There was no chance that Ryuko could fight on an empty stomach like this. She’d keel over from weakness! And she needed to technically test these’ bastards work to make sure it was good or whatever for her ‘school duty’, right? Soooo…

Ryuko slowly brought the apple to her mouth and took a bite.

…

……

……….

Fuck.

Ryuko ripped the apple to pieces, core and all. When the roaring of her stomach only grew louder now that it had been teased, she stumbled over to the nearest table and grabbed for anything and everything that was nearby to cram into her mouth. Cupcakes, hot dogs, and dumplings alike all found themselves getting mashed to mush inside Ryuko’s mouth before getting hastily swallowed in a vain attempt to soothe the beast in Ryuko’s gut.

She couldn’t stop. Empty plates began to litter the table as Ryuko cleared them of their delicious contents. No matter how much she ate, the empty pit in her stomach wouldn’t fill. And it was all so GOOD! Ryuko hated to admit it, but the club really did fit in with this hellscape of a school in that its members were damned perfectionists.

“Go, go, Ry-u-ko! Eat that food, fill that gut! Gooooo, RYUKO!”

Ryuko nearly choked on a burger. She spun around, coughing, to glare at Mako. The ditzy girl had pulled out some pom-poms from somewhere and was beaming over at Ryuko. The beetle on her head not only had pom-poms but even had a mini cheerleader outfit on. Ryuko swallowed the food in her mouth, then yelled, “What are you doing, Mako!?”

“I’m cheering you on!” Mako proudly declared. She did a little spazzy dance, then winked at Ryuko. “It’s not that much food, but I said I’d cheer you on, so I am! Gooooo RYUKO!”

“Why are you cheering on my eating!? I don’t need to eat-” Ryuko stopped herself. Oh yeah. She didn’t need to eat at all. She just needed to help the club ‘practice’. And if there was one thing the clubs loved to do… it was get clobbered by her. Heh.

The middle stooge was not prepared. The three idiots had started high-fiving each other and doing a stupid jig while Ryuko had been stuffing her face, so none of them noticed that the woman had unzipped her guitar case and pulled out her scissor blade. They also didn’t notice as Ruyko sprinted across the room, blade in hand, and brought the handle of her blade straight to the middle stooge’s masked face. Time seemed to freeze for a moment, then idiot number one was sent flying into the wall- and through it.

The other two stooges stared blankly where their friend had been for a moment before, then they gasped and looked at the new hole in the wall. “SENPAIIIIIIIII!” They cried out.

“OY.” Ryuko clasped a hand on one of the stooge’s shoulders, making him jump. They both hesitantly turned to face her, their breath sounding harrowed through their masks. Ryuko forced a grin on her face. “So. Who’s bright idea was this, huh?”

The stooges yelped and slipped out of Ryuko’s grasp,, scuttling away. They faced her again and each took a stupid pose. “Y-You may have beaten our senpai, but y-you can’t fool us!” The left stooge cried out. “With a gut like that, I bet you can barely move!”

What? Ryuko looked down at herself. Oh shit, it was true. Her stomach had swollen quite a bit. Normally she couldn’t see her belly at all past her respectable chest, but now she could clearly see the dome of her gut past Senketsu’s eye design. Speaking of which, the living uniform seemed a bit… concerned. “Oy. Senketsu.”

The uniform seemed to tremble for a moment against Ryuko’s skin. “Y-Yes, Ryuko?”

“Want me to guess what that look in your eye is about?”

“Wh-What look?”

“You’re worried that it’s gonna be a tight fit after all of this digests, aren’t you? That I’m gonna be fat? Huh?”

If Senketsu could sweat, the look in his eye told Ryuko that he’d be doing it now. “I… I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Want me to run you through a cold wash, huh? Shrink you so that your concerns are valid!?”

“Umm…” One of the stooges said.

Ryuko looked back up at the two remaining stooges with a spark of annoyance. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something!?”

“Uh… so were we…”

Ryuko blinked. “... Oh yeah. Right. I was sending you bastards to space.” The spunky woman spun her scissor blade around her body and pointed it straight at the two stooges. “Ok, who’s first?”

The left stooge squeaked, “H-How can you still move like that!? And with that amount of hunger spice, you must still be starving!”

It was true. Ryuko still felt like there was an empty pit in her gut despite all that she’d eaten. But it had lifted enough that it wasn’t an immobilizing pain anymore, sooo… “Fat chance. Now maybe I should just send both of you at once, huh?”

“S-Stay back!” The right stooge cried. He pulled a ball out of his uniform and chucked it at Ryuko. With ease, she slashed it out midair. But as it broke, a cloud of orange dust flew into the air.

“Shi-!” Ryuko began, but she quickly covered her mouth and nose. The tickling in her nose and throat told her she had been too late. And the renewed rumbling of her stomach confirmed it. Ryuko grimaced as her knees trembled. She was so hungry that she felt weak. She needed to eat something, but she also needed to clobber these assholes!

The black-haired delinquent snatched a slice of pie from a table and crammed it into her mouth as she darted towards the two stooges. But it was hard to move quickly while eating, so the two managed to dodge even though they were just one-star flunkies. This was so annoying!

The right stooge laughed nervously and pulled another pair of those hunger spice balls from his uniform. “Th-That’s right!” He shouted, standing firm. “Even if you’re able to eat an inhuman amount, you can’t eat forever! We just need to make you keep eating until you can’t move at all!”

“MM HMMM MM MMM HMM HMM!” Ryuko said through a mouth packed full of pie as she charged again.

“Y-Yeah!” The left stooge cried in agreement as he narrowly voided Ryuko’s swing. He pulled a spice ball of his own out of his uniform and threw it at Ryuko, hitting her square in the side. “If we keep making you hungry, then we can’t lose!”

Ryuko was going mad. She was putting on a brave face, but she was on a time limit for sure. Her swollen middle was throwing off her balance and the hunger pangs were making her knees weak. Keeping one hand near her face at all times to keep her mouth perpetually full wasn’t exactly making things easier either. Each time she finished a piece of food, she’d need to go grab more as well, giving the two idiots a chance to pelt her with more of those damn spice balls. Even if Ryuko managed to hold her breath, she could still feel herself growing more ravenous with every burst of spicy dust. She needed to end this quickly before she couldn’t do anything but eat!

Luckily, while Ryuko was slowing down due to her growing gut, the two spice boys were slowing down faster than she was. Their breathing was harsh through their masks, their dodges getting more and more clumsy. Apparently being a cook didn’t make for great combat stamina. That worked perfectly for Ryuko! So long as she destroyed these bastards for ruining her figure, she would be happy. She just needed to-

“Ryukoooo! Help!”

The stuffed punk whipped around to look at Mako. Her friend was stuck to the ceiling by her feet with a bunch of what looked like stuffing.  She was holding her hands to her skirt, keeping it from flipping up, while her top was nearly exposing her chest. The beetle was clutching her hair with its legs, similarly holding its beetle skirt up.

“They’re trying to expose me!” Mako cried. “My arms are gonna get tired and then everyone’s gonna see everything!”

Next to Mako stood a woman in a two-star uniform - the club leader. She was a tall brunette in pigtails with an overly poofy chef’s hat with holes on the top, a massive ladle at her side, and a giant chef’s knife on her back. She had her arms crossed over her chest with a smug grin on her face. “I see you’ve been treatin’ my boys real well, haven’tcha? I’m just repayin’ the favor with your friend here.”

Ryuko tightened her grip on her scissor blade. “Thanks for showing yourself. Now I can finally end this!”

The woman’s grin turned malicious. She fingered one of the stars on her hat. “Wrong, punk. You’re not done helpin’ us practice yet.”

“What do you mean? Your stupid spice works fine and your food tastes good! What else is there!?”

“The spice works on you when it’s directly applied… but we haven’t tested if it works in food yet.”

The blood in Ryuko’s veins ran cold. That’s right. This was a spice. For food. “But- but it wasn't on anything I've eaten! I would’ve tasted it!”

The woman whistled. “You must have some real fine taste buds if you would’ve tasted it even after gettin’ your whole insides coated with it. ‘Course, I already know that’s not true though since everything in here has my special spice in or on it!”

“You’re lying!”

“It’s true!” The woman crowed. “I make the spice myself so I know where it ends up. It has a unique little quirk to it, though, so don’t blame yourself for not knowin’.”

The woman pressed down on the star she’d been fiddling with. Ryuko nearly doubled over as a massive pain ran through her stomach. She panted, her scissor blade dangling limply in her hand, and glared at the witch. “Wh-What… did…”

The grin widened into a toothy smile. “I can turn the effects of the spice on and off since it comes from my Goku uniform! The stuff my boys have been hittin’ you with was from an active batch, but the stuff in the food was inactive till just now! Now eat! Eat until you burst- in the name of Satsuki!”

Ryuko clenched her teeth as another surge of hunger ripped through her insides. She… she couldn’t… she couldn’t take it… it hurt so badly… she needed more… more food… more… MORE…

The scissor blade clattered against the floor as Ryuko dashed to the nearest table. Saliva dripped out of her mouth as she crammed an entire croquette in her mouth, practically shoving it down her throat in her haste to fill her wailing gut. Then she crammed in two more, then three, then four.

Ryuko couldn’t stop herself even though she could hear that bitch and her two flunkies laughing their heads off. All she could do was continue shoveling as much food as possible into herself in a futile effort to quell the aching longing in her belly. But with every bite she took, Ryuko only seemed to get hungrier. Of course she was- the food had that damn hunger spice in it, so with every bite, she was just filling herself with more and more of the source of her problem.

Ryuko finished all of the food within reach, then staggered over to another table. Her gut was heavy, pressing out far past her chest. It bumped against the table as she leaned forward, pressing her distended middle against the rounded edge in order to be able to reach more food.

Even though her body still trembled from hunger, Ryuko could tell that she was getting too full. Her legs were struggling to hold her heavy middle up and her skin felt tight. Seketsus’s suspenders normally left alone in the air thanks to the swell of her chest, were now pulled taut over her glutted gut. But even still, she couldn’t stop eating. She was just so hungry!

Senketsu’s voice managed to reach Ryuko through the haze of her hunger. “Ryuko, you have to stop! You’re truly going to burst at this rate!”

“M HMMM!” Ryuko groaned through a mouthful of melon.

“Activate me! It will be risky since taking your blood may make you feel even hungrier, but it’s the only way!” Senketsu said, “The spice comes from that woman’s Goku uniform, so if we can just beat her, then the hunger should stop!”

Ryuko slurped down a whole plate of spaghetti and nodded. On her way to a plate of eclairs, Ryuko managed to snag the pin on her bracelet. With that, the bracelet fed Senketsu her blood, and Ryuko’s living sailor uniform began to transform. The shoulder pads lengthened into the air, pulling her whole top up to barely covering her chest. Her skirt split, some of it turning into long black and red leggings while the rest became a spiky skirt that left little to the imagination.

The whole thing tightened over Ryuko’s body, the suspenders putting untold pressure on her already taut stomach. The tension and pressure made Ryuko gasp sharply. For just a moment, thanks to the strange warmth that ran throughout her whole body from the tightening across her overstuffed middle, her mind was clear. That singular moment was all she needed.

Ryuko snagged a chicken leg with one hand and her scissor blade off the floor with the other. The meaty leg just barely fended off her roaring hunger as Ryuko blitzed across the room in a mad fervor, blade at the ready.

The club boss barely had time to register that her prey was on the hunt before the edge of the crimson scissor was tearing through her pearly white uniform. Within a second, it was done. The woman lay naked on the floor, passed out, while the tatters of her uniform scattered in the air.

Ryuko turned to glare at the two stooges. She crunched through the bone of her chicken leg, swallowed, and growled, “You two never made a choice, did you? WHO’S FIRST?”

The two idiots took a moment to register what had just happened, then both shrieked and leapt out of the building via the hole the third stooge had made long before.

Ryuko couldn’t be more thankful that the two morons had given up. As Senketsu rapidly returned to his normal sailor uniform style, his wearer felt sick to her stomach. Her belly ached horribly but in an entirely new way. The spice had indeed worn off and now she felt FAR too full. It was a miracle that she’d managed to swallow that last bite of chicken without exploding. Ryuko couldn’t-

“EEEE-!” came Mako’s shrill voice as she crashed into the floor next to Ryuko. She lay sprawled on the floor for a moment, her uniform just barely not revealing anything it shouldn’t, before springing to her feet. “Wow, you did it! I mean, you didn’t eat all the food, but you helped the club practice without almost dying! Nobody EVER manages to make it through helping new clubs without a shattered skull or two!”

Ryuko stared mournfully around the room. She’d eaten well over half of the food in the room, which was still far too much. She sank to her knees, cradling her poor belly in both arms. It easily filled both of her arms with room to spare. “Ooooooh- *HIC-URP*” Ryuko collapsed backwards, her stomach wobbling in the open air. “Mako… I don’t think *UUUUOOOORP* that I’m… gonna be able to walk back… anytime soon…”

“Hey, that’s a-ok!” Mako said confidently. “That’s what besties are for! I’ll make sure you get home with me!”

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“This really *UUUUURP* wasn’t what I expected…”

From next to Ryuko’s head, Mako grinned. “But it is what’s happening! I told you it’d be no problem!”

“Yeah, it’s… no problem…!” Groaned Mako’s dad, Barazo, who had was holding Ryuko’s legs over his shoulder to carry her.

“Y-Yeah… this is… nothing…!” Huffed Mako’s younger brother, Mataro, from underneath Ryuko’s back, holding her body up.

“When the family works together, nothing can stop us!” Mako declared. She was not helping to carry Ryuko at all. Instead, she was following along and cheering, her pom-poms at the ready. “Go, bro, go! Go, dad, go! Carry Ryuko all the way home! She ate too much and now she’s fat! Gooooo MANKANSHOKU!”

Ryuko moaned. “I’m not *HIC* fat. I’m just *uuuugh* stuffed…”

“Now you’re fat, later you’re not! Go, go, digest! Get your former figure back! Go, Ry-u-KO!”

On top of Mako’s head, the beetle was doing its own cheering with its mini pom-poms and outfit. Ryuko stared at it, her head dangling down past Mataro’s back. “Hey, Mako… I wanna know…”

“Yeah, Ryuko?”

“What’s with the *hic* beetle?”

Mako blinked. “What beetle?”

“The one on your head.”

“There’s a beetle on my head?” Mako reached up and grabbed randomly until she managed to get the beetle. She brought it down and stared at it. She looked back up at Ryuko. “Silly Ryuko, this isn’t a beetle. Beetles don’t wear clothes!”

Mako put the beetle back on her head. Once back, it did a cute pose.

Ryuko rolled her eyes, then moaned plaintively. Her stomach still hurt from being pushed so far. She couldn’t wait to get home, undo Senketsu’s overly tight suspenders, and pull on her nice, comfy pajamas… not that they’d fit her anymore… ooooh, her aching belly…

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God, I love Mako so freaking much. This show in general is great, but Mako is my goddamn heart. Really hope I did her justice here.

IT'S FINALLY DONE! Super sorry about how overdue this is. I usually recover from being sick within a few days, but Covid really hits different, so I was out of commission for, like, two weeks. 

But we're getting back on track here! You can expect the next fic on the 14th exactly. I usually give a little range thing, but with the 14th being Valentine's day and all (as well as being in the ~week range from the last fic), I thought that I'd just cement it on the 14th specifically. Fun fun times~