Stay Alive - Chapter 1

I let out a shaky breath and pulled myself into a sitting position. My mouth was way too dry.

"I'm never drinking again." I muttered.

The words made me freeze for two reasons. One, I didn't drink. Two, that wasn't my voice. It was too high. Young, like a kid. I was nearly forty, not a kid. That was when I noticed all of the other disparities around me. I wasn't in my bedroom, or on my couch. In fact, it appeared that I was in some sort of carriage. The seats were nice and plush, but the ride was still rough. There was a pretty blonde woman sitting across from me. She stared at me in a mixture of worry and love that only a parent could conjure. Not only was that a little unnerving since she looked nothing like my mother, but I also recognized her.

Queen Cersei Lannister portrayed by Lena Headley herself.

My eyes darted around for more information. There was a distinct lack of cameras and crew for a television set. An experimental sniff was met with the thorough scent of horse and human body odor. It was something I hadn't experienced since I was much younger. I grew up on a farm and was no stranger to the wonderous smells that came with it.

So, either I was going crazy, dead, or had somehow become a character in Game of Thrones. While not ideal, at least it wasn't the books. The show was harsh, but the source material was downright vicious.

If I was lucky, I was Tommen. At least then no one would outright hate me.

"Joffrey, my darling." Cersei crushed my hopes right there. "How do you feel?"

"Much better, mother." I replied quickly.

"I told Robert we should have stayed home for this…" Her lip curled in disgust. "Visit."

"Visit?" I prodded, trying to gather where we were in the story.

"To Winterfell." Cersei barely restrained the venom in her voice. "Father should be Hand, not Stark."

"Right." I nodded. "Right, right, right. Stark. Winterfell."

Cersei raised a manicured eyebrow at that.

"Are you sure you are well?" She asked.

I nodded. My 'life' settled into the forefront of my mind. Fuck. I was Joffrey Baratheon. One of the few universally hated characters in literature. Destined to die by poison at a wedding. This trip set the motions of war into motion. Looking back through his/my memories showed that the hatred was something earned from an early age. This kid was a fucking psycho and Cersei was more than happy to let him do whatever he wanted.

"How much longer until we arrive?" I asked.

"Who knows?" Cersei sighed and rolled her eyes.

That was helpful. Regardless, I needed to get a plan in place. If things stuck to the source, I was going to die in a couple of years. On top of all that, the kingdom was going to fall into war and thousands would die. I needed to stop it all.

I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. The ride was rough. A dozen little thoughts popped into my head. This world was basically medieval Europe and was lacking in certain things that I refused to live without. Sewers, running water, and all health in general would need to be greatly improved.

Those changes were going to take time. First, I needed to focus on keeping myself alive and avoiding war.

"Mother." I cleared my throat.

"Yes?" Cersei smiled at me.

"Are we able to speak freely?" I asked.

"Of course." She spoke slowly. "Why?"

"I need to make a request of you that is best kept quiet." I took a deep breath. "I know who my father is."

"What do you mean?" Cersei stiffened.

"I am a Lannister." I said with a nod. "Truly."

Cersei studied me for a long moment. Slowly, she nodded.

"How?" She asked.

"It's not hard to tell." I chuckled. "The blond hair, the fact that I'm not a moron."

"True enough." Cersei gave me a wicked smile. "And now what do you want?"

"A simple request." I soothed her. "I would ask you to hold off on any… affection with father while we are at Winterfell. They know all of the secret places that we could ever hope to discover. Our lives would get complicated if someone were to stumble upon your private time."

Her jaw tightened. After a moment she nodded.

"Would you be able to tell father as well?" I asked softly.

She nodded again.

"Thank you." I sighed. "I know it can't be easy on you. Either of you."

"When did you get so smart?" Cersei shook her head.

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I must take after my mother."

Conversation faded away once my knowledge was revealed. I couldn't blame her. After half an hour of uncomfortable silence, I switched over to riding a horse. Joffrey had been trained since he was a child to ride. I, on the other hand, had not ridden a horse in years. There was a strange overlap between my skills and his. My former life was fading with each moment. Thankfully, my sense of self stayed intact.

Either I was dreaming, I had a mental break, I was dead, or this was real. Considering how sore my ass was from the ride, it felt real enough. Lunchtime was an eye-opener. Water wasn't an option, wine or ale was the only safe choice. I had a lot of general knowledge about things, but not enough to make a huge difference. There had to be someone out there that was smart enough to get things working.

That was all wonderful, but I had to get through this visit first.

~§~

We had stopped for the night to camp. I walked around a little to stretch out my legs. The wagons had come to a stop in clearing that looked like it was made for the purpose. They were arranged in a circle for defense. I wondered out toward the edge of the camp and leaned against a solid tree. It was getting colder each day. I didn't want to think about how cold it would get when winter arrived.

"Winter is coming." I muttered

"Are you well nephew?" A deep, charming voice asked.

I turned to see Tyrion. The dwarf had a goblet of wine and was leaning against a tree as well.

"Uncle." I gave him a smile.

He arched an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, thank you." I nodded. "I feel much better now."

"You are thanking me?" Tyrion studied me for a hard moment.

"Am I not allowed?" I teased.

"Careful, nephew." Tyrion gave me a cryptic smile. "Keep acting like this and I might hope for you to get sick more often."

I laughed. Who didn't like Tyrion? I stopped after a moment and studied the man. He didn't seem to be all that comfortable with my attention.

"Uncle." I said. "You are a smart man."

"Oh?" Tyrion said carefully.

"Do you know someone with knowledge in construction?" I asked.

"I might." He said slowly. "May I ask why?"

"Of course." I laughed. "I'd rather not live in a city that smells of waste and would like to drink clean water. Wouldn't you?"

Tyrion studied me for a moment.

"I might know a few people." He nodded. "Or they might know some people who know some people."

"As long as it works." I smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I need to water some trees."

~§~

It took another day and a half to arrive at Winterfell. We stopped a few minutes before we got to the castle for King Robert to mount a horse. It was depressing to see. I didn't like the guy in the books, or the show, but to think he was king hurt. How things hadn't devolved into war already was a miracle. I didn't have much of a reason to stop him from dying. I didn't doubt he would happily kill me if he found out who my real father was. But then, Jon was in the same boat.

Jon, that was another thing I needed to think about.

Spoilers, he's not Ned's son. He's also the rightful king. He was too important to let him join the Night's Watch. Fuck, the Wall needed some serious attention. I couldn't just know. It looked like I was going to have to join them on the trip North. Then there was Dany. I had no idea where she was in the timeline. We needed her dragons to fight the Night King. She wouldn't get the dragons until after Khal Drogo died.

Wonderful.

I tried to play it cool as we were introduced. Sansa was cute and shy. Arya was a ball of energy just aching to do something else. So did Bran. Jon was a stoic sentinel. Robb looked like he was ready to try to emulate Jon but didn't have the same gravitas. I came to a stop beside Robb, and between him and Jon stood Theon.

"You." I stared at Theon.

"What?" He snarked.

"Greyjoy, right?" I asked.

"Yes, that's me." He nodded and gave Jon a smug look.

"Do me a favor." I said with a false smile.

"Of course." Theon was practically glowing under the attention.

"Wipe that smug look off your face and stay the fuck away from me." My smile didn't faulter. "I'll have you strapped to a post outside the walls overnight if I see you again."

Everyone froze. At least until Robert Baratheon roared out a laugh. Theon looked to Robb, then Ned. The elder Stark motioned for him to move. Theon rushed back behind a few servants to get out of sight.

"This is the first time I've been proud to call you my son!" Robert slapped my back and made me stumble a couple of steps.

I took a deep breath and moved on to the next person in line.

"Jon Snow." I nodded. "Nice to meet you."

Everyone stared at me as I stepped back and let other people do their thing. People had already noticed the change in my attitude. Keeping myself alive was going to take some serious work and I couldn't let up. My guards were more than a little confused at my sudden shift. In the time between waking up as Joffrey and arriving, I had already let them know their behavior wasn't acceptable anymore. They were to act befitting of a knight in service to the Crown Prince or be replaced.

Eventually, we moved into the castle proper where it was noticeably warmer. I paused and cocked my head at those around me.

"Hot water is piped through the walls and floors." Someone added helpfully.

I was too distracted to notice who it was.

"Do you know if the plans are still here?" I placed a hand on the wall.

It was warm without being too hot.

"I'll have to ask." The voice replied.

I turned to see that it was Ned Stark who had spoken.

"Thank you." I gave him a nod.

They gave us a quick tour. Sansa constantly gave me shy looks through the entire time. At some point, Arya and Bran scurried off. I kept checking on Cersei and Jamie to make sure they didn't wonder away to get into trouble. My uncle/father shot me concerned glances the entire time. Thankfully, he seemed to be more levelheaded than my mother.

I had already decided my previous life didn't really all that matter. My limited knowledge of the setting was much more important. I hadn't watched the show beyond the second season and dropped the books around the fourth. It got too depressing for me.

If I made enough changes it wouldn't matter anyway. I needed a plan. First, I couldn't let Jon join the Night's Watch. He was too important to toss away like that. Second, I needed to make sure the Wall was properly equipped. Third, I needed to make sure that my origin, or his, remained secret. Fourth, I needed to get Dany and her dragons over to fight the Night King. On top of all that, I really was not going to live in a world without indoor plumbing.

Oh, and I needed to kill Littlefinger. I hated that guy. There had been spoilers that had told me there was another character that was even more horrible than him. If I saw that guy, he would die too. I didn't know his name, unfortunately, but I'd know him by sight.

We had a nice welcome feast for dinner then retired to guest suites. Once again the only thing to drink was wine, ale, or something of the like. Even with hot water piped through the walls the place lacked plumbing. There was basically an indoor outhouse for a toilet. At least it was better than a chamber pot. Why couldn't this place have more prevalent magic? That would make this entire thing so much easier.

Damn, I had been spoiled.

The bed was comfortable enough.

~§~

I woke up, took a bath, and went down to the hall to break my fast. That feels weird to say. The hall felt abandoned after the feast last night. Cersei was already there. As was Tyrion. They were as far away from each other while still being at the same table. As were my younger siblings. I ruffled Tommen's hair then gave Myrcella a kiss on the top of her head. All four of my new family of them looked at me like I had just slapped the king.

"What?" I asked looking at each of them.

"Are you feeling well, nephew?" Tyrion asked.

"I feel great." I replied with a broad smile. "Why?"

"No reason." Tyrion said with an arched eyebrow. "Lord Stark was true to his word and provided the plans for the pipes. I'm having the copies made presently."

"Thank you, uncle." I gave him an approving nod. "I don't know how much it will help, but it should give us something to work with."

"What is this about?" Cersei gave both of us a severe look.

"My dear nephew has a project in mind." Tyrion toasted me with his cup.

"Oh?" My new mother turned her full attention to me.

"Clean water." I replied. "Save enough to drink without giving anyone the shits."

"Shit." Myrcella whispered.

I burst out into laughter.

"Don't encourage her." Cersei tried to hide her smile.

"Princess." I turned to the little girl in mock shock. "Royalty does not use such crass language."

Myrcella stared at me in confusion.

"We watch our fucking mouths." I added.

Tyrion laughed raucously. He spilled a bit of his wine which led to a string of true cursing. Cersei pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Prince Joffrey?" A shy voice asked from nearby.

I looked up to see Sansa standing nearby.

"Hello." I inclined my head. "Please, call me Joffrey. If my father has his way we're probably going to be betrothed by the end of the visit."

Sansa blushed brightly.

"Then call me, Sansa… Joffrey." She spoke barely above a whisper.

"Gladly, Sansa." I stood and offered her a seat. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes." Sansa nodded. "I was hoping to show you around the castle."

"That sounds wonderful." I turned to others. "Excuse me. Myrcella, see if you can find Arya, she looks to know good places to get your dress muddy. Tommen, keep an eye on mother. She's lonely out here."

Cersei stared at me blankly. My two siblings practically vibrated with energy. Tyrion had pressed his head against the table, so his laughter was projected to the stone floor.

"Shall we?" I offered Sansa my arm.

The girl hooked her arm in mine. She led me through the halls on a tour. Her dire-wolf joined us once we were out of the large room. I stopped once I saw her. The dire wolf was beautiful and very well behaved.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"This is Lady." Sansa said. "We each have a wolf."

Lady perked up at the mention of her name. I knelt down a little and held out my hand. Lady cautiously sniffed at it before she gave me a lick. Carefully, I inched forward to give her a couple of pets and a scratch behind the ear. Lady preened under the attention.

"She's gorgeous." I straightened up. "I hope she adjusts to the city well."

"The city?" Sansa asked excitedly.

"Your father will become the Hand of the King." I explained. "He will have to move to King's Landing, as will you, I assume. I wouldn't dream of separating you two ladies." I paused in thought. "There have to be some woods nearby for her to run."

Sansa didn't say anything. She was dumbstruck by my musings. If I had to guess, I was basically Prince Charming in her eyes. The books and the show mentioned that she saw the world as a romantic adventure until her life took a harsh and brutal turn.

There was a nice library, a few towers she pointed out but did not explore, the stables, and finally the sparring yard. I glared at Theon until he scurried off out of the way. Sansa radiated approval at that.

"Would you like to spar?" Robb asked me.

"Wood swords?" I asked.

"Yes." Their trainer, no idea what his name was, answered. "We don't allow steel within the yard."

"Smart." I nodded. "Excuse me, Sansa."

I draped my cloak over her shoulders before I plucked a wooden sword from the rack. A rush of memories from Joffrey's training sprung to mind. He had more experience than I expected, but he relied on bullying his partners with the fact that he was the prince rather than skill to win. His opponents were often stable-boys or other servants with no actual training. Sometimes, he actually had instruction from one of his knights.

Robb stood opposite of me as I entered the fenced in area. I tested the weight of the practice blade. It was well balanced and lighter than I had expected. I rolled my wrist to get a feel of the movement. The guard could easily be held with one hand but had enough space for two.

"I warn you." I put every ounce of gravitas into my voice. "I lack skill and bruise easily."

That got a laugh from everyone around. Sansa gasped and covered her mouth with her hands.

Joffrey's training mixed with my own experience didn't give me any confidence. In truth, I was more of a brawler, but Joffrey's body didn't lend itself to that style. I was too thin, lacked any real muscle, and it wasn't fit for a spar. The two styles didn't mesh well together. Joffrey was basically a novice with delusions of grandeur. Hopefully, I'd have time to learn how to actually fight before it was a life-or-death situation.

The news must have spread quickly as there were suddenly quite a few more people watching now. I just hoped I didn't make a complete fool of myself.

I rolled my shoulders and tested out the range of movement with my clothes. The entirety of my current wardrobe was formal-wear. It was incredibly stiff and not made for rigorous movement. I held up a hand to ask for a moment. Robb nodded. I undid my doublet and hung it on the fence. Once it was gone I could actually move. The difference in our builds was drastic. Joffrey was scrawny, soft, and only did the bare minimum to keep thin. Until now, his main motivation was to not end up like Robert. I was going to have to change that.

"Any requests?" I asked.

"Requests?" Robb raised his eyebrows at that.

"Rules of the yard." I tried.

"Things stop when disarmed or when one yields." Robb shrugged.

"No eye-gouges, fish-hooks, or low-blows." I added with a wry smile.

"What is a fish-hook?" Robb asked.

I put a finger in my mouth and bent it to poke my cheek. Then I gave it a small pull.

"Huh." Robb shrugged. "Why would I put my hand anywhere near your mouth?"

"No clue." I shrugged as well. "Ready?"

He nodded. I settled on a low-guard with the blade out in front of me and angled my stance. Robb tested my defense with a couple of quick stabs. I swatted them away but didn't press the attack. This was about getting a look at him as well. The way he moved, his reach, and how fast he was.

The spar continued, Robb testing my defense and me keeping him at bay. He had some power behind his strikes and some decent speed. It felt like he suffered from the same issue as Joffrey, though not as drastic. Robb was going to be the Lord of Winterfell eventually, so people weren't in a hurry to knock him on his ass lest they pay for it later. They didn't put him against unskilled servants, but they did go a little easy on him.

When I was a kid I loved the Musketeer movies. The old ones with Michael York as D'Artagnan. In the opening credits there is a scene of him training with his father. I mention this because I watched those movies repeatedly and begged to take fencing lessons. There was a distinct lack of instructors in the small rural town I grew up in. Also, because in that scene, D'Artagnan uses a thick leather glove to catch and redirect the blade. I doubted that the tactic would work with a real sword unless I had some chain mail gloves or a gauntlet. Right now, though, I just needed to brace for impact.

He took a step forward, a controlled lunge toward me. Every time before I slapped the blade away or moved out of range. This time, I stepped toward him. His eyes widened as I hooked his outstretched arms against my flank, and wacked the side of his head with my sword. It was sloppy, but it worked. Technically, I had won, even if the blow would probably not even give him a bruise.

Robb blinked at me as I let him go.

"What was that?" He rubbed his cheek.

"Desperation." I replied more winded than he was. "You've taken your instruction much more serious than I have."

Robb shook his head at me.

"Are you sure you don't want to fight my sister?" Robb teased.

"Which one?" I asked.

"Me!" Arya appeared from the crowd. "Fight me."

Everyone around her laughed. Sansa looked absolutely mortified.

"Do you have a sword?" I turned to face her.

"I can use one of the wooden ones." She glared at me.

"Sure." I shrugged. "Grab one."

Arya moved before anyone could stop her. The sword was a bit too heavy for her, but that didn't bother her in the least. I had a feeling this wasn't the first time she had snatched one from the rack.

"Rules?" I asked.

"No throwing mud." She replied with a small glare to Robb.

"Agreed." I chuckled.

She turned her glare to me.

"I was laughing at the mud, not you." I clarified.

Her nose scrunched in concentration as she stared at me. She didn't wait for a word before she leapt at me. The wooden sword sung in the air as I stepped out of the way. Her movements were whip-fast, and she was constantly in motion. The sword worked against her. It was too long and too heavy for her. Not that the sword weighed a lot, it just wasn't the right type for her.

I danced out of her range and dodged her strikes for as long as I could. The brief spar with Robb already had me on the edge of tiredness. Arya let out a cry of frustration and dove at me. She whacked my knee with her sword and collided with my other leg mid-thigh.

We both hit the ground with a loud splat. Arya clambered over me until her sword was pressed length-wise across my throat. My entire back was coated in mud. The assembled crowd gasped. After a tense moment, I broke the silence with a string of laughter.

"You didn't tell me she was a she-wolf." I directed my words to Robb. "I yield. I yield."

Arya practically glowed as she hopped to her feet. I saw that she was mostly clean of mud.

"Arya." I drew myself to my full height. "You have slighted me and there is only one way to reclaim my honor."

The cloud of tension returned ten-fold. She glared at me in defiance. I lunged forward to close the distance between us and swept her feet out from under her. She fell flat on her back in the mud. I offered my hand to help her up.

"Not fair!" Arya yelled at me.

"Yes it is." I argued. "I didn't throw mud at you. I threw you at the mud."

Arya took my hand and got to her feet.

"I look forward to a rematch." I smiled at her. "Now, if you will all excuse me. I'm freezing and need a change of clothes."

I walked out of the practice yard toward Sansa. Everyone seemed to relax once it was clear I wasn't going to turn this into something more. I stopped before I got to Sansa then hurried back. A moment later I returned with my doublet.

"Would you hold onto this as well?" I asked with a chuckle. "I think it will be safer with you."

"You didn't have to do that, Joffrey." Sansa whispered.

"I know." I offered my arm to her once more, then thought better of it. "But it was fun."

Sansa turned her head away to hide a smile.

"One moment." I stepped away and waved over one of the guards.

He approached with a schooled mask of duty, but there was something in his eyes. It was a look I'd seen more than once in my old life. That dead-eyed worker who hated their boss. I didn't doubt that Joffrey had been a pain in the ass to be around.

"This was all in the name of fun." I said to him. "No hard feelings. Please make sure my former guards don't try something. Lock them up if they do."

The guard stared dumbfounded at me for a moment. Then he gave a single nod. He returned to his previous spot and spoke to a couple of other guards. Their attention fell on me for a brief moment before shifting to Joffrey's bullies. I had a feeling that they were perfectly fine taking revenge on any person the old prince wanted. Realistically, they would need to be replaced. I had no patience for thugs like that.

"Could you show me back to my room?" I asked as I rejoined Sansa. "It looks like I need another bath."