GITJ Post 356: That was Then, This is Now, p8

I had climbed up the small spiral staircase in Melissa's office that connected to the upstairs hallway, leading to my apartment. Melissa had found a white lab jacket I could use to adequately cover myself, my torn pants, preserving modesty in my walk through the clinic halls. But I was now stopped dead in my tracks and looking through the open doorway into what remained of my once pristine upstairs apartment. Oh my god…what the f-

I felt my heart drop. What was I seeing? Someone had broken my locked door handle. They had shattered it, along with part of the frame. I looked in horror at the wreckage of my apartment. My clothes were everywhere. My dresser was toppled over, drawers flung about. My new kitchen table lay on its side, halfway across the room.

I’d been broken into! Ransacked! My blood went cold. I started to panic as I suddenly felt the weight of everything that’s happened come crashing down on me.

WHY?!? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!?!!

My heart was pounding and my mouth fell agape as my mind raced to comprehend the situation. I stood there frozen on this late Monday morning, suddenly afraid to set foot in my own apartment. I was confused, so utterly confused:

WHEN?!? HOW?!?

Today was the first time I’d been to my place since Friday. I’d spent the entire weekend at Melissa’s so this could have happened anytime over the past couple of days! Had someone broken into the office building just to - what?? - rob me?!? That seemed unreasonable, totally unlikely, right?? I was the only resident left up on this floor, but nothing downstairs had been touched. If anyone was looking for money or valuables they’d have found much more in the office, right??

My heart still racing, I took my first few tentative steps into the apartment. I gingerly avoided all the plates strewn-about and broken on the floor. I didn't want to disturb the scene.

I have to call the police!! They need to investigate!!! Who would have had access to do this?!?

Immediately, I thought of those construction workers. Melissa had said they’d been staying here, overnights, over the weekends. Maybe it was some of them? I shivered, feeling the dread of every lost inch from my now feeble body. What if they meant me harm?? What if they were out to…I dunno - get me?? I was less than five feet tall, I’d be physically unable to defend myself if any of them threatened me. I was easy prey, an easy target. I was feeble and-

But why?? Why would they do that???

Who else could it have been??

They’d torn all my clothes out of the closet, and tossed them about.

I considered the strange things that had been happening lately. Like: who was this “Anderson” nut job? The guy who was sending me these unhinged, conspiracy-theory emails? He was shady, and it sounded like he was mixed up with some unstable people for sure. Was he upset that his sister was in the Evolution product study?

Or were there maybe other men out there that were just plain old pissed off at me? Angry that I’d been hiring so many women, and giving them a place to…what? Gather their power? Did they think I was part of this female equality movement that was looking to ‘put some balance between the sexes’? (haha I can’t believe I used to think that way, how quaint.)  Maybe they were looking for, what? Information I might have here? I didn’t keep a lot of paperwork up in my apartment, business or personal. But even that, and its makeshift filing box, seemed largely untouched. It was more my personal items, like  my clothes my toiletries and my keepsakes, that seemed all rifled through. Cabinet doors were pulled open. One was off its hinges. Someone was angry! And - god, look what they did to the couch - strong. Very strong. I saw a hole in the wall, and another. Looks like it was made with a fist, from someone tall.

My blood went even colder as I considered a possibility.

I…I was with Melissa every minute, right? Of the weekend? I shivered.

With more dread I considered the possibility. She had her unstable moments, she’d admitted it herself. Some very unstable moments. And I’d seen what she could do, physically, before. Could she have done this? Could she have slipped away? Maybe when I was asleep? Did she sneak out and do…all of this?? Maybe she even did it this morning???

My hand reached out to the countertop to steady myself. My vision was starting to swim as I felt a new wave of fear crash into me. No! I can’t think this way! Melissa loves me, I love her! But, yes, it could be. Things were so weird and fucked up. It could have been her!

But...why would she? It made no sense. None of this makes any sense!! Nothing!! Why am I shrinking?!? Why are women taking over everything?!? Why can’t everything be NORMAL?!? Why can’t it all go back to THE WAY IT USED TO BE?!?

My vision swam again as a great deluge of panic began to sweep over me, slamming me against the rocks of my mind. I was lightheaded, and had to use both hands on the silverware-strewn countertop, now, struggling just to stay upright. I tried to take a deep breath but managed only a beleaguered sob.

PLEASE!! Please let’s go back to when I had a life!! Independence! Control! Back before all this craziness! Remember?!? Everything was so…easy!

Behind closed eyes, my mind looked for something. It looked for something to calm itself. It started to, yes, bring to life a fantasy, bring me back in time…

…

I was sitting at my desk, looking at my hands. My normal, healthy, regular-guy sized hands.

My wedding ring was gone. Huh. When did that happen?

Looking around things felt a bit…older, more familiar, comforting in a way. My office was unusually large and inviting. A couch and leather chairs sat in the corner next to…a small liquor cabinet? Brandy or whisky or whatever it was sat ready to be poured on the coffee table as smooth jazz quietly drifted in from an RCA tabletop radio across the room. Sitting behind my large desk I felt strangely content. No, it was more than that. I felt confident.

A knock at my door, and in came Lakshmi. She had a chart, a couple of them. Paper charts, which looked like the ones we used to use back before our EHR system...

Hello Doctor, she began, respectfully, I just had a few questions regarding Mr. Kowalczyk’s vitals. They seem a bit erratic.

Okay, well let’s have a look, I said, taking the chart from Lakshmi with a chuckle. Oh, Mr. Kowalski… I began, looking at the results from today's visit, then flipping back a few pages. If I remember correctly he’s in the old folks’ home now. His wife’s been visiting him quite often and my guess is that she’s been slipping him a pack or two of his Viceroys. That would explain these recent numbers.

Lakshmi nodded, hanging on my every word.

I’ll talk to her today, I said, and we’ll check him back in a couple weeks. I'm sure he’ll be just fine.

Oh yes of course doctor! Lakshmi gushed, That makes perfect sense! I do not know what we would all do without you!

No need to worry, hun. I'm not going away anytime soon! I laughed, Unless everyone starts eating their apples!

She laughed a bit bashfully at my admittedly corny joke as if she actually found it funny. Maybe she was just being respectful or…well, I suppose there was a bit of charm to it. I can be quite charming, when I put my mind to it!

As Lakshmi made a note in the chart, I took a moment to look at her. She seemed respectful, deferential, quiet. More like she was back before Melissa, back before all…that happened. But her figure was undoubtedly still - vavavoom - still the bottom-heavy voluptuousness of these recent months, young curves of baby-making hips and thighs that stretched her crisply ironed scrubs. Did she know how much I just wanted to reach out and grab that thing? It was a sight, for sure. She seemed blithely ignorant of her own body’s appeal. She was far more interested in me and what I had to say.

Now this is a breath of fresh air!

Before too long another girl was in through my door and came to Lakshmi's side: her friend Josie, with a chart of her own hugged to her nicely shapely chest...

When had I hired this girl? Good job, man! Her hair was done up cutely into a nice bun, with a single strand of brown hair strategically out of place. It made her look adorable, but more than anything I think she wanted me to notice. She wanted me to say something about it and give her my attention.

I was all too happy to oblige.

Hey Josie, love the hair. But is this…? I pantomimed twirling my finger around where her loose strand of hair would be.

Oh silly me! she giggled, abruptly struggling to put the loose strand back into place, Sometimes this hair of mine has a mind of its own! She giggled, fetchingly. Whatever would I do without you, doctor! I would be such a mess!

We all would be! Lakshmi agreed.

Before I could respond, yet another girl - Morgan, our new Hungarian nurse - entered my office. I had just sat back, hands behind my head, reclined backwards in my desk chair and ready to solve another problem when my eyes were drawn to the woman’s prodigious bustline. Another good hire! But Morgan looked upset...

Doctor! We to be having the problem! she blurted, Please! Come the quickly!

I could read it in her face, in her voice, and in the way she held her body. There was an emergency, and I immediately jumped into action. Morgan was a big woman, large and intimidating to some of the other staff,  but as I stood up I realized I was taller than her. That struck me as strange, for some reason.

I rushed out of the room, leaving the other girls behind, knowing, on instinct, exactly which way to go.

Morgan tried to keep pace behind me down the hall as we rushed towards the problem. It is Mr. Kowalczyk! He getting the mad at vending machine for not giving the cigarette! she called from behind me, He hit machine very hard, and now it on the top of him!  You must hurry! Mr. Kowalczyk very old! He have trouble with the breathe!

I arrived into a crowd of women, my nurses and secretaries, all surrounding the trapped, elderly man. A few were trying helplessly to lift the machine off him, while others simply looked on in shock. His wife stood off to the side, bawling miserably.

It is too heavy we girls cannot lift! Morgan called, and then as I moved in she announced, Move! Move! Doctor is here! Doctor is the here now!

With that, the crowd parted in front of me, allowing me to get right to work. Rolling up my sleeves and steadying myself, I took hold of one of the vending machine's corners, and braced my legs. With a bit of effort I was able to slowly lift it off the poor man. The girls all began to cheer, but I knew that this was not the end of Mr. Kowalczyk’s troubles.

I need Mr. Kowalawitz in room 1-A STAT!! I commanded, as several girls helped pull him from under the vending machine I held off the ground, Get him on O2 and check him for any lacerations or signs of fracture. We’re going to keep him for observation but get the hospital on the line!

At that, some of the crowd scattered, girls going off to perform their specific jobs while I stayed to coordinate the effort. Mr. Kowalstein wasn't going to bite it on my watch! In the meantime, the girls were beginning to clap. They were applauding me, praising me for my strength and quick thinking!

Clapping!!

The girls were clapping! I closed my eyes and I could hear the clapping the clapppppin. I smiled at the clap-clap click-clapping … click-click-clap clack-CLACK CLACK-CLACK <CLACK-CLACK CLACK-CLACK>!!!

…

Heels, in the hallway, moving fast. Running?

“Oh my god Dr. J what happened !?!?!?”

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thanks to ResistanceIsFutile for lots of the inspiration for this entry