Turning Chapter 787

Chapter 787

‘What is this?’

That voice, what did it mean?

‘Have I ever had such a thought? I don't recall…’

Yuder, amidst his confusion, furrowed his brow and shook his head. Every attempt to grasp the fleeting sensation resulted in a headache that throbbed like an illusion, accompanied by a faint dizziness that came and went.

Pressing his temples, Yuder tried to hold onto its end, but then,

"Why so troubled?"

Startled back to reality by Enon's worried voice gripping his shoulder, the strange sensation he was feeling plunged into the depths like a stone in water, disappearing.

"No... Just now, something... I felt like an odd memory I never had was about to surface, but it's gone now."

"What was that?"

Yuder bit his lip tightly and removed his hand from his head, where the headache had vanished.

The strange sensation had surged up naturally the moment he heard Enon's question.

The question about why he had strived so hard when no one had asked him to save the world.

Yes. There was no such person. Obviously not, but... What was that odd thought that had naturally seeped out of his subconscious?

"Did something unspeakable come to your mind? What was it?"

"...No, it wasn't that."

Seeing Yuder's silence as both frustrating and worrying, Enon asked earnestly.

Yuder shook his head and began to describe the strange experience he had just felt. His explanation was rough, given the briefness of the experience and his own difficulty in articulating it, but Enon listened seriously.

"Hmm... Have you felt this before?"

"Not exactly the same, but I've had similar experiences occasionally since I returned."

"What kind of experiences?"

Yuder hesitated before speaking.

"Sometimes, things I didn't remember... or rather, didn't even realize I had forgotten, suddenly resurfaced. It felt like... filling a hole I didn't know was empty."

"...A hole?"

Yuder had many such holes within him, unknown even to himself. They would sometimes unexpectedly fill, bringing with them forgotten memories and fragments of emotions.

The holes were not just a metaphor. Mick Shuden, who claimed to see the essence of a person's inner self, once told Yuder, "You have many holes. So many empty spaces that they're uncountable."

The frequency of these sensations had decreased recently, but the fact that it happened again while talking to Enon meant it hadn't completely gone away.

Enon's brows deepened with concern as he listened to Yuder. This seemed to trouble him more than the stories of the past life. He looked into Yuder's eyes, scrutinizing him for a long while before finally speaking.

"I can't fully grasp this 'hole' concept. But I have a theory. Your soul was a mess but began to heal, and that seems related to it."

After saying this, Enon elaborated in a way he had never done before.

"A messed-up soul means two things. One, having suffered wounds or shocks so severe that they damage your very essence. And the other, a weak bond between the body and soul."

"..."

"Elpkins and others I've seen were the former. But you, you're both. That's why you're in worse shape. Understand? I thought things had improved a lot recently, but when I looked again, I saw that the bond was loose again. I don't know what you did, but..."

"...The bond has loosened?"

"Yes! In your natural state, maintaining sanity and walking straight would be difficult!"

Enon had mostly spoken of Yuder's soul improving when he had deep connections and contact with Kishiar. Since leaving the capital and arriving here, their relationship had deepened, not lessened, yet Yuder's condition seemed to have worsened.

'Why is that?'

Yuder, letting Enon's ongoing nagging go in one ear and out the other, opened his mouth to speak.

"I understand the first part. But what's the downside of having a weak bond?"

At this, Enon finally calmed down. Pondering for a moment, he then provided an explanation.

"Hmm... To my non-human eyes, every living being appears as a combination of a physical existence and the energy that forms their essence, their soul. If the bond between these two weakens, it wouldn't be strange for one of them to scatter at any moment. And if it completely breaks?"

"...Death?"

"Yes."

His lemon-colored eyes became cold and emotionless.

"A very painful death."

"But I never felt particularly bad."

"That's because you're an anomaly!"

Yelling out, Enon then sighed.

"From what I've observed, you inherently feel less pain than others, and your ability to feel pain seems broken beyond repair. When pain becomes too overwhelming, the mind can erase that part entirely. With soul damage that severe, it's possible."

Enon kindly explained that many of the back-alley lives he had seen were like this. Those accustomed to extreme pain from a young age might later perceive that pain as pleasure, or become emotionally castrated, unable to feel it at all.

Yuder felt uneasy considering he might be one of them, but reflecting on his experiences, it didn't seem surprising.

'Still, it's unsettling. If soul damage is such a serious issue, it could suddenly hinder future endeavors...'

As Yuder silently gazed down at himself, Enon ruffled his hair roughly.

"It's hard to notice since it's not a visible pain. I don't expect you to suddenly become cautious and convalesce. But as long as you don't forget about it, you'll be fine. Anyway, I'm here with you now, and so is the Commander."

His voice was brusque, his touch rough, but the warmth felt from them was more comforting than anything. It was so like Enon.

Yuder, with his hair tousled, looked at Enon's unevenly pursed lips and slightly raised the corners of his own.

"…Understood. Thank you."

"Ugh, why do I bother with such a dark creature?"

Despite his words, Enon continued to stroke Yuder's hair a few more times before pulling away.

"But about those holes inside you, did you notice any commonality in what filled them?"

"A commonality?"

"Think about it. You might uncover something unexpected."

"Well..."

Yuder, lost in thought, suddenly spoke.

"…The Commander?"

"Huh?"

"Now that I think about it, most of them... seemed related to memories and emotions associated with the Commander."

The moment he spoke, Yuder's head began to throb slightly, and something he had unconsciously overlooked seemed to shed a thin veil, revealing itself layer by layer.

'It's like the dream. Initially, it was the memory of the day I killed Kishiar.'

Why hadn't he taken this seriously until now? He knew it intellectually, but he had been so focused on the newly surfaced memories and emotions that he had naturally glossed over the rest.

Yuder continued to rub his head in bewilderment, immersed in thought, then suddenly considered that the reason for the weakening of his soul's bond might be found in these very revelations.

'If everything I had forgotten is connected to Kishiar, then the most fundamentally shaking event since leaving the capital would be... that.'

"...White gloves."

Hearing the words slip through his lips, Enon blinked and asked in confusion.

"What gloves? What are you talking about all of a sudden?"

"I had a strange nightmare a few days ago. The Commander from my past life, or rather, just his hands, appeared and tried to touch me, attempting some unidentifiable communication."

"Only the hands appeared? Ew, what kind of bizarre dream is that?"

Enon recoiled as if the hand from the dream might materialize right there. Yuder briefly explained the dream's content and then turned his gaze toward the window.

It was precisely the spot where the strange crack had appeared before.

"At first, I thought it was just an unsettling dream. But after talking to the Commander, I realized that the day I had that dream was precisely when the crack appeared in this southern branch."

"So... that anomaly might be related to the dream?"

"That, and maybe the dream affected the state of my soul, making it worse."

The dream had been somewhat peculiar. Unlike before, it wasn't reviving forgotten memories, but it felt as if something real had visited in the dream. If a disembodied hand could manifest such clear intent, how was that different from a ghost?

Yuder, after explaining his observations, asked,

"...What do you think?"

"Well... It's hard to say for sure right now, but it seems possible."

Enon didn't dismiss the speculation outright.

"If I could see this crack with my own eyes, things might become clearer..."

"That... I hope not, but it might be possible soon."

"What?"

Enon furrowed his brow in confusion.