Turning Chapter 1112

Chapter 1112

Yuder silently looked down at the face of the person sitting in front of him. As he gazed at the shadowed face illuminated by the lamp, he was somehow reminded of the sight he had often seen in his previous life. That man who came to visit him every night, smiling shamelessly yet somehow immersed in a sensitive and cold shadow.

He didn't know then, but now he could understand. That coldness was not directed at others, but at himself.

Yuder pulled up a chair and sat down facing him. Then, after taking a breath, he took off his gloves and placed his hands on the desk.

"I have something I want to say, but first, would you hold my hand?"

"Hand?"

The man who had been blinking slowly placed his hand on top of Yuder's. He hesitated slightly just before grasping it, but after placing it, he completely relaxed as if reassured. Although it was a momentary reaction that would be difficult for an ordinary person to notice, Yuder was on high alert and could perceive it sufficiently.

'He's definitely becoming more sensitive.'

He's reacting more sensitively and cautiously to external stimuli. Yet he doesn't seem to be aware of everything as keenly as before. It was the same with his scent.

Even though he had concluded through their previous conversation that he would trust and comply with Yuder, his body wasn't yet fully following the commands of his head.

And he's probably noticing that fact again with that good brain of his. It's likely that he'll continue to be like this until the heat fully starts and his consciousness becomes simpler. It was not a good chain of events.

Then all he needed to do was keep telling him. That no matter what he feared, it wouldn't happen this time. That he wouldn't let it happen. To trust him. Just say that and wait. Like he said last time, this time too.

Because you were the one who told me that's what I should do.

Feeling the cool body temperature transmitted through his bare hand, Yuder opened his mouth.

"Before, Kanna once said... that knowing things you don't want to know isn't always good, but living without knowing isn't that happy either."

"That sounds like Kanna Wand."

"Yes. It was also quite helpful advice for me. Come to think of it, I was often frustrated by not knowing anything in the previous game. Compared to then, even if the things I've come to know make things difficult for me, now is better. At least I'm not frustrated."

"..."

The man in front of him would have understood sufficiently what he had been frustrated about not knowing, even without saying it.

"I also want to uncover the secrets related to the heat experienced by second gender awakeners and help them. But what you want to know now isn't about others, is it?"

The weight resting on Yuder's hand trembled very slightly for a moment.

"If you want to know about me, about yourself, and about us, you'll never be able to find out from reports like that."

Yuder declared towards the red eyes.

"Ask me. And if there's something even I don't know, we can find out by experiencing it directly from now on."

The man who had been staring blankly at Yuder for a moment laughed softly.

"When you put it that way, it feels like such a simple solution."

"Because it actually is simple."

Kishiar's hand, which had been still, moved for the first time. He slowly caressed the back of Yuder's hand covered with dark red veins and opened his mouth.

"...Yes. This is the first time waiting for something to come has felt so anxious. No matter how I try to change my thinking, it's not working well. I never knew it could be this frustrating not being able to happily welcome an invisible enemy... It's truly foolish."

'Invisible enemy'... The emotion he was feeling was fully conveyed in his choice of words. It was an emotion that Yuder, who had experienced heat first, could also understand.

"I remember being anxious with similar thoughts when I thought my heat might be approaching. But I don't think that way now."

A slightly dry smile appeared and disappeared on the man's lips.

"Really, aren't you anxious? Not knowing how I might change when I enter heat."

"Have you ever seen an awakener who died because of heat? I haven't."

"But what if my consciousness sinks and I can't think like I do now? If I can't control myself and hurt you? What if I even rampage to escape that situation?"

He laughed lowly.

"...Since having that dream before, such thoughts keep coming to me. I was worried and looked at the investigation reports again, but seeing that it had little effect, it seems like it might have been the wrong choice."

So that dream is the problem after all.

Yuder didn't ask what he saw in the dream. And he grasped Kishiar's hand in return and applied pressure. As if trying to transmit warmth to the hand that had grown colder while speaking.

"May I ask you one thing?"

Kishiar nodded.

"When you took care of me during my heat, did you dislike my changed appearance?"

"Of course not."

It was an immediate answer.

"Not for a single moment did I think that way."

'I knew it would be like this, but this is how it feels when the expected answer comes as expected.'

Thinking this, Yuder replied.

"It's the same for me."

"..."

"But even if I say this, you probably can't believe it now."

"I believe you."

"Of course you'd believe me... I mean, yourself."

At that, the man fell silent.

"Can you believe it?"

Kishiar looked down at their clasped hands for a long time. Then he shook his head very slowly.

"No. You're right... I can't believe it."

"You see?"

"I'm sorry for answering like this."

"You don't need to apologize to me."

Saying that, Yuder smiled. And with a slightly lighter heart, he opened his mouth.

"During heat... it seems we tend to think a lot of thoughts we wouldn't normally have. Even I wondered if you had ever thought about descendants."

"Descendants?"

Kishiar questioned. His face looked a bit dazed, as if he had heard something unexpected.

"I guessed that part of the reason you looked at this report was because that was also an unbelievable source of worry, but am I wrong?"

"If you mean in that sense... I wanted to find related cases about whether there were any exceptions to the information that children could only be conceived when both people were in heat, and what reactions occurred in those swept up in their partner's heat. Although you say I kept my senses well until the end without much reaction during your previous heat, I became doubtful whether that was also the normal case."

“So... you were worried about being swept up in my heat if you stayed by my side.”

"You could say that."

After answering like that, Kishiar was silent for a moment.

"...Descendants, huh. Did I think about that then?"

"I didn't think about it seriously. I was just curious for a moment and then forgot about it, but seeing this reminded me again."

"What do you think?"

If you're asking me... Yuder organized his thoughts to convey his usual thoughts without holding back.

"To be honest, I have no thoughts on it. I was only curious that one time, so I've never thought that there would be descendants in my life, and I don't think it will be much different from now in the future. But some other second gender awakeners might come forward wanting children in the future, so I just think I want to solve related problems for their sake."

He was used to people dying or hearing that they had died, but even including the life he lived as Yudrain Aile, there had never been a new life close to him in his life. Not just him, but all awakeners were like that.

'So that too... it would be good if we could change it.'

While thinking that, Kishiar also opened his mouth.

"I too have never dreamed of needing descendants of my own blood. It's natural since I became a defective product with problems in my vessel... but even after awakening and my vessel improved, that thought never changed."