Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Collateral Voodoo Damage

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard we build Burning Men of each other, burn them, and sprinkle the ashes over fertile soil so we can taste each other in every meal the harvest yields. That’s a lot! But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where this ol’ Chevy of a man has had a very genital-focused month.

He reflected on the woman who still, after all these years, takes his breath away...

No refunds for that pun.

He also recognized a kindred spirit in the weird way Riker sits on chairs.

And realized there’s no shame in drawing infinite dicks -- we all do it! We’re doing it right now.

Let’s get to The Comments, where the people -- including SoylentRobot -- rejoiced(?) at the first feature-length Sissyneck post!

And of course, there was further studious reflection on the nature of dicks. Kevin Hanlon and Dean Costello discussed the specific anatomy of Jason Pargin’s Great Winged Dongbeasts, like all academics will in the future.

Christopher Horne loves history almost as much as he loves Nazi dogwhistle iceskating trick puns.

And Nathaniel is so moved by an act of Hot Dog he shares a positively blackmailable amount of information about his childhood.

Now it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s, wait -- really? That’s the title that stuck? Somebody start a petition. This cannot stand. Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to some of the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month...

Jackson Ape is tough to beat, but...

There’s something about the way Meat Ape holds that cleaver. It’s positively coy.

Now on to the Discord, where Mo has a million dollar idea for a YouTube channel.

Javo and JCantrell might have -- MIGHT HAVE -- spotted a SLIGHT flaw in the Ancient Aliens theory. Secure your monocles, people, they’re about to pop right out of your stuffy old faces.

Greg guessed the origin of Jason Pargin’s Dong Trilogy in one!

While Brendan proves himself a Hagar Witch, and must therefore be Spinning Clotheslined at the stake.

Jakesy writes us some honest to God poetry...

Cerril had a devastating realization. Is it possible… Steven Spielberg likes money???

Some Kind of Wizard understands that one person’s hell is another’s uneventful Saturday night:

Adrienne and basically the whole Discord have discovered that voodoo dolls come with collateral damage for any fool stupid enough to be named close to Brockway.

Thanks to the UFC podcast, a lot of folks discovered the magic of janky early ‘90s pitfighting for the very first time. This is all gold, but Mo really slam dunks the punchline this one. Wait, that should be a UFC metaphor. Mo really passes the drug test with a fake penis and somebody else’s urine on this one!

This is going to feel unfair on several levels. It’s hard to compete with Gellaho when it comes to two things: contributing to this community or human dressage - dude was born to piaffe. It was impossible to beat him this month, when he bought a Cameo from Traxx star and vigorous lunatic Shadoe Stevens just to make Brockway feel better during a Meat Party.

Congratulations, Gellaho! you’ll take possession of what was once an invaluable work of art, but has since become something more. Something… maybe not better, but certainly beyond.

I actually don’t see what’s different about this one. I get a really bad feeling about it, like something important has shifted that I should understand and fear, but I can’t spot it. Did Will Black, our previous winner, even deface it? If not, why did he have to die? Because he is most certainly dead. He is currently a thick paste being used to lubricate those ankle joints.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll stomp them into ankle-lube.