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Catherynne M. Valente from patreon

Catherynne M. Valente

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Catherynne M. Valente posts

Denizen of the Month/Update: THIS SPIKY OMICRON BOI RIGHT HERE

Catherynne M. Valente post Denizen of the Month/Update: THIS SPIKY OMICRON BOI RIGHT HERE from patreon

This month's Denizen is FUCKING COVID-19 I SWEAR TO GOD I WANT TO PUNCH ITS STUPID FACE.

If you don't follow me on Twitter or haven't joined the Discord server (invite: https://discord.gg/6gh28zBwHd) you might have missed that, two years deep on this...

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Audiography Volume 10: Darlings, It's Cold Outside

Apologies for the lateness of the post. Life is beautiful, life is stupid, life is late. Deadlines are kicking me from one side to another, but the end is in sight.

Living on an island has its charms. There's an eldritch forest right outside my house, sunsets on the beach are unbelievable, and it's a really nice communi...

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Special Bonus Excerpt: Space Oddity

Catherynne M. Valente post Special Bonus Excerpt: Space Oddity from patreon

This one's for everyone!

I had the notion that this concept would be a chapter long before I even sold a sequel, and I'm PRETTY pleased with how it came out, and I was telling folks on the Discord about it, and I've had an espresso martini, SO YOU GET IT EARLY.

What's so special about humanity? STRAP YOURSELF THE ...

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Quick Housekeeping: Discord and Schedule

Hey everyone, me here.

As you probably noticed, my life went in the bin last month, and also this month, so I have been bad with updates and am still working on this month's rewards BUT they WILL happen as I have to turn this book in Monday one way or the other, and then my time opens up again. I'm really just so fuckin...

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Good Morning January: Annual Awards Eligibility Post

Since I don't really have a proper blog anymore and my website is undergoing some updates, I decided I would put this bad boi here. This is like a blog, after all. As close as I think internet culture will ever get again. 

I know it's annoying, I know people can get weird about it, but to be honest, even a...

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Audiography Volume Nine: Young Punkery

Here we are, rolling into the ninth month of the Audiography Reboot: This Time with Less Piracy!

My aunt passed on Christmas Eve. I have mixed feelings as you do when someone you love so deeply has been sick for so long.  I hope you were all able to take some time between Christmas and New Year's to just be with yo...

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Open Discussion

Here is your monthly place to chat and get to know each other! Feel free to talk about anything, but be kind, this is a safe place.

How are you all feeling?

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State of the Cat Update

Hello all,

Lovely Assistant here again with more not so lovely news. 

Cat's aunt is in really bad shape and she is trying to make funeral arrangements while comforting her cousins.

Because of the emotional toll, as well as not being able to physically get away, Cat won't be at WorldCon this year, not ev...

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Audiography Volume Nine: Young Punkery

My aunt is dying. I don't really know how to process this. I don't know how to handle a world that doesn't have her in it.

I write about music a lot because I lean on music a lot. That's what music is for: transporting you to a different world or time or place or feeling. Music helps anchor the nebulous things in life -...

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State of the Cat

Hello, all. 

Lovely Assistant here with some not so lovely news. First, Cat/husband/child are all physically fine - y'all don't need to worry about that.

However, Cat's Aunt Cyndi (the aunt from the acknowledgements, who basically functioned like a mother to Cat) is not. She is dying and Cat flew out to Seatt...

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Character Postcard: Fairyland's Moon

Catherynne M. Valente post Character Postcard: Fairyland's Moon from patreon

She was so surprised you wanted to hear from her and she said. . .well, I'll let her tell you.

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Audiography Volume Eight: Dancing About Architecture

Here we are, rolling into the eighth month of the Audiography Reboot: This Time with Less Piracy!

It's the last day of November but also the start of the holiday season! Still, it's a bit melancholy, with leaves withering in piles as the wind whips through the trees. It's cozy weather, I say, so lend me your ears, snugg...

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Character Postcard Poll

Who would you like to hear from this month?

Source material is in the parentheses, and remember, these options are chosen by the Mad Post Doc and up tiers each month.

Here are the choices suggested so far. Now, I want to say that any details in these will be classified as loose canons--if I were to go back and wri...

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ALL CAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Apple Pie for Your Cinnamon Roll Cravings

Catherynne M. Valente post ALL CAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Apple Pie for Your Cinnamon Roll Cravings from patreon

You may be asking yourselves, best beloveds, how apple pie can sate your cinnamon roll cravings. Have a seat at my kitchen table, let the smell of pie crust oozing syrupy apples waft over you as I enlighten you about the goodness of this dish.

Best part? It looks like you SLAVED away in the kitchen for hours upon hours,...

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Acknowledgments: A Thanksgiving Essay

Catherynne M. Valente post Acknowledgments: A Thanksgiving Essay from patreon

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 

And today I did one of the last things you do when making a manuscript into a book: the acknowledgments.

As some of you know, my acknowledgments can sometimes get to be A LOT OF FEELINGS.

This one is one of those. It became a real essay, much as the Space Opera ackies did. So ...

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Audiography Volume Eight: Architecture About Dancing

Catherynne M. Valente post Audiography Volume Eight: Architecture About Dancing from patreon

I feel like I definitely first encountered this quote (probably) by Martin Mull in a rom-com, but the saying goes:

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Well, since I'm writing about music all the time lately, and I have a book coming out today, AND it is autumn, the most literary season...

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Open Discussion

Here is your monthly place to chat and get to know each other! Feel free to talk about anything, but be kind, this is a safe place.

How are you all feeling?

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October Orecchiette: Pasta with Caramelized Apples, Onions, Sausage, Goat Cheese, and Crisped Mushrooms Topped with Shredded Georgian-Spiced Brussels Sprouts

Catherynne M. Valente post October Orecchiette: Pasta with Caramelized Apples, Onions, Sausage, Goat Cheese, and Crisped Mushrooms Topped with Shredded Georgian-Spiced Brussels Sprouts from patreon

Ugh this shit is REAL, I am telling you. It is SO GOOD.

The problem is I don’t actually like apples all that much? But I really like apple picking? And toddlers fucking LOVE apple picking? Like, apple is my least favorite pie. Cider is fine, I guess. I just don’t have THAT many things to make with apples before they...

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Mandatory Media Dissection Poll

What shall I review this month?

Since I was flat on my back for a good part of September and October (THANKS, MIDDLE-AGED BODY!!), I have more than usual to choose from in the "read, watched, played" categories.  Once again, my judgment is in parentheses so you know what to expect.

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Character Postcard: Öö

Catherynne M. Valente post Character Postcard: Öö from patreon

Delightful Assistant is so happy, because she's been wanting an Öö postcard since I started this reward. Öö is happy, because making humans happy is a Good But Not Always Easy Thing, mostly because humans don't listen to Öö as often as they should.


In any case, here's what Öö has been up to.

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Character Postcard: Prester John

Catherynne M. Valente post Character Postcard: Prester John from patreon

So this was technically last month's postcard, but I got distracted by digging up short stories. In any case, it seems some of you miss this guy as much as I do. Now, there may or may not be some news on that front. . .but that is for next year.

Mysterious? Who, me?

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Audiography Volume Seven: Spooky Songs

Here we are, rolling into the seventh month of the Audiography Reboot: This Time with Less Piracy!

It's the last day of the spooooookiest month, so why not celebrate with all the spooky, creepy, scary, terrifying songs in one place? The Spooky Songs playlist is live (along with my selections!) and ready for you to put i...

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Fine, I Guess I’m Gonna Say Something About Dave Chappelle Now. Goddammit.

I wasn’t going to say anything.

I really wasn’t.

I have a crushing deadline, and a toddler, and just a whole lot of things going on. And after the last special, frankly, I just didn’t want to deal with the inevitable Twitter scream-a-thon about it if I did say something, pretty much no matter what it was I a...

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CharacterPostcard Poll

Who would you like to hear from this month?

Source material is in the parentheses, and remember, these options are chosen by the Mad Post Doc and up tiers each month.

Here are the choices suggested so far. Now, I want to say that any details in these will be classified as loose canons--if I were to go back and wri...

View Post

Open Discussion

Here is your monthly place to chat and get to know each other! Feel free to talk about anything, but be kind, this is a safe place.

How are you all feeling?

View Post

Audiography Volume Seven: Spooky Songs

Our seventh audiography theme is...Spooky Songs!

It's October and Christmas trees have been in Costco since August! Someone has to rally around the banner of Halloween and I know I can count on all of my beloved fans to sally forth.

I want your spooky music, your scary music, and your just plain weird music. The S...

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Audiography Playlist Volume Six: Guilty Pleasures

Here we are, rolling into the sixth month of the Audiography Reboot: This Time with Less Piracy!

The Guilty Pleasures playlist is live (along with my selections!) and ready for you to put into your ears. I will say, many of you do not seem to be the least bit Guilty about your Listening Pleasures. And frankly, that is C...

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All Bad Things: How to Amuse Yourself with Star Trek When You Have Already Seen Every Star Trek So Many Times It Even Weirds Out Other Trekkies

Catherynne M. Valente post All Bad Things: How to Amuse Yourself with Star Trek When You Have Already Seen Every Star Trek So Many Times It Even Weirds Out Other Trekkies from patreon

Note: This got very long. As in, I managed to cover one episode and my history with Trek and it's already 2500 words. So to save my still destroyed back (I was in traction this week! That was weird!) I will continue this in installments, hopefully finishing up next month. I bit off a little more than I can chew! But it's ...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Peach and Honey-Brandy Cheese Pastry Pocketsquares with Fresh Thyme

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Peach and Honey-Brandy Cheese Pastry Pocketsquares with Fresh Thyme from patreon

Peach and Honey-Brandy Cheese Pastry Pocketsquares with Fresh Thyme

These are so easy yet so impressive-looking I can’t even express to you the size of the BIG BAMBOOZLE here. With zero skill, you can look like you’re ready for the Great British Bakeoff and your motherfucking Hollywood handshake. View Post

Bonus Reward: The Seething Sea Sufficeth Us

Catherynne M. Valente post Bonus Reward: The Seething Sea Sufficeth Us from patreon

In tracking down all the stories whose characters were requested for this month's postcard, I discovered that the organization that commissioned one of the stories seems to only host the stories until the next year's theme (mine was the future of the oceans) and publication, and my little orca story no longer seems to be avai...

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