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Catherynne M. Valente from patreon

Catherynne M. Valente

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Catherynne M. Valente posts

ALLCAPS COOKBOOK BONUS EDITION PRESENTS: THE DARTH BABY

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK BONUS EDITION PRESENTS: THE DARTH BABY from patreon

 

Darth Baby

As we’re all stuck home not allowed to go to brunches or breakfasts at pretty cafes or anywhere but into our DEEPEST DARKEST FEARATORIUMS, I thought I would share with everyone of every tier an extra recipe for this month. It is a breakfast food, but it is also a dessert. It is...

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Traumatis Personae: Writing Through the Bad Times

Catherynne M. Valente post Traumatis Personae: Writing Through the Bad Times from patreon

 Greetings, all you who are dear and darling and distant.

It hardly matters what the first cough of spring feels like in Maine right now. Did it snow? I suppose. Did the snow stay? Not for long. I suppose it’s cold. I suppose it’s bare. I suppose there is mud without flowers, and red birds without sun. But I lo...

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Open Discussion Post

Hey, everyone! This is the revival of the monthly community discussion post WHICH I THINK WE COULD ALL USE RIGHT NOW.

Come on in! No social distancing in the comments! All surfaces sanitized and sparkling! Plenty of room to play with your friends!

Ok now I'm just depressing myself. I wanna go outside.

How ar...

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The Seventeen Nights (and counting)

Hello, darlings.


The essay will be up tomorrow along with an extra bonus recipe for those stuck at home trying to figure out what to cook. And I’m working on putting together that poetry collection for you guys! April will be a rewards-heavy month, yo.


In the meantime, I’ve decided to rea...

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Three Year Anniversary

It's been three years this month since I began this Patreon. 

In that time, I've posted so much here, and made connections with so many of you, and been able to do so much (including creating a human child) because of your support.

I say it so often, but especially in this massively difficult and uncertain ti...

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ALLCAPSCOOKBOOK PRESENTS: Craccoli (Parmesan Garlic Broccoli)

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPSCOOKBOOK PRESENTS: Craccoli (Parmesan Garlic Broccoli) from patreon

 

Craccoli

Like a lot of these recipes, this one is not technically mine, but I’ve made my own little alterations to it. This one belongs to my sister-in-law.

Whenever there’s a family potluck get together thing, everyone says excitedly OMG MIRANDA IS BRINGING HER BROCCOLI BETTER BE...

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ISOLATION Livestream in 20 Minutes

Catherynne M. Valente post ISOLATION Livestream in 20 Minutes from patreon

I'm going live in 20, grab your popcorn, your festive drink, and your questions! See you soon! The link is up there on my big dumb mug and you can have it open in a tab, it'll start broadcasting when I click go.

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Livestream Tonight!

Hello, my loves. Everybody holding up ok?


I’m going to be doing the livestream tonight at 7:30pm EST. This one will be open to the public to watch, since everyone could use a little distraction right now. Hope that’s all right.


There’s still time to get questions in, and I suspect a big...

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Diary of a Plague Month

Hey, everyone.


Sooo...what’s up with you?


JK we all know what’s up with all of us. We are heading into uncharted territory, personally and economically and in all ways -ally. Most of us are drawing into our respective snail shells, attempting to weather this as best we can. I’m no diffe...

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Excerpt: The Quidnunx (This Is How We Ediiiiiit)

What am I working on this month? Literally the thirteenth version of the first third of this damn middle grade novel, which you read an old first chapter of months ago. Figuring out how to start this thing has eaten me fully alive and I hate everything, but I think I have it now. I hope so anyway. So this is the new beginning...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Chocolate and Pumpkin Chiffon Pie

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Chocolate and Pumpkin Chiffon Pie from patreon

 

Two Pies, Both Alike in Dignity

When I go to visit friends, I often cook for them. I LIKE TO. I PACK UNIQUE BAKING TINS.

This time, one of my old favorites was requested, a pie we often call Alternate Win Condition Pie. That is because every single goddamned time I make this pie, I FU...

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Please Do Not Get Mad At Me For What I Am About To Say About Dickstoats and Brave Buttercups: How to Fiction in an Angry World

Catherynne M. Valente post Please Do Not Get Mad At Me For What I Am About To Say About Dickstoats and Brave Buttercups: How to Fiction in an Angry World from patreon


Greetings, dear ones. It’s cold and rubbish over here HOW BOUT YOU? That’s all you can really say about January in New England. January, the worst month. The hangover of months. The month with crap weather, no holidays to look forward to beyond reading someone you thought was more or less okay being racist on t...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Meyer Lemon Maple Brown Butter Madeleines

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Meyer Lemon Maple Brown Butter Madeleines from patreon

 

Meyer Lemon Maple Brown Butter Madeleines

What can I say, the baby loves madeleines. We kept him mostly off the sugar sauce until he turned one, and now we’ve been introducing some low-key baked goods, and madeleines vanish into him instantaeously. It’s possible he just teleports them f...

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LET'S TALK ABOUT TIME, BABY

Catherynne M. Valente post LET'S TALK ABOUT TIME, BABY from patreon

 

In Lieu of Title, Please Picture Jeremy Piven Yelling TEN YEARS in Grosse Pointe Blank


Greetings, my darlings. 

It is the end of the year. It is the end of the decade. I’m not even quite sure how to feel about that. The whole 2000s feel like...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Roasted Carrot-Herb Salad

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK PRESENTS: Roasted Carrot-Herb Salad from patreon

 

Roasted Carrot-Herb Salad 

I’m just going to admit up front that I DEAD-ASS STOLE this recipe from Maria Dahvana-Headley. Two years ago I went to a writers’ retreat she organized and she made it for all of us and it was so amazing that I begged for the recipe. That recipe, as with ...

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By Request: Baa Baa Black Sheep: The Secret Verses

Extra Special Bonus Content Time!

Several people have requested my new Baa Baa Black Sheep verses, which are already canon around my house.

I'm working with a friend to pitch this as a picture book, so hopefully this is an epic preview to a future baby classic. Fingers crossed!


Baa Baa Bla...

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Book Birthday!

Catherynne M. Valente post Book Birthday! from patreon

Today is launch day for Minecraft: The End

It's been a long crazy road since I took this improbable job, mostly because I thought i...

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November Livestream Happening Now!

Catherynne M. Valente post November Livestream Happening Now! from patreon

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November Livestream Will Go Live in 30 Minutes!

Hi everyone! The YouTube Livestream will go up at 7 pm EST! Join me in the chat and let's share the dark autumn night together.

#thankyoupatrons

https://youtu.be/yW5uiJXwXcU

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Thank You Patrons

Catherynne M. Valente post Thank You Patrons from patreon

Today is #ThankyouPatronsDay. We are meant to post special content and thank our patrons for supporting us.

Special content? Check. Stay tuned for the end of this post.

Thanking you?

My god, how?

There isn't enough pumpkin pie in the world to thank you all for what you've done for me and my fa...

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Essay: Love in the Time of Nanowrimo

Catherynne M. Valente post Essay: Love in the Time of Nanowrimo from patreon

 

Love in the Time of Nanowrimo

Greetings, fellow travelers on the mad and lonesome road!

The road is muddy and frozen and nasty at the moment. Along with an unseasonable nor’easter that left us out of power with a ruined roof, we’ve broken a thirty year record for early cold in Nov...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: CAKE SHAAAKE

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: CAKE SHAAAKE from patreon

 

CAKE SHAKE MISTAAAAKE

It’s only a mistake if you ate literally anything else that day. Or have issues with dairy. Or conspicuous consumption.

I’m not gonna say I invented this because I didn’t. There’s restaurants and such that serve it. My chef brother took a look at a cake I...

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Trying Out This Throne Thing

Patreon is implementing a new app that will function basically like a dedicated Discord (with a tipping function) for this group.

Well, I’ll try anything once!

Right now, I’m keeping it open to all Patrons, and we’ll see how much we do or don’t enjoy it. My Throne (not a crazy fan of that name real tal...

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At Long Last: Band Merch Table!

Catherynne M. Valente post At Long Last: Band Merch Table! from patreon

Back when Space Opera came out, we absolutely planned to have band t-shirts and such ready to go. People instantly started asking for them and we just got snowed under by the outpouring of attention for the book, my pregnancy, and the imminent kid.

But now, thanks to my amazing designer friend Kris McDermott, Decibel Jo...

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I Don’t Want Anybody Else, When I Think About You I Publish Myself: Methods of Madness in the Ebook Post-Apocalypse

Catherynne M. Valente post I Don’t Want Anybody Else, When I Think About You I Publish Myself: Methods of Madness in the Ebook Post-Apocalypse from patreon


Greetings, Mad Fictioneers! It’s autumn and that means I suddenly have nasty-ass heating oil bills and nothing is as attractive as staying in bed forever and everyone literally refuses to eat anything not pumpkin-spiced and also I fucked up my elbow on a truly Marvel-movie scale so I can barely function yaaaay! F...

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A Question for the Laboratory!

Before I write this month's essay, I'd like to ask what you guys would like to hear me talk about! It's been awhile since I checked in and in that time I've written a number of quite personal essays that revolve around writing but edge more into general thoughtful musings. So I'd like to make sure I'm calibrating to your need...

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ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: West African Peanut Curry with Pink Sumac-Infused Rice Pilaf

Catherynne M. Valente post ALLCAPS COOKBOOK: West African Peanut Curry with Pink Sumac-Infused Rice Pilaf from patreon

 

West African Peanut Curry with Pink Sumac-Infused Rice Pilaf

I’ve been wanting to play around with this recipe for ages, ever since it showed up in The Good Place as Chidi’s favorite dish his grandmother used to make. Now that my favorite show’s final season has begun, it see...

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Seasons of Sebastian: A Special Treat

Catherynne M. Valente post Seasons of Sebastian: A Special Treat from patreon

I made this video to celebrate Sebastian's first year of life on earth. We decided it felt pretty personal and familial, so I didn't want to post it on social media at large.

But the thing is, without you guys, we would never have been able to afford to have this baby and give him all the things he needs. You've bee...

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General Discussion Post

Hey guys! Here’s your monthly free discussion post, a place to get to know each other, vent, chat, whatever you like—it’s your space!

What’s up with you folks?

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What's Cooler Than Cool? Losing Like a Big Loser.

Catherynne M. Valente post What's Cooler Than Cool? Losing Like a Big Loser. from patreon


Greetings, darlings. It is September, which means it has been almost an entire year since I made a human, which is pure madness and time is both stupid and fake. It also means the crowds on the island will slightly thin as they realize there’s like six weeks left till the pretty leaf time so they might as well go...

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