sweetheartaudio

YOUTUBE VIDEO | Crush and Burn | Yes I Named the Brain Octopus and Yes I’m Hopelessly in Love With You

YOUTUBE VIDEO | Cuddle Weather Advisory | Life’s Annoying but Cuddles Kisses and Stabby Knife Jokes Help

YOUTUBE VIDEO | Craving Complicated | Let’s Pretend It’s Just Physical... Except It’s Really Not Anymore

YouTube Video | So Bloody Cliche | I killed the troll that hurt you… don’t you dare say well done

YOUTUBE VIDEO | Cupid Really Needs to Calm Down | If It Doesn't Work Out I'll Make You Wish for Death (Probably Joking)

YOUTUBE VIDEO | Criminally Yours | I Jailed Your Parents but You Still Want to Coordinate Capes With Me

YouTube Video | If I Sit On You, You Can’t Leave | Darling Budge Up Or I’m Sitting On Your Lap Forever

Youtube Video | Dress to Impress, Confess to Distress | Look at My Arse in This Dress... Wait No Actually Look At Me Confessing Years of Pining

YouTube Video | Just Adjust | Please Do Not Die Again I Need You

YouTube Video | The Devil’s in the Details | The Exact Second She Realised She Could Have You Entirely

YouTube Video | Nothing Says Closure Like a Corpse | I'm Not Jealous At All, But She Tangoed With You And Now She's Very Dead

YouTube Video | Love Me Like You Mop the Floor | Stop Cleaning and Just Let Me Love You Already

YouTube Video | Please Let Me Eat the Cheesecake Before You Kill Me | Featuring The Adorable Happy Drider Noise

Youtube Video | Raise Hell Reach Shelf | The Tiny Demon Who Wants Hell’s Throne but Can’t Reach a Shelf

Right. Hello.

Fear Factor vs Comfort Blanket

Batman terrifies criminals into order. Superman reassures civilians into calm. Same outcome, wildly different methods. Which one is doing the more subtle psychological damage?

Schrödinger’s Romance

Before I post a ramble that cannot be unsaid, I need to know where you stand. Or whether you are already backing slowly toward the exit.

Tom and Jerry. Lovers or not?

Select the option that haunts you least:

DIY or Die Crying

New Year’s Eve, recorded from the trenches of DIY, where I rang in the year as an unpaid builder’s mate and am only now, on 3 January, emotionally recovered enough to post it.

Disclaimer: The builder in question is a long-suffering family friend. The banter comes standard with our mutual hate-hate-tolerate arrangeme...

A soft hello before I immediately go back to sleep

Sleepy good morning from someone awake by accident, mildly betrayed by a window, some birds, and the concept of mornings.

New Year’s Resolutions I Will Absolutely Stick To

No, really. I mean it this time. Possibly. Probably not.

It’s that sacred time of year when we lie to ourselves with passion and ceremony.

I have, with great care and a suspicious lack of foresight, composed a list of perfectly reasonable goals for the coming year. I will now share them with the confidence of so...

Behind the Scenes and Slightly Under the Table

This one’s a bit of a ramble, captured in the middle of me thinking I had everything under control. Spoiler: I did not.

Contains loud acronyms, metaphors that lost their meaning halfway through, some light swearing, and the full journey from “I’ve got this” to “what even is this”.

There’s behind-the-...

Not Quite a Holiday Message

Just a quick note

Right, so this one’s a bit more open than usual. Not dramatic, not dangerous, just... honest. Things have been a bit quiet, and I wanted to explain why. Nothing that needs fixing, nothing to worry about.

It’s just me, giving you a bit of context. That’s all

Christmas is not cancelled.

Just... delayed. By a couple of days. Probably. Maybe. Who knows. The question mark stays because fate keeps scribbling on my calendar in crayon.

I hope what’s already up will tide you over while I wrestle December back into its glittery box.

Thank you for your patience. Again.
Wayward

This Is Going to Get Messy - F4A - Cyberpunk Noir - She’s Dangerous, but You’re Already Falling

Tonight, you have no friends left, and even fewer options. You stumble in with blood on your hands and my name on your lips, praying I am not as merciless as they say. I could end this quickly, but I find myself strangely charmed by your stubbornness... and by how out of place you look in my world. If you want my help, you wi...

Spotify Said “Behold Your Shame”

Ah yes. It’s that cursed season again. Spotify Wrapped time.

Because nothing says “joy” like having your own musical crimes repackaged and flung directly at your face by a smug algorithm.

This year, I accidentally ran a little experiment. Totally unplanned. I made a second Spotify account halfway through the...

Christmas is coming.

Yes. Obviously. Like saying it’s cold or that tea is more legitimate than coffee. Not better. Just... correct.

There will be singing. By me.
You poor things.

It does feel a bit like a threat. A soft one. The sort you weirdly enjoy.

December’s had a false start, so we’re beginning properly o...

I Have Steep Expectations of You

Right, riddle time, my little henchcuties. Try and keep up, because this one is practically begging to be solved by someone with at least one functioning brain cell more than me.

What begins with T, ends with T, and has T inside it?

Go on. Have a guess.

HOW. VERY. DARE YOU.

I’ve just listened to YouTube dubbing one of my videos in Spanish. Not European Spanish. No. US Spanish. South America-flavoured. Which is fine. Beautiful, even. But not the issue.

The issue, the true betrayal, is that YouTube has the audacity to label the English I speak in my videos as US English.

US.

EN...

Snaccidents Will Happen - F4A - Romance Comedy - Confess or Starve, Those Are Your Biscuit-Based Options

It was supposed to be a quiet evening. Just me, my forensic accountancy coursework, and possibly a custard cream or eight. Then you showed up, with your eyes and your face and your “just one biscuit” routine. I was going to save you from yourself, truly, I was. But somewhere between accusing you of being the addict and pl...

Cupid Really Needs to Calm Down - F4A - Dark Romance - She Loves You, That’s Why You’re Still Breathing

I should be calm. I should be terrifying. I practised my scary face and everything, but the moment I see you, I just crumble and giggle like a fool. I brought you here to kill you, you know. That was the plan. Nice and tidy. Efficient. Then you looked at me with those eyes and suddenly my hands would not cooperate. I slaughte...