endlessjess

Master Chief wants to go outside.

Here's part 3 of Halo 7 or 9 or whatever. The last part for now because this game made me dick around inside with a grapple hook for 5 hours before opening up the part people actually want in a halo game, the part where you go outside and drive around in a warthog. Too little too late, i'm already bored, and the game was neve...

Dinosaur Time

Ah yes, I see patreon has decided to update itself in such a way as to make me not know what the fuck i'm looking at, my favorite. I'll figure out this labyrinthine interface later, at least i was able to find the button to make my posts, hopefully you can still read them without a degree in needlessly obtuse web design. ...

Kameo: Smellements of Power.

This is Kameo, the final sad fart of the greatest developer ever. It released as a launch game for x-box 360, which was not a console that seemed to give much of a shit about colorful platformers. This might explain why the main character looks like she doesn't belong in the hideous environment the game drops you off in. ...

Old Forgotten Dark Souls video

There was a long period in my life where i played nothing but Dark Souls, so every now and then i find some old Dark Souls Lets Play i never got around to posting and forgot about. Usually taking up massive amounts of space in my hard drive until i notice it.

This obese chunk of footage has been taking up 150 gigs for a...

Rowsboy Woof is well

ROwsboy woof continues to get stronger, bigger, more powerful, angrier, more abused, sadder, cooler, more afraid and less unafraid, and also more traumatized and tortured. just like all of us. that’s what life about.

god my back my ass my body my bones oh god fuck oh god oh help oh god oh why oh god oh fuck oh goddamn...

No More Hero but oh crap its too cold

There's no comfort in this world. Joy is fleeting by nature and happiness is a childish fairy tale we tell ourselves. Case in point, this video was recorded over the winter, when my heat was broken, and i was too goddamn cold. But now it's summer so you'd think it'd be an improvement. 

Ha ha. No. Now it's too hot, ...

Spicy Chikin Monster

Wow, can you believe it's been two whole posts since i played games badly and complained about Wendy's? 

I'm pretty sure this was recorded a full year before the Resident Evil 1 episode i just posted so yes i've been at war with Wendy's and their evil chicken sandwiches for some time. Honestly i can scarcely recall...

Annabelle the First

I hope you like the editing in this one, it's subtle, but i always try to make the visuals match the general tone of whatever the hell i'm saying. The tone of this one being "oh god i don't care. Does anyone care? Fuck these dogshit movies." I hope that comes across. 

My James Wan retrospective continues. I don't e...

Going Oldschool with some NES Obscurities

Alright, whippersnappers. It’s time to show you Gen Z rugrats what real hardcore gaming is all about. These are some OLDSCHOOL NES games. I'm talking about the fat grey box that made home gaming rad, the Nintendo Entertainment System.

That’s right. These are straight up, black coffee, original recipe ninten...

Tummy Guts and Runny Butts

Gawrsh, can you believe it’s been 2 whole months since you’ve seen me play games badly or heard me complain about Wendy’s?

That’s because i’ve been far away from the old computer station. I had to drive 1200 miles with a broken back so i could boogie down at a wedding, film a movie with La Rudester, watch anim...

Sony Vegas Rant (Also Hades)

First of all, screw this game for being both really really good and endless. This must be a taste of the resentment others have for me. This stupid game is so crap-sucking excellent, there goes all my free time. I've been playing this fucker all week and it's cool as hell. 

Perhaps this excites you, seeing me play ...

Star Whore: Falling Dead Guy

Upon uploading the previous post, the video of that awful disney game, i realized today is May 4, a fake holiday where Disney bots all post hashtag star wars stuff and say "May The 4th Be With You". That's it, the whole thing is just that one crappy pun. 

It's time to face the music. Nobody likes or cares about Sta...

This Horrible Disney Game

Sadly, i can not afford to go to Disney World and film a funny video of me running around hanging out with Eeyore and hitting on Pocahontas, what with the economy and all. But that's okay. Because we have the next best thing. This.... video game. This rather shit video game. 

Look I said it was th...

Scary Spooky - Annabelle Creation

Oh God, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm doing the annabelle movies now. Believe it or not, Annabelle Creation is actually considered the good one in the series, as in a big improvement over the original Annabelle. But i foolishly went canon-chronological and watched Creation first so it's all downhill from here.&n...

Buff Movie Buffs watch Street Fighter

Link for clicking cause bitchute never embeds right: https://www.bitchute.com/video/CqWEojUgwhTu/

These movie riffs with my Buff Movie Brother, The Cine-Masochist are among my favorite videos to make, and my least favorite to upload, be...

Revolution Part 2

Not about to make you all wait a month for part 2, also i'm gonna be away later this month so you're getting your Jess Bomb early. Hope you're twisted enough to withstand having a catapult of content launched at your face so soon after the last one. 

If you all survive it, i might just permanently...

La(m)e

This game is called Lake, but you see, if you replace the K with an M, you'll have a very clear picture of my feelings toward it. This is one for the special category i like to call "Failed Glows". Games so terrible they sap me of all my life-force like a fun-vampire and force a tactical retreat within minutes.  Games i ...

Scary Spooky James Wan Crap: Malignant

Here's a quick return to Scary Spooky Bullshit Land. In this one i continue diving or perhaps a better word would be spiraling down into the dark abyss of the James Wan directorial catalogue. Today this spooky spelunker has come up with some treasure. By which i mean this one's actually good. 

big poop. big fat poo...

Game so bad i ain't even horny.

This is one of those games you see on the sale and you're like "heh heh sexy girlz funnee hornee game" and then you actually play it and realize the only stiffy here is gonna be you, stiff as a bored cuz you're bored. 

Well i mean, bored playing it. Hopefully not bored watching me play it. I'm cool, it's j...

Spyro Good Shrek Bad.

Fuck Shrek. Fuckin fat green piece of shit. Smelly fucking piece of shit. Stinking goddamn douchebag. I hate him and his whole franchise, and i hate his stink-ass donkey friend, and his fat wife, and his ugly face and his green ass, and his stupid fairytale land bullshit. 

Spyro on the other hand is cool, there's a...

Monster Rancher - The Ballad of Rowsby Woof

The Monster Rancher series is one of the unsung heroes of gaming and always should have been a bigger deal than it was. Monster Rancher 2 was one of my favorite games back in the day so i'm hype af to revisit it, but first i gotta play some Monster Rancher 1, cause i never played that one. 

Let me introduce you all...

Number 1 Batman Fan, Master Chief

This is technically "The Blue Glow: Halo Infinite Part 2", but it's also an impromptu Panel-Cast: Movie Edition / Review / Not A Review / Cursed Wendy's Spokesman Audition. What I'm saying is i talk about the new Bat-movie while that giant nerd Master Chief tries to be The Batman with a grapple hook he got in a cerea...

Razor Ramon Tribute

https://www.bitchute.com/video/9DBwGMDXKUpF/

This one's pretty self-explanatory i should think. I'm sayin goodbye to the bad guy, exactly the way god intended, sitting in front of youtube at 4 in the morning in my underpants watching ol...

AEW Revolution (Part 1)

It's AEW ppv time again, i think, here's what i thought of the last one. That's right, i'm catching up. I've gone from 6 months behind on this show up to just 2 months behind. If i ever tame the madness in my mind that compels me to put visuals in a podcast i might be able to catch up completely sometime this century.  2022-04-30 10:21:23 +0000 UTC View Post

ULTRA OFF ROAD (also Kirby)

That's right, it's 2 horrible games in one. And yes, one of them is a kirby. it sounds impossible i know but the fabled bad kirby game has finally been found, and of course it was found by me. I'll never be safe from weird, shitty games and neither will anyone else as long as i have anything to say about it. If i have to play...

Visage continues to haunt me.

Oh God. Visage has boss fights. Or at least a boss fight, of a sort. It's exactly as nightmarish as you've come to expect from this deadly game of evil. 

Fuck. Fucking ViSaGE. Goddamn crapping fucking asshoel jangly ass broke legs motherfucker coming up on me lurking around clompin jangling his stupid crut...

Halo Infinite

Hey look, my QT gamer gurl / co-parent to my cat got an X-box, which means i also have one, cause i'm the one with the TV. Now with the X-Bone's library at my fingertips, my powers have increased, and i've reached a new plateau of gaming yet again. That's not even the best part, let me tell you about my cleverest scheme yet. ...

Spyro Reignited Trilogy

Wait, one person who already clicked like on this within the first minute, i haven't even finished writing the text post yet. How can you know you like it if you haven't seen the 

T E X T  P O S T?

Umm... well. Actually what is there to even say? It's Spyro baby. I'm playing it. It's a good game. Everybo...

NMH 3 Part 3

More rapping in this one, along with more... i don't actually know. I rendered this weeks ago and can't remember what i said in it. So i'm watching it along with you right now and describing it real time. 

Okay i'm complaining about the switch controller. Valid. 

Now I'm playing with Jean. 

Ra...

Full GEar Par 2

The epic conclusion to my babbling tirade about a 5 month old wrestling show. In this one i talk about the Punker and The Hanger. Now i have to get to work on Revolution. There's a cat on my head and i must poop. 

I imagine people have been wanting me to go in depth about Punk's return and you definitely get that h...