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186. Rough Stuff: Big Brother Baby Boners (Feat. Abe Epperson)

SmallBeans post 186. Rough Stuff: Big Brother Baby Boners (Feat. Abe Epperson) from patreon

Big Bean Abe Epperson proves why he's head of the network by putting every other embarrassing story ever featured on the show to shame. His shame is so shameful, other peoples' shame should be ashamed. And it'...

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Clown School: Class of 2019

For the last nine months or so, we've had a Reward Tier called "Clown School," whereby Patrons could pay fifty bucks to have us provide feedback on a personal project. While we've decided to shutter Clown School for a bit while O...

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OFF HOURS: Writing Livestream!

Thank you to ALL who helped us reach our goal of raising enough funds to launch our new series Off Hours! That includes all the first-timers, veteran Cool Beans, and folks who simply spread the word or are looking forward to it. This b...

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184. Frame Rate: The 'Burbs (Feat. Daniel Gordh)

SmallBeans post 184. Frame Rate: The 'Burbs (Feat. Daniel Gordh) from patreon

The 'Burbs! It's part broad 80's comedy, part white xenophobic fear fulfillment, and all Tom Hanks-ed up! Daniel V. Gordh joins the guys to break down every aspect of this weird, dated, yet at moments brilliant movie.  And there's Corey Feld...

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NEW GOAL: Off Hours, The Show

In case you hadn't noticed, we went ahead and changed our funding goal! Don't believe me? Look to the left of this post slightly and BE AMAZED.

See, our goal used to be "Give us $12,000 to make a short to use as a pitching tool to help sell a movie." We weren't joking, that is what we w...

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183. Frame Rate: Bone Tomahawk (Feat. Jack O'Brien)

SmallBeans post 183. Frame Rate: Bone Tomahawk (Feat. Jack O'Brien) from patreon

Our old boss and host of the Daily Zeitgeist Jack "Potatoes" O'Brien takes a break from fatherhood to watch the most violent, gruesome western ever made and discuss its broader...

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182. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Future Food!

SmallBeans post 182. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Future Food! from patreon

From bug-bread (excellent with butter bugs), to lab-grown meat, to unfuckable turkeys, to The Mootrix 2: Electric Boogamoo, Abe and Cristian take a survey of the kind of crap all ten billion of us will be eating the day after tomorrow. Literally. Shit is rough out here, folks. SPONSORED BY FOODINI!

Music by Abe Epperson...

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We're Finishing Our Screenplay Right NOW!!

It's called Force of Nature. We've been streaming it for a while. Today we wrap it up, and soon we will host a reading with actor friends. For now, the final writing stream is available HERE:

https://www.youtube.com/channel...

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Rejected Pitches # 847, 848, & 849: Hanna-Barberra

A while back, we were asked to pitch animated series that comically subvert the tropes of a classic (second-tier, that was part of it) Hanna-Barberra cartoon. Something that would be at home in the [adult swim] space.

Here are the pitches we came up with, all of which are not currently on your television and never will ...

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181. What Dinosaur Real Good? Quetzalcoatlus!

SmallBeans post 181. What Dinosaur Real Good? Quetzalcoatlus! from patreon

This little buddy, you really just have to see for yourself. Bridgett tells the guys about an animal so improbable they both immediately go violently insane. It's a hoot!

Art by the Small Beans community.

Wicked Guitar Riff by Abe Epperson.

2019-04-02 01:50:09 +0000 UTC View Post

Calls of Nature: LAST CALL, BRITCHES

UPDATE: This stream will begin at 3PM TODAY, Pacific Daylight Time.

If you've been around the Beanfields of late, you probably know that Michael and Abraham are working on their third co-written feature-length screenplay, and streaming the process!

It's called "Force of Nature." It's an action/thriller with a clim...

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Side of Beans: Which Video Game Character Is THE RICHEST?!

SmallBeans post Side of Beans: Which Video Game Character Is THE RICHEST?! from patreon

As you might expect, despite the rich, refried goodness our beloved Cool Beans keep flowing through the joint (money, he's describing money), it also sometimes bean-hooves the SB Boys to take on side work to make beans meet. WHAT? Just keep reading.

Here's a thing! Mike was luckily and awesomely paid real US currency to...

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180. Rough Stuff: Listener Tales of Terror (Feat. You!)

SmallBeans post 180. Rough Stuff: Listener Tales of Terror (Feat. You!) from patreon

Your favorite purveyors of humiliation Bridgett and Sarah turn to you,  the audience, to execute the final phase of what was always their plan:  to make a...

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Call of Nature #11 LIVE NOW!!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjgwxMaEhAs

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-03-22 23:15:46 +0000 UTC View Post

178. Frame Rate: Synecdoche, NY (Feat. Brooks Brown)

SmallBeans post 178. Frame Rate: Synecdoche, NY (Feat. Brooks Brown) from patreon

Special Thanks to Cool Bean Zac Shwartz for bringing this episode to your ears by supporting us at the "Pick the Flick!" level! Flick well-picked, Zac. Flick well-picked.

Charlie Kaufman's devastating tale of life, death, and ham-fisted  direction shows a side of Phillip Seymour Hoffman that is actually  thirt...

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Going Private: A Failed Cracked Studios Pilot

Hey there, all who would ride and die for Beans and Bean-related puns! Swaim here. Since people responded so positively to our Mar10 post of a Cracked pilot script that never got produced, I thought I'd share another.

Going Privat...

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The SB Vault Is Opening! Hoard Blank VHS Tapes!

As more than a YEAR has passed since some of our pods dropped just on the other side of the Patronage Wall (wow, thanks for keeping us afloat so long!), we here at Small Beans have decided to share some of the choice-iest eps from ou...

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177. Tales from the Pit: The O. C. Disorder (Feat. Jamie Loftus)

SmallBeans post 177. Tales from the Pit: The O. C. Disorder (Feat. Jamie Loftus) from patreon

Jamie Loftus joins Michael in the Pit of Odiousness to discuss her dealings with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the importance of wearing long sleeves at work, Lilo & Stitch merchandise, and h...

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Call of Nature #10 LIVE NOW!!!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uaDDbKLHmg

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-03-14 23:10:49 +0000 UTC View Post

176. The Coen Brothers Brothers: The Ladykillers

SmallBeans post 176. The Coen Brothers Brothers: The Ladykillers from patreon

MUBI Promotional Offer: https://mubi.com/brothers 

The oft-maligned prelude to No Country, Joel and Ethan's grudging remake of the Alec Guinness/Peter Sellers comedy classic The Ladykillers is...wait for it...funnier than you think it is. Abe and Mic...

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175. BOLD: Allyship 101, The Construction Of Whiteness (Feat. Paul Kivel, Ariel Luckey)

SmallBeans post 175. BOLD: Allyship 101, The Construction Of Whiteness (Feat. Paul Kivel, Ariel Luckey) from patreon

BOLD is a podcast about race and justice in America, and  a collaboration between Small Beans and Showing Up For Racial Justice, produced by White People...

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Happy MAR10, Everybody!

SmallBeans post Happy MAR10, Everybody! from patreon

In honor of the date, please enjoy this script Swaim wrote for a never-to-be-produced planned series at Cracked called "16 - Bits." An animated follow-up to 8 - Bits, this series would have parodied ...

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Call of Nature #9 LIVE NOW!!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCQW5-fnKc4

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-03-08 22:04:44 +0000 UTC View Post

March Q&A Beanus Module: Greg Burke

SmallBeans post March Q&A Beanus Module: Greg Burke from patreon

Greg, Adam and Mike answer Small Beans' questions, shoot the shoot about Escort Mission, their tenures at Cracked, and plans for future collaborations. It's fun to hear old friends catch up!

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174. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Your Space-Money's No Good Here

SmallBeans post 174. Pop Culture Petri Dish: Your Space-Money's No Good Here from patreon

Abe and Cristian examine fictional economies that strive to span galaxies, yet fail to actually function in any conceivable realm of  reality. From Trade Fede...

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Call of Nature #8 LIVE NOW!!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FN6rmbch5mY

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-03-07 00:14:41 +0000 UTC View Post

173. What Dinosaur Real Good? Hesperonychus!

SmallBeans post 173. What Dinosaur Real Good? Hesperonychus! from patreon

The Dino Dream Team of three people who barel...

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Memberbeans: The Interrogation

SmallBeans post Memberbeans: The Interrogation from patreon

In honor of our GoldenEye episode of 1Upsmanship, we thought it would be appropriate to share one of our very first sketches, filmed in a breastfeeding room at UC San Diego, and featuring the improvised talent of Brett Rader, Matt B...

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Call of Nature #7 LIVE NOW!!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK9TV7tJYCE 

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-02-28 00:20:53 +0000 UTC View Post

Call of Nature #6 LIVE NOW!

About to yet again stream us writing an action screenplay. Check it out for a few hours if you're around!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K94E2isxkNY

If you want plot details, they can be found here: 2019-02-26 00:09:25 +0000 UTC View Post