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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 75: Fully Operational Battle Unit

I took in another deep breath and let it out. This whole thing was way more complicated than any relationship I'd ever been in.

Though I hadn't had a serious relationship in a long time. Going all the way back to my fling with that girl at the academy I'd mentioned.

Though even that hadn't been nearly as complicat...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 68: Emergency Protocol

When we materialized I didn’t see the familiar comforting confines of my lab all around me. I didn’t even see the cafe we’d teleported to last time.

“What the hell?”

“Emergency teleportation protocol activated,” my non-CORVAC computer said.

It was a comforting voice. Female. Roughly middle aged...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 74: Dishonor

I took a deep, gasping breath as I looked out over the city. Lights were twinkling both from buildings in the distance and the lines of aircars moving this way and that in a computerized dance that kept them from killing each other inadvertently. Which seemed like an unusually odd focus on safety for the livisk, who seemed li...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 73: Training or Torture?

"Okay," Pulastri said, slapping his hand against his side again. "I need to see what we have to work with."

He held a hand up parallel with his head, and suddenly the floor around us started to change. I didn't feel a difference at first, but one moment it was the mat I'd come to expect from the sparring matches. The ne...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 67: Anger Mode

“Stupid fucking robot,” I hissed. “Stupid fucking amateur hour Dr. Lana throwing robots at me.”

I turned to Fialux. She was still lying on the ground with her eyes closed. Not good. I needed to get her back to my lab so I could get the medbay to have a good look at her and fix whatever ailed her.

It looked...

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Playing Catch Up

Hi all! Wanted to drop a quick update about Villains Don't Date Heroes. I'm a little behind on that because of a combination of working to get advance chapters ready for Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend, the end of the school year for my kiddos, and coming down with a lingering cold that's left me constantly tired.

I'll be ...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 66: Heroic Rescue

I glared at Dr. Lana one final time. I was starting to think maybe she was going to be more of a challenger to the throne than I’d ever imagined, and I didn’t care for that.

Also? I didn’t have time to ask her more about that stupid weapon she’d used on Fialux. It wasn’t the same as the weapon I’d snapped in...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 72: Dance Lessons

I tried to overcome the nerves that were threatening to twist my gut into a pretzel shape. I mean, my gut was already twisted into all kinds of pretzel shapes, but you know what I mean.

She could sense everything I felt through the link, and right now she probably could feel that I was feeling just a touch nervous.

<...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 71: Dinner and a Scheme

“This is a nice place," I said, looking up and around.

It was a massive bubble set in the side of her tower. One of several. I hadn’t seen it before, but I could spend an entire year going through every part of Varis's tower and still not see every part of the place.

Not to mention the one time I’d been on a...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 70: Planning

I looked at the conduit we were repairing today. Harath was still chuckling at the tale of the livisk warrior I beat the shit out of.

Meanwhile I looked at the repair of the day.

"You sure seem to love repairing the plasma conduits on your own," I said.

It was on a transport ship, so it wasn't nearly as thic...

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Free members get advance chapters!

Interested in giving my work a try? Free members get five advance chapters! Sign up and give it a try! Want more than that? Check out the tiers!

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Tier updates

Hi everyone! You might've noticed I just made some updates to the tiers. Everyone gets more chapters! Yay!

Free members now get to read 5 chapters ahead of Royal Road/Patreon.

$5 members members now get to read 10 chapters ahead of Royal Road/Patreon.

$10 members now get to read 15 chapters ahead of Royal Ro...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 69: Gathering Intel

"Hand me the polarity reverser," Harath said, holding a meaty hand out from under the transport ship he was currently working on. It wasn't quite as sexy as working on one of those fighter bombers, especially after I'd seen some of them in action.

Sure, I'd seen them in action doing a dive trying to blast me out of the ...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 68: Demolition Date Night

I moved to stand between Varis and this livisk asshole. Which had more amusement coming through the link.

"What in the name of the empress are you doing?" she asked, but it wasn't in a worried voice. No, it was more like a quiet voice. She wasn’t worried.

"I'm protecting you in case he decides to come at us agai...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 67: Challenger

The livisk male turned to look at me. His mouth turned up in a cruel smile. I know talking about the livisk it was easy to assume every smile was a cruel smile. But the smile this one was hitting me with? That was the textbook definition of a cruel smile.

I got a guarded feeling from Varis. And was that just a hint of w...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 66: Dinner and a Dogfight

I stared up at the bomber screaming down at us. It didn’t sound quite the same as the Stuka, but the effect was similar.

I started to shake. I looked to Varis. She smiled at me, radiating a cool confidence that told me everything was going to be okay. That wasn’t just her hitting me with a look.

I knew there w...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 65: Explosive Date Night

I walked over to Varis and held my arms out. I wrapped them around her and pulled her into a hug, which had more tongues wagging as the livisk all around us realized what I was doing.

I wondered if public displays of affection weren’t really a thing they did, or if it was just public displays of affection with a human...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 64: Summoned

I stepped into the great glass elevator and took a deep breath. There’d been a touch and go moment where I worried Arvie was going to keep me captive in the VIP suite. A funny euphemism for a jail cell if there ever was one. A place that would be far more difficult to break out of than any brig on any ship I’d ever served...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 63: Scheming

“Okay, so let's go over this one more time. I want to make sure I understand exactly the organization of the livisk military."

I couldn't help the tingling sensation that was suddenly running all along my scalp and down my spine. This was more than we'd ever learned about how the livisk organized themselves. More than...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 62: A Secret Place

I stopped in front of the door. It didn't open for me.

"Um, Arvie, we appear to be having a bit of a problem here."

I figured I should be polite. Always be polite to the computers. You never knew when they were going to rise up and try to send somebody back to fuck your mother and inadvertently create you in the w...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 61: Empress Calling

The rest of the week continued on in much the same way. We’d have a little bit of fun together in the evening and go to bed, and I’d wake up fully rested and ready to attack the world again.

I figured with the late nights we were sharing with one another I’d need to sleep in. And I figured if I was a captive to an...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 65: Showdown

I’m not sure what brought on this combination of bravado and irritation. I was annoyed with myself more than anything. This was a problem I’d created, after all.

I was the one who came to the Applied Sciences Department looking for trouble. Again. I was the idiot who told Fialux not to come along. Again. If she’d ...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 64: Villainous Duel

Dr. Lana still had her beam weapon out and she was aiming it right at me. Apparently she’d decided if there was something that needed done? She was going to do it herself.

I sighed. This was starting to get tediously exhausting. Like not even the good kind of exhausting you get right after a workout. We’re talking t...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 60: Sparring

"We need to get you a wristband,"

"A what?" I asked.

She ducked and came at me, and I jumped at the last moment. The practice sword sailed under my feet, and I brought my own down and around trying to hit her backside.

But she arched her back and stumbled forward. It would’ve looked ridiculous, but it work...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 63: Bot Stomp

Okay. The robots were still in business. That meant I needed to take care of Fialux before I worried about anything else.

I didn’t want to risk any of them coming after her while I was distracted. That was a classic villain play. Dr. Lana might be a dumbass who copied other people’s hard work, but even a dumbass cou...

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Poll: Developing the Link

Hi everyone! I'm getting into writing some chapters where I'm finally going to be delving into the mental link a little more. I have two versions of the link that I've been considering, and want to give y'all a chance to weigh in. I can't promise I'll go one way or the other, but want to do a vibe check.

Link Idea 1: Th...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 59: End of Day

“Stay on target. Stay on target,” I said, moving in on a skyscraper I was told was part of a rival house that’d been giving Varis trouble over the past five years or so. Particularly in the last year when she fell out of favor with the empress because of me besting her in combat.

I figured I owed her a little bit ...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 62: Rescue

It was a damn good thing the robot was giant. That meant Fialux had plenty of time to fall. Plenty of time for me to swoop to the rescue. Assuming I could avoid that damned robot long enough to get to her, that is.

I had to be careful. My proximity alarm flashed and I jerked to the side like a fighter pilot trying to av...

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Villains Don't Date Heroes! 61: Disaster

“Do you have any suggestions for dealing with these things?” Fialux asked, zipping around the thing and trying to keep it occupied.

“I could always blast it with everything I have and then let you do all the cleanup after I’ve weakened it.”

“You mean like you did with the last one?” she asked with a ...

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How I Helped My Smokin' Hot Alien Girlfriend Conquer the Empire 58: Priorities

“How did you even know to add the material there?” the livisk asked.

I pulled the molecular laminator out and looked at it. It was difficult to describe, but there’d been an aura around that conduit. Something I could see. Which I knew I couldn’t describe to this guy since he clearly couldn’t see it the same a...

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