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Achewood posts

Back In the Art Studio

Achewood post Back In the Art Studio  from patreon

I spent about five hours in my new basement studio yesterday, and it was enough time to get back in the flow and feel free within the tools. If I take too long off, I get awkward and hesitant with the paints, brushes, and attacks, and that sort of stutter-stepping is the death of a canvas. My rubric for releasing a comic, or ...

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0094 — Philippe's Slumber Party!

Achewood post 0094 — Philippe's Slumber Party!  from patreon

Process panels and writing from this strip post at noon in tiers 2 & 3, as always!

When I was in sixth grade I was invited to a birthday slumber party at a friendly guttersnipe named Derek's house. His mom worked at Ed's, a low-slung building in our economically free-falling mountain town, which wa...

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Ray's Place: Baby Kings, Twin Language, Long-Distance Threesome

Achewood post Ray's Place: Baby Kings, Twin Language, Long-Distance Threesome from patreon

Good afternoon Ray, My 4-year old won't go to bed. He doesn't seem to mind the concept, but rarely lays down without trying to negotiate his way out of it, if not mild-to-medium intensity rage. What can we do to help him go to sleep peacefully? Regards, Over this Shit

Dear ROTS,

Well, you definite...

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Ciao, Roma: Shroomin’ the Mistakes Away

Achewood post Ciao, Roma: Shroomin’ the Mistakes Away from patreon

Because I was unwisely given the responsibility of planning the Rome portion of our honeymoon, its end-date did not fit accurately into the overarching calendar of our travels, and we wound up with an extra day in the city — which we discovered after we had packed to leave for Naples, but, thankfully, before we had lef...

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0093b — Jounce By the Ounce

Achewood post 0093b — Jounce By the Ounce from patreon

I was very torn by the "Bread is afraid of the gravy" vs "blotting up coffee" choice. I like them equally, for different reasons. Which one edges out the other, for you?

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0093 — Roast Beef's Sexy Thoughts

Achewood post 0093 — Roast Beef's Sexy Thoughts  from patreon

(Complete outtakes from this strip post at noon in tiers 2 & 3!)

If you've ever received a startlingly generous portion of breakfast meat at a restaurant, you know how it can come to dominate your thoughts. For example:

Does somebody back there "like" me? Even though I'm with my partner th...

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Ray's Place: "How's it Hangin'," Shower Sex, Makin' Money at Rock Bottom

Achewood post Ray's Place: "How's it Hangin'," Shower Sex, Makin' Money at Rock Bottom from patreon

Dear Ray. I have always been a "dress left" guy but since turning fifty I think that dressing right is a younger look. Do you have any exercises/regimen that will help me with my transition? Asking for a friend. JHC.

JHC— 

At first I thought you meant by “dress left” that your manhood h...

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Ray's Place: Call For Submissions!

Your lowly editor here, at the behest of "comedy mogul (?) and impresario Ray Smuckles," asking you to post your advice questions for Ray here. He'll probably stop monitoring incoming messages within twenty-four hours, and may begin answering them this very afternoon, as he just had a meeting fall through. (P...

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0092b — Forbidden scraps from the alpha cat vapor trail

Achewood post 0092b — Forbidden scraps from the alpha cat vapor trail from patreon

So I told you the story, in the caption to this strip's primary release, of the strange boy from the woods, who tried to pull a really b-grade Deliverance on me one day. The rest of the story of this strip is that I suddenly wrote it Saturday night at the Nation of Language show, maybe a we...

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Our Week in Photos

Achewood post Our Week in Photos  from patreon

Now that the jet lag has concluded its solo and returned to its seat in the orchestra pit of accumulated sleep damage, I am cautiously settling back into "everyday life." For me that's a fairly routine thing of a celebratory breakfast, followed by a brief moment where I organize a few (but not all) responsibilities at the com...

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0092 — Ray's Fucked-Up Secret

Achewood post 0092 — Ray's Fucked-Up Secret from patreon

I was recently catalyzed to remember, I know not by what, a weird boy I had met when we first moved to the woods. His family lived in a bit of a cabin — as distinguished from a home by its rustic innards and outards — and the parents didn't have the common social graces to which I was accustomed. One day when we were...

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Fanflow Flashback - July 24, 2009

Achewood post Fanflow Flashback - July 24, 2009 from patreon

There have been a few other Prime Time Records albums unearthed here, but I don't think this one's seen the light of day since its original run date. Ray seems to have been deeply affected by the plight of someone named Terry Parker, and is also wearing what looks like a Michael Jackson-style chef's coat. No idea about the ha...

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Rome: The Actual Footprints of Jesus!

Achewood post Rome: The Actual Footprints of Jesus! from patreon

Lauren enjoys riding bicycles, and I am experienced in this modest elective*, so we thought it would be diverting to join a tourist’s riding group around Rome.

“They’re e-bikes,” she mentioned, looking at their page the night before. 

“Isn’t the theme of this whole town that civilizations collapse...

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0091b — Sourdough Discards From The Pot Roast Follies

Achewood post 0091b — Sourdough Discards From The Pot Roast Follies from patreon

Careful readers will notice, hidden among the creative off-cuts, the colorized image of an ermine-clad Philippe holding a luminous trident. Who can tell everyone what it's from? (No, it's not the Transfer Station arc.)

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0091 — The Birthday Pot Roast

Achewood post 0091 — The Birthday Pot Roast  from patreon

The process/B-roll strips which post two hours after this comic are back! They're available to the Author's Tier and In-Universe Tier — upgrade for a month and see all you've been missing!  

It was discussed at the house that this was a "weird one" to run directl...

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0090 — Momentary Diversion Comix

Achewood post 0090 — Momentary Diversion Comix  from patreon

Welcome back, me! There's still the usual Friday strip coming tomorrow; today's doodle was simply inspired by the schools of leaves which shimmer down from the trees as they enter their well-deserved season of tranquility. Growing efficiencies in the overseas manufacture of plastic skeletons has the whole town participating i...

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A Moment With Roast Beef.

Achewood post A Moment With Roast Beef. from patreon

A glimpse into the mind of R. Beef Kazenzakis. Co-starring: a leaf blower, a free day, and a chest cold.

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Rome, And Other Civic Constipation

Achewood post Rome, And Other Civic Constipation from patreon

Note: We have returned home, and I am now catching up with the last five days of the trip, which got so busy I couldn't adequately document it in real-time. Several more installments will follow.

As I sit and weep back at the room, forcing concrete grapes out of my ass, I visualize the fruit cup vendor we saw b...

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0089 — Honeymoon Shorties #6/6

Achewood post 0089 — Honeymoon Shorties #6/6 from patreon

This comic is from an actual double-take I did recently. In reality, I had misread the shirt. I don't know what it actually said, but the idea of drinking so much coffee each day that the belly distends in the manner of a pregnancy captivated me.

For the next two weeks, while we're away on our honeymoon, I'm r...

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0088 — Honeymoon Shorties #5/6

Achewood post 0088 — Honeymoon Shorties #5/6 from patreon

For the next two weeks, while we're away on our honeymoon, I'm running three new strips a week, M-W-F. These are ultra-classic, single-row Achewood strips like you saw in 2001. 

I'm posting three a week instead of the usual one-on-Friday because, frankly, posting short strips makes me feel ins...

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Ray in Australia — Part 3 of 6

Achewood post Ray in Australia — Part 3 of 6 from patreon

Some many years ago, an Australian journalist named Tim Blair commissioned Ray Smuckles to write a series of columns for Sydney’s Daily Telegraph. Ray, true to form, didn’t really ask what Mr. Blair wanted from the partnership, and randomly submitted several pieces over the course of the next few months. Rem...

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0087 — Honeymoon Shorties #4/6

Achewood post 0087 — Honeymoon Shorties #4/6 from patreon

This one gets my vote for the Most OG Style Achewood of this entire 6-strip mini-run. Do you think it compares to the year one mentality?

For the next two weeks, while we're away on our honeymoon, I'm running three new strips a week, M-W-F. These are ultra-classic, single-row Achewood str...

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Rome: Teasing The Veil

Achewood post Rome: Teasing The Veil  from patreon

So much happens in Rome, even when just slipping around the corner to buy the morning bus ticket, that documenting every remarkable little moment would somehow begin to take more time than the trip itself. It is a phenomenon, but in a city where the tourists outnumber the cobblestones and the cats want no pats, you salve the ...

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How To Rome The Onstad Way

Achewood post How To Rome The Onstad Way  from patreon

Rome.

Arisen, eyes ringed red

Displeased but not abusive WhatsApp

Sent to rental manager

Massimo will check the A/C

While you are out

Maybe make a video

Of the controls

No video was mad...

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0086 — Honeymoon Shorties #3/6

Achewood post 0086 — Honeymoon Shorties #3/6 from patreon

For the next two weeks, while we're away on our honeymoon, I'm running three new strips a week, M-W-F. These are ultra-classic, single-row Achewood strips like you saw in 2001. 

I'm posting three a week instead of the usual one-on-Friday because, frankly, posting short strips makes me feel ins...

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Rome wasn’t built in a day, probably due to shitty appliances

Achewood post Rome wasn’t built in a day, probably due to shitty appliances  from patreon

I would complain about every meal for the last seven days being just cheese and bread, but all my hair is growing back! This makes me very happy.

LEAVING THE COAST

Our last day on the coast consisted of a walk along the clifftop highway between Minori and Maiori, and two hours chatting i...

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Ray's Place: Avoiding Stoner Disasters, Nerd Terror at the Theater, Thermometers

Achewood post Ray's Place: Avoiding Stoner Disasters, Nerd Terror at the Theater, Thermometers from patreon

dear ray what are the best ingredients to keep on hand for when the party goes late and people might not be able to handle proper cooking but you as the host dont want guests to have to resort to ordering delivery — Zen Window

Dear e e cummings, 

I’m going to be charitable and de...

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Pilgrimage to Tramonti, Birthplace of Pizza (Nina! He says this!)

Achewood post Pilgrimage to Tramonti, Birthplace of Pizza (Nina! He says this!)  from patreon

Pizzeria San Francisco Tramonti, Costa D'Amalfi

IG: @pizzeria_san_francisco_tra

Alfonso’s electric golf cart whirred us down the winding mountain road from Zagara, the cool night air off the vines and stones nostalgic of those first early teenage years giddily spent out late in undefine...

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0085 — Honeymoon Shorties #2/6

Achewood post 0085 — Honeymoon Shorties #2/6  from patreon

For the next two weeks, while we're away on our honeymoon, I'm running three new strips a week, M-W-F. These are ultra-classic, single-row Achewood strips like you saw in 2001. 

I'm posting three a week instead of the usual one-on-Friday because, frankly, posting short strips makes me feel ins...

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Ascending To The Monk Of Pizza

Achewood post Ascending To The Monk Of Pizza from patreon

Alfonso Golf Cart, who hustles tourists around the cliffside town in a spanky open-air four-seater, quoted us 50€ each way to a secluded four-table pizzeria up in Tramonti, run by a former English student of Nilde named Francesco. Alfonso looks like if a young Le Corbusier had given himself to racquetball instead of concret...

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