Seleroan

[Edited] Chapter 16 - On the Town

Yet again, this chapter required quite a lot of restructuring. Same general theme, just cleaned up and better stitched together.

I think I was pretty deep into the editing process for my last book about the time this was written, so the distraction likely resulted in a lot more errors and missed plot threads than usual....

[Edited] Chapter 15 - Convalescence with a Side of Alcohol

Much, much later that night, the three of us were silently recuperating at a corner table back at the Righteous Table Leg. For the moment, we were content to tiredly listen to whatever it was the lute player next to the fire was strumming. It was a simple and quiet melody that suited our mood perfectly.

Our… ...

[Edited] Chapter 14 - A Brief Adventure at the Bathhouse

On rereading this chapter, I found it to be surprisingly poorly written. There were several plot threads just left dangling, the tension did not develop at all well, and lots of other things. The main thrust of the chapter is the same, but I ended up doing quite a lot revision.

Also, you may notice more issues with miss...

[Edited] Chapter 13 - Raialie

We arrived at the top of a low hill overlooking the town of Raialie the next day sometime in the late afternoon. Compared to what I had seen thus far of civilization on this world, the place was fairly nice-looking.

Off in the far distance, the sun’s light faintly reflected off of a pair of rivers that snaked their wa...

[Edited] Chapter 12 - Jax at the Boundary

We were all pretty tired once Jax was done with her story, and the conversation that followed only solidified how long the day had been—especially for my recently abused lilim. So, we agreed to let her sleep through the night so as to finally condense the long-awaited Layer that would allow her to achieve the Boundary.

[Edited] Chapter 11 - Jax's Tale

See attachments for original w/ editorial notes.  There were a lot of complaints this time about not understanding what I was trying for with the perspective shifts, particularly when it came to what Jax was saying in the moment versus what the tale actually was. Hopefully that's fully clear now?

Let me know.

[Edited] Chapter 10 - A Merchant Rescued, A Quick Purchase, and Plans by the Fire

See attachment for original w/ editorial notes.

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“Menda?” I heard Arx whisper behind me. “Do we know a Menda?”

“He were the head merchant of our wagon train what got ambushed by them Gob-kin,” Jax explained briefly. Then after a pause, she added quietly, “Ye was the head guard?” ...

[Edited] Chapter 9 - The Non-Battle

Please refer to the attachment for the original version with editorial notes.

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Jax quickly popped the pill into her mouth before standing to hurl the prepared package—really just a rock that had been liberally coated with Detonating Sap Varnish—into the burning bed of the middle wagon…

Now…

...

Episode 8 - A Slight Miscalculation

Alright, listen up everyone!

By now, I’m sure everyone has heard the rumors, and while I fervently wish I could deny them, I’m afraid that is not possible. Our subjects have indeed been mistakenly implanted with ...

[Edited] Chapter 8 - Foolin' the Hooligans

Original w/ editorial notes in the attachments

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The next morning, we awoke just before the dawn to a chill wind sweeping unchecked through the plains. Combined with that storm the other day, it was clear the first vestiges of winter would be upon us within the next few weeks.

Now more tha...

[Edited] Chapter 7 - Through the Wood and to the Plains

See attachment for original version w/ editorial comments.

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“No, I’m not going to heal you.”

“But it’s hurts!” Arx whined, rubbing at her face. “You know I can’t regenerate anymore. What if I get a black eye?”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you popped o...

[Edited] Chapter 6 - Hijinks of an Evening

Editorial notes available in the attachments...

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Unfortunately, the question of how exactly we were going to go about filling our Cores was a little complicated.

Gaining a Layer required a period of torpor during which you would have to be out cold for a period of four to six hours...

[Edited] Chapter 5 - A Tale Worth Telling

See attachments for the original w/ editorial comments

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In life, one often runs across situations unprepared for. Questions unasked. Answers unquestioned.

One of those is the query: Is it possible to have sex in a river?

The answer to that is, yes. It is. Technically. However, when...

[Edited] Chapter 4 - A Mouthful of Ashes

Check the attachments for the original w/ editorial notes.

This one took all freaking day.  Also, I used to massively overuse prepositions in my writing style.  I can already see a lot of those getting calls for restructuring once the second pass rolls around.

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The ba...

[Edited] Chapter 3 - The Allamande in the Ashes

See attached file for the original version w/ editorial notes.

...how did I ever manage a schedule of a chapter a week while editing?  Was that really what I was doing or am I nuts?  Oy...

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With a sudden pop, I was once again on the surface of ...

[Edited] Chapter 2 - The Touch of the Divine

Once again, I have included the original w/ editorial notes for you to peruse should you feel the need as an attachment.  Enjoy!

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“What do you mean that is Donum?” the voice questioned.

I had no idea who she was talking to. I could not hear a thing other than her...

[First Edit] Chapter 1 - Sounds in the Void

Right!  So, once again, it has come time to begin editing work.  ~yay.....

Anyway, obviously this is chapter 1 of book II again but with changes prompted from my editor.  This is what is called the developmental edit, the purpose of which is to address plot holes, clarity issues, and what have you.  ...

Episode 7 - A Feast of Consequence

< knocking >

…

< more knocking, urgent >

< distantly > —away!

… … …

< frantic knocking >

< door finally slides open >  What?  Can you not see I’m...

Episode 6 - Open Water

What exactly is meant by a taxonomic hierarchy of physiological needs, and why should it be so important to a system like the VENUS?  This question has been raised… rather too frequently by our interns and certa...